Nairalanders, Please quote me if I am wrong. Kindly be subtle in your judgement and avoid irrational talk. I have a wife whose job is a serious one. She runs a creche with as well as 12kids in a small but well compact space. She has just one single Nanny that assist which to me and her isnt enough hands to cater for the effective well being of the kids. Plus we have our own 2kids that would resume to the same creche after school hours.



My problem here is, once she leaves home for work, she tends to leave the creche to far distances and leave the lone nanny to follow up with so many children. I even stylishly asked the Nanny that how often does she stay at work, she said she does not have issues attending to all the kids, but that my wife goes out alot, though she saying she has no problem doing it all is not the issue, but the parents of the kids, if they come around, they express their discomfort about it.Its a risky venture which I have complained over the months about. And when asked where she went to, she'll say she went to a distance to get something she can easily get close by without having to waste too much time. And I for one knows she the kind of woman that cannot fend for herself if anything arises. LASTMAN, POLICE yawa, she'll have to rise me to the scene from wherever I am, that being the case, I have always advise to contact me if shes going far so I can at least know her location and whereabout, I feel some peeps might say am insecured, but thats not the case here, everybody have different families, and different we run ours. Just last week here, she called me from my office saying she was in serious trouble, I asked what happened, and she said LASTMA removed her plate number, I asked where, she said IKORODU, almost an hour and the half journey without letting me know her whereabout and she left work as well, yall can imagine if something happened, How would I know her whereabout if she was unable to reach me on the phone? And just some few days ago, which really sparked my intention of posting about this issue here, she told me she was going to a particular nearby market to get things, days later she mistakenly said 'they told me at iyaba market they sell that stuff, and I was like, it was not Yaba you told me you went to, it was the other market just nearby here, she was like well, I only told you I bought food stuffs at the nearby market, I went to Iyaba to get my wig, but people, she told me about the wig, in which she said she bought at the nearby market. I cannot have a wife that is not straight with me. Are there wives like this in your home MEN And ladies what do you feel about her not being straight with me? To me, a woman that cannot be straight with something as simple as what I have explained gives me a very deep impression of general mistrust. I am not talking about cheating here, but when a woman is not being truth and straight, it could be a very difficult situation in many areas. I need intelligent and mature advise on what I can do straighten things out wit her.

Try talking to her lovingly in a calm mood not argumentatively that she hurts you with her lies,if she doesn't change then whenever she calls you from Ikorodu you should be at Badagry leaving her to sought out herself, and you too should get busy and also mix up your locations and cause a tinge of jealousy...her brain go reset

Am I subtle enough?

When last did you shout at her? Like get all pissed and express ur dissapointment at her in your house? She needs to understand that you aren't happy with her behaviour so she won't do such again..


So please flare up! Its ok to flare up as long as you ain't hitting her...

subtlemee:
Try talking to her lovingly in a calm mood not argumentatively that she hurts you with her lies,if she doesn't change then whenever she calls you from Ikorodu you should be at Badagry leaving her to sought out herself, and you too should get busy and also mix up your locations and cause a tinge of jealousy...her brain go reset

Am I subtle enough?

lovingly and calm mood? you must be joking

dingbang:
lovingly and calm mood? you must be joking

Arguments will only end in anger, shouting and exchange of harsh words at the end nothing will be achieved and the cycle continues...but talking to her lovingly and calmly especially after a good *knacking* will sink Into her brain make her give promises and you'll make her swear she won't go against it and the promises will be pricking her conscience

subtlemee:


Arguments will only end in anger, shouting and exchange of harsh words at the end nothing will be achieved and the cycle continues...but lovingly and calmly especially after a good *knacking* will make her give promises

Nada! She will still do it..

dingbang:
Nada! She will still do it..

Only if she lacks conscience

subtlemee:


Only if she lacks conscience

yh unfortunately a good number of women do

dingbang:
yh unfortunately a good number of women do

The ones who married lackadaisical husbands

How about travelling out of town for 2 weeks without telling her your whereabouts?

I'm only concerned about the so-called creche. 11 children to one nanny?

You better put your feet down and insist she employs at least one more nanny. Na two of una go sleep for cell the day the devil comes knocking.

Heya.
Sadly there are lots of couples like this...they don't believe in being open to the other.
It might not necessarily mean she is cheating. If she is cheating, I doubt she would go with her car for such, neither would she call you if she gets stuck there. I am suspecting she has some other venture she is involved in and doesn't wanna spill. To her she isn't lying/concealing the truth, she is only being smart aka securing her future .
Your wife might even be building a house_ it happens.

Has she always been like this?
If No, something prompted this. I think she has been getting the wrong advice from people, you don't support her decisions or you advertently/inadvertently showed her that you won't let her in on your movement and ventures.

You can only know the cause of the problem by communicating.
Is she giving out any other negative vibe?

As for the daycare, 1:12 is very poor. They need at least 1 extra hand since your wife loves globe-trotting.

She probably feels you're too judgemental and nag a lot, hence she's decided not to tell you things that she feels you'll start "preaching" to her about.
Be honest with yourself now, if she had told you she was going to Ikorodu for whatever, or said she was going to Yaba market would you have discouraged her- telling her its too far?
Some people prefer to learn on their own. I think you should stop discouraging her, and don't repeat things too much. Just watch her. If she gets into trouble, let her sort herself out. She learns from the experience.

However, regarding the creche if she cannot employ more hands she should kindly close the creche down. Its grossly irresponsible to leave one woman with 12 children. A word is enough for the wise.

PaperLace:
Heya.
Sadly there are lots of couples like this...they don't believe in being open to the other.
It might not necessarily mean she is cheating. As a woman, I definitely won't go with my car for such, neither would I call you if I get stuck there. I am suspecting she has some other venture she is involved in and doesn't wanna spill. To her she isn't lying/concealing the truth, she is only being smart aka securing her future .
Your wife might even be building a house_ it happens.

Has she always been like this?
If No, something prompted this. Maybe she has been getting the wrong advice from people or you advertently/inadvertently showed her that you won't let her in on your movement and ventures.

You can only know the cause of the problem by communicating.
Is she giving out any other negative vibe?

As for the daycare, 1:11 is very poor. They need at least 1 extra hand since your wife loves globe-trotting.

Thanks everyone for the piece of post each, but am quoting this.
@PaperLace, I dont have a problem with anywhere she goes, my probs here letting usk know if u are going far or better still get a temporary nanny to stay with the kids until she gets back, or permanently employ the 2nd nanny. But all advise and precautionary measure does not look or seem valid to her. Mehn na everybody get their ways of handling marriages, but when u dey wait for some kind changes, and it becomes a problem where the woman cant seem to bring about a solution or change to what i have been saying, it becomes problematic, if anything happenes to any of the kids, our asses are gonna be in hot soup, and I know whats on ground is a likable reason for such to happen.

Thanks 2yall!

If you already crossed the line to sign the dotted lines without prior grip on trust, the rest is history.

I think you are on your own. As per people's children entrusted to you guys whom your aren't taking care of well...May God help you. Collateral damage is a big deal o. It is well.

PaperLace:
Heya.
Sadly there are lots of couples like this...they don't believe in being open to the other.
It might not necessarily mean she is cheating. If she is cheating, I doubt she would go with her car for such, neither would she call you if she gets stuck there. I am suspecting she has some other venture she is involved in and doesn't wanna spill. To her she isn't lying/concealing the truth, she is only being smart aka securing her future .
Your wife might even be building a house_ it happens.

Has she always been like this?
If No, something prompted this. I think she has been getting the wrong advice from people, you don't support her decisions or you advertently/inadvertently showed her that you won't let her in on your movement and ventures.

You can only know the cause of the problem by communicating.
Is she giving out any other negative vibe?

As for the daycare, 1:12 is very poor. They need at least 1 extra hand since your wife loves globe-trotting.

eyinjuege:
She probably feels you're too judgemental and nag a lot, hence she's decided not to tell you things that she feels you'll start "preaching" to her about.
Be honest with yourself now, if she had told you she was going to Ikorodu for whatever, or said she was going to Yaba market would you have discouraged her- telling her its too far?
Some people prefer to learn on their own. I think you should stop discouraging her, and don't repeat things too much. Just watch her. If she gets into trouble, let her sort herself out. She learns from the experience.

However, regarding the creche if she cannot employ more hands she should kindly close the creche down. Its grossly irresponsible to leave one woman with 12 children. A word is enough for the wise.

I only have one question for you both:

Is there any good reason for a woman to not be open and straightforward with her own husband?

crackhaus:



I only have one question for you both:

Is there any good reason for a woman to not be open and straightforward with her own husband?

A wife that nags will never allow her husband to be open to her. So also is a husband that nags.
I may be wrong, but I believe the OPs wife is not straightforward with him because he wants her to do things his own way. If he can learn to accept her decisions without trying to change her mind, she'll be freer with him. We all need people close to us to encourage us, and not discourage us even from doing the small small things.
E.g wife-" I want to go to Yaba market",
husband should say- "OK, be careful, its better you go around 10am because the traffic is less then."
But rather he says- " why Yaba? its too far, you can get whatever you want at the nearby market, "
If she insists on going to Yaba, because she wants to explore the place, the husband still doesn't accept that and it turns to an argument.
Next time, she won't tell him she's going to Yaba, but will say she's going to the nearby market, meanwhile she's even gone to Yaba, and Idumota join.
He may want her to go to the nearby market because he genuinely doesn't want her to stress herself, but why not allow her be herself? Let her go to the Yaba. When she comes back exhausted, tired and stressed out, she won't go there again next time unless she absolutely has to. She will have realised that the little money she might have saved buying things at Yaba is not worth the stress she faced going there.

eyinjuege:


A wife that nags will never allow her husband to be open to her. So also is a husband that nags.
I may be wrong, but I believe the OPs wife is not straightforward with him because he wants her to do things his own way. If he can learn to accept her decisions without trying to change her mind, she'll be freer with him. We all need people close to us to encourage us, and not discourage us even from doing the small small things.
E.g wife-" I want to go to Yaba market",
husband should say- "OK, be careful, its better you go around 10am because the traffic is less then."
But rather he says- " why Yaba? its too far, you can get whatever you want at the nearby market, "
If she insists on going to Yaba, because she wants to explore the place, the husband still doesn't accept that and it turns to an argument.
Next time, she won't tell him she's going to Yaba, but will say she's going to the nearby market, meanwhile she's even gone to Yaba, and Idumota join.
He may want her to go to the nearby market because he genuinely doesn't want her to stress herself, but why not allow her be herself? Let her go to the Yaba. When she comes back exhausted, tired and stressed out, she won't go there again next time unless she absolutely has to. She will have realised that the little money she might have saved buying things at Yaba is not worth the stress she faced going there.

Thats why you guys need to read post before you contribute. I SAID she always go to these far distances when shes suppose to be assisting the lone nanny with 12 kids at the ceche, does that sound sensible to you? I would not stop her from going anywhere as lon as it does not pose any danger to the kids at the creche, how can just one person be tending to 12 kids at once? I even told her that, the yaba you went to, is there anything bad going on a saturday when there isnt work? She could not respond.

crackhaus:



I only have one question for you both:

Is there any good reason for a woman to not be open and straightforward with her own husband?

Its simple, you are going to Ikorodu.

Husband: Fine!, quickly call that your old nanny to replace you temporarily until you come back.

But she doesnt, probably because of what she would pay her. Is that worth more than the danger the kids are faced with?

Nawa for your wife ooo

OK...Going by the other info from the other thread, it is safe to say your fears might be founded. Do you copy? Unexplained disappearances...Unsual penetrative capacity...Do you follow? Whew! It is well!

Dyt... Remember that logical reasoning we all had to do in school? I'm not saying she's cheating o.

sisisioge:
OK...Going by the other info from the other thread, it is safe to say your fears might be founded. Do you copy? Unexplained disappearances...Unsual penetrative capacity...Do you follow? Whew! It is well!

Dyt... Remember that logical reasoning we all had to do in school? I'm not saying she's cheating o.

Well

First of all, you need to employ at least one more nanny at that crèche. Since your wife thinks it's okay for her to be leaving during work hours, run off to far distances for hours doing who-knows-what, then you need an additional nanny to be helping the one already there. It really is ridiculous for her to be leaving the nanny alone with 12 kids just to buy a wig or whatever story she's telling you. Next, if someone has nothing to hide they would be straightup with you. I obviously don't know why she's secretful, witholds information, lies or however you want to see it. I can, however, deduce a couple of things: she's not serious, she doesn't give a damn about the crèche or the kids, she feels she's entitled to be behaving in this manner, she would rather be elsewhere doing other things, she has been up to something that she doesn't want you to know about, ... I could go on. People's actions can reveal a lot. The parents who are complaining about your wife's constant absence have the right and are in the right to complain.

trying to relate to the OP's other POST

Bro i may not be experienced though, but common sense tells me that watsoeva one does is in the secret away from loved one's is always 89.9% wrong and evil, judging from your other tale, i think you rilli need to address the situation of your doubt by confronting her with facts by open discussion.

Hmmn

My advice might make or mar ur home, do this in ur own discretion... Get her an android phone, download automatic call recorder, Goto settings=apps=locate the automatic call app, untick the notification, so she won't see any pop notification after calls, download app lock on playstore as well and lock only the app, now you'll thank me or insult me later...

NEROSKY:
My advice might make or mar ur home, do this in ur own discretion... Get her an android phone, download automatic call recorder, Goto settings=apps=locate the automatic call app, untick the notification, so she won't see any pop notification after calls, download app lock on playstore as well and lock only the app, now you'll thank me or insult me later...

Op,therein lies your solution

sisisioge:
OK...Going by the other info from the other thread, it is safe to say your fears might be founded. Do you copy? Unexplained disappearances...Unsual penetrative capacity...Do you follow? Whew! It is well!

Dyt... Remember that logical reasoning we all had to do in school? I'm not saying she's cheating o.

Then what exactly are u saying

Sgwash:

Then what exactly are u saying

Bros how far nau? I knew this will happen when you repeated failed Logic back then in school. Don't worry your pretty head...Move on to the next jare

Trust takes time effort and tolerant hearts to build. A lot of people choose confrontation as opposed to dialogue.

Secrecy as opposed to transparency but you can change all that. Come from a place of love express yourself but instead of channeling emotions and overreacting address the real issue

"Honey I don't like it when you leave and go far places your taking a huge risk and endangering the lives of the kids without the adequate help in an emergency how will I be able to step in if I don't know where you are."

With that statement you removed anger and personal judgment plus insults you are speaking to her heart.

Love and Marraige is really about communication nothing can make me cheat because I know who is my everything it's like a spiritual journey the road to commitment


Even offer to contribute to the other nanny because times are getting harder and the lives of children are valuable they restore love to any family.

Any wrong move and her business is scarred for life

NEROSKY:
My advice might make or mar ur home, do this in ur own discretion... Get her an android phone, download automatic call recorder, Goto settings=apps=locate the automatic call app, untick the notification, so she won't see any pop notification after calls, download app lock on playstore as well and lock only the app, now you'll thank me or insult me later...

Genius