Guitarlife:

I have only expressed two views here...
1. My wife should submit as that is what my bible tells me(Let me state that submission is not slavery if you can't put this together then am sorry ).
2. I will love my wife and remain faithful to her only.

Having stated this, can you let me know which of the two views you find in your own very words, troubling, very rigid, narrow concept ?

To address the other points you have raised, they are mostly emotional and are probably a carry over of stories, experiences, and impressions you have formed cause I really can't imagine that the two points above will generate such a response. It is true that a lot of dysfunctional marriages abound in Nigeria but the fact 99% of men are unfaithful or beat their wives doesn't mean everybody does for Christ sakes.

Maximum five years into your marriage, you will understand the conversations we've all had today. Whether you're in Canada or Nigeria.

MrTeeo:


Bro how far. I done DM you abeg. I done join this waka too ooo. Make we talk

Bro sup, good to hear from you sha. I will respond with my whatsap make I find pc login.
How the other members of the gang ?
Mynnd44 is the only person I see around even tbaby don deactivate.

Wow. It’s almost 2019 and people are still writing this kind of thing. God dey. Anyway, please take it to a thread that understands you. This is not the purpose of this thread.

#imhappyyourexisfreefromyou

Guitarlife:

I cringe at the bolded. That was what my former spouse was tending towards, she had lived abroad too for a while, I actually walked away much earlier but she kept promising to change, well it got to a point she changed from promising to change to prooving to me that it was wrong for me to demand submission.
I am aware both religions postulate that the man is the head, the west teaches us otherwise and the result is there to see, the highest level of divorce is in the western and North American countries.

Surprisingly, she was a "dedicated christian" and I assumed this shouldn't be an issue.

Summary is that I ran sha, if the west tells us the Woman is the head or encourages the dual leadership of the home it doesnt mean it is right, the results are there for all to see as the west as failed woefully in marital standards.

And demanding submission is not bullying @ the bolded, a ship can never have 2 captains and the fact the man is the head doesn't mean the wife is a slave either.

You are my new best friend. !!

maternal:


The west has the highest divorce rates because woman have resources not to take nonsense from men here. You have many safety nets here which allow the women to be independent if she needs or chooses to be. In a 3rd world country, most women have no other option but to stay. Let Nigeria have a welfare system, government paid schooling for the kids, government paid healthcare for all, etc like Canada and see how fast women leave and divorce their useless husband. Along with a legal system that enforces the law if any domestic abuse occurs.

Why would a man want to force a woman to stay even if she's not happy ? Is it by force ? What kind of sick enjoyment would a guy have in such situations ? Abeg if she's not happy why can't/ shouldn't she leave ? The same man who marry's a "dedicated christian" is the same man who'll have multiple side chicks and maybe a baby outside the marriage. Hypocritical Africans and religion I swear. We men need to grow up. This sick backward thinking is why Africa is what it is today.

I envy your wife a lirrul bit

#iprayforguitarlifeswife

AZeD1:

I believe marriage is a partnership. An equal one at that with both partners submitting to each other.

That means they both have an equal say in how things should work and when there are differing opinions one would be chosen based on a set of predefined parameters.

There's a saying "you do not hire smart people and tell them what to do" and I'll say do not marry a smart wife and start bossing her around.

God bless you!!! I’m dancing for his ex right now. I’m sure her future is bright.

vcole:
@guitarlife your ex dodged a bullet and I would pop a bottle of champagne on her behalf. There is no logical reasoning to your argument and your mindset is simply put a result of social conditioning. I wouldn’t even bother to go into a q&a with you. @maternal @azed1 have already said enough. Good luck on your search for a neck to support your head aka submissive wife, after all it is your life. However maybe you should consider relocating back to naija after getting your Canadian citizenship sha cos this western life with high divorce rates and comparatively shorter gender gaps that is over a century ahead in development than your lower divorce rates third world religious country of origin may not be the best society to nurture Mrs guitar life, your marriage may just end up as a statistic you know. Mrs will not remain blind and deaf or dumb forever she will realize soon enough that she doesn’t have to take BS.
@ceemac I read your first line and just didn’t have eye power to commit towards reading more. Just a little education cooking is for cooks. It is not a gender ascribed role and majority of the best cooks in the world are male, so go figure.
In the end, whether a head is hiding under the cloak of a religious or cultural practice that confers unmerited power upon said head or not, the advocates of a headship and 1 captainship or 1 drivership are all doing so for their own self interest to remain in the seat of power because it simply feels good and comes with perks. Whether you admit it or not, that is the truth.
Abeg my keyboard self don tire. You can reply oh or even throw insults sef but I won’t even care. #arguewithyourpastororimamorguruorwhoever

A sharp guy.

kylexy61:
I'm really enjoying this conversation. After being in Canada for just 4 months, I understand the reason why concepts like "submission" and "authority" don't really apply in marriages here. Both are contributing equally to the marriage, so to them, both should submit to each other. Neither the male nor female enjoys a monotonous authority to make major decisions concerning the family.

If Naija women were to be given the same power as the Canadian women here, be rest assured the divorce rate in Naija may rise even higher than the Western countries.

SkyWalk12:
I envy your wife a lirrul bit
#iprayforguitarlifeswife

maternal:


Anyone who assaults me will get assaulted back. Minus those exceptions. The concept is not hard to understand. Perhaps a person should keep their hands to themselves if they don't want to be hit ? My Mother, daughter, and sister respect themselves and don't go around hitting people. And if they do, then they better be ready for the consequence. I don't hit people twice my size and strenght because I don't want to be beaten up. Get that feminists/ priviliage BS outta here my friend.

O please shove it! Who brought feminism into the conversation..Abeg back to Canada matter..those with worst living conditions always have a lot to say on SM

You can’t be as shocked as I am. I’m just here frowning at my phone and checking Calendar. Like this is December 2018? These are open minded people that are migrating to Canada? Wow. God forbid

daks02:
I'm so shocked with this argument this morning, this 21st century and someone is saying man should be head blah blah, I would really like to know if these men are married, if they are, how do their wives feel

Why didn’t you tell me that this was going on? No wonder the other thread is boring. You’re all here and no one invited me.

Ifeoma77:

I'm really wondering what world these men are in...Too bad...This is exactly why divorce rate is sky rocketing cos you people want your wives to kiss your feel when you get back from work ;DIts really going to be hard for y'all.

You lost me here oh. I don’t believe anyone should hit anyone but domestic violence is a huge issue and no one should be hitting back especially in Canada where you can go to actual prison. You are still my online friend but no best friend for you.

maternal:


Anyone who assaults me will get assaulted back. Minus those exceptions. The concept is not hard to understand. Perhaps a person should keep their hands to themselves if they don't want to be hit ? My Mother, daughter, and sister respect themselves and don't go around hitting people. And if they do, then they better be ready for the consequence. I don't hit people twice my size and strenght because I don't want to be beaten up. Get that feminists/ priviliage BS outta here my friend.

It’s a madness. I wish Canadianfly was still here.

Canadachi:
I'm really wondering what world these men are in...Too bad...This is exactly why divorce rate is sky rocketing cos you people want your wives to kiss your feel when you get back from work ;DIts really going to be hard for y'all.

SkyWalk12:
You lost me here oh. I don’t believe anyone should hit anyone but domestic violence is a huge issue and no one should be hitting back especially in Canada where you can go to actual prison. You are still my online friend but no best friend for you.

That was the shortest best-friendship ever...

joo2018:
Regina: https://www.nairaland.com/3617393/living-canada-life-canadian-immigrant/108#61148195

@Salford/Salford1 has more information, I think.

Thank you

SkyWalk12:
It’s a madness. I wish Canadianfly was still here.

I swear, I miss her. I am stunned at the things I read today

maternal:


... If a woman puts her hands on me I'd beat her finish. That's how equal I am. Nobody gets a pass. Actually only momsy, daughter, and sister gets a pass...

How do hypocrites justify this ? Honestly.

you know if you ever do this, these same women and men pushing equality in the family would suddenly switch tables and go" how can you be so brutal with a woman-a weaker vessel?!"
Generally,most women tend to cry about equality only when it's convenient.
Talk about doing some odd jobs , or doing the tough stuff or whatever, though a few women do these. There are some things women would never want to cry equality about.

While being equals you are supposed to be romantic, pamper her, cater to her emotional needs, e.t.c
If you watch Lauren lakes paternity court series it's just amusing how many women blame cheating in marriages on the man's inability to meet her emotional needs or be there for her, all these - while still being equal partners- maybe I'ld rather be a woman then.

To each his own.

Guitarlife:

Bro sup, good to hear from you sha. I will respond with my whatsap make I find pc login.
How the other members of the gang ?
Mynnd44 is the only person I see around even tbaby don deactivate.

I've followed this discussion and I'm quite impressed with your candor. Not because of your point of view - no two marriages are alike so nothing is caste in stone- but more for your composure. Indeed, your opinion is yours and others should respect that. When we begin to hear people being attacked for airing their personal opinions respectfully, then that conversation is a no no. I'm very surprised that the culprits are some of our most respected contributors on this thread.

Pls @maternal and @vole, I can't attempt to disrespect either of you cos I know we have built this thread of your help and knowledge. But pls it's not okay to personally attack a person for airing his opinion and perspective. Its called cyber bullying and it's an issue that undermines whatever point you are trying to make. I understand you feel strongly about the subject and that's fine, but speaking to Guiterlife like you did is not consistent with what we know about you. It's not ok to say he's saying bulshit just because you don't agree with him. It's not okay to tell him to do and sit down for airing his perspective.

That's my 2cents.

SkyWalk12:
How is it that your views are even worse than guirtarlife’s? Have I gone back in time? Is this a prank? How effing stupid. Everything you’ve written this morning has been so effing stupid.

drop your points and stop being vulgar.

Homguy:
you know if you ever do this, these same women and men pushing equality in the family would suddenly switch tables and go" how can you be so brutal with a woman-a weaker vessel?!"
Generally,most women tend to cry about equality only when it's convenient.
Talk about doing some odd jobs , or doing the tough stuff or whatever, though a few women do these. There are some things women would never want to cry equality about.

While being equals you are supposed to be romantic, pamper her, cater to her emotional needs, or pay child support after breakup e.t.c
If you watch Lauren lakes paternity court series it's just amusing how many women blame cheating in marriages on the man's inability to meet her emotional needs or be there for her, all these - while still being equal partners- maybe I'ld rather be a woman then.
To each his own.

You still don't understand the concept of equality Bros. Your views are very narrow.

And did you just write 'pay child support' as part of your argument?

SkyWalk12:
How is it that your views are even worse than guirtarlife’s? Have I gone back in time? Is this a prank? How effing stupid. Everything you’ve written this morning has been so effing stupid.

Bro, we need arguments and not abusive language.
As far as I know stupid is subjective.

Anyone who doesn't think my thoughts or speak my language is stupid.
Conversely I may be the stupid one for not thinking their thoughts or speaking their language.

Ifeoma77:


You still don't understand the concept of equality Bros. Your views are very narrow.

And did you just write 'pay child support' as part of your argument?

that was Def an not meant to be there. Chatting from work.

Bsbabe:


@Ethelia, congrats on the birth of the baby!

Hello @Bsbabe,

Top of the day to you.

Please if you don't mind, I just sent you a PM. Kindly help attend to it.

Thanks.


It will end in praise IJN!

in my own opinion, submission is not slavery. like the yorubas will say 'orun o kin n wo o'. because you say okay to what the man said does not make you a slave.
when you marry who is really meant for you, you will not be clamouring for equality. even here in nigeria, the husband also shares the chores with the wife. a sane mane will know that those chores are not easy for the woman alone because they both have to work, so he helps out in the house, just as the woman also helps out with the bills.
if helping each other out is what you are used to here in nigeria then you would not have to fight over it when you are abroad talkless of divorce.
the bible is clear about the whole issue that the husband is the head and wives must submit - but this does not mean that the wife is a slave or someone that can be maltreated.
when a woman understands her husband, she would not clamour for equality, and when the man understands his wife he would not clamour for authority. but they both know when to air their views.
but we should all remember that whatever decision we take affects our children. as someone who has worked with different children, children from broken homes are not happy and [b]majority [/b]of them are the ones that give the society problems in future.
so think about these children at the end of the day.

my two cents

Yemsot:


my two cents

I completely agree with you

Ndukaezennia1:
Hehehehehehehehe! Typical Nigerian hypocrisy being displayed here. Why did you omit verse 21 of this your lengthy bible post. My people verse Ephesian 5:21 says "Submit to one another out of Reverence for Christ (The NIV bible titles from vs21 to end as (Instruction to Christian household). But the typical Nigerian guy will always ignore that verse 21..

I was reading, hoping desperately someone would bring this up, thank you so much. I love how people love to ignore this verse that says submission goes both ways! So typical! You are fighting for leadership and head of household title, well let me tell you how that same bible defines leadership; Servanthood!

Luke 22:26

"But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant"

Matthew 20:26
It shall not be this way among you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant

So yes, you are the head of the home, and what that means by the same bible you are spouting is that you must be the chief servant in your home!

Lmaooooooo. Ifeoma!! Free my life!!!

But like you and I are still best friends abi?

Ifeoma77:


That was the shortest best-friendship ever...

She was such an essential part of this thing. Our moral compass without remorse or kid gloves. I hope she’s okay sha.

Ifeoma77:

I swear, I miss her. I am stunned at the things I read today

Me: calls someone stupid
You: says saying stupid is bad
You: calls me stupid.

Good job.

TheCongo2:


Bro, we need arguments and not abusive language.
As far as I know stupid is subjective.

Anyone who doesn't think your thoughts or speak your language is stupid.
Conversely you may be the stupid one for not thinking their thoughts or speaking their language.