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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) (2188 Views)
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What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by realmindz: 8:35am On Mar 12, 2017 |
Yaweh protects people for a living. He is an insurer, a counsellor, comforter and giver in times of needs. Hurray! can't you see Yaweh is so good to us. You need not to ever worry of ANYTHING IN LIFE, all you need to do is simply ssubscribe to Yahweh's services and you and your loved ones will never know needs nor suffer any calamity. TERMS AND CONDITIONS (YAHWEH & SONS ENTERPRISES You will be guaranteed for life if only you abide by these terms and conditions: 1. COMMISSION AND FEES: This is non-negotiable, 10% to be paid monthly on monthly income. A list is sent to yaweh every month of those who have paid and those with outstanding obligations, debtors shall be disconnected immediately from the services without consideration of past payments until all dues are cleared. 2. YOU WON'T NEED ANY OF THESE ANYMORE: a. Car insurance b. life insurance c.. Health insurance etc Going for worldly insurance policies is a total display of lack of faith in "Yaweh and Sons Enterprises" and shall be considered a breach of contract. 3. APPRECIATION This is very key to sustain the contract, you MUST show daily appreciation and shower praises to the CEO every minute and every day for every fortune encountered and miraculous events enjoyed. 4. DISCLAIMER: As against No. 4, for every bad luck encountered and calamity suffered, the devil and you are solely responsible. However, you must still shower praises to the CEO for limiting damages suffered to a considerable level. 5. MONOPOLY: complementing No.1 and 2, Please note the Yaweh & Sons Enterprises have the patent right of protection. On no condition should you ever subscribe to any other policy. Subscribing to Yaweh's services is out of freewill, however, Yaweh shall send the devourers to devour those who are yet to be convinced about our services. We hope you enjoy our services, Yaweh and Sons Enterprises, a sure gaurantee to living a good life. ABOUT YAWEH Yaweh started from a humble beginning as he started with nothing, he relocated from space about Monthly dues use to be inform of livestocks until recent civilizations. find out more about Yahweh in his ancient book #bible 15 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by realmindz: 9:12am On Mar 12, 2017 |
otemanuduno:In his infinite wisdom, he has created man to be his money making machine. He is the most successful entrepreneur ever 4 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by annunaki2(m): 9:14am On Mar 12, 2017 |
Very daft thread. |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by CHARLOE(m): 10:26am On Mar 12, 2017 |
Sarcastic but loaded! op, D sheeple wiil soon descend on u 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by Pastafarian: 10:40am On Mar 12, 2017 |
Hahahahahahahahaha 3 Likes |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by orunto27: 11:13am On Mar 12, 2017 |
Let's call Him God, The Supreme Spirit, The Omnipotent, Omniscient and Omni everything. He plans and controls The Creations, The Creatures, Their Infrastructural requirements for Light, Goodness and Life and Their Praises and Prayers to Him. He also plans and controls The Dispersal and Disposals of the sons and daughters of Lucifer. He has been The Judge of all Things from the beginning and will remain so ad infinitum. The Hebrews call Him YHWH. The Greeks call Him Yahweh. The Vulgate calls Him Jehovah. The Yorubas call Him Olodumare. And The KJV gives us GOD not god. From Orisa37 2 Likes |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by realmindz: 2:44pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
orunto27: Olodumare and Yaweh are never same. This is what you get when others write your history for you. Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. Yaweh was never Olodumare, they are different 9 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by realmindz: 2:45pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
annunaki2:of course it is, not as daft as the bible 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by Nobody: 4:24pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
An educative thread. @OP chop knuckle 3 Likes
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Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by Niflheim(m): 5:46pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
@realmindz, "Yahweh and Sons Enterprises" is obviously run by a scammer!!! They need to be investigated due to all their unfulfilled promises!!! 6 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by frank317: 6:49pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
Classic!! 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by alBHAGDADI: 6:59pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
Seun won't close this thread cos it was opened by a fellow atheist of his to mock Christianity. But when a Christian exposes the ills of Islam, the person gets banned and the thread blocked. |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by otemanuduno: 7:04pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
alBHAGDADI:can't Yahweh close it himself. C'mon, he has done awesome things in the past. May his soul rest in peace in his spiritual cage. 4 Likes |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by orunto27: 7:06pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
It's not Yaweh but YHWH in Hebrew and Yahweh in the Septuagint. Olodumare in Yoruba is God in KJV and YHWH in the Scroll. |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by hahn(m): 8:43pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
alBHAGDADI: Point out the mockery 1 Like |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by realmindz: 9:18pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
Zoharariel: look, thank you my brother hope you are subscribing to yaweh, so he won't unleash his merciful devourers on you as a loving father 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by realmindz: 9:26pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
alBHAGDADI:on the contrary, Yaweh is actually happy with this thread, it's an advert for his gracious works |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by matrix600(m): 9:39pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
This is how life insurance is done 3 Likes 1 Share
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Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by matrix600(m): 9:41pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
realmindz: 2 Likes 1 Share
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Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by matrix600(m): 9:43pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
I AM INSURED!!!!
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Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by Nobody: 9:50pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
otemanuduno: Yes! Like raining mana from the sky and like making a donkey talk. Goddamnit! Christians are clowns! 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by hermeslavey: 10:19pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
why are christain's seeing this, as a mockry ? is this not the same thing that their pastors teaches them ? 1 Like |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by Pastafarian: 10:59pm On Mar 12, 2017 |
hermeslavey: thank you |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by orunto27: 5:40am On Mar 13, 2017 |
I don't know Yaweh but I know Yahweh. Yahweh is Greek, which I don't speak. I do subscribe my Tithes, my 10% to Olodumare who is my Instructor, because He teaches me all I know. |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by otemdomino: 4:01pm On Mar 13, 2017 |
orunto27:This is funny. Olodumare don't collect tithes. Yahweh is the tithe-lover. And as a matter of fact, the tithes and offerings don't get to him. The pastors embezzle them. |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by realmindz: 8:17pm On Mar 13, 2017 |
orunto27: Good, make sure u don't default so the devourers won't be unleashed on u |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by Pastafarian: 9:25pm On Mar 13, 2017 |
realmindz:tell'em |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by Deicide: 9:47pm On Mar 13, 2017 |
Nice thread |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by orunto27: 6:19am On Mar 14, 2017 |
realmindz: I pay to GOD, OLODUMARE, YAHWEH but neither yahweh nor Yaweh. There's a lot of difference between Y and y and in omitting a whole H or h in reference to YAHWEH The same way you can't call GOD, gO or OLODUMARE, OLODO. So please mind your language, your spellings, your manners and your ignorance. |
Re: What God Does For A Living (Yahweh's True Profession) by freethinker01: 9:40am On Mar 14, 2017 |
You're so on point. Can't spot the difference between this and what their pastors preach. For you to understand, you must know what sarcasm is. 1 Like |
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