He abandoned us since when i was barely 2; now i'm 25.

Myself & my sister stopped bearing his name; bearing my mom's dad's name.

Now my elder sister is getting married.

Who will give her hand out on her wedding day?

Is it our dad who abandoned us for more than 20 yrs?

or our granddad who has always played the role of dad?

Who will give her out?

It should definitely be your grand dad, he has always been the father in your life.

If i were in ur sister's shoes, I wouldn't even invite the man (dad) to my wedding talkless of him walking me down the aisle.

I am sure there must have been some father figure in your life, your uncle or someone.
Whoever has been there for you while growing up could give u out on your wedding day, but if you think you wanna invited the father to do it, feel free to do so as well.

wow
i am having the same issue with my fiance. well not as bad as yours cus she still bears the dad's name but my thing is why are you inviting him if you don't want him to give you out cus in yoruba land when the man is till alive and he is sitting their it will be very wrong for somebody else to walk you down the isle.
so i guess its better if you don't invite him at all or don't even let him knw the date or anything about it

But as a kid, is she aware of the reason why the man walked away?
Is she aware if the man tried to stay and the mother kicked him out/
Is she aware if the man has made some attempt to be there for them?
There are 2 sides to the coin

r231:

wow
i am having the same issue with my fiance. well not as bad as yours cus she still bears the dad's name but my thing is why are you inviting him if you don't want him to give you out cus in yoruba land when the man is till alive and he is sitting their it will be very wrong for somebody else to walk you down the isle.
so i guess its better if you don't invite him at all or don't even let him knw the date or anything about it

Where is the wedding taking place, make i get ready jare

@ Fhemmmy

He walked away because he has always been unserious

Mum always wanted him back; but never came back.

He never made attempt; not even once.

Then, you could tell him to go jump into the lagoon.
Find someone that cares to give your sister`s hand in marriage.

your grandpa can do it

your grandpa or brother (if you have one)

i have seen some brides given away by thier mothers others walk down the aisle alone

I say your Grandpa. Your dad can attend if he wants

Maybe he doesn't want to attend anyway. After all he's been out of ur life for so long, so why are u 'worrying' about it? or do you secretly wish 'he' came back into your life? It's a sad situation, God's guidance in taking the right decision.

Grandpa would give her out.

I'll advise ur grandpa should give ur sister out. It shows she appreciate all what he has been doing for her and give him dat respect. Let him take all what would've been given to ur dad.

There's no law that says mum can't do it.

coolier:

There's no law that says mum can't do it.

hmmmmmm tradition says she can't do it

@poster he is still alive and he brought you to this world,that is nature not tradition,play your rule as a daugther and bring your real Father in,your grandpa only helped and not your Father.If he is dead,bring his brother(s) to hand you over to your husband ans not your grandpa.

r231:

hmmmmmm tradition says she can't do it

Did tradition put food on the table?

Grandfather.

It is more significant when someone who truly cares for the bride gives her away.

coolier:

There's no law that says mum can't do it.

Exactly, I know of a girl who's mum did it.
No one can stop you

@poster he is still alive and he brought you to this world,that is nature not tradition,play your rule as a daugther and bring your real Father in,your grandpa only helped and not your Father.If he is dead,bring his brother(s) to hand you over to your husband ans not your grandpa.

Bible even curse such a man (A man dat can't provide for his family is worst than an infidel).  Still alive but neva knew she need to eat, cloth, go to school and 've all the necessary things from him as a father.  Let's face the fact and get tradition behind us.  Did tradition made him to abandon her when she needed him most.

No matter they issues he had with her mum, he had no right to turn his back from her for d past 25yrs.

r231:

hmmmmmm tradition says she can't do it

What tradition? The abolished one relegating women to the background or second place? Times are changing!!!

coolier:

What tradition? The abolished one relegating women to the background or second place? Times are changing!!!

Outstrip:


Did tradition put food on the table?

well the ones that i have seen in case the father is not around its either the uncle or any male i the family dat gives them away so i figure it has something to do with tradition and also if woman can do it i am sure my mother in law to be would have suggest that she is giving her daughter away not anybody else

Well that is your family. If you want tradition to dictate your life then that's fine. Some people prefer to be in control of their own lives. It is almost 2010 and it's about time we stopped using tradition as a crutch

To those saying her biological father, i'd like to disagree,
The reason for the 'who gives this girl bla bla' is not because the person is a donor in the creation of the girl, it is because there is an acknowledgement of the fact that somebody took care of her up till that point, and (traditionally) owns/owned her, if the biological father had nothing to do wiv her upbringing, then he no reach (literal translation of koo'to-yoruba) to give the girl out in marriage, therefore i'd vote for gramps!!!

Me thinks whoever brought her up, yes?!

Outstrip:

Well that is your family. If you want tradition to dictate your life then that's fine. Some people prefer to be in control of their own lives. It is almost 2010 and it's about time we stopped using tradition as a crutch

madam i am just talking generally about what i see and heard o. unfortunately we don't have dat issue in my family