ucheHapers:
Best thing I read this morning...

higgs:
OP is talking nonsense. You make it sound like women are airheads who don't have minds of their own.Marriage is by mutual consent. A man or woman only cheats because he or she wants to.Even the attraction you talk about can fade with time.Human feelings can be transient and fickle sometimes. It takes wisdom to understand this.

rawpadgin:
this is brilliant!

me, as soon as i discovered that she ain't into me........na to discharge be the next thing


friends are saying i am impatient but they don't know, they just don't know

a failed relationship is better than a failed marriage



if seun & his moderators ignore this thread na to naked swear for them sure pass

darbeelicous:
i didn't read all of it, but from ur topic and d few I read ure literally saying that women are d cause of divorce? well, I just found out that a well recognized man, a devoted Christian a loving father and a caring husband to d most calm and submissive woman I've ever known has about four concubines secretly. if them divorce now them go blame the woman. mtcheww....... do ur calculations right and edit!!!

ikp120:
4 concubines? Amazing!

darbeelicous:
i didn't read all of it, but from ur topic and d few I read ure literally saying that women are d cause of divorce? well, I just found out that a well recognized man, a devoted Christian a loving father and a caring husband to d most calm and submissive woman I've ever known has about four concubines secretly. if them divorce now them go blame the woman. mtcheww....... do ur calculations right and edit!!!

Learnstuffs:
Well said. In Kendrick Lamar voice 'We love people that hurt us and hurt people that love us'.

LordBaelish:
weird.

darbeelicous:
i didn't read all of it, but from ur topic and d few I read ure literally saying that women are d cause of divorce? well, I just found out that a well recognized man, a devoted Christian a loving father and a caring husband to d most calm and submissive woman I've ever known has about four concubines secretly. if them divorce now them go blame the woman. mtcheww....... do ur calculations right and edit!!!

nigerialog:


A two-way passionate love is critical for a blissful marriage, my brother.
This is one of those things that is only realized when it is already too late, usually at the point of marriage breakdown.

As for cheating women, I am yet to see a woman who loves her husband passionately cheat on him. I don't say that it can't ever happen, but it is very rare.

Yes a woman can consent to marry you for any number of reasons than passionate love; example, you are: rich, famous, doctor, lawyer, any other professional, but still be sleeping with your: houseboy, gateman, driver, some street thug, etc.
But I bet that such can't happen if she was crazily or passionately in love with you.
Such type of love never fades with age, because it is biochemical and spiritual.
A beautiful woman may be following one ordinary looking poor man, and people would be wondering why she is crazy for him.
The reason is that they have the type of attraction this article is talking about.
It never dies, no matter what.

nigerialog:
The rate of failed marriages is ticking up steadily in Nigeria and it doesn't seem like anyone is studying it.

“Unless love equals passion, marriage rites are never right; that's all!”
-Dr. Randolph


I have been taking notes -not necessarily studying it -just taking notes. In my notes taken from different stories of failed marriages particularly in the eastern part of Nigeria, I noticed a pattern.

The pattern is this: a man feels ready to marry and sets out to seek a wife.
The man focuses on the quality of the wife he wants: she must be beautiful, educated, intelligent, reserved (a virgin if possible), obedient, respectful, good home maker, and good mother material.
Most often the man is not really interested in whether she has a job, or the type of job she has, after-all he would be the bread winner and provider. But, in all this he forgets the most important thing to test or look out for, which is the MUTUAL-ATTRACTION index between BOTH of he and the woman. By “attraction” I mean PHYSICAL (not monetary, professional, status related, religion based, familiar connections, anything else) attraction.

Double emphasis: This index measures the physical attraction from the man to the woman and from the woman to the man.

This type of attraction is what builds and sustains the level of PASSION between the couple.
Ideally, a marriage should be built on divine love -Agape. However, humans generally struggle with this -by nature, and must be assisted by pure attraction. What most humans do naturally is to love based on what each gets from the other. Among many things that a person can get from another, nothing is stronger than passionate love. When everything else fails to keep the fires of marriage burning, passion never fails.

A lady friend once confided in me the reason her parents married and stuck together for 53 years till her father's death. She said that her mother told her that the marriage was simply sustained by quality and quantity of sex. The mother basically stuck to her husband because of the passion that existed between she and the late man.

One man that I know has being having serious squabbles with his wife for about 7 years now, and the signs aren't looking good at all. The marriage is now at the stage where the man constantly threatens the woman with physical assault. Going forward, the marriage -if it continues at all – would likely be joyless.

Another man I know has been having exactly the same problem, only that his own wife is determined not to be a good wife and mother. To further aggravate matters, his wife goes and comes as she wishes.
This marriage may continue, but the man's mental and physical health may suffer as a result.

The common denominator between these two men is that they married according to the common criteria I mentioned in the third paragraph, but without any consideration for MUTUAL-ATTRACTION. Both men were physically attracted to the women they married, BUT the attraction was one way. The women had other things that attracted them to the men EXCEPT physical attraction.

The men were ready for marriage, and the women were also ready, but the men did not test for mutual physical attraction. They merely were attracted to the women, and proceeded to propose marriage. The woman simply accepted because all woman in Eastern Nigeria wants to marry men of status and reliable income.

I noted that some men either mischievously or irresponsibly pretend that this is not an issue. In fact I have seen a lot of men who simply pursue women for marriage while totally ignoring the women’s feelings towards them. Some men beg, cajole, pursue, kneel down to beg, fall flat on the bellies, and grovel to heavens and back just to marry women with zero attraction to them. The women, after these emotional blackmails, marry them, and then set out to seek and keep men that they are truly attracted to. The same men (husbands) would then go about blackmailing the cheating wives with moral based arguments, emotions, and complaints of adultery. That is how one woman ended up having an affair with the pastor (a Catholic priest at that) of the couple's home church. Like the video in another thread on this forum, the man was thinking that simply lamenting and shouting about the sins of adultery being committed by the wife would sway her away from her chosen mate. That is a futile exercise because passion is stronger than reason.

A man getting a woman to marry him by all means is deceptive and inherently unjust, and should be ready to accept in good faith whatever comes later in the marriage, rather than freaking out and playing victim.

Anyone going to equity must go with clean hands!

Married women who date other men, and have been deceived into marriage by their husbands, stand on stronger moral grounds than their accusing husbands. That is why I ALWAYS blame the men for most of the problems that arise in Nigerian marriages, because our culture is male dominated. Western marriages are a bit different because mutual attraction is mostly the basis for most western marriages.

So, my advice is that Nigerian men should cease and desist from pressuring women into marriage because marriage is a life-long commitment. If she even gives you the slightest of cold shoulders while you are proposing, please head to the hills -FAST! Or pay dearly later.

-Nigerialog.com

nigerialog:
The rate of failed marriages is ticking up steadily in Nigeria and it doesn't seem like anyone is studying it.

“Unless love equals passion, marriage rites are never right; that's all!”
-Dr. Randolph


I have been taking notes -not necessarily studying it -just taking notes. In my notes taken from different stories of failed marriages particularly in the eastern part of Nigeria, I noticed a pattern.

The pattern is this: a man feels ready to marry and sets out to seek a wife.
The man focuses on the quality of the wife he wants: she must be beautiful, educated, intelligent, reserved (a virgin if possible), obedient, respectful, good home maker, and good mother material.
Most often the man is not really interested in whether she has a job, or the type of job she has, after-all he would be the bread winner and provider. But, in all this he forgets the most important thing to test or look out for, which is the MUTUAL-ATTRACTION index between BOTH of he and the woman. By “attraction” I mean PHYSICAL (not monetary, professional, status related, religion based, familiar connections, anything else) attraction.

Double emphasis: This index measures the physical attraction from the man to the woman and from the woman to the man.

This type of attraction is what builds and sustains the level of PASSION between the couple.
Ideally, a marriage should be built on divine love -Agape. However, humans generally struggle with this -by nature, and must be assisted by pure attraction. What most humans do naturally is to love based on what each gets from the other. Among many things that a person can get from another, nothing is stronger than passionate love. When everything else fails to keep the fires of marriage burning, passion never fails.

A lady friend once confided in me the reason her parents married and stuck together for 53 years till her father's death. She said that her mother told her that the marriage was simply sustained by quality and quantity of sex. The mother basically stuck to her husband because of the passion that existed between she and the late man.

One man that I know has being having serious squabbles with his wife for about 7 years now, and the signs aren't looking good at all. The marriage is now at the stage where the man constantly threatens the woman with physical assault. Going forward, the marriage -if it continues at all – would likely be joyless.

Another man I know has been having exactly the same problem, only that his own wife is determined not to be a good wife and mother. To further aggravate matters, his wife goes and comes as she wishes.
This marriage may continue, but the man's mental and physical health may suffer as a result.

The common denominator between these two men is that they married according to the common criteria I mentioned in the third paragraph, but without any consideration for MUTUAL-ATTRACTION. Both men were physically attracted to the women they married, BUT the attraction was one way. The women had other things that attracted them to the men EXCEPT physical attraction.

The men were ready for marriage, and the women were also ready, but the men did not test for mutual physical attraction. They merely were attracted to the women, and proceeded to propose marriage. The woman simply accepted because all woman in Eastern Nigeria wants to marry men of status and reliable income.

I noted that some men either mischievously or irresponsibly pretend that this is not an issue. In fact I have seen a lot of men who simply pursue women for marriage while totally ignoring the women’s feelings towards them. Some men beg, cajole, pursue, kneel down to beg, fall flat on the bellies, and grovel to heavens and back just to marry women with zero attraction to them. The women, after these emotional blackmails, marry them, and then set out to seek and keep men that they are truly attracted to. The same men (husbands) would then go about blackmailing the cheating wives with moral based arguments, emotions, and complaints of adultery. That is how one woman ended up having an affair with the pastor (a Catholic priest at that) of the couple's home church. Like the video in another thread on this forum, the man was thinking that simply lamenting and shouting about the sins of adultery being committed by the wife would sway her away from her chosen mate. That is a futile exercise because passion is stronger than reason.

A man getting a woman to marry him by all means is deceptive and inherently unjust, and should be ready to accept in good faith whatever comes later in the marriage, rather than freaking out and playing victim.

Anyone going to equity must go with clean hands!

Married women who date other men, and have been deceived into marriage by their husbands, stand on stronger moral grounds than their accusing husbands. That is why I ALWAYS blame the men for most of the problems that arise in Nigerian marriages, because our culture is male dominated. Western marriages are a bit different because mutual attraction is mostly the basis for most western marriages.

So, my advice is that Nigerian men should cease and desist from pressuring women into marriage because marriage is a life-long commitment. If she even gives you the slightest of cold shoulders while you are proposing, please head to the hills -FAST! Or pay dearly later.

-Nigerialog.com

gentlegenius:

OP, you made sense anyway. But I think this issue is deeper than the way you see it. Men are mostly attracted to what they see but for women, attraction goes beyond what they see. It has more to do with how and what they feel. But men have the power to control women emotions. So when a man loves a woman, it's his duty to make her feel attracted to him.
Cheating and failed marriages doesn’t have much to do with lack of attraction. But it has more to do with lack of respect.
The girl I dated and dumped 4 years ago was so much in love with me and has deep feeling of attraction towards me. She was even the one that fell in love with me in the first place even though I was nobody and she had somebody who was begging her every day for marriage. To her, I was the most attractive thing on earth. I was even considering marrying her because no lady on earth has ever loved me the way she did. But surprisingly, she cheated on me the very moment I left for the NYSC camp. She couldn't even wait for just three weeks that I spent in camp despite all my promise to remain faithful and to make her visit me regularly wherever I will be posted to. Well, I overcame the shock, dumped her and move on despite the fact that she still want me back. Right now I am dating a young girl who I'm planning to marry in the next few years and I don't care so much whether she finds me attractive or not. All I know is that she respects me and I can manipulate her feelings and make myself attractive to her. If I can't do this, then I won't marry her.

blueAgent:



Nice article i agree with the OP, A Man should not force himself on any lady. there has to be mutual attraction between a Man and any lady he has intrest in. but why blame only men?why will a women accept a man's proposal when she knows she is not attracted to him?
I think women should be carefull when taking such decisions no reason is sufficient enough for a woman to cheat on her Husband.

nigerialog:


The article blames men because in our culture the men do the proposing.
Women only do the accepting...

KeenMind:
Very true.


The best woman a man can say 'I do' to is the woman who's madly in love with the man.


Like 70-30 ratio.

It's not a guarantee that things won't go south but your ride will be less bumpy.

Marrying a woman who had to "settle for you" is a sure-way to a lifetime of misery and sorrow.

blueAgent:


Agreed but Women should make the decision of no marriage or dating if they are not attracted to the Man.

nigerialog:

Exactly! They should be allowed (given enough time and space) to make that decision. They should not be manipulated in any way, else ...