Life sucked. I desperately needed and wanted to change especially with the gospel around me that said: “you don’t need people”, “learn to be independent” ad infinitum. I admired people who seemed strong, independent and “I can do good (/bad as the case may be) all by myself-ish” I wanted to be them. I wanted to be the “hard as nails”, “stoic as rock” kinda person. I wanted to be the hybrid you get when you cross-breed Annalise Keating with Queen Ravenna plus a heavy overdose of their matriarch Queen Cersei. I wanted to be tough, unsmiling and “unneeding” of people. I wanted to be a “bad bitch” (although I have to say here that how the b-word evolved from being an insult to being an accolade is totally lost on me).

Sadly, life isn’t the movies and my size isn’t exactly cut out for “bad bitchism”. It was many years and several stages of maturity later, with the benefit of hindsight, that I was able to understand that wanting to be a bad bitch was wanting to be a bad dog... continue reading here https://sapidsapiens.com/2017/04/27/my-near-birth-experience/