StraightSetter:
Imagine having somebody like 1Rebel or Kellibae as an in-law or family friend, the marriage is doomed.

If small minded people like these do not exist on both side of the family, everything is cool. But if there is at least, hmm....

Good point. Individuals as this with archaic mindest.

majekdom2:
The best marriage is marrying someone who genuinely loves you. A friend. Are there no divorce cases where both parties are from the same tribe?

As d case may b u can find love any wer! its all depends on u! d limits u define or broda u intend to search as for me i had boundries ( i've dated 7 girls so far but i neva lied to dem i alway let dem knw it wont lead to marriage! bcoz i knw wat i wanted) i believe marriages crash dis dayz because because der was a break in communication, or lapses frm either of the two parties! it all boils down to understandin n determination on hw far but parties are willin to go! as for me i found mine within d confines of my tribe wic ad alwayz bin my dreams! i believe u hav dream too b it inter-tribal or intral-tribe jst follow ur heart it wil lead u to ur destination

kolaish:
My candid advice to the men/women that cares: do not let this so-called 'love sentiments' blindfold you into marriage. You are going into a relationship that will last for more than 40 years, so why choosing to spend that long years of marriage struggling to hold it together. There are so many more beautiful and good ladies from your tribe, so, why not choose from them and enjoy a fruitful marriage with peace.

See the following:

1. if you are a yoruba man and your wife is igbo, what language did you think your child will adopt and speak fluently; certainly igbo and not yoruba. That means your child will not be able to speak your own language.

2. Your family will not have an official local dialect, except english.

3. You stand the chance of always going very far (more than 7 hours journey) whenever your partner is having a social function. Think of the transportation costs and its stress.

4. Anytime your in-laws are around, you will look like a stranger because you cannot hear them when they are discussing in their dialect.[/b]

[/b]

I concur. I am a product of Inter tribal marriage (Yoruba Father-Igbo Mother). English is what we speak in my house. The other language i can speak fluently is Yoruba and little Igbo. Whenever i visit my Mom's Village, though i am loved and welcomed, language is still a barrier. We have to travel all the way from Kwara to Abia whenever there is a social function. When relatives are around, an interpreter has to been there. My mom's family will tell me to marry Igbo when i am ready while my Father's people will say "Ma lo ile Igbo oo" lol. Recently, one of my lectures looked at me and said "graccccccccy you have this confused look, your parent are from where?" So, i would say just marry from your tribe.

kolaish:
My candid advice to the men/women that cares: do not let this so-called 'love sentiments' blindfold you into marriage. You are going into a relationship that will last for more than 40 years, so why choosing to spend that long years of marriage struggling to hold it together. There are so many more beautiful and good ladies from your tribe, so, why not choose from them and enjoy a fruitful marriage with peace.

See the following:

1. if you are a yoruba man and your wife is igbo, what language did you think your child will adopt and speak fluently; certainly igbo and not yoruba. That means your child will not be able to speak your own language.

2. Your family will not have an official local dialect, except english.

3. You stand the chance of always going very far (more than 7 hours journey) whenever your partner is having a social function. Think of the transportation costs and its stress.

4. Anytime your in-laws are around, you will look like a stranger because you cannot hear them when they are discussing in their dialect.[/b]

[/b]

apparently you lack exposure and prolly living in penury. Get exposed this is 2017!

fratermathy:


Your use of language is quite appalling for someone with high tribalistic standards! Even tribalistic men want women who can teach their children how to communicate well, offline or online. I suggest you leave this issue of marriage and work on yourself for a while. It may do you some good.

@thread:
I'm a proud Urhobo man and in a relationship with an Igbo lady. She and her family are totally devoid of these triablistic bunkum I'm seeing on this thread!

I guess upbringing and exposure matters a lot. So many people have never left their villages and enclaves. They are blinded by tribalism and propaganda against other tribes without realising that the things they complain of are common to all humans, across ethnic barriers! Tell me of an Urhobo cheater and I'll tell you thrice of Yoruba/Igbo/Hausa cheaters! Point being that cheaters and bad spouses exist everywhere.

In this modern society, we should be concerned with love, understanding, homely virtues and every other thing that makes a good spouse. Your ethnic group/family won't be the ones in the house with you. You alone can tell what's best for you.

Fratermathy,her choice, her peace of mind.people should learn to respect other people choices and not interpret everything as ethnic proclivity, ultimately it is her choice. There are hundreds of thousands who don't hold her view,you don't know her or her experience,so you don't know enough to advise her.

Graccccccccy:
I concur. I am a product of Inter tribal marriage (Yoruba Father-Igbo Mother). English is what we speak in my house. The other language i can speak fluently is Yoruba and little Igbo. Whenever i visit my Mom's Village, though i am loved and welcomed, language is still a barrier. We have to travel all the way from Kwara to Abia whenever there is a social function. When relatives are around, an interpreter has to been there. My mom's family will tell me to marry Igbo when i am ready while my Father's people will say "Ma lo ile Igbo oo" lol. Recently, one of my lectures looked at me and said "graccccccccy you have this confused look, your parent are from where?" So, i would say just marry from your tribe.

There are kids whose parents are from the same tribe but cannot speak their local language...How about that. Marry who you love not who you tribe

From things I have seen in my young life,I have realised that its not about the tribe but the setting of the family,there are good and bad people in every tribe, however I personally can never even date a Hausa man not to talk of marry(reasons best known to me),but with the exception of hausas,a good man from any other tribe shoudnt be an issue, learning the language and adapting to the culture of one's spouse may take a while,but its not impossible,the problem is most tribalistic parents don't give their in-laws the chance. my former boss made all his daughters marry from their tribe ,two of the three of his son in-laws turned out to be assholes, infact the last societal wedding lasted for 36 hours ,$5000 gift given to the bride by her aunty broke up the marriage under 36 hours,she was lucky to be alive from the beating Mr tribe man gave her

ElsonMorali:


[s]Oh Yeah, is that why we have so much baby factories in the Southeast? Or are you a product of one?

Have you forgotten so quickly what your dilector said about you guys being 99% ashy?

Better get your facts right and ask around for who your dad is[/s].

I dnt argue with bastards!

Graccccccccy:
I concur. I am a product of Inter tribal marriage (Yoruba Father-Igbo Mother). English is what we speak in my house. The other language i can speak fluently is Yoruba and little Igbo. Whenever i visit my Mom's Village, though i am loved and welcomed, language is still a barrier. We have to travel all the way from Kwara to Abia whenever there is a social function. When relatives are around, an interpreter has to been there. My mom's family will tell me to marry Igbo when i am ready while my Father's people will say "Ma lo ile Igbo oo" lol. Recently, one of my lectures looked at me and said "graccccccccy you have this confused look, your parent are from where?" So, i would say just marry from your tribe.

Bigots give advise according to the level of their understanding why they don't achieve much in life,now your own problem is the language your kids will speak. The problem with your likes is they think everyone should be small minded like them.

fratermathy:


Your use of language is quite appalling for someone with high tribalistic standards! Even tribalistic men want women who can teach their children how to communicate well, offline or online. I suggest you leave this issue of marriage and work on yourself for a while. It may do you some good.

@thread:
I'm a proud Urhobo man and in a relationship with an Igbo lady. She and her family are totally devoid of these triablistic bunkum I'm seeing on this thread!

I guess upbringing and exposure matters a lot. So many people have never left their villages and enclaves. They are blinded by tribalism and propaganda against other tribes without realising that the things they complain of are common to all humans, across ethnic barriers! Tell me of an Urhobo cheater and I'll tell you thrice of Yoruba/Igbo/Hausa cheaters! Point being that cheaters and bad spouses exist everywhere.

In this modern society, we should be concerned with love, understanding, homely virtues and every other thing that makes a good spouse. Your ethnic group/family won't be the ones in the house with you. You alone can tell what's best for you.

I dnt care!..abt ur rants it doesnt hold water.
By the way my brother married from delta too.!
Bt i hav made my own choice!-

majekdom2:
apparently you lack exposure and prolly living in penury. Get exposed this is 2017!

Word.

kolaish:
My candid advice to the men/women that cares: do not let this so-called 'love sentiments' blindfold you into marriage. You are going into a relationship that will last for more than 40 years, so why choosing to spend that long years of marriage struggling to hold it together. There are so many more beautiful and good ladies from your tribe, so, why not choose from them and enjoy a fruitful marriage with peace.

See the following:

1. if you are a yoruba man and your wife is igbo, what language did you think your child will adopt and speak fluently; certainly igbo and not yoruba. That means your child will not be able to speak your own language.

2. Your family will not have an official local dialect, except english.

3. You stand the chance of always going very far (more than 7 hours journey) whenever your partner is having a social function. Think of the transportation costs and its stress.

4. Anytime your in-laws are around, you will look like a stranger because you cannot hear them when they are discussing in their dialect.[/b]

[/b]

From everything you have given as reasons why you shouldn't marry from another tribe,it shows:
1. You very small minded.
2. You have very small dreams
3. You are bush man
4. You don't see pass your small confine.
5. You need many years of growing up to do.

Presently I ve an Urhobo girl as my Fiancée. After dating Igbo girl, Egbira girl(met her doing service), Yoruba and now my fiancee in that order, I can authoritatively say that each tribe contributed immensely to my psychology of nigerian women vis a vis their cultural interpretations of other tribes when it comes to relationship and marriages. One thing is culture, another is the level of enlightenment and exposure of the subject(as well as family). While we allow bias and prejudicial orientations of other tribes to define how we understand some of their behaviours in our relationship rather than seeking to know critically why they acted the way they do, we find ourselves guilty of the same crime against interethnic or exogamous relationships. Fast forward to the NOW, being a typical Yoruba boy, i was accepted with big arms from my spouse's immediate family, She on her on part has always dreamt of marrying from the South west with a mental hashtag( a yoruba boy with Beared....#bearedgang). And I ve always seen myself marrying ,emphatically speaking , outside my tribe(Proven by my relationship-pedigree) This I simplly call "Interpersonal Attraction" irrespective of our different tribes. I personally think endogamous relationships are over-hyped, prehistoric, palaeolithic, dated and too conservative for the growth of humanity. To my Fiancee I love you not because u r Urhobo but because u have been proven to be unique, loving and celestially made for me. MY LAST BULLET : Who Tribe epp?

Hannysmilez:
Personally,I wouldn't marry anyone my fam don't consent to. Its hard but I love them like that.
I also wouldn't marry a man if his fam members don't like me. It isnor by force. I cannot come and die. I don't believe in 'coping' or 'managing','one day,they will change'.
Thirdly,we're Africans;when you marry someone(esp as a lady),you marry his family and culture and traditions too. For this reason,I think it is best if you marry into a culture you totally understand and appreciate. So they won't pull a 'dazz how we do in our place' on you.

Bless u dear!

Afam4eva:

Every prospective couple will have to decide what is best for them. Just like some people get married because of their partner's good behavior, others get married because of hips or boobs. In the same way you have to decide which is important, consent or love. It's the decision of the couple to make.


Like i said, it;s her choice to make. If she's ready to take what comes to her from his family because of love, then why not.


People kick against inter tribal marriage for several reasons which includes but not limited to the fact that they want someone who understands them based on cultural terms.

There are merits and demerits of inter tribal marriage but it's still boils down to the people involved. If an inter-tribal couple break up after one year in marriage, it's not necessarily because they're from different tribes but because they failed to work on their marriage just like other marriages of people from the same tribe.

If they broke up because of tribal misunderstandings then it's because they allowed their misunderstandings get to them. It's no different from couples having financial problems.

Thanks for your explanation. Nice write up

texazzpete:
@Topic

People should be free to marry whoever they want.

Any relation opposed that will not see reason (or cannot provide concise and compelling reasons why the marriage should not happen) should be struck off the wedding invitation list and ignored.

Do you know how many people have been cheated out of their dream partners because of the words of either their parents, Pastor or 'prayer warrior'?

True!

afroxyz:
While y'all are still brewing in 17th century ideology, I've matched my action with words

Congrats!

[quote author=kolaish post=55667007]My candid advice to the men/women that cares: do not let this so-called 'love sentiments' blindfold you into marriage. You are going into a relationship that will last for more than 40 years, so why choosing to spend that long years of marriage struggling to hold it together. There are so many more beautiful and good ladies from your tribe, so, why not choose from them and enjoy a fruitful marriage with peace.

See the following:

1. if you are a yoruba man and your wife is igbo, what language did you think your child will adopt and speak fluently; certainly igbo and not yoruba. That means your child will not be able to speak your own language.

2. Your family will not have an official local dialect, except english.

3. You stand the chance of always going very far (more than 7 hours journey) whenever your partner is having a social function. Think of the transportation costs and its stress.

4. Anytime your in-laws are around, you will look like a stranger because you cannot hear them when they are discussing in their dialect.[/b]


sounds myopic but kinda true sha

That one no concern me o..I be Urhobo boy wey won marry Igbo girl o

kolaish:
My candid advice to the men/women that cares: do not let this so-called 'love sentiments' blindfold you into marriage. You are going into a relationship that will last for more than 40 years, so why choosing to spend that long years of marriage struggling to hold it together. There are so many more beautiful and good ladies from your tribe, so, why not choose from them and enjoy a fruitful marriage with peace.

See the following:

1. if you are a yoruba man and your wife is igbo, what language did you think your child will adopt and speak fluently; certainly igbo and not yoruba. That means your child will not be able to speak your own language.

2. Your family will not have an official local dialect, except english.

3. You stand the chance of always going very far (more than 7 hours journey) whenever your partner is having a social function. Think of the transportation costs and its stress.

4. Anytime your in-laws are around, you will look like a stranger because you cannot hear them when they are discussing in their dialect.[/b]

[/b]

are you ok?

9ja4show:
Any educated Nigerian still thinking of what tribe not to marry and to marry should kindly return his certificate back to his school and apologize to his/her family for wasting their resources they spent in school

Gbam!

ElsonMorali:


Oh Yeah, is that why we have so much baby factories in the Southeast? Or are you a product of one?

Have you forgotten so quickly what your dilector said about you guys being 99% ashy?

Better get your facts right and ask around for who your dad is.

Why not be more decent in your conversation?

Fresia01:
I'm Igbo dating a Yoruba guy.. .i love him BUh I'm still scared.. ...

Be careful most of them cheat.
U know igbos value marriage if u go in comming out is difficult unlike yourbas dat dont see divorce as a big deal..

Are u ready to endure thing that can bring u hrtbrk.. this is no joke!

I am quite surprised people are not stating what may be the real challenges and what they are talking about is stereotype that has no basis.


Cultural challenges are the main things that may cause problems in an intertribal marriage and it starts mainly from interference by inlaws.

1. The wedding ceremony proper: An intertribal marriage may begin to have issues from the planning of the wedding, traditions culture , this is the way is done have made a lot of marriages never to even see the light if day.
E.g The church to wed, as simple as this may sound it has causes a lot of disasters in intertribal marriages especially Yoruba to Igbo and it happens majorly when the hubby is Igbo and the bride is Yoruba.

Yoruba culture is The wedding holds in the brides church or better still brides fathers church. And in IBO culture its not compulsory to be in the church of the brides parents , quite a lot of people do it where the hubby and his peeps are.

My friends are in this dilemma , his mum insisted it must hold in their family church (catholic), the guy himself is not a catholic , the girl doesn't mind wedding in catholic but her Dad is an elder in the baptist church and culturally ( the way yorubas do it) the wedding should hold in the brides/brides father church as it is believed the man is coming to pick her from her church.The groom is Igbo and bride is Yoruba.

The groom spoke to the brides father and the brides father told him that even when the brides elder brother married a foreigner they had to travel to the UK to marry her that they are the ones that have to go and pick her that that is how it is done in the SW.

The grooms father is indifferent about the whole thing and has said they should do it how it is done but the grooms mother is insisting it must be in their church and she is also insisting that the church must be 3 months after the traditional , which is not even going down well with the groom and bride because of costs the couple feel they shd do t he trad and white possibly the same day or a day interval (which sounds cost effective) but she wants 3 months interval.

After much persuation the brides father agreed they shd go do the white at catholic but he may not attend everybody was a bit received that they has been a meeting point but later on the brides brothers met and said no.

I told the groom to plead with his mum since its not a cultural necessity to wed in the grooms church where he comes from but he said his mum didn't buldge, his dad has spoken ti the woman severally and she's still insisting, she even prefers if its in the east.I said can't they scrap the church stuff out and go to registry after the trad and my friend said his mum insisting on church .

Now everybody is back to square one since early last year.

Now I do believe that my friends mum has some personal issues apart from cultural differences, because I really can't even understand why she's insisting on 3 months interval when the couple don't want it that way.

I pray that engagement doesn't sink because of this issue.


2. Naming ceremony, some peeps don't have an official naming ceremony after 8 days of birth in fact this has caused some issues in some churches because bilically the child should be named on the 8th day but for some cultures its not so.
Now if you marry from that place you may find it odd not to name your child on the 8th day even if you feel its the Christian thing to do and if you don't apply wisdom it can generate a lot of problems.


3.Names to give children, sounds simple but once saw a thread about this.

4. Visit to village , personally I still don't understand why Igbo's congregate at their villages every December , now if you want to marry and Igbo person for example you should be ready to follow him every year as a lady.

5. So many other cultural differences, languages spoken to children etc etc.

The challenges in intertribal marriages don't come from the couple themselves most times but it comes from the relatives of the couple. Most times no body is right or wrong its just the way its done in their place.

So if you want to go into an intertribal marriage you should be ready to let go of a lot of things find a way of merging both cultures together so that you as a couple will be happy and most importantly avoid family interference.

Most importantly if you have Christ and marry into a true Christian family you won't have tribal issues because most times some people value tradition more that christaininty and if one wants to clash with the other they place tradition first.

deliveryboy:


Who is a good Christian and how do you think they can deal with the said challenges?

What dt guy said is d truth. It takes a true Christian. I know a couple, an Igbo man & a Yoruba woman dt have been married for like 15yrs now wt 4 kids. Their marriage is bliss. The guy is ekwuemes 1st son. His wife is bimbo. The lady is always smiling like a baby. 24/7.

I was like these guys are just perfect wt no challenges. But it's not true, there are always challenges in every marriage but if ur yielded to d Holy Spirit, everything dt wld have become a major issue becomes a lesson in patience & love instead.

These couple are pastors. I went for a "married question & answer" thing they organized one time & a married woman was complaining abt her brother in law not wAshing plates & leaving it for her to wash. I rmmber pst bimbo saying dt if d brother in law is someone really young, u can ask him to help while u do d dishes together so he can learn but u don't need to place an instruction. And dt really if ur walking in d spirit it won't even be an issue, ur 1st instinct is to be selfless.

Also she explained dt these happened a lot when she was a new bride & her younger Inlaws would leave dishes on d table. She said she was also not used to dt but she didn't dwell on it, she will pack d plates to d kitchen & wash. But after a while she said it was her mother in law who visited dt told her not to pack d plates but wld scold her own children.

She explained dt women shld not allow little things like dt steal their joy, then they start showing evil attitudes or reporting in laws to ur husband. Let bigger things occupy ur mind & ur husbands mind. You have a generation to impact.

Wise words dt have helped me in my marriage, ecspecially wt Inlaws with different backgrounds & expectations. I'm also a Yoruba woman, married to a kogi guy (read: love of my life). My mother in law & 3 of my brother in laws are with us for d Easter holidays. It's always all fun, laughter & games. There's no holiday I don't invite them all.

We cry about racism...

But we can't even practice what we preach among ourselves.

glossy6:


Why not be more decent in your conversation?

I would love to be dear, I would really love to be, and trust me If you met me in real life you'll know I'm quite prudent with my words, but did you read the comments I have responded to on this thread?

Hope you told them to be decent too.

For every nasty comment I have made with this moniker, believe me I have refrained from responding to 20 nastier comments directed at me.

People take the anonymous nature of this forum to indulge in crass stupidity.

Anyway, I'll heed your advice dear. I'll temper my comments.

Kellibae:


I dnt argue with bastards!

I'm actually very legitimate. Can't say the same for you. (And That's me being very nice)

1Rebel:
In all honesty, I do not see myself marrying from another tribe. I would want my kids to have pure Igbo genes. Mixing their genes with some other dirty oily cowardly genes just doesn't seem right.

Besides, Igbo girls got it all; beauty, brains and everything else.


**Yes I'm a proud tribalist, deal with it.

This is exactly how hitler started, he was shouting 'pure german blood' and the others he considered inferior. We know how he ended, don't be a bigot.

ElsonMorali:


[s]I'm actually very legitimate. Can't say the same for you. (And That's me being very nice)

[/s]

Hypocrisy!

Kellibae:
[/s]

Hypocrisy!

Is that a fancy word you just picked up?

I'll rather not be nasty to you anymore, so give it a rest OK?

Ugosample:

Igbo men cheat a lot too, it's not about tribe.

All those married men in owerri hotels as we speak are what? Herdsmen?

Much respect sir.

Wish there could be more of you on this forum. #sigh.