Hello,

Would really appreciate some words of advice please. I'm really sad. No judgmental posts posse.

I conceived my first child when I was dating my boyfriend, now husband and then we got married shortly after I fell pregnant. We had planned to get married even before I got pregnant but when I got pregnant, we then decided to bring the date forward. It was a very difficult period for me because my mum really made me feel bad. I repented to God from a heart of genuine sincerity and sought his forgiveness which I received by his grace. I fell short of the glory of God but God forgave me and had mercy on me.

Fast forward to a year plus after my wedding. My son is now 6 months and we would like to dedicate him in church. We have however been told that the church will not accept him for the regular dedication process where the parents dance out to the front of the church alongside close relatives and friends. What the church has said is that we can only do a private dedication service in a different room after the service. I'm devastated.


My son is innocent and pure. He was conceived from a sinful act but God has forgiven us. I've now been happily married to my husband and father of my child for more than a year. Is it therefore fair for the church to treat my son like he's an outcast and not worthy of being celebrated openly and publicly?


I feel so humiliated and wanted to cancel the dedication and do it in a church where h will be openly celebrated and received as a wonderful gift from God which my darling son is. My husband has accepted it but I'm struggling to do so. The church is supposed to be about love. What is the biblical basis for saying that my son cannot be pubclily dedicated?


Would really like some views here. Should I cancel the dedication and do it somewhere else or go ahead with the private/ secret dedication?

Many thanks for reading.

Do not go to a church that you aren't welcome, forThe house of the lord is not meant for righteous people. They are hypocrites in his sight.

now look at it from this angle, if the church does accept to do open thanksgiving the same people who are condemning the church will still condemn the church for supporting the process through which d child came.


The point is the child doesn't have anything to loose for not being dedicated openly

I wasn't dedicated in church and it doesn't make me less of myself or anybody.

Dedication doesn't mean the child must know God etc.

Just let it be.

Dedication is not in the church it is in the heart. A lot of so called "dedicated" baby have grown to become menace to the society. Pray in your closet no dedication is greater than this.

@OP, Pls whats your denomination?

I know how Women feel about Dedication. Sincerely, if your church denomination does not allow open dedication, I will rather not do any dedication

I'll really say congratulations on your marriage and wishing you a happy married life both with the ups and downs

And may your child grow in wisdom and knowledge and get favor before God and men

I'll like to also congratulate you on your decision to return to God will given the hard knock of correction. Not many towed that part but went deeper into committing the sin of which they are corrected

On the issue at hand, as someone said earlier dedication or no dedication doesn't hinder the child from being wayward or a menace to the society and I won't advice you to just get up and leave your denomination due to this trivial issue..

Personally dedicate your child to God yourself and your hubby and dedicate your time to the child too both in training and upbringing and also in prayers and you'd be happy into what a fine gentleman he'll turn out to become and with that you'd have successfully proved to the church that even though the initial process is faulty, the end product is far better compared to others whose initial process seemed solid

Take heart and channel all the energy of you been annoyed with the church into modeling your child into who you'd be proud of

BTW where do you stay make I come chop rice for the dedication

0b10010011:
Will there be rice and chicken for the dedication?


Will there be soft drink and beer to wash the edibles down?

If yes, Whats the address of the venue where the choppings will hold?

If No, Am not sharing any advice with you.

you get sense concerning the chopping and drinks sha

Just give am small advice so that you go complete am after she provide the edibles and washables

Accept the church offer and move on. It seems like condemnation but I believe they are doing this not because of you but to portray a level of moral standards for the church.
God has forgiven you, no one can condemn you. move on with Christ

is it dedication you want to do or dancing forward... just make sure your obedience and repentance is/are complete so heaven will accept you... shikena.

Every church has its doctrine laid out for the members. just as we dnt join a woman is pregnant to man, so as they dnt dedicate a child who was born before marriage.

its not your fault neither is is the baby's fault and also, the church isn't at fault either you should learn to accept that.

prayer remains prayer whether said in the church or outside the church. call your pastor to pray for the child. it won't stop the child from being what God has destined him to be.
LOVE YOU

Pls someone explain to me the difference between dedication in the open and dedication behind closed doors?

Goody goody people. If it was such a sin, why does God allow unmarried folks conceive and yet we have pastors and many who waited for the wedding night but can't have kids.
Again, what does it matter if your child is dedicated privately? You want to show off to everyone you have a child? I personally opted for the private dedication, i hate crowd and show off, it was just me, wife, child and the pastor and to tell you the truth i did it just for the formality.
I had already dedicated my child to God myself and that is good enough for me.
Bottomline, you hold all aces. Find a new church or accept the private dedication.

That does not show discrimination for your son.

1. Rules are rules especially in religious settings and should be enforced by everyone without fear or favour. If you were sure every church you would go to would not allow this- there would not be any issue at all.

2. Is the dedication to God or to man. I personally prefer a low key ceremony any day any time. Reduce stress. Reduce show off and pride. To be truthful this has influenced my number 1 decision above.

3. You should also consider the effect on later generations. They will not know that you genuinely repented. They will say they allowed Mrs X, does she have two heads. Next year 20 people will theirs for dedication. No win win situation if they allow or refuse them o.

4. Man's memory is long. Stop reminding them of your child's history. If you sample your church right now. 10% knows the name of your baby. 90% knows he was conceived before the wedding.

Cancel the dedication!

Open or private dedication do not have anything to do with what God has in stock for you and your child!


Personally, I can't stand the shame and humiliation attached to that church conditions, even after the child is over six months. If churches can not grant complete forgiveness and love, why is it called church then!


My personl opinion please!

That your church na scam.
If you & your husband should make a donation of 10 Million Naira now, you guys will be cleared of all wrong doing. But where is the rational??

A church that wedded you when you are pregnant will not dedicated your child publicly That una pastor sef.

You better take your son where he will be accepted. After all church is for sinners.

There are consequences for every actions.

Accept responsibility for your actions and move on. You went against your church's doctrine.

No one is judging you, but you sinned. You've asked for forgiveness, you've been forgiven but why is it so hard for you to serve the punishment if you're truly repentant?

Most times when your parents punish you for wrong doing, its done out of love. So it doesn't mean your church hasn't got love for you. If at all you feel anyone is punishing your son, its you punishing your son. Not your church.

If the dedication meant so much to you, maybe you should have thought of your actions before doing it?

Yes, the church is all about forgiveness. But they also have rules they follow. Why you want them to change the rules you know have been in existence since forever, strictly for you is what I really don't understand.

Do your private dedication, and go have your party afterwards. Or you can go to another church that will do your dedication for you, and go about your business.

The main thing is to raise your son uprightly. Again, that's your responsibility. Pray for wisdom not to fail in it.

kingphilip:
I'll really say congratulations on your marriage and wishing you a happy married life both with the ups and downs

And may your child grow in wisdom and knowledge and get favor before God and men

I'll like to also congratulate you on your decision to return to God will given the hard knock of correction. Not many towed that part but went deeper into committing the sin of which they are corrected

On the issue at hand, as someone said earlier dedication or no dedication doesn't hinder the child from being wayward or a menace to the society and I won't advice you to just get up and leave your denomination due to this trivial issue..

Personally dedicate your child to God yourself and your hubby and dedicate your time to the child too both in training and upbringing and also in prayers and you'd be happy into what a fine gentleman he'll turn out to become and with that you'd have successfully proved to the church that even though the initial process is faulty, the end product is far better compared to others whose initial process seemed solid

Take heart and channel all the energy of you been annoyed with the church into modeling your child into who you'd be proud of

BTW where do you stay make I come chop rice for the dedication

People attach importance to unnecessary things. Na backyard dem born, for ground as my mother was visiting a her sister. Just few blocks away from the sister's house, she had me. There was nothing like child dedication on me lol.

I feel the OP's pain, but she should have been away of the rules and regulations.

please I indulge all of us to keep sentiment aside and put yourself in her shoe how will you behave? forget following the church rules and regulations please if you were her how will you handle this? when my only brother was sick,when I mean sick very sick and I needed help from my church as a worker in that church and the church said I should come back that they want to verify if my brother is a member but me that is a worker can't you look at me and do it for me,am not just a worker,I do other things for us in CHURCH, but when they couldn't help me and my brother died, Jesus I lost the respect I have for Churches, I see it as a place people look for saints,money and members. Ma I will tell you nothing but the truth,none of them not even the pastor have the right to condemn you,Jesus died on the cross for people like me and you, I keep them that nobody has the audacity to judge me because you are not in any way better than me,the things they do in secret if you hear it you will no that we are saint close to the door of heaven. Take your baby to another Church and dedicate him but from your house tell your baby who he is, bless him,pray for him.Assume you did abortion
that would have made you the best Christian Abi?Have this at the back of your mind Nigerians practice RELIGION NOT Christianity. kiss your boy for and tell him that I love him and his welcome.

lazeal:
People attach importance to unnecessary things. Na backyard dem born, for ground as my mother was visiting a her sister. Just few blocks away from the sister's house, she had me. There was nothing like child dedication on me lol.

child dedication doesn't guarantee a good behavior sha so I think she should just take it mild

So you want the Church to lower its standard because you have repented and your child is pure?
There's always a little penance for every sin.

greatgod2012:
Cancel the dedication!

Open or private dedication do not have anything to do with what God has in stock for you and your child!


Personally, I can't stand the shame and humiliation attached to that church conditions, even after the child is over six months. If churches can not grant complete forgiveness and love, why is it called church then!


My personl opinion please!

churches does not forgive sins only God does

To me since she has made her way right with God genuinely, forget about men's condemnation.. It changes not your relationship with God

nnamdibig:
That your church na scam.
If you & your husband should make a donation of 10 Million Naira now, you guys will be cleared of all wrong doing. But where is the rational??

A church that wedded you when you are pregnant will not dedicated your child publicly That una pastor sef.

You better take your son where he will be accepted. After all church is for sinners.

I guess you're in the know of everything between her and the church

For clarity sake did the church know about the pregnancy before the marriage??

Babes, I kinda understand you now. It is one thing to willingly choose the kind of dedication to do, it is another to be compelled by the church to do a certain kind of dedication due to a certain belief.

I think it is time to leave that church for another because clearly, your supposed sin of the past as not been forgiven by the church. I would assume that they would always bring up your file for future reference anytime your family needs to do orisirisi in the church. You might never be forgiven for that one act. God forbid, they refuse to marry the kid in the future because he was conceived as he was. Whew!

Dedicate the child in private if you are pressed for time then split...God is actually in your heart and everywhere. Or split now and dedicate the child in your new church. Either way, that church isn't your church anymore.

Na real wa for your church!

kingphilip:
I guess you're in the know of everything between her and the church

For clarity sake did the church know about the pregnancy before the marriage??

Why won't the church know? A church that strict should conduct pregnancy test before wedding.

JerryTemi:
please I indulge all of us to keep sentiment aside and put yourself in her shoe how will you behave?

OK, I am in her shoes right now and I am OK with closed room dedication because I don't want the Church to change because of me and I don't want to be pitied no matter the situation.

JerryTemi:

forget following the church rules and regulations please if you were her how will you handle this?

Why should we forget church rules? Why is she a member of the Church if she's not comfortable with her rules?

JerryTemi:

when my only brother was sick,when I mean sick very sick and I needed help from my church as a worker in that church and the church said I should come back that they want to verify if my brother is a member but me that is a worker can't you look at me and do it for me,am not just a worker,I do other things for us in CHURCH, but when they couldn't help me and my brother died,

I lost my elder sister in 2008 and nope, money was not the problem.

I spent 99% of everything I own on my sick late brother sometime around 2014, he died in 2015 and money was not the problem.

My point is, Christ didn't promise us everlasting life in this earth so do we complain when we lose someone.

To live is for Christ and to die is gain.

I am one of the Christians who don't pray for long life.

JerryTemi:

Jesus I lost the respect I have for Churches, I see it as a place people look for saints,money and members.

Your mistake, your loss.

This is just like losing faith in women because few of them dance unclad on TVs and parade themselves unclad in streets.

JerryTemi:

Ma I will tell you nothing but the truth,none of them not even the pastor have the right to condemn you,Jesus died on the cross for people like me and you, I keep them that nobody has the audacity to judge me because you are not in any way better than me,

My dear, a lot of people are better than you and every genuine Christian is called to judge and correct with love.

It's you people with judge no one mindset that ruin Christianity and all it stands for.

Scripture says test every spirit, scripture says we shall know them by their fruits.

How can you do all these without judging?

How can you preach to a sinner and encourage h'm to repent and live life worthy of his calling without judging him?

JerryTemi:

the things they do in secret if you hear it you will no that we are saint close to the door of heaven.

Can you prove this?

This here is one of the many lies we tell ourselves to feel good. It's far from the truth.

JerryTemi:

Take your baby to another Church and dedicate him but from your house tell your baby who he is, bless him,pray for him.

Fair enough.

It's OK to leave but make sure you're not leaving the good for the bad because of something that's will not add any meaning to your life. eg is open dedication of child.

JerryTemi:

Assume you did abortion
that would have made you the best Christian Abi?

And whoever didn't abort her child is a saint bah? Our parents said we should abstain from premarital sex.

The government said we should use condoms and made it one of the cheapest thing in the market but the rebellious generation will not take any of that.

Getting pregnant in your father's house(if you're a Christian) has a consequence and we should prepare for that before opening our legs or penetrating anyone.

JerryTemi:

Have this at the back of your mind Nigerians practice RELIGION NOT Christianity. kiss your boy for and tell him that I love him and his welcome.

Nice one.

Follow your heart.

How long will this discrimination against your son continue?

If the church wants to give out scholarships or any other thing that will benefit your son tomorrow, won't the church deny him of it due to the same reason they want to dedicate him behind closed doors?

Won't other kids born and unborn who will get to know of the circumstances surrounding his conception, discriminate and treat him like an outcast tomorrow?

Madam, you and your husband should sit down ask yourselves those questions I put up there and save your son the pain that church will inflict on him if he grow up there.

This is not an issue. The good thing is that, they've accepted the dedication, but low-key.

Just accept it that way , then come back home and follow that up with a loud event with friends and family to mark the dedication.




Why do we give religious houses so much control over us like this? You're even frustrated by their actions? Damn them and do it your way. If you can as God for forgiveness while alone and said you're forgiven, why not dedicate your child to him in that manner?



Can you tell me one verse in the Bible that says "child dedication" compulsory?

My son is innocent and pure. He was conceived from a sinful act

This awfully ridiculous. If you already condemned the child then u dont have a right to blame the church. Please your child was born of a purely natural process designed by the creator. Celebrate that beautiful creature. Fvck churches and their lies.