Suicide bombers are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth."

Mr. Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 250,000 virgins," complains Amir. "And you can be sure they'll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?"

Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands where he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad, in a competitive marketplace.

Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up." He defended management bonuses by claiming these were necessary to attract good fanatical clerics. "How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can't compete with the private sector?" asked Mr. Bin-Laden.

Talks broke down this morning after management's last-ditch proposal of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright after a failure to agree on orifice allocation quotas. One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted as saying "I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to anything like that, it's too much of a mouthful to swallow".

Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide bombers will down explosives at midday on Monday. Most branches are supporting the strike. Only the North London branch, which has a different union, is likely to continue working. However, some members of that branch will only be using waist-down explosives in order to express solidarity with their striking brethren.

Spokespersons in the North East of England, Swindon, North Kent and the entire Australian continent stated that this would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas anyway".

equlibrium:

Suicide bombers are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth."

what? they even have a union? this had better be a joke.

equlibrium:

The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

How did they confirm the shortage of virgins in the after life.

While their mates are enjoying cool life on earth.they are dieing to shag tight
3 yr old virgins in hell.

mumus raised to the power of infinity

I must commend your creativity, nice one

ps: I have copied and pasted it somewhere

u see nw?
i nvr let my own soldiers dwn, nvr hv,
ask turkey, ask clemcy, ask ituen, ask ibkaye. . .
so suicide bombers, u want realy work?
u want real rewards?
com wrk 4 GUNPOINT!!!(General to you)
so equlibrium, hand ova d union president's contact or else

@gunny
go smoke some gun powder or somtin.

@daniluv
u is a phd
Playa Hatin D*@khead. . .
*smiles sweetly*

@santanovva
its all gud, knock em out
nd tanx

Kx:

How did they confirm the shortage of virgins in the after life[/font][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/color][color=#000099].

While their mates are enjoying cool life on earth.they are dieing to sleep with tight
3 yr old virgins in hell.

mumus raised to the power of infinity

wel, u'l hv to blow urslf up 4 us to knw 4 sure wnt u? 

@nich
lol. . . 
u sound scared, dem get oh, u want join?

@ibk
u sound lik u'd mak a gud recruit, nid a referral?

@op,if this is ur original write up,then two thumbs up-way up.

@op- what kind of joke is this,

equlibrium:

@nich
lol. . . 
u sound scared, dem get oh, u want join?

    scared?    nooooooo way!  ma life's too beautiful to include fear in da mix.      
nna, ma guy life's beautiful: here & afterwards. i dont need anyone attempting to mislead me 'bout anything. but for real i dont agree with the acknowledgement of such groups for anything. maybe someone can attempt to explain how human rights covers/protects them/their interests. 

too long. aint got time

some one reasonable should pls summarise