*Title: Don’t beat children its disadvantages outweighs its advantages*

Objective of this short article:
This short article tries to answer the question is beating an appropriate child disciplinary method? It looks at beating from multiple perspectives which are: scientific, cultural, Christianity and personal perspectives.

*Preamble*
The very important question to ask about beating children or using corporal punishment as a disciplinary method is what is its purpose and expected outcome? The very common response is that beating is used to correct children and make them not to repeat undesirable behaviours. If you think that this answer is merely speculative, UNICEF in 2001 conducted a survey in Nigeria which showed that beating of wives and children is widely sanctioned as a form of discipline. These kinds of unwanted behaviours may include: stubbornness, laziness, telling lies, eavesdropping/slandering, pilfering, quarreling, fighting, bullying, greediness, drug abuse, sexual activities, eating from a guest’s food, disrespect etc.
The problem is that when children are beaten from childhood they learn through the social learning process that the best way to correct any wrong behaviour is through beating/violence. This may sow the early seeds of domestic violence early in life.
Before we settle into the argument let me give you the current statistics about violence against children in Nigeria.
6 of 10 Nigerian children under the age of 18 years had experienced some form of physical, emotional, and sexual violence.

1 in 2 children experience physical violence.

1 in 4 girls and 1 in 10 boys experience sexual violence.

1 in 6 girls and 1 in 5 boys experience emotional violence.

The majority of children never tell anyone about their experience and less than 5% of children who experience violence receive the support they need to recover (UNICEF, 2015).

You will agree with me that this is such a huge number.
The unfortunate thing is that the home is supposed to be the place that protects children from violence the most but unfortunately it is the place where violence against children occurs but it rarely gets reported and children suffer in silence and this may last for a long time.
*Explanations why parents or caregivers beat children and the mechanism of behaviour change*
*Social learning/observational learning theory*
Parenting is one thing that is learnt through social learning. Through social learning we learn to do certain things through our daily interaction with one another within our society. Parenting is a process that is important but not so formally taught. In fact people actually are not taught how to be parents to their children, majority of parents usually learn parenting from social learning process. Social learning can also be interchanged with observational learning. The process of beating is learnt from the home and have been used to train children from one generation to another and this has become a cultural and traditional way of training/disciplining children. If we borrow a leaf from the UNICEF 2001 study we will note that beating is socially sanctioned and as such an acceptable behaviour.

*Repetitive Compulsion*
There seems to be a human tendency to re-enact certain behavioural patterns that occurred during childhood. That is why we see certain women behave exactly like their mother’s which could make the husbands beat them just like their father beat their mothers while they were children. This is the same process that certain men abuse children just like they were abused whilst they were kids. To bring it home this is why a lecturer will tell a student “when it was our time we spent 8 years for masters and now you just want to take it so simply.” While this may not apply to everyone it applies to many people. This is the same mechanism that makes people beat children which is what was done to them as kids. This process is called repetitive compulsion.

*Displaced aggression*
Studies here in Nigeria indicate that people who abuse children more are mostly the unemployed, single parents or first time parents. This indicates a group of people who may be highly stressed out and frustrated. As such most times when they beat children it is out of frustration. The frustration that is not caused by the children rather they are victims of circumstance. So beating may be another way of displacing their aggression on a system that has failed them not on the behaviour of the children which may not deserve being beaten.
Also children may be beaten in the homes because the two parents are quarrelling and they let it out on the children, it’s common knowledge that when two big elephants are fighting it’s the grass that bears the consequences.

*mechanism of behaviour change in respect to beating*

Conditioned learning
Behaviour change occurs through a process called learning. In general a lot of Psychologists agree that learning is a relatively permanent change in behaviour that is not by chance or accident. One of the ways of ensuring that learning occurs is through a learning process called conditioning. This principle is often used by many parents/caregivers who want to change the wrong behaviour of their wards or children. Beating is therefore aimed at achieving behaviour change through a process known as conditioned learning. Let’s look at the mechanism for behaviour change through conditioning using beating as an example. A Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov found that if he rang a bell before presenting food to a dog, the dog learnt that once a bell is rang there will be food following. As such over time the dog had learnt that food follows bell ringing and consequently the dog started salivating because it knows that food followed bell ringing. If we infer this to beating, we will understand that with beating the child learns that once it exhibits wrong behaviour it will be beaten. The up side is that this may reduce the undesirable behaviour but the down side may be that the child may not learn why it is beaten i.e. the rationale behind not wanting it to exhibit such behaviour. Also the child may learn to pretend in the presence of the parents or the caregiver; it may learn to perform the act in the absence of the parents. Most parents and caregivers say that while they are beating the children or before they beat the child or after they have beaten the child they tell the child why they are beating it. The problem is in the midst of that anxiety and tension of an anticipated beating or tension after being beaten will the child learn the reasons why it was beaten? This is a food for thought for anyone who beat children.

However you will see from the definition of learning we saw that learning is neither an accident nor a chance thing rather it is a process. However we can achieve behaviour change through teaching or we can achieve behaviour change through associating the unwanted behaviour with pain such as in beating. This is why it is said that beating is the laziest form of child rearing. It does not involve a process of teaching rather it is a mechanism that makes the child want to run away from being beaten rather than understanding why it should not perpetrate that behaviour. Beating is a very simple way of correcting children but very harmful.
So why do we say do not beat children
First beating is the laziest form of child rearing you will see why this assumption is made below.

*Reason 1*
Recent evidence from neuroscience indicates that children who stay in states of chronic fear and anxiety have a deficiency in their brain development. This can affect children 0-2 years old. These states of chronic fear and anxiety include flogging and other forms of corporal punishment or domestic violence. The next time when you tell me after all I was beaten and I still turned out to be successful my answer to that is maybe if you were not beaten you would have been more successful. I remember my mentor was once asked “Sir you were beaten and you eventually became one of Nigeria’s most renowned Professor of Psychology” and he told the interviewer “maybe if I was not beaten I may have won the Noble Prize.”
Violence against children including corporal punishment affects the physical and mental health of children even up to adulthood. Please do not try to argue this point since the time of Henry Kempe (the foremost advocate for the fight against child abuse and neglect) there has been mounting evidence indicating this negative impact of violence against children on their physical health.

*Reason 2*
You may not believe it but this true because physical abuse of children affects the brain development of children this inversely affects the education of children because their brain architecture has been negatively affected. I remember a friend of mine who told me a story about a famous lesson teacher in Onitsha that young students who come to her lesson centre used to convulse because of the type of beating she gives them when they made a mistake in a mathematical equation. Others convulse because of the anticipatory anxiety of the beating they might receive if they made a mistake. My earliest phobia for maths was because I was taught maths with cane and I remember I almost went into comatose once the maths lesson began until my mum came to my rescue. This made me have a disdain for maths earlier in life.

*Reason 3*
When children are beaten you suppress their self-esteem, they lose their confidence. It is this confidence that promotes spontaneity. It is this spontaneity that is responsible for innovation, when they lose it, it may take them years to recover their self-esteem that is if they recover it. You may think that you have beaten one child and he/she did not breakdown. Please note that it is the same fire that melts the cheese that hardens the egg. People react to the same thing differently depending on their makeup.
When you beat children you take away their ability to be confident in themselves. Confidence is what motivates people to pursue their dreams. Josy Don once asked me why is it that children in the western world seem to start early to know what they want to do in life at a young age and start pursuing it early. This is one of the reasons their self – esteem were not taken from them.

*Reason 4*
What dosage of beating is enough?
When you beat children you do not know how much is enough or how much is too small. One may end up over beating the child just to make the impact. Why apply a medication with a sure adverse side effect without knowing which dose is enough.

*Reason 5*

*Slave - master mentality*
The way slaves were corrected was through beating them with whips. The way animals are made to follow a particular direction is through whips. The moment you beat your child or ward you have taken him or her as a slave or a beast. You have also made them similar to animals. Human beings are higher animals with ability to communicate from child birth.

*Reason 6*

*Spare the rod and spoil the child*
People tend to use this biblical passage often as a justification for the importance of beating and how it is supported by the Holy Scriptures. Let’s examine this scripture again along with other scriptures that talks about disciplining or the word rod. In the book of Proverbs 13 VS 24 the Bible talks about spare the “*rod*” and spoil the child. The rod here is a sign of discipline and the statement there is not talking about the literary rod rather talks about ensuring that discipline is instilled in children. Also the bible in Proverbs 22 VS 15 says the hearts of children are filled with foolishness but the rod of correction drives it away. This basically also talks about using discipline to instil the right behaviour in children and to correct children from making mistakes. Finally also there is another biblical passage that says thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. How can rod be comforting again? This basically talks about use of discipline to bring about correction to children or adults as the case may be. It does not refer to the literary rod. I often ask many parents since the bible talks about using rod why they don’t use the rod to flog their children why do they use cane. That’s food for thought. In this context people do not understand the symbolism of rod and discipline. This makes some people go to town thinking that the scriptures support beating of children.
It is important to understand that discipline has to do with understanding that there are standard ways of doing things and if one defaults there are sanctions and consequences that follows. When children understand, that if they stay longer than their allowed time out there would be curfews placed. If they know that when they don’t complete their house chores there will be consequences such as withdrawing their stipends or momentary love and attention, if they understand that there would be consequence they would not do those things again. However the very important lesson to learn here is that teaching and learning is always a continuous process. Also it’s important to note to correct your children or ward in love.

*What alternatives are we prescribing for simple approach to discipline*
1. Relate to your children or wards more by giving them time and attention. It’s actually quality time and not quantity time that matters. What really makes children mannered is not when you beat them its when they understand/learn why they should not behave in the wrong way. When children understand whom they are and who’s they will get to understand what behavioural patterns are not right or acceptable within the family or society they will not indulge in them. When children develop respect for an authority figure they will not want to do anything that will displease that person(s). This is same for children when they develop respect and fear for their parents they will not indulge in certain behaviours that would be considered as wrong. Recently UNODC found that when children know that their parents know where they have gone and what they are doing there they will not indulge in substance abuse. This is the same principle as attachment and atonement as explained by Bowlby. Experienced people know that when a man or woman does not have anybody who he respects as an authority figure and when he or she does something wrong and you get to tell the person he or she withdraws and may say if not for this person I would have continued. Such person is not a candidate for marriage does. This tendency does not develop overnight it starts from basic interactions in the home between the parents and the child. From these interactions the child begins to love and appreciate its parents and would want to do things that pleases them these includes mannerism that are acceptable. This is what makes children learn not to do things that are against the family ethics.

2. *Apply the token economy principle*: Agree with your children the things that constitute good behaviour. Let them accumulate scores for every good behaviour and reward them each time them they hit a certain number of good behaviours. Ensure you apply fair play and you are consistent with the rewards.

3. *Withdraw love and attention momentarily*: this means ensuring that the children know that you are unhappy with an undesirable behaviour. Consequently you seize giving out the usually friendliness and attention and let the child know that you are unhappy with the behaviour that it has exhibited. You will see the child would want to do anything just to please you and get back to status quo. Children love, peace and harmony especially with the loved ones.

4. *Ensure discipline is optimized and violence is not used*: ensure that the wrong behaviours are spelt out and they are all known to all. Implement disciplinary actions once they commit the wrong behaviour. Please ensure that you do not include beating as your standard disciplinary measure. You can be creative about this but you possible suggestions includes reducing stipend, use time out sessions, let the kids write about the wrong behaviour why it’s wrong what could have been the appropriate alternative behaviour, remove pleasurable activities like playing video games, or going on outings. These are all negative reinforcements that will make the desirable wrong behaviour to be extinguished.

5. Please listen more to your kids this will enable you understand them and their peculiarities. Some people have high expectations on their children or they have different expectations and the children have different expectations for themselves. This could increase the number of clash and delinquent behaviours which might force you to use force on the kids.

*Advice to parents*

1. *Lead by example* ensure that you show the children the examples of how you want them to behave with your behaviour. You as a parent need be disciplined enough to be able to discipline the children.

.2. *Avoid divide and rule* children can be smarter than you think. They can cause quarrels between husbands and wives if they understand that the two of you do not have the same stand on issues. They can go and get approval from Daddy and Mummy comes to disapprove and this could cause quarrels between both parents. For the child his or her interest is to get its dividend, the troubles that follows are really not much of his or her problem. In essence husband and wife should be united in their course to discipline their children. The two of them should agree on the standards and that they see eyeball to eye ball on disciplinary standards.
3. Always be genuine in your relationship to your children.
4. Always show your children unconditional positive
regard.
5. Always show empathy in understanding their
predicaments.

Important terms to note

Reinforcement: This is anything you do to make behaviour be repeated or not repeated. They are of two types positive and negative.

Positive reinforcements: are behaviours that are pleasurable that one introduces to ensure that a desirable behaviour is repeated. Buying of gift items can be an example of positive reinforcement.

Negative reinforcement: these are behaviours that you remove just to ensure that an undesirable behaviour is not repeated.

Punishment: this refers to infliction of pain to cause the reduction of an undesirable behaviour.

N.B. the definition of reinforcements is made so simply just to ensure that it is understood. They could be more elaborate description of reinforcements and applications of both positive and negative reinforcements.
The ingenuity that not beating children requires will tell you that beating children is a lazy approach to discipline.
Prepared by *Elekwachi Chimezie Lekwas* if this made sense to you share it with others.

Rubbish.
Spare the rod and spoil the child....

Cane ..But not wicked.... Tell the child why you are caning him or her... If you must cane at all....It must not be when you are angry.

I agree with you on this because i just discovered that my son is getting aggressive on little things these days. I'm sure this is the result of constant beating. One really have to be careful when it comes to disciplining children.I pray that God give us the wisdon and, knowledge to understanderstand our children

Teettyllayho I agree with you on this because i just discovered that my son is getting aggressive on little things these days. I'm sure this is the result of constant beating. One really have to be careful when it comes to disciplining children.I pray that God give us the wisdon and, knowledge to understanderstand our children

Yes o but it is not an easy one too. To stop the trend ain't easy

SmartChoices:
Rubbish.
Spare the rod and spoil the child....

Cane ..But not wicked.... Tell the child why you are caning him or her... If you must cane at all....It must not be when you are angry.

I believe you didn't read the article to see the explanation of the bible verse you just quoted but just rushed to comment.

dewaskillz:

I believe you didn't read the article to see the explanation of the bible verse you just quoted but just rushed to comment.

I don't have a lifetime to waste reading what you could have sensibly summarised and arranged with subheadings.

Teettyllayho:
I agree with you on this because i just discovered that my son is getting aggressive on little things these days. I'm sure this is the result of constant beating. One really have to be careful when it comes to disciplining children.I pray that God give us the wisdon and, knowledge to understanderstand our children

Constant beating doesn't solve a thing. Though I think spanking kids shouldn't be completely overruled.

spare the rod and spoil the child!