When Your Joy Is Not Complete - Family - Nairaland
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Your Xmas Prep Is Not Complete If Dental Visit Is Missing In Your To-do List / When Your Parents Are Not Alive To Share In Your Joy.. / Love Is Not Complete If.. (2) (3) (4)
| When Your Joy Is Not Complete by MrsMurphy(f): 9:33pm On May 06, 2017 |
It was with joy that I was expecting my 4th child till the moment I gave birth and found out that I have given birth to yet another daughter. Immediately they showed me my daughter instead of being happy, I started crying. I asked God why has he forsaken me? But looking at my daughter's beautiful face I told her that even though I prayed for a son and got a daughter that I will love her with all my heart. My husband has changed since then, in the sense that he is emotionally abusing me. He shouts at me even all the time that my daughter has to tell him to stop shouting at me, he no longer tells me anything I just hear it from outsiders, he always travels a lot and whenever he travels he doesn't call and when I do he won't pick mine. This has made me to sometimes look at my little bundle of joy and ask her why she didn't come as a son. I've prayed, questioned God. And now it's like I'm developing low self esteem because I'm not longer proud to tell people that I have given birth to yet another daughter because of the pity you will see in their eyes. I don't know what to do anymore. |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by greatnaija01: 9:35pm On May 06, 2017 |
God is giving you what you need NOT what you want..... Luke 18 shows us that He may delay but HE WONT DENY YOU MrsMurphy: 13 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by enoqueen: 9:41pm On May 06, 2017 |
Look past him and enjoy all your beautiful daughters with joy. Love them and be proud of them, someday he's gonna realize that they are all different in their own way. Sending e-hugs your way. I am a proud mom of 3 beautiful girls. And not planning any journey anymore. Holla me if u need a friend. 25 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by sisisioge: 9:42pm On May 06, 2017 |
Mrs Murphy, but you should know that the sex of a child is determined by the man nau. Your husband is the one shooting girls up and down. By the way, female children are awesome and beautiful. You have a better chance of being nurtured by them when you grow old. If you are brooding like this, what should a Family looking to have even one child do? Those ones aren't even gonna be bothered by the sex. Biko, take care of your precious gifts...I'm sure they are worth it. 37 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by MrBrownJay1(m): 9:46pm On May 06, 2017 |
Tell your ignorant husband that only a MAN's sperm can make the difference between a boy or a girl (women's egg are irrelevant to the sex of the baby).. So Blame HIM if you only have girls! Furthermore, so long as you have an healthy child, be happy for this joyful moment, instead of worrying about what the caveman you are married to thinks. 8 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by bennyrazz: 9:53pm On May 06, 2017 |
so some men still behave like illiterates in this 21st century? o ma śe o. Madam, wipe away your tears, that you are giving birth to girls is not your fault rather, it is the fault of your husband. Simple genetics can prove that. To have a baby boy, you need Y chromosomes from your husband. All women have X chromosomes, so when X and Y chromosomes combine, that's a baby boy but instead, your husband has been donating X chromosomes only and you have X chromosomes, so X plus X will always result to a baby girl. You don't have issues, if your husband gives you Y, you will give him a baby boy, so it is better to confront him and ask him to go and look for the Y to give you so that you can give him a baby boy. If you need further explanation visit http://deevybee..co.ke/2011/05/x-and-y-of-sex-differences.html?m=1 2 Likes |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by OLAJADON: 9:53pm On May 06, 2017 |
I am short of words, all I would say is, it is not your fault at all. just try nurturing those beautiful girls because it like your husband is one of those that place more emphasis on one sex than the other. begging won't have any effect just love your kids and pray God touches his heart soon enough 1 Like |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by Davash222(m): 10:16pm On May 06, 2017 |
Your husband need to calm down, he's just acting like a baby(sorry no sorry). If ex president Barack Obama is comfortable with two girls, then why is your husband acting up  Ma, pls do not let your husband attitude distract you from loving your beautiful kids. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by MrsMurphy(f): 10:19pm On May 06, 2017 |
greatnaija01: |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by MrsMurphy(f): 10:21pm On May 06, 2017 |
enoqueen:I brought this online because I'm not the type that can tell anyone what I'm passing through. It became too much that's why I opened this thread. Thanks so much 4 Likes |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by Viking007(m): 10:26pm On May 06, 2017 |
And my neighbor is looking for just one child. Funny world we live in. 11 Likes |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by Funnyguy83: 11:28pm On May 06, 2017 |
Is well. |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by baby124: 11:55pm On May 06, 2017 |
Sorry OP. Don't think of that little girl like that and curse her with your thoughts! Love and celebrate her! That girl could turn out to be far bettter than all the boy children in your extended family and your husband's extended family. Every child is a blessing. Please be satisfied with what God gave you. Let that man be and leave all in God's hands. Try to get yourself busy please so you can take care of your girls if this your husband pulls any funny stunts. Just be prepared. Your girls will uplift you. Amen. 4 Likes |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by TheeDetective: 12:11am On May 07, 2017 |
@Op rather than you to be happy that you gave birth safely and to a healthy child you are complaining that it’s not a boy. Be happy with what you have as if this child grows up to find out that you were not entirely happy that it came as a girl; that would make her very sad. If your hubby is going to blame anybody, he should blame himself as he bears the chromosome (X and Y) of both boys and girls. There was a thread here recently of a woman who tried 9 times before the boy came around. You can always do the same as you are desperate for a male child. Now is the time for you to concentrate on your girls and be proud of them. Many couples are looking for just one child and they won’t mind if it is a boy or a girl as long as it is healthy. Anyway, congrats on your safe delivery and hope you and baby are doing fine.  4 Likes |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by ststyreal(f): 1:19am On May 07, 2017 |
Huhhhh!!! Men make una dey give una wife small peace of mind abeg. How woman go suffer carry belle for 9months, come born safely yet, the man go dey vex for her unto say she no born boy! Na she dey manufacture the pikin? With all the labour pain she endured coupled with the sleepless night she will face when the baby has been born, abeg make una dey fear God ooooo. @Op I can relate to how you are feeling at the moment because I have once longed for a boy, infact every married woman(Nigerian in this context) do long to have a male child for their husband. I know the pressure from family members, friends and neighbours come join your oga own, would want to make you question God and feel odds amongst your fellow women with a male child or children but ask yourself this question, if you with these beautiful children feels this way, how then do you expect those women without a child to feel? Just thank God for your children. Ignore your husband for now and try to keep your self busy but above all embrace our lord Jesus Christ and make him your pals, because he alone is the only comforter you need at this moments then, your joy as a mother and wife will be restored. Dupe tie my friend, May God Keep your sweet little cutie for you amen! 10 Likes |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by ststyreal(f): 1:31am On May 07, 2017 |
MrsMurphy:@Op I forgot to add this earlier, not to worry, your male child will come just as mine came and are still coming in Jesus name Amennnn!!!!!!!! 2 Likes |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by Blissquare(f): 1:33am On May 07, 2017 |
If u condemn urself to this extent, why should ur husband not condemn u? You both have the same mind set. As a woman, u knw what it is to carry a baby for 9 months and both mother and child survive. Still, u are disatisfied cos u love a useless man more than ur offspring. Take ur time b4 the people praying for just one would come after u! 6 Likes |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by SirVintageCock: 6:23am On May 07, 2017 |
Give yourself space of at least 24 months before trying again. Do not be pressured to get pregnant again. Relax and recuperate from this ordeal first. Do not bother yourself on the threat of him impregnating any XX chromosome that comes his way all in the quest for male child. Develop yourself or you will plunge into maternal depression that will take you years to climb out of, that's if you can come out of it. Make yourself happy. Use reverse psychology on this guy. Stop calling him and sounding needy and all cos non of this is your fault. You may even tell them that you and your hubby wants daughters first, if not, why is he packing them in your womb one after the other. 1 Like |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by donigspain(m): 7:27am On May 07, 2017 |
MrsMurphy:I am quoting you because I want you to read this true life story of mine. My immediate elder sister, who is also a Nairalander, got married in the early months of year 2000. For the next 16 years [2000 - 2016] she had six pregnancies in the following order: - Girl - Girl - Girl [still birth] - Girl - Girl - Girl All through these years, the husband and his family [my inlaws] never for once showed any sign of frustration neither did they mount unnecessary pressures on my sister. In fact, he loved her the more. We [my family] were actually the ones creating unwarranted pressures for ourselves. I remember discussing with my sister about several conception techniques that improves the chances of male conception. My sister always believed she will birth a male child at the right time. Last year, my sister took in. We were all praying for a miracle. God should bless us this time with a boy. On April 1st 2017, I got a call very early in the morning that my sister put to bed a set of twin boys. At first, I thought it was April Fool prank not until I confirmed from my dad and our family pastor. Today my sister is blessed with 5 beautiful girls and 2 handsome sons. So my dear OP, be calm. Don't panic! Your joy will be complete. At your request I can give you my sister's number. She's learned and a great counsellor. Her experience will help you pull through. PS: - This is in no way suggesting that any gender is superior or more valuable than the other. Male or female; a child is a child. - My family [including my sister] understands that the male sperm determines the gender of the child but we all know the prevailing rate of ignorance in the society and how people will always blame the woman. You might also want to share this thread with your husband. 13 Likes |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by eyinjuege: 7:37am On May 07, 2017 |
Be thankful. Concentrate on raising your children. I'll advice you also to stop having children. Every pregnancy, labour and delivery carries with it attendant risks, and the more pregnancies you have, the more you increase the risk of complications and becoming one of the high risk pregnancies. You're also getting older, as is your husband and you may just chance fate. Release one funny egg, or your husband releases one funny sperm and you have a child with physical and mental challenges like Down's Syndrome and the likes. That alone is going to be a bigger challenge because of their special needs. Don't also forget the financial implication of raising children. Once again, be thankful you had a safe delivery. Maternal mortality is still very high in Nigeria. Don't be moved by people's 'pity'. So what if you're 'mama girls'? Be proud of your girls, and watch over them like a hawk. The world seems to be getting more dangerous raising children, both boys and girls. As per your husband, give him some time to come to terms with the fact that he's producing only female children.You can talk to him and explain to him that his children are gifts. Some people can't even have children. Some give birth to children with disabilities, so he needs to be thankful. He's probably been ribbed by friends and family, but he's an adult and should deal with it. But at the same time, don't let him steal your joy and happiness. Remember your children need you, more than ever. 'Oju oloju, ko le dabi oju eni, Iya oniya ko le dabi iya eni' meaning another persons eyes cannot be like one's own, and someone else's mother, cannot be like one's mother. 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by Acidosis(m): 7:53am On May 07, 2017 |
fck the people and their useless pity. I have a very soft spot for female children. I don't see anything wrong in having or raising all-female kids. Don't bother trying again especially when do you do not have plans for 5 children. 4 girls for me is ideal. Apart from your husband who is obviously worried about societal opinion, every other person and unconcerned people can go fck themselves. Your husband on his path will outgrow this feeling. Just give him time. 1 Like |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by MrsMurphy(f): 8:28am On May 07, 2017 |
Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement, I wasn't expecting it because yesterday I was at a very lowest point when I opened this thread but now I'm not. I love my daughters very much it was just that his character was getting to me. I will put all your advice into practice. God bless 5 Likes |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by chy4luv: 9:00am On May 07, 2017 |
@op I understand what you are going through. My sister has 5girls. She got married in 2000 and has her first daughter in 2001. She was so sad also through the years of her marriage because of societal pressure. People were saying all sorts of things. Anytime she drivers a baby, their response was mmhh she has delivered another girl as usual. It got to a point, out of my young mind I was praying that when I get married and have a son I will give the child to my sister while she fakes her own pregnancy  . When her fifth girl arrived one of her youngest daughter questions why she kept coming back with girls that they want a brother. But my sister was lucky her husband showered her with love and there was no pressure from our in laws. My family had a meeting that my sister should not go through any pregnancy anymore without being sure that the next child will be a boy as we have bought so many books, monitors and things to enhance her chances yet she continued having girls. We didn't want to loose our sister just because of mere pursuit of a male child. Besides she has been on this journey for the past 13yrs of her marriage. We made enquiries and she went abroad to do sex selection which she described was an emotional roller coaster. The stress alone, injections, lifestyle changes inclusive of diets and living in the hotel all through the course of treatment. The first attempt failed as no there was no healthy male sperm to insert. We had to pay again and extended her Visa and glory be to God the second one was successful. The boy is over 1year now and healthy as well. I also recommendEd it to my friend that has four girls and she went to the same clinic. She was successful at first. They both complained the journey was not an easy one. We don't know what we have getting pregnant easily. They also met so many Nigerians at the clinic. @op If you and ur hubby are financially alright you can go for the sex selection. Otherwise economy is very bad to continue having babies just to get a male child. I wish you a baby boy. Blue dust all over u. 6 Likes |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by Nobody: 10:26am On May 07, 2017 |
^^ seconded. @Op, I undastand. We all pray for both boys and girls in Nigeria. You can do sex selection or give three to four years gap before trying again. God grant you grace and success. |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by Winneygirl(f): 11:58am On May 07, 2017 |
This is Gender depression. Please, your children are fine. Your children are healthy. Pray to God for guidance in raising them on the right path. What people say or think don't matter after that. Dazall.... 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by MARKone(m): 1:36pm On May 07, 2017 |
@ donigspain inspirational story, but seven kids! for this recession  Una for encourage her to stop at the third, max the forth one, and you don't need to prove anything by putting up the pictures of those lovely kids. At OP, u say "God forsake" you because you had another girl, Isokay continue wallowing in self pity, tell ya husband Na him dey cause am, Na Wetin him put, be Wetin him get  . And if I were u, sharply go to your gynaecology for a suitable birth control method.1 Like |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by MrBrownJay1(m): 2:09pm On May 07, 2017 |
Why are all these people on here saying that she will eventually get a male child and/or that she should pray?! What arrant nonsense is this?! There are couples out there that will NEVER have a male child, that's a FACT, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. 8 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by JerryTemi(f): 3:30pm On May 07, 2017 |
If only you no the value of what you have then you will let him be with his attitude. my gave birth to 6children, 5girls and a boy,to shock you now 25 of this Month will make it a year we lost that my only brother,he was 20 before he died,April was his birth month so he just spent one month with us and died the next month. my mother prayed like you,fasted for a son because my daddy's sister was disturbing her over a son but today where is He?Joseph Onyedikachi.All I do everyday is to make my parents proud especially my father,am taking over his business,I want to prove to him that we girls can do and as a matter of fact he is witnessing it so please give your girls the best,love them,teach them,and always pray for them.It is well with you and always remember God can do anything,seriously. 8 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by enoqueen: 6:27pm On May 07, 2017 |
MrsMurphy: Uwc. |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by Acidosis(m): 6:32pm On May 07, 2017 |
MrBrownJay1: It isn't arrant nonsense bro... It is arrant fu.ckery All you've said is a bitter FACT. 4 Likes |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by Alennsar(f): 6:48pm On May 07, 2017 |
i will advice to please stop giving birth for yourself and your children's sake. my mother gave birth to 8 girls before having two boys but now things are not like bfore anymore; no money and she pamper those boys than the girl's. be happy with Wat God give you cos he knows d best for you |
| Re: When Your Joy Is Not Complete by yvesboss(m): 6:54pm On May 07, 2017 |
When other families are looking at the face of God for any one...God help us in this part of the world 2 Likes |
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