mirabeldesmond:
ah...it's even ur post. since u already have a solution to ur problem.. why bother us with it.

I didn't bother you, but matured people who probably got married in the same situation.

I don't need advise from kids please.

lereinter:

broken family is not a problem you should be bothered about

Why do you say so?

sirhot:
I didn't bother you, but matured people who probably got married in the same situation.

I don't need advise from kids please.

lol...me kid?? u really are not ready. if I'm a kid, u are dating a kid too. child abuse

sirhot:
Okay boss. I'm still researching on that.

May God's grace be upon you.

sirhot:
Get lost then... One idiot out, one more to Bleep off my thread!

Wanksta, stop wasting that girls time coz she's worth much more than your dumb azz

lemme come and b going

mirabeldesmond:
lol...me kid?? u really are not ready. if I'm a kid, u are dating a kid too. child abuse

Don't mind the slowpoke, it's about time this section of nairaland get censored from minors

2kurupt:


Don't mind the slowpoke, it's about time this section of nairaland get censored from minors

lol.. I don't think he is educated... probably an "educated illiterate" let him come and beat me I'm in my house.

sirhot:
Bro let's not talk like we are not in the African society please. Marriages are between families and not individual. You cannot get married without your parents and siblings.

You started off well but didn't end well. The psychological effect on any broken home if not carefully handled spills into marriage.

Like you said, she didn't use to talk to her dad, intact she used to quarrel with him, verbally abusing and attacking him. I was able to make her stop and today she has a good relationship with the father but the mother and father are still cat and dogs.

I wouldn't say I'm shocked at the emboldened but you must understand that as a man, your family must come to trust your judgment and let you have your way. Parental consent is key, yes, but marriage involves two people. It explains why I said you are more concerned about your family than you are about her. This is an indication that you are prolly not ready.

Since your mind is made up about the psychological effect that is still lingering. It is safe to say to say you have already concluded that you cannot be with her and your posting this here to seek reinforcement for your action.

If she had been verbally abusing the father, then don't think she has totally stopped because you assisted her in doing so. What you did or what she did is to keep it in check temporarily.

She has her problems but the bigger problem rests with you as your are more concerned about your siblings and family than any other thing. Look for an angel to marry; one that faults would not be picked from.

mirabeldesmond:
lol.. I don't think he is educated... probably an "educated illiterate" let him come and beat me I'm in my house.

The eediot is even trying to sound wise & arrogant when he gat no iota of the intricacies of relationship issues.

What's up with you miss? No church today?

sirhot:
Is that what you'll do if you were in my shoes?


If you don't have any advise to give why not allow people who have an experience of how it went and how they succeeded to give me tips. Why do people think that opting out is the next option rather than resolving issues.

Let me ask you a question. What kind of advice are expecting here? What resolution are you talking about? What are you resolving?

You haven't taken the girl to see any of your folks! At this point, I'll say that it's all in your head. Your mind is playing tricks on you. You like her but worried about her 'background', you are very pessimistic about your own family accepting her.

Here is the solution. Take the girl to see your family first. Stop worrying about their potential rejection. They might end up liking the girl and giving their approval. If you think your family might be a problem, do one thing...leave her alone.

2kurupt:


The eediot is even trying to sound wise & arrogant when he gat no iota of the intricacies of relationship issues.

What's up with you miss? No church today?

no church. I just want to wait in my house for all those who want to beat me

mirabeldesmond:
no church. I just want to wait in my house for all those who want to beat me

You sure you don't want some sweet sermon administer to you while you wait?

2kurupt:


You sure you don't want some sweet sermon administer to you while you wait?

I've got a lot of sermons in my head

mirabeldesmond:
I've got a lot of sermons in my head

Ok, do holla if the heat gets too much

2kurupt:
Ok, do holla if the heat gets too much

no p

sirhot:
I didn't bother you, but matured people who probably got married in the same situation.

I don't need advise from kids please.

Before you can get a good advise, I will like you to answer these few questions:

1. When do you guys started the whole relationship ish?

2. Are you guys living in the same vicinity? If no, what is the distance between both of you?

3. Is she a working class or still a student?

4. Are you too a student or working class?

5. Have you guys see face to face to talk about extended families issue - not a talk on phone.

6. Did her mum later got married to another man? If yes, is she still staying with the 2nd man or she has opt out again?

7. Which religion class do both of you belongs to? And what is the name of her church if she is a Christian? And lastly;

8. Are you ready for marriage yet?

Answer those questions up there sincerely and I will give you my best opinion.

To all my educated and non judgmental friends:

We have been dating for close to two years now with no issues, we both love each other and determined to make it work.

I knew she was from a broken home and still went ahead to date her for close to two years - I'm not judgmental.

She told me how everything was between her dad and her and in fact, she didn't set her eyes on her dad for months, she used to verbally abuse her dad which I encouraged her to stop, I encouraged her to make amends that no matter what, she'll need her dad to give her hand in marriage, she did that and today she even visits and stays with the dad.

She hangs out with the dad at times because the relationship has been renewed. I stood by her and supported her to her new found relationship with both parents.

To those saying that I should wait until I introduce her to my parents, don't you think I should have a strategy to go about it. Many of the people posting here are not married or close to getting married that's why you talk out of ignorance.

In this country an igbo parent will say no to a Yoruba suitor, what do you call that? So someone thinks that her partner might be rejected based on tribe, is it foolish for the person to seek consent of people who have experienced it and how they were able to succeed?

We claim another person is judgmental but rather than give me a reasonable advise apart from a few the rest are busy digging out my post from 2012 - 2016 and attacking my personality. Are you not judging my past? If I make a post now about the number of guys you slept with and lived a wayward life you'll say all that was in the past. It's okay to judge other people and call them judgmental while you stay as a saint.

Only empty brains attack persons personality rather than the issues at hand.

yorubarere:


Before you can get a good advise, I will like you to answer these few questions:

1. When do you guys started the whole relationship ish?

2. Are you guys living in the same vicinity? If no, what is the distance between both of you?

3. Is she a working class or still a student?

4. Are you too a student or working class?

5. Have you guys see face to face to talk about extended families issue - not a talk on phone.

6. Did her mum later got married to another man? If yes, is she still staying with the 2nd man or she has opt out again?

7. Which religion class do both of you belongs to? And what is the name of her church if she is a Christian? And lastly;

8. Are you ready for marriage yet?

Answer those questions up there sincerely and I will give you my best opinion.

We see almost everyday, she's a student and we've been dating for close to two years now. We are both Christians and we discuss about extended families, I visit and know some of her family members. She knows mine too. Her mum married another man where she had a daughter for him before marrying her dad, so she has a step sister but from another father but same mother. At present her mum not with any man. I'm over ready sef...

gbosaa:


Let me ask you a question. What kind of advice are expecting here? What resolution are you talking about? What are you resolving?

You haven't taken the girl to see any of your folks! At this point, I'll say that it's all in your head. Your mind is playing tricks on you. You like her but worried about her 'background', you are very pessimistic about your own family accepting her.

Here is the solution. Take the girl to see your family first. Stop worrying about their potential rejection. They might end up liking the girl and giving their approval. If you think your family might be a problem, do one thing...leave her alone.

I have to think in a certain way because her mum technically has two husbands, her elder sister is from another father. It's something any reasonable person will worry about.

Sanchez01:

I wouldn't say I'm shocked at the emboldened but you must understand that as a man, your family must come to trust your judgment and let you have your way. Parental consent is key, yes, but marriage involves two people. It explains why I said you are more concerned about your family than you are about her. This is an indication that you are prolly not ready.

Since your mind is made up about the psychological effect that is still lingering. It is safe to say to say you have already concluded that you cannot be with her and your posting this here to seek reinforcement for your action.

If she had been verbally abusing the father, then don't think she has totally stopped because you assisted her in doing so. What you did or what she did is to keep it in check temporarily.

She has her problems but the bigger problem rests with you as your are more concerned about your siblings and family than any other thing. Look for an angel to marry; one that faults would not be picked from.

I have been with her for close to two years hello..... I assisted her to abuse her dad it's funny how some of you so called educated and relationship savvy folks think!

sirhot:
We see almost everyday, she's a student and we've been dating for close to two years now. We are both Christians and we discuss about extended families, I visit and know some of her family members. She knows mine too. Her mum married another man where she had a daughter for him before marrying her dad, so she has a step sister but from another father but same mother. At present her mum not with any man. I'm over ready sef...

Then bro pray about your compatibility and don't go seeking advise in several places because we all have diff perspectives to life. Some advises might be good at faced value but bad in reality. At this point what I will just say is that try to belief in your instinct and gut we all have that power. If you think she is good for you, then try to convince your families.

NOTE OF WARNING: Pls don't be carry away with beauty and other physical values to the extent that you will make a bad judgment. Life is best enjoyed with a good spouse.

yorubarere:


Then bro pray about your compatibility and don't go seeking advise in several places because we all have diff perspectives to life. Some advises might be good at faced value but bad in reality. At this point what I will just say is that try to belief in your instinct and gut we all have that power. If you think she is good for you, then try to convince your families.

NOTE OF WARNING: Pls don't be carry away with beauty and other physical values to the extent that you will make a bad judgment. Life is best enjoyed with a good spouse.

I agree Sir. Good advice. Thank you

obyrich:
May God's grace be upon you.

Thank you Sir. Respect!

BUTCHCASSIDY:





Nigerians and their stùpid beliefs.
What about kids from stable homes who end up cheating and cant keep their marriages?

Am telling u

searchng4love:

Whatever rocks your boat. You have slept with her countless times and had her commit series of abortions.... So you come here Nicodemusly for reasons justifying your intent of dumping her! I understand. I can see through you.

Guy u harsh o

shinarlaura:


Am telling u

The post made sense to you... Smh


The thread is not about a cheating partner but a broken home and it's not cheating alone that causes a home to break.

@sirhot,though I'm not married yet but my elder brother happened to b in same situation in 2015 with his wife when they were dating and he came up with this same excuse and I gave him reasons why he should not leave the gal. This gal been from a broken home is not her making and I believe it is never her wish,the lady took her father's calm nature though I don't kno abt ur gal friend shaa from my sense of judgement in my brother's situation the gals mother is something else but never the less my brother still went ahead and marry this gal because of her calm nature n other qualities that he saw in her.and today they have a beautiful home.her marriage reunited her mum and her dad together as husband and wife after how many yrs.
My advice to u,u kno ur gal friend more than anybody on this forum if she has the qualities u needed in a woman and you so much love her,tell ur mum or dad first abt her. d person u know that is close to u and that can gives u a listening ear among the two of them.make sure you settle her background with ur parent before introducing her to them formally.and if they did not agree and u kno u cannot convince them just let d poor gal finds her way without telling her that is because of her background that d relationship could not work out.
best of luck

Egbi2020:
@sirhot,though I'm not married yet but my elder brother happened to b in same situation in 2015 with his wife when they were dating and he came up with this same excuse and I gave him reasons why he should not leave the gal. This gal been from a broken home is not her making and I believe it is never her wish,the lady took her father's calm nature though I don't kno abt ur gal friend shaa from my sense of judgement in my brother's situation the gals mother is something else but never the less my brother still went ahead and marry this gal because of her calm nature n other qualities that he saw in her.and today they have a beautiful home.her marriage reunited her mum and her dad together as husband and wife after how many yrs.
My advice to u,u kno ur gal friend more than anybody on this forum if she has the qualities u needed in a woman and you so much love her,tell ur mum or dad first abt her. d person u know that is close to u and that can gives u a listening ear among the two of them.make sure you settle her background with ur parent before introducing her to them formally.and if they did not agree and u kno u cannot convince them just let d poor gal finds her way without telling her that is because of her background that d relationship could not work out.
best of luck

Wow... Thank you so much for the advice and encouragement. I'm happy for your brother too. This is very encouraging.

Thats not fair...so you want her to pay for her parents sin...my parents are also divorced and i was raised by my dad...the divorce made me stronger and i vowed never to let my children go through same