As the number 1 man in Lagos makes preparation to outlaw and phase out danfo buses in the state I cannot but feel a little sad. Although this is a very commendable development project if proper planning and implementation is given. I cannot help but express that we Lagosians will miss our darling, effective, good old danfo buses due to the following reasons;

1) The Roads Of Lagos Will Become Dull
One thing I have learned in Lagos is that there is never a dull moment when you step out of the 4 walls of your house and this is largely due to the presence of danfo drivers and their conductors.

a) It’s only in Lagos that you experience real life GTA(Grand Theft Auto), I really wonder why the makers of this game didn’t create a version for Lagos. I was once in a danfo bus along Ikorodu road on a hot Saturday afternoon when a LASTMA Hilux van started chasing us, before I knew 'wetyn dey ssup'(like my warri guys like to say), our bus driver turned to James Bond and increased his speed to over 120km/hr. The way we overtook all the cars in front of us, I thought I was inside an action movie. When we finally escaped the law enforcement agencies as they were nowhere to be found, all the people in my bus started clapping, giving a round of applause to our James Bond driver and they were all hailing him as they simultaneously rained insults on the LASTMA guys

b) It’s only in Lagos that you will see real life drama that Hollywood should come and learn from. I was once on my way to Lekki from Yaba and had just alighted from my bus at Obalende. The next thing I saw a crowd in front of me. I walked up close only to see two grown men stark naked with their hanging phalluses in front of them and a few policemen around. I asked around and got the gist that police had tried to arrest them but the driver stripped naked to protest and avoid being arrested and commanded his conductor to do the same and they had somehow gotten superpowers after that as the police seemed afraid to touch them.

c) It’s only in Lagos that a conductor can be a matchmaker and hook you up with your life partner. I have seen cases whereby danfo conductors join people together to share change when they don’t have sufficient change to give individually. Imagine if you are then hooked with that handsome guy or that beautiful lady to share change, many Nigerians take advantage of the situation to “Set P”(exchange numbers and all).

2) High Crime Rate
As an Economics grad, I can categorically state that increase in unemployment rate is directly correlated to increase in crime rate. All danfo drivers, bus conductors, ‘agberos’, NURTW excos etc and even our ‘respected’ men in black who collect daily allowance will be rendered jobless in some form or the other which will lead to next best thing for many of them….CRIME.

3) Increase In Transport Fare
I’ve been to over 20 states in Nigeria and I know for a fact that Lagos currently has the most expensive public transport system in Nigeria largely influenced by the cumbersome traffic experienced in the state. With the advent of these new, air conditioned buses I am 100% sure cost of transport fare will increase again except the Lagos State Govt decides to subsidize it.

EKO O NI BAJE!!!

#C is funny

Crime rate increase is definitely an inevitable possibility. Right now, Lagos is a crime infested state even with agberos and danfo transporters preoccupied. Imagine what will happen when they become jobless - a huge rise in crime? Your guess is as good as mine. The LASG needs to consider this seriously in their decision making.