MY WIFE, WHO HURT YOU IN YOUR PAST?

He had a deadline to beat. So he came home late when his family was asleep. He went into the kitchen, warmed up his dinner that the wife had cooked. Matoke with beef stew. In a few minutes he was done and went to sleep, exhausted.

In the morning, him and his wife got up. After the shower, wearing robes, it was time to prepare for the day.

"You think I am your house help? What is this? How many times must I tell you to never leave utensils unwashed? I wake up to an unwashed plate in the kitchen sink. Can't you even wash after yourself? Must I always clean up after you? Are you a baby? And you used my favourite plate that I keep for visitors, can't you even use the many other plates I bought? Agrrrr you've ruined my morning. I am so sick of being married to a man who can't even follow simple instructions" his wife shouted at him.

"What is this all about?" He asked looking at her surprised.

"What is this all about?" She ridiculed him. "Stop acting like you don't know. This is about the mess you left in the kitchen last night"

"Is this really about the dishes? Are you seriously talking to your husband like this because of a plate?" He asked shocked.

Their six year old child walked in on them in the kitchen.

His wife looked at the child then sneered at him and said, "We're getting late. The kids are getting late for school"

He gently grabbed her hand to lead her to the bedroom.

"My love, we need to talk" he told her.

"We don't have time! You have a deadline, I have an early morning meeting at work. The kids need to get to work. Stop rushing me" she reluctantly said.

"Kids, prepare for school. Mommy and I will have a chat, join you, have breakfast then we'll leave" he told their three children.

"But dad we'll get late for school" said their first born.

"You've never been late. But today, there will be no harm getting to school slightly late. Don't worry, I will personally talk to your teachers" he said.

"Woop woop! You are the coolest dad" cheered their naughty second born jumping on to the sofa turning on the TV.

The couple walked inside their bedroom. Closed the door.

He got her to sit on their bed and he knelt next to her, placing his hand on her lap.

"We're getting late" she said with a cold tone.

He rubbed her waist and said, "Shh, it doesn't matter, this is important. I don't want us to get caught up living life that we fail to address issues"

"So there is an issue?" She asked.

"Yes, my dirty plate on the sink" he said.

"Don't worry, I will wash it" she said trying to get up out of the bed.

He pressed her down to make her remain seated.

He looked deep into her eyes as if searching for her soul. She felt naked before him.

"My wife, who hurt you in your past?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" She questioned.

"For the years I have married you, I notice you are easily irritable, you have this temper, this bitterness, this fear that erupts out of petty things" he spoke.

"Oh, so you're saying I am petty? You think my reaction over what you did last night is petty? You think I am petty?" She erupted, sneering at him.

"See what I mean?" He said.

Silence.

"I am not saying you are petty, I am saying you are easily angered. I am saying that your response to my dirty plate was cold and harsh, all you could have done is correct me with love, but instead, you attacked me, you crushed me over a dirty plate, you fought me over a thing. Why are you this angry?" He continued.

Silence.

"No one is born angry and irritable. Anger, a hot temper is something we acquire as we live. It is our reaction to the circumstances that push us to fear, defensiveness and confusion. We acquire an angry temperament from our upbringing and the pain we collect along the way. So I want you to look inside you, your past and tell me, when did you start being so angry?"

Silence.

"My love, open up to me. Let me in to the darkest corners of your past. Show me your scars. Who did this to you? Who introduced you to bitterness? When you open up, you release the pain and healing will start; but when you hide, when you pretend, when you act like you are OK, when you wear a fake smile; healing will evade you and you will take it out on your loved ones. You will find yourself shouting at me and the kids, taking out your frustration on us"

Silence.

"Racism, fear, tribalism, fear, anger; all those are taught. All of us are born in the image of God and then the darkness of life creeps in through events and we become fearful and angry. Who did this to you? Who taught you how to be angry? Who made you feel like you have to fight alone, like no one is on your side?"

She began to cry.

She broke down in tears.

He hugged her. She broke down even more.

"I was raped. I was raped by my cousins. I was just a young girl" she opened up.

She let him inside her darkest thoughts. Told him of how she was raped, her abortion when she was seventeen that she did because she couldn't face her parents, her questions about her father who was largely absent when she needed a father figure, how she was sexually harassed at work by her boss and no one believed her. She opened up about her fake friends, who were there only to use her until the day she chose to ride solo. She opened up about how she gave her body to a man who claimed to love her, only for the man to end up cheating on her and making her feel unworthy and not beautiful enough. She opened up about her struggle with self esteem, the nights she cried to sleep. She opened up about how she made mistakes that ended up costing her time, money and peace of mind, her struggle with porn and alcohol while she tried to project an image of a Godly woman yet she felt God was angry with her. She opened up about the nights she'd wake up naked in bed with a man she didn't love and how that made her angry with herself. She opened up about the five relationships she got into thinking they would last. The first one she was used, the second one she was physically abused, the third she was rejected because the man's parents didn't approve of her tribe, the fourth she was cheated on, the fifth she was dumped the night before her wedding. She opened up about all her baggage"

He listened.

He wiped her tears.

"My love, that is alot for one person to go through. Thank you for opening up to me. It will help me to love you better. When you open up, you release the burden. I now know better about where you are coming from" he told her.

"I have never told a soul all these things" she said clinging on to him.

"If you don't tell me, who will you tell? Darling, this is what love is about. Taking your past, walking with you today and building with you our tomorrow. Many people think marriage changes things but actually marriage reveals things. In marriage that is when issues become unearthed. People use marriage as a cover up thinking it is a magic wand that will change lives. But when marriage is done in honesty, marriage become a place of healing because where there is love there is healing. With the help of God, my love will silence your fear, my love will redeem back your view of sex, my love will tell you the men you were with before me were wrong. I will show you that you are a Queen deserving of the best of love. Love will heal you. Instead of taking things out on me, let me be love to you. My love, stop fighting alone, stop fighting your inner wars alone. That was then, this is now. You have me. You are married to a man who has your best interest at heart. No more fear, no more anger. OK?" said he.

She looked at his eyes and said, "I love you. I cannot believe after all the pain I went through, finally God brought me something good and I allow the hangover of my past to make me live with anger in my present"

He kissed her and said, "Healing takes time but it will happen. It happens when you stop covering up your pain but become intentional about it"

"I love you. I love you so much" she said.

"I love you too. We are in this together" he told her.

"Kiss me" she requested.

They kissed. The healing kiss.

They prayed. The healing prayer.

He then helped her to dress up and she helped him to dress up. They exchanged some laughs, joined their children, had breakfast as a family and drove to school and their respective places of work playing some cheerful music in the car and having family fun.

Marriage can make or unmake you, depending on how and who you choose to be your spouse. Let God guide the choice you make and you will experience heaven on earth in your marriage. Don't take marriage for granted or you will be taken for granted. I took marriage for granted and was taken fir granted. I've paid dearly for it. I didn't allow God to help me, I relied on outer looks and ignored clear signs on inner ugliness.
Don't only shine your physical eyes, shine your spiritual eyes as well. God help us!

Adapted and forwarded

Hmmmmmm

I don't like seeing dirty dishes in the sink either at any time talkless of overnight ones...

Cool!!! Someone needs to read this

This can be achieved if one is lucky to marry a good and God fearing man...some men can exhibit characters that will make you want to transit into space and come back in two years to continue,marrying in installments

subtlemee:
This can be achieved if one is lucky to marry a good and God fearing man...some men can exhibit characters that will make you want to transit into space and come back in two years to continue,marrying in installments

u people have started now.. Forgetting the message and focusing on the husband not being able to clean after himself. .


Repent sha

At first I didn't want to read through the write up but when I saw the comments, I had to go back to read in between lines.


This doesn't only apply to females as well but to the males... If we can open our hearts and correct our loved ones with love then the world will be a better place.. I have learnt a lot from this piece.. Its highly educational..

The woman is lucky to have that kind of man. Most men wont be patient to hear her reasons behind her actions. MARRIAGE!!! God help us

I doubt if men like this still exists

Wow Op this is so wonderful I admire the maturity, guts and patience from the man. Thanks OP

Beautiful write-up

Nice...

Beautiful one. Thanks for sharing.
Today I've learned something.

Hmmm....
I don't think that kind of man exists o.
The woman is just lucky to have married one of the angels on earth.


Good read.

It is well

That was a brilliant move by her husband that saved the marriage.

Marriage is all about sacrifice and love. Everybody has his/her own past whether good or bad but there is no past that can't be shared with your spouse.

Nice write-up

Nice piece.



but why wait until marriage before all these?


I think the marriage was built on a faulty foundation. How come the husband didn't address the anger issue before marriage? Why did the lady deliberately hid her faulty past from her supposed lover?


I didn't know all anger are results of battered past. What happens to temperaments?

Now some ladies are here saying such men do not exist.. How many of you ladies are willing to open up to your man about the numbers of Lecturers you slept with for grades? abortion? Some ladies are so rigid that they'd rather die with their secrets.

Getting angry over an unwashed plate (just one o) is indeed very petty. Whoever can get angry over that with his/her lover is capable of committing irredeemable havoc in the future.
Forget those dramatic moments. Anger is one of those issues you can't solve easily. You can hide it but it's only for a moment. This issue should have been addressed and resolved before getting married.

She even blamed her husband for using a SPECIAL plate she reserved for visitors! ahahahaha!

This can melt the strongest/hurtest of all hearts.
.
.
.
.
Op, thanks for sharing.

Acidosis:


Nice piece.



[s]but why wait until marriage before all these?


I think the marriage was built on a faulty foundation. How come the husband didn't address the anger issue before marriage? Why did the lady deliberately hid her faulty past from her supposed lover?


I didn't know all anger are results of battered past. What happens to temperaments?

Now some ladies are here saying such men do not exist.. How many of you ladies are willing to open up to your man about the numbers of Lecturers you slept with for grades? abortion? Some ladies are so rigid that they'd rather die with their secrets.

Getting angry over an unwashed plate (just one o) is indeed very petty. Whoever can get angry over that with his/her lover is capable of committing irredeemable havoc in the future.
Forget those dramatic moments. Anger is one of those issues you can't solve easily. You can hide it but it's only for a moment. This issue should have been addressed and resolved before getting married.

She even blamed her husband for using a SPECIAL plate she reserved for visitors! ahahahaha!
[/s]

Your first line is only what's needed. Let's trash the rest, they're not needed.

Sijo01:


Your first line is only what's needed. Let's trash the rest, they're not needed.

Hmm, the rest can be trashed for a moment. A time will come when reality will strike the comical couple.

The dude even waited for 7 years+ before addressing her wife's anger issues? (they have a 6 year old daughter).


What a story.

Sijo01:
This can melt the strongest/hurtest of all hearts.
.
.
.
.
Op, thanks for sharing.

It didn't melt mine.

I don't like terribly written fictions like this one...

Awwwwwww!

Sweet story

I learnt something sha

However, what happened to all these revelation before marriage? (Even if it's just summary?)

Are Nigerian men so bad that our sisters have given up?

Forget Nairaland, there are plenty sweet brothers outside who can love/ currently loves their wives this much.

Acidosis:


Hmm, the rest can be trashed for a moment. A time will come when reality will strike the comical couple.

The dude even waited for 7 years+ before addressing her wife's anger issues? (they have a 6 year old daughter).


What a story.

How long is 7yrs?

You don't see a lot of peeps on/offline complain about a spouse's habit 10yrs into the marriage?

Maybe things got to a head for the husband.

Rukkydelta:
I doubt if men like this still exists

Men like that don't exist anymore...none, nada.

It looks like you're finished.

Mimzyy

Rukkydelta:
I doubt if men like this still exists

Actually they do, I'm a typical example of one..



@Op, great piece, nicely put, made me feel a lil emotional. It teaches Patience, Love, Understanding and Communication.. Also never underestimate the "GOD" factor.

Rukkydelta:
I doubt if men like this still exists

they don't

cbliss:

they don't

Yeah I know
Thanks for reminding me once more

Hmmm... Like seriously If opening up heals all pain then........

We all have that chapter of our life we don't read aloud. Nice write-up.