DIARY OF A PRESIDENT pt1
Last night I dream say I be president. No be motor park president o! Because I know say some bad belle people go don begin reason for their mind how better thing go manage come out from Bethlehem.
Yes o! I dream! No be small thing. I dream say I be the president of the federal republic of Nigeria. This thing wey I dey talk so, na whisper I whisper am for una ears o. na only una I tell. If dem come carry me just because I dream, Na una fault because na only una I tell. But the truth be say I dream.
As I enter Aso rock Sidon for that big chair, I no just waste time, kia kia I start work. The first thing I do na to write letter to senate president make e let me work because na work I come here to work. I tell am say make e no go dey form gang as e be dey do before. Especially any time them tell am say e chop country people money. The next person wey I write na the speaker. I tell am say me wan write budget. and I no wan hear say the budget loss, or say dem put am pad or even attempt to wear am pampers. I come write judges say no more wayo and collecting of bribe. Say make dem try help me to dey carry thief people go Sanko. I no even waste time call meeting of all the ministers. I beg them make them take am easy. I remind them say na leave wey dey sweet goat dey kill goat. I beg them make dem let me work. I beg them because I know say many of them dey possessed by the spirit of stealing and looting. I beg those wey cross over from the other side, I come still beg those wey be dey this side too. I beg both side because I know say all of them get the same spirit but I no know who worst pass. When I finish, many of them begin eye me with one kind bad eye but me I no send. Na work I come work here. Next thing I send for Governor of central bank make e come update me on some issues. To my greatest surprise the guy begin stammer o. Me I be don dey vex sha , but I control myself because na work I come to work and me and my guys be don dey reason how we go take change things for naija before God come bless me for this dream give me this exalted position.
As I start work ehn, na so I begin change policies o. I start with this dollar matter. I take my time reason the matter come realize say na scarcity dey make dollar high. And this one dey happen sake of say we dey buy everything (raw materials, goods and services) from obodo oyinbo, I come still realize say the only thing wey we dey sell to get dollars give country people, na crude oil. How dollar no go scarce? How many oil we dey sell sef? How much kwanu? I turn to CBN governor come ask am weda e know the law of demand and supply since e be professor for economics mata. E begin shake him bald head like lizard. I come ask am weda e no know say when demand high, Price sef go high? E begin smile. E say na wetin e be wan just tell me be that. My guy Terry G wey I just appoint as PA nearly cover am dirty slap. I come ask am say how the small dollars we dey make from crude oil go reach to give country people wey dey import everything come the country including tooth pick, medical expenses abroad, and even foreign education? Na him I come ask am say if demand pass supply wetin go happen? The guy say e see the solution for one old text book say make I give am chance to go do research. By this time I don really vex. For my mind I just reason am say this guy na first class olodo.
Since na my first day for office and time no dey, Na him I make the first policy say make them begin give Dollar to all Nigerian Manufacturers sharp sharp to import any raw material dem need to do them work. This privilege Na for two years sha, Pending when we go begin make at least 60% of our own raw materials. Hmm! my people come see how thank you messages begin enter my phone from all those business men wey dey Onitsha. As I see their happiness I no waste time I order make them create one industrial village wey e go near one power plant. This one na Strictly for manufacturing companies and industries alone. I reduce tax, give waivers to naija importers, tell the people in charge to maintain all our dead steel companies plus repair all our refineries and provide good roads. My people, before day break for the Dream Ehn, Nigeria Don take over from China o! See as we come begin export every every, Dollars come dey roll in yanfun yanfun, supply come pass demand, sotay e wan nearly enter one naira to one dollar. No be small thing o! Everybody come begin beg me make I just continue as president for dream o. But because i no be Yahaya Jammeh of Gambia, I wake up o.I no wan use sleep try die my guy! But if no be one thing one thing, the dream be sweet sha! But as you all know, Man must wake. Good morning my people!

Nailed it!

Abeg, na under which political party you come be d president?