KennyID17:



Hmmmnn!

Like i been saying, he needs to do more, man up! Talk to his mum, ask her what her objections are based on, albeit in a respectful manner.

Btw, who didn't attend engagement party?

The mum and sisters didnt come
Was just us friends and some of his friend that where there ..

Bumbae1:

Said she never did anything to her
That it has always been like that from day one he took her to meet his mum ....
lol can't post screenshot sorry

Hmm maybe she should just leave the guy wasted 3 years of her life !
Or he should just tell his mum where to go ..

She is not telling you guys the full gist. His mother cannot just hate her, she is not a mad woman. Are they from the same tribe? Are they from different social ladders.
How did the guy waste three years of her life? Was she forced into the relationship or was she held against her will? What of his own life with her? This means he also wasted three years of his life with her!
Some of you ladies need to change your thinking. What is the guarantee that she will meet another person that will marry her?

Love ogini. .. Parents are inevitable , but then love is just like a free flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases it.

KennyID17:


Baba! How na?

u funny o. U wan settle down with person wea u no knw....


U sef wan hit d honey pot abi

It is the guy's responsibility to call his family to order.

Bumbae1:

Yes his very close to his mum ( even on his birthday she was there with her own friends like kilode )
His the only boy but she got girls too so not like his the only child .. could be the reason but its just weird ..
Lolmaybe the mum knows something we don't cause its 3 years now by now she should just accept the girl

If there's no valid reason for disliking her and they're just hating and being difficult for no reason it may not be worth it, plus he's close to them so she'll actually have to interact with them and regularly. How does he feel about how they treat her? Does he ever stand up for her? Has she spoken to the mum and asked why she doesn't like her?

It's up to your girl, if she thinks she can deal with being terrorised for the rest of her life, she should go for it. Tell her to remember though that love is a fleeting emotion and may not even be or last long enough to be worth the stress of putting up with his family, so if she doesn't see it getting any better and doesn't think she'll cope, may be better to bow out now, easier said than done though.

Bumbae1:

But the guy loves her too

But that is his mum .. he too doesn't know what to do about it and he can't tell his mum how to act .. you know its big taboo

The guy should man up and stand his ground. he should Make his family realize that he loves the girl and there is nothing they can't do about it.
the earlier they come to term with it, the better.
I'm sure the family sef will borrow their self brain and learn to eventually accept her.

All in all, it depends on the guy. if the guy can't protect her from his family she should take a long walk before it's too late.

There is a similar thread on FP days ago.

Donjazzy12:

She is not telling you guys the full gist. His mother cannot just hate her, she is not a mad woman. Are they from the same tribe? Are they from different social ladders.
How did the guy waste three years of her life? Was she forced into the relationship or was she held against her will? What of his own life with her? This means he also wasted three years of his life with her!
Some of you ladies need to change your thinking. What is the guarantee that she will meet another person that will marry her?

Lol, but there are really some mum that will hate their son spouse for No reason at all. especially when they noticed he loves her so much.

In this kinda case, the girl has to prove herself Worthy.

Iffahear say my mum fit play that stunt wt me.
I go disown her.
I bring person wey I wan spend the rest of my life with and you begin act up per say u be my mama...kai.
Funny.
That guy should man up o.
If he can't... The lady should take a walk. Fear such men.

Bumbae1:
Hi All .. first topic lol been a while

So currently I have a friend who is going through some stuff .
She is so so inlove with her now fiancé but the problem is the guys family does not like her .. basically treat her like sh!t (3 year relationship)
She has tried everything to please them but the mum insults her calling her names and to leave her son ..regularly
You know how we females are when we get together for good gist now what advice would you give that friend?

As most are saying she should leave the guy as the family wont rest till she leaves ..

I told her to stay and fight for her man and parents have already lived their lives and she shouldn't miss out on true love just because they hate her ..

What will your advice be please ?
Guys input how should we handle your mum .. as we know mum's sometimes find it hard to let their boys go

Mature Advice please poor girl so miserable these days she just in two minds

Cc Mynd44 lalasticlala Seun

Tell you friend r to quit the relationship.

I ve seen this before if she insist and continue. She no go like wetin go happen to her oooo!! !

Bumbae1:
Hi All .. first topic lol been a while

So currently I have a friend who is going through some stuff .
She is so so inlove with her now fiancé but the problem is the guys family does not like her .. basically treat her like sh!t (3 year relationship)
She has tried everything to please them but the mum insults her calling her names and to leave her son ..regularly
You know how we females are when we get together for good gist now what advice would you give that friend?

As most are saying she should leave the guy as the family wont rest till she leaves ..

I told her to stay and fight for her man and parents have already lived their lives and she shouldn't miss out on true love just because they hate her ..

What will your advice be please ?
Guys input how should we handle your mum .. as we know mum's sometimes find it hard to let their boys go

Mature Advice please poor girl so miserable these days she just in two minds

Cc Mynd44 lalasticlala Seun

What is her man's stance in all this bruhaha?
He is d determining factor here.

[quote author=Bumbae1 post=56047564]Hi All .. first topic lol been a while

So currently I have a friend who is going through some stuff .
She is so so inlove with her now fiancé but the problem is the guys family does not like her .. basically treat her like sh!t (3 year relationship)
She has tried everything to please them but the mum insults her calling her names and to leave her son ..regularly
You know how we females are when we get together for good gist now what advice would you give that friend?

As most are saying she should leave the guy as the family wont rest till she leaves ..

I told her to stay and fight for her man and parents have already lived their lives and she shouldn't miss out on true love just because they hate her ..

What will your advice be please ?
Guys input how should we handle your mum .. as we know mum's sometimes find it hard to let their boys go

Mature Advice please poor girl so miserable these days she just in two minds

Cc Mynd44 lalasticlala Seun[/quote So what your friend fiance needs is to canvass for the support of his kinsmen and family elders,



and explain his concerns to them. They are in a better
position to talk to his mother and
persuade her to support his marriage.





Once he has their support, he doesnt need to worry or panic about his mother's perception or fears.


Hope they'll be able to convince her at this point. She
may have genuine fears for separating them. But he should
Talk to his kinsmen, and also consider talking to her Church pastor or a respected
individual who has the capability to influence her thoughts in his favor.


Once he gets his kinsmen to support his marriage, he can go right ahead with the
marriage preparations.

I'm zealblinks

Bumbae1:

The mum and sisters didnt come
Was just us friends and some of his friend that where there ..

Hmm, eleyi gidi gaan oo, them no want that ya friend b that! At this junction, I'm out of fuel, let all d mature ppl comman epp us

kingDELE:
u funny o. U wan settle down with person wea u no knw....


U sef wan hit d honey pot abi

my mama dey say if your lover's family no give you eye, accept you or respect you.. flee!! love is nothing!! love isn't enough.. love isn't even supposed to be the reason you stay in such relationship. your hubby's attitudes. I.e if he stands for you in cases like this, should be the sole reason why you decide to stay or leave..

but worse off most of these guys in this sort of relationship don't stand up for their girls. after all it's family first!. a typical example is the guy in the OP, with time he might fall to his mum's pressure.

I no sabi talk, I don't know how to fight back..I take every shit thrown at me but all I do is walk away and most times, I don't ever get involved with such a person again. These persons mostly are hostel mates, my 'friends', class mates.. I don't know how to talk back, can't say no, state my displeasure or fight back.. all I do is laugh painfully, or just rub it off..
now imagine,if one gets into a family who doesn't accept you, disrespects you,of course she gets to take all those shits, they get to her, she cries within, self esteem get shattered and even worse the partner doesn't know how to stand up for her, or probably didn't see how his family hurts her.
it's terrible!! but it doesn't stop there.

knowing the kinda person I am, I can never marry someone whose family doesn't accept or respect me. it cant work! and I can't stay with a man whom my mum rejects either. this goes beyond physical, really!! that woman enh!

I think op should tell her friend, to leave aside that yeye love, love that can't make her partner stand up for her... love isn't enough!!! she better be wise.
if her lover can't stand up for her now, he can't stand up for her ever and the maltreatment goes on no matter how hard she tries to earn her mil's respect. Only her hubby can make things work out with his mother, something he is failing woefully at. With time, she won't take it no more, and then she explodes and release all the venom inside of her back at the mil. believe, she's sad her mil to be treats her bad, but believe me more....something deep is growing inside of her too. it's just a matter of time.
have you ever been bullied so hard but you werent too strong to retaliate or you hated to fight back?.. but you feel not only sad that you got bullied, you also feel very angry after each incidence??..but it's all in a matter of time. yeah right, you get my point.
from whence, things get really worse and the marriage/relationship go crashing down.. who gets the Blame? the wife!!

@op, her fight isn't with her lover's mum, it's with her lover.. if he cabt stand up for her, or he's afraid to talk to his mum..it's better she lets go. the woman is feeding on her son's silence, if he just talk to his mum..things will mellow. and it's better he makes his mum realize what he wants, if he waits till marriage before he stands for his wife, believe me, a typical Nigerian woman in this state,would revert back to spiritual uhm uhm. thinking her son has eaten concoction.. you can see how complicated things get.

PS; the ability to say no, state your displeasure in respectable manners, shows some level of your maturity.
she can't fight her in law but she can't take the insults either.

the emboldened is one of my personal development goals.

#modified

Bumbae1 the fiancé is the key to solving this prob. the guy shd wake up.. you know, I jokingly told my mom that I will get married to a fulani lady someday and she said ' I won't come to your wedding'. In fact, I don't care. the only person i want to be present is my wife... I beg the guy shd stand up, this is his life.

tonio2wo:


What is her man's stance in all this bruhaha?
He is d determining factor here.

Her mans stance is to ignore it all and its the way his mum is ...
Because he doents want to address it o his mum

Look some ppl no matter what age are scared of their parents You will be amazed
Yes so far from reading the points I think she has to give him an ultimatum ..

But then its like choosing between mum and Fiancée ( u see the dilemma ) She dont want to be the reason he stops talking to his mu. , or cause fight between them

But at this point its just going out o have to happen

Bumbae1:

Her mans stance is to ignore it all and its the way his mum is ...
Because he doents want to address it o his mum

Look some ppl no matter what age are scared of their parents You will be amazed
Yes so far from reading the points I think she has to give him an ultimatum ..

But then its like choosing between mum and Fiancée ( u see the dilemma ) She dont want to be the reason he stops talking to his mu. , or cause fight between them

But at this point its just going out o have to happen

Dump d dude! He does not deserve her!

Melonny:
Bumbae1 the fiancé is the key to solving this prob. the guy shd wake up.. you know, I jokingly told my mom that I will get married to a fulani lady someday and she said ' I won't come to your wedding'. In fact, I don't care. the only person i want to be present is my wife... I beg the guy shd stand up, this is his life.

Lol @ Fulani

You see I am thinking she doing its my ONLY son so she wants him to marry Obama p's wife lookalike or something ..
yes thanks for the advice

He needs to sort it out or they should walk away if he can't

go and meet a prophet to check her destiny to yours to see if she will contribute to your destiny, if not discard that bitch. thats my ofonjaly advice for u

Bumbae1:
Hi All .. first topic lol been a while

So currently I have a friend who is going through some stuff .
She is so so inlove with her now fiancé but the problem is the guys family does not like her .. basically treat her like sh!t (3 year relationship)
She has tried everything to please them but the mum insults her calling her names and to leave her son ..regularly
You know how we females are when we get together for good gist now what advice would you give that friend?

As most are saying she should leave the guy as the family wont rest till she leaves ..

I told her to stay and fight for her man and parents have already lived their lives and she shouldn't miss out on true love just because they hate her ..

What will your advice be please ?
Guys input how should we handle your mum .. as we know mum's sometimes find it hard to let their boys go

Mature Advice please poor girl so miserable these days she just in two minds

By the time the in-laws frustrate daylight out of her marriage E go be her like film-trick as the love go take dry.

Love is like a plant, and meant to be tended for it to grow and flourish.
Flowers won't grow in gardens of stone; the ground must be tended.... - Don Williams

Her husband would support her for the first few years (God help her if it's only for months) as E de hot and then slowly but certainly fire wood go cool. And then E go show say blood still de flow wella
His support gan-an would make them hate her more seeing her as a wedge between them and their son.

Why should she bring her children into a world where they are hated by their own family? Because whether she likes it or not, they would be that evil woman's children as far as his family is concerned.

Tell her to ask those whose mother in-laws loved them before the marriage, let them give her the up-and-down gists and then she can think again if this is the life she wants to enter where the mama no hide am say she hate you

I have a friend whose mother-in-law-to-be had to even poison her sef and till today she still de sick

Tell your friend say she fit find another love, but another of this present life to live happily no de o


Any day any man mama tell you wholeha say she no want, try to persuade her but no overdo, if E no work Nne count your losses and waka o. Infact give praises to your God that she displayed the dislike before the marriage

#iCantShout #ItsAlifetimeSomething

she need to check her attitude to was the boy parents

love parents...i don go!!!!

F**k love...**spits** tueh!!!! Obirin kor ni?

She should walk away they wont change and she will end up frustrated.

Bumbae1:
Hi All .. first topic lol been a while

So currently I have a friend who is going through some stuff .
She is so so inlove with her now fiancé but the problem is the guys family does not like her .. basically treat her like sh!t (3 year relationship)

As most are saying she should leave the guy as the family wont rest till she leaves ..

Who is a MAN? many would say, one who can impregnate a lady blah blah blah etc.. but I tell u, a man is one who can make a decision nd stands by it.. The mum don't like his bae nd so? is her mum gonna marry for him? d truth is d gurl has nothing to explain, if d guy loves her d key decision lies with him alone.. his mum/family can only pressure him..If he is matured to b called a Man he will follow his heart nd bear d consequences.. #IStandWithMyChoice

First of all,this is not about any friend Buh about u. Secondly, I strongly advice the girl to look for some one else. she'll regret marrying that guy unless they are Europeans. buh if they are Africans and Nigerians to be precise, then she should leave the guy if she knows what's good for her/you.

Forget all these nonesense U're reading... In major Nigerian tribes U're marrying into the family.. If the family isn't happy with u or the marriage anything u see take it...

Buh if U're matured enough to be in a 3year relationship u should be matured enough to know that kolewerk.

Maxi112:
funny enough people still talk about love over family.



OK!

baba, afa nah

Jazmiynne:


By the time the in-laws frustrate daylight out of her marriage E go be her like film-trick as the love go take dry.

Love is like a plant, and meant to be tended for it to grow and flourish.
Flowers won't grow in gardens of stone; the ground must be tended.... - Don Williams

Her husband would support her for the first few years (God help her if it's only for months) as E de hot and then slowly but certainly fire wood go cool. And then E go show say blood still de flow wella
His support gan-an would make them hate her more seeing her as a wedge between them and their son.

Why should she bring her children into a world where they are hated by their own family? Because whether she likes it or not, they would be that evil woman's children as far as his family is concerned.

Tell her to ask those whose mother in-laws loved them before the marriage, let them give her the up-and-down gists and then she can think again if this is the life she wants to enter where the mama no hide am say she hate you

I have a friend whose mother-in-law-to-be had to even poison her sef and till today she still de sick

Tell your friend say she fit find another love, but another of this present life to live happily no de o


Any day any man mama tell you wholeha say she no want, try to persuade her but no overdo, if E no work Nne count your losses and waka o. Infact give praises to your God that she displayed the dislike before the marriage

#iCantShout #ItsAlifetimeSomething

correct my sister!!!
leave her make she dey love up and down, e go soon clear for her eye after them don frustrate her life and marriage finish..Na she go pack love comot for window. love wey no dey look face, e go be like film..
it's only a matter of time before the husband falls to the pressure.
in the case of the OP, it's even worse the guy no fit talk to him mama..that one Na man!!
@op make she leave now o...or else hmmmm!

LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH, it isn't enough!..anyone holding on to toxic relationships or whatever, on the basis of love is rather stupid!!! e go soon clear dust for your eye.. we have all been there, and we know it takes a whole lot more than love to make it work.

Bumbae1:

Said she never did anything to her
That it has always been like that from day one he took her to meet his mum ....
lol can't post screenshot sorry

Hmm maybe she should just leave the guy wasted 3 years of her life !
Or he should just tell his mum where to go ..

lolz..she never did anything and the guys mom no like her....an action begets a reaction.. She ain't telling you the full just....nobody just hates anybody..there is something going on...and until we know it...no advice

Ok now. I thought this was actually about me, wanted to make a thread about it, but had to let it go.
My Girlfriend of 3 years left me last week Friday, we had to separate when the torment from my family began too much, thought i could change their mind but it all proved abortive.
What i would advise is for her to go to the main head of the family with an elderly figure to beg the family and to ask what the matter maybe, if it's something she can adjust to fine, if it's not just accept your fate and walk away, with time it will heal.
Bless you

The man have to stand up for her, if he cannot there is no point in the lady fighting it out with her in-laws.

The parents opinion dont matter. Parents (especially mothers) are fond of destroying unions, if u allow them.

Talking from experience after 3 children.

If you guys love each other and you are matured enough to handle the challenges that comes with it, please carry on.

I repeat, the man needs to protect her.