By Tunde Ajaja

Sexual intercourse can be exciting , especially when it is done with consent , in a good atmosphere and there is no fear of being caught or unwanted pregnancy . But in spite of the satisfaction and good feeling that come with it, findings have shown that there are certain things people do that could be offensive to the other partner while the action is on.
Such actions have been found to dampen the experience of the other partner , and inexorably it makes the action a not so interesting one. These actions include:

Watching TV:
It would seem unimaginable for someone to be watching television while having a romp in the sack , being an activity that is all-encompassing , but findings have shown that it happens . Interactions with certain persons revealed that people who do it do so because they are not enjoying the act, and in order not to appear as preventing the partners from having their way at that particular time, they give in , and so while the activity is ongoing , they look for other things of interest . And of course, the possibility depends on the positioning of the person watching the TV . Specifically , while a woman could do it because she’ s not enjoying it or she is not interested , maybe out of a pending dispute with the man , a man could do it if the woman does not reach orgasm on time, and he’ s getting tired . “It has happened to me before , ” said a father of two who spoke to our correspondent . He added , “My wife and I had a conflict at that time and she said she was no longer interested in sexual intercourse with me . She later agreed because I insisted , but she didn’ t participate , so while I was doing it , she was watching a programme on the TV . When I finished , I stood up and left. It can be disheartening but I can tell you that it happens .” Meanwhile , relationship counsellors have advised that if such happens , it’ s a bad signal that couples need to talk about, because it could be a symbol of emotional disconnection.

Calling the name of an ex:
This is usually a slip of the tongue during sexual intercourse , especially when the excitement is at the peak . People tend to call their partner ’s pet names . But according to findings , as encouraging and pleasing as this could be, it is said to be one of the few things that can bring sexual activity to an abrupt end; when people call the wrong name . It is believed that when a man or woman does that during sex, it could mean that the person is having an affair with the person whose name was mentioned, and if it is an ex - lover , it could as well mean that the person is yet to let go of that previous affair. Experts have advised that it is a mistake that should never occur , to avoid conflict.

Sleeping :
It could also sound unbelievable that someone could sleep off during sex, but some reports and interactions with some persons show that it is possible. It is more likely for women, who do not engage in so much physical activity during the exercise . According to findings , sleeping during sex could happen if the woman is not enjoying it or if she’ s asexual. A man , who did not want his name mentioned , told our correspondent that his wife could best be described as asexual , because she does not like sex. He said anytime she allows him , she could close her eyes and that occasionally , she sleeps off , because she does not enjoy it and does not pretend about it . As expected, such a sex life is boring. He added, “There are times I make love to her in the night and in the morning, she would ask if I did anything to her the previous night . It is painful and frustrating. Sex should be participatory and not a one- man show .”

Checking mobile phone:
From the foregoing, one could surmise that distraction during sex could dampen the spirit of the other person . And same applies to checking mobile phone during sex, whether for a text message received, an incoming voice call , task reminder, or to check time . Picking up the phone when the action is ongoing has been found to be a huge distraction . And so, it is to avoid such that people put their phones on silent mode or they keep them out of sight while ‘it ’ lasted . For the other person , pressing the phone could mean that he or she wasn’ t enjoying the act , and if it is the woman who did it , the man could think he wasn ’t doing ‘it ’ well, which is enough to erode his strength and confidence . Hence, to avoid such , relationship counsellors have advised that people could do away with anything that could divide their attention, as it sends a wrong signal to the other person .

Standing up immediately after ejaculation :
For men , once they ejaculate , they feel tired and are more likely to either stand to clean up or sleep . But for women , the story is different. Findings have shown that women cherish some intimacy or cuddling after the exercise, and they want that to linger for some time before the man sleeps off or leaves. However , interactions with some women show that they tend to feel used or see such men as selfish if they stand up the moment they ejaculate . It is even more so that most women would not have reached orgasm by the time he ejaculates. Thus , sometimes , they need such cuddling , which could include mere kissing , to drive themselves to climax . And interestingly , even when they have reached orgasm, they still want some time together in each other ’s arms , unless they are pressed for time and it was a quickie. Besides, men are advised to spend more time in bed with their spouses.
Overall , some psychologists and relationship experts have advised that couples should discuss their sexual dissatisfaction with their spouses, to enable them to have a mutually beneficial sexual experience. Knowing that unsettled quarrels could cause such disposition in between the sheets, they advised that couples who have a happy home are not likely to experience such , more so that sex, for a woman, has a lot to do with her state of mind and emotional connection, unlike men who are moved by what they see .
Speaking on the reasons why some people engage in such actions , a psychologist, Prof. Toba Elegbeleye, said people tend to engage in such actions to get through the experience.
He likened it to the situation that exists between a predator and its victim , noting that the person enduring the act might simply engage in it to avoid violence or conflict, which does not mean he or she would enjoy it.
He added , “The victim , as it were, would have to display some methods of just allowing the predator to have its way and get it done with. And there are many people like that . If you must do it with somebody that does not really uplift your libido , you would find some pastimes to be able to get you through it and that is why such people look for distractions to take their minds away from the act itself.
“Whether we like it or not, some people would mention sex with some love , joy and passion , but to some people , it is nightmare ; they mention it with nostalgia . For such people , they tend to look for ways to distract themselves so they could get through it. And it will not be surprising if the victim begins to mumble names of other persons



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