Last night, I received an email from a wife who wrote in part: “after a fight, my husband told me that although he loves me because I am the mother of his children and his wife, he doesn’t like me all that much anymore. He says that I’m not the type of person that he would chose as a friend or partner and that, if we met today, he would not even date me, much less marry me. How am I suppose to respond to this? How can we have a marriage if my own husband doesn’t like me?” I’ll tell you how I responded to this in the following article.

Understanding Projection: I explained to the wife that probably part of what her husband was saying could be chalked up to projection. What I mean by that is that often, in the heat of a fight, people don’t mean exactly what they’re saying. And just as often, they project issues and problems in other areas of their life onto the people who are the most convenient targets. In this case, that was his wife.

For example, maybe her husband had a fight with his boss that day. Maybe he had felt pressured by another family member. Maybe he was just in a very bad mood. All of these things can manifest themselves in a fight with a spouse which ends with him projecting his feelings about the issue on to his wife. (“I don’t like my job” becomes “I don’t like you.”)

Seeing The Underlying Truth: With that said, there is often a grain of truth in some of these statements that just seem to come out without the benefit of editing. Usually when a husband says that he doesn’t like you, what he really means is one of a few things. He may not like the person that you become when the two of you fight. The normally sweet and easy going person that he’s drawn to is suddenly gone and this new person seems to have fangs and claws. Or, his normally independent and strong wife becomes weepy and clingy at any criticism.

Sometimes, he’s trying to tell you that there are changes in the marriage or in your personality that he’d rather not see and this is very common even in relatively good marriages. I can’t tell you how many husbands tell me that they feel like they were sold a bill of goods when they were dating. Because in their minds, they were dating a vibrant, exciting, attentive woman who had an easy laugh. But today, they are married to a nagging, critical person that sometimes sounds a lot like their mother. And, no, they don’t “like” this – not at all.

So keep in mind that when he says he doesn’t like you, he often really means that he doesn’t like how the marriage is going, that he misses the intimacy, and that he misses the woman who used to love and respect him (and her) enough to show him the best version of herself on a regular basis.

Being Happy Rather Than Being Right: Often when I tell women this, most will admit that they sort of see the point that I’m trying to make, but that they think that none of this is fair. They will say things like “well, I don’t like him too much right now either. He’s not the person that I married either. Why is this always my problem? Why am I the one to blame?”

These concerns are absolutely valid. No, it’s not altogether fair and yes, he has some flaws too. But score keeping isn’t really going to get you anywhere. You could argue that you’re right and that he’s wrong and you may well be absolutely correct, but at the end of the day, is debating this point really going to make you any happier or any closer to your spouse? Will it improve your marriage and intimacy?

Always keep your eye on what you really want. For most people, this is to feel loved, understood, and appreciated. Everyone wants to be close to someone else. We all want to feel that our spouse not only likes but loves us. So, if this requires for you to give a little, for you to stop debating who is right and who is wrong, and for you to show your husband some of the qualities that he likes and loves most about you, isn’t this a small price to pay for your piece of mind or happiness?
Source: https://www.igodotv.com/2017/02/26/my-husband-says-he-doesnt-like-me-anymore-tips-and-advice-that-may-help/

Cool, women tend to contest with the men with all the stress from work,this can cause tension between them

Its simple, that thing you always do that makes him love you when you are still single. Go back and continue doing it,maybe you have stop doing it and reason why your husband does like you again

Fukim!

Make him his favorite meal. With dessert.
Initiate love-making.
Ask him to help you with a problem.
Ask for his opinion.
Tell him he's sexy when he fixes things.
Encourage him to have a night out with the guys.Then,don't pout if he takes you up on it.
Write love notes on the mirror with lipstick.If you're sure the kids won't see,make it a little steamy.
Forgive him when he makes a mistake.Then,never bring it up again.
Brag about him to someone else while he's in earshot.
Ask him about his accomplishments.Then,listen with rapt attention.
Give him a scalp massage as he drifts off to sleep.
Wake him with a kiss... or more.
Tell him he smells great.
Celebrate a personal goal he has achieved.
Take him out to dinner or celebrate his favorite way at home.
Notice and thank him for the little things he does for you.

CaroLyner:
Make him his favorite meal. With dessert.
Initiate love-making.
Ask him to help you with a problem.
Ask for his opinion.
Tell him he's sexy when he fixes things.
Encourage him to have a night out with the guys.Then,don't pout if he takes you up on it.
Write love notes on the mirror with lipstick.If you're sure the kids won't see,make it a little steamy.
Forgive him when he makes a mistake.Then,never bring it up again.
Brag about him to someone else while he's in earshot.
Ask him about his accomplishments.Then,listen with rapt attention.
Give him a scalp massage as he drifts off to sleep.
Wake him with a kiss... or more.
Tell him he smells great.
Celebrate a personal goal he has achieved.
Take him out to dinner or celebrate his favorite way at home.
Notice and thank him for the little things he does for you.

this is beautiful, yet a man destined to be that way would still be, even if you treat him llike your lord and personal saviour.

Nothing new there.

A lot of women also don't like their husbands like that anymore, but they just get on with it.

Most stay in unhappy marriages these days either to make their children happy, the society happy or just can't be bothered with starting allover.
Funny enough, I was in the midst of some professional women just last night and guess what, they all except one (who was widowed) said they would not get married in another life. These weren't young ladies by the way, the youngest of their kids is in the 20s, all in their first marriages and I was shocked. They're not Nigerians though.

Anyone expecting marriage to fill the void in their lives needs to look inwards. Be happy as a single without any relationship, and you find out that you're going to be happy as a married person.
This advice is for both males and females. I always get the impression that men are so needy whenever I log on to NL.
Most posts about relationships, are about how women should feel and behave in marriage/family life and these posts are usually by men who can never know how women feel, or even the challenges they face.
Some even believe only men face stress at work, forgetting that women have been contributing immensly to the home's finances and even face more stress at their own jobs.

elyna:
this is beautiful, yet a man destined to be that way would still be, even if you treat him llike your lord and personal saviour.

True.