Under So Much Pressure To Get Married - Romance - Nairaland
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| Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lifeislife: 12:52pm On May 26, 2017 |
So I'm 30 this year. Some years ago, after a certain situation. I decided to be celibate, the same week I decided to be single. I've been celibate single by choice. I was 25 years and seven months when I made that decision. At first, I liked the no pressure, then the peace. No sex pressure, arguements, different opinion clashes. I don't have to take pics and send to him everytime. But after some months, it was lonely. I missed walking with boyfriend, going to movie. In rainy season it is hard, I feel the loneliness so much. But as dry season came it got better. I began to focus more on my career. I have become more self reliant. I started having less friends, withdrew myself from events. Became a more indoor person. I have found peace within myself. Sometimes I see news of guys beating thier girlfriends, cheating, doing mean things. And it encourages me to stay single. But there are always news of guys doing very romantic things for thier girlfriend that sometimes encourages me to be in a relationship. But as months went by, I am became more and more happy. And people comment about my single life were not hurting me. When I see happy couple I am for them, and not bothered. I have this inner peace. As I grew older, I realised a lot of men are insecure, and just want submissive fool they can control. Now, I am very bold, just the other day, I was in a queue, and a guy tried to intimidate I stood up to him. And I am beginning to dislike women, who supports when a man mistreats a woman. As I've been getting older, less and less guys are asking me out. This year only two guys have toasted me. My family is not happy with me. The pressure from them is so much now to get married. I have told them to be patient, if I meet a man who believe in equal rights I will date and marry him. But they don't want to understand it is just to get married, for them to know that I am married. I just can't trust a man, most of them are lying cheats, who wants someone to take care of them. Pressure force you to have sex when you don't feel like it. Become mean when you don't give it to him. Use my trust against me, the words I told him when he was toasting, things that I don't like to use it against me. Act nice when he is toasting you, become difficult when you are his girlfriend, he will be so different. Arrogant mean. I see some girls in a happy relationship showing off thier guys, good for them. I have stop to compare myself to what society expects. And everybody concern is for me to get married. It has turn to such a situation, that my few friends divert most of our conversations to my getting married. But I'm a realistic person. Most marriages are downright horrible for women. You are responsible for co-providing, then you must do all the household chores, if you get a nanny to assist you, the husband will sleep with her. Possibly get her pregnant. Or his family will say you are lazy for having a nanny. And he digusting status quo, in our society that is bent on humiliating women to ego up the men. Men are so mean, beating thier wives, leaving thier wives to marry a younger woman. There are good men out there. Few. Rare. This kind of nem do not see a woman as inferior to them. They treat a woman without the biased of African tradition that promotes the misuse and abuse of women. How is it that a woman must not complain, accept and not divorce a husband that has a sidechick. Some of my neighbours don't like I am single, they don't answer my greeting. They gossip me in my area that no man will marry me, that I am old cargo, mambala. One of my few friends told me that "secretly inside I am desperate to get married, that I am lonely miserable and no man will marry me if I continue this my character" I told him that I don't care about marrying a man that does not believe men and women are equal. And most Nigerian women are miserable in thier marriage. They just keep quiet, and keep on submitting to the man, just to remain married. Afraid he would divorce her if she stands up to him. To avoid society mocking them if the men drive them out of the house. I have made my peace with the reality of our society and Nigeria. Men will always think they are doing the woman a favour by marrying her. No man is doing me any favour by marrying me. He does not pay my bills, I will be earning my money as he earns his. Men and women should have equal rights. But it is only when it comes to equal rights that a guy would say we are not westerners. We are Africans. But you can carry mobile phones is it in African culture? Is it in African culture to use atm machine, did your forefathers invent it? But you have accepted it. You have accepted technology now as part of your culture. But when it comes to treating a woman as your equal partner, not a submissive slave it is not your culture? When it comes to a woman of 30, not rushing to get married it is not African culture? I must be married because I'm 30. Or people will be mean and choose not to see anything good about me because I am not married. I would rather be single than to be married to a wicked man that would pretend he is good. Till he gets what he wants then he will show his true character. It is a good thing to get married and have children. I love children, and it is the only thing that warms my heart when I think of marriage. God time is the best if I meet a good man, not the pretentious mean ones. I just want my family and few friends to understand. 7 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by KvnqPrezo(m): 12:55pm On May 26, 2017 |
Hello, why are judging men from the wrong impression you've had on them? . From your write up, I see you only see the bad aspect of men, see no man is flawless. . I will advise you get married, your aim should be looking for a good man and one who sees men and women equal. This men are everywhere but you don't wanna see them because you refuse to try.. . Don't ever conclude when you haven't tried, few years from today you will want to marry but won't or might not find a man, so rethink that decision of yours.... . Lastly, menopause is knocking ;DD . Have a nice day! . Check- www.romanticpie.com to see what am up to... 2 Likes |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by 2SWT(f): 1:09pm On May 26, 2017 |
This your epistle get as e be  2 Likes |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by NairalandCS(m): 1:21pm On May 26, 2017 |
Op just need correct Diick to reset him brain. Lubbish. 1 Like |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Splinz(m): 1:21pm On May 26, 2017 |
Lifeislife: What are these rights that are not shared by all equally? Lifeislife: It's a fair choice. But then, staying single because you don't wanna get married to a wicked man is no excuse. Yes, not all men are wicked. Lifeislife: Then for the sake of children, get married. Lifeislife: That's if you're trusting Him for a good man. Sorry, you may have to live with the pressure from family and friends. 3 Likes |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by ikp120(m): 1:30pm On May 26, 2017 |
Chai. You're just trying to console yourself. Marriage is an unnecessary evil these days though. |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Headlesschicken(m): 1:37pm On May 26, 2017 |
| Dey dia dey decieve yuhself,u think its always right 2challenge a man @d least provocation, dat x 1of yuh on doing,if u fink yuh 2self reliant n don't need 2b under any man,better go n look 4a man n pay his bride price, be humble remember yuh clock don dey tick reach midnight... 1 Like |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lionessza(f): 1:48pm On May 26, 2017 |
I agree with a lot of things you said. Infact most of what you said made sense to me, except where you used the word "most" that made me kind of uncomfortable, I think "many "would be appropriate  . Different opinion clashes? Sweety where do you live , I would love to visit, maybe I didn't understand you please clarify if you can. You say you are beginning to dislike women who support the mistreatment of women,so you didn't have a problem with it before?.I like that you aren't settling for the guy who is ready to get married . You want what you want and that's it, stick with it and don't go for what the family and friends want they have their own lives to live . Remember not everyone must be married and not every marriage will prosper. You are who you are ,embrace it. 1 Like |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lifeislife: 3:11pm On May 26, 2017 |
KvnqPrezo:Are you sure? |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lifeislife: 3:12pm On May 26, 2017 |
2SWT:My sister na as I see am. |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Oyindidi(f): 3:13pm On May 26, 2017 |
Keep bragging till you pay bill at 70 with no man to rub your back. 3 Likes |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lifeislife: 3:14pm On May 26, 2017 |
NairalandCS: Carry your dick go pay tithe. Na brocus go teach a man tolerance, kindness, patience and restraint? |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lewaluv(f): 3:21pm On May 26, 2017 |
You are very smart. You and GOD both know what you want. He will give you. Dont let anyone or society to force you into foolishness. 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lifeislife: 3:25pm On May 26, 2017 |
Splinz: |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lifeislife: 3:27pm On May 26, 2017 |
Headlesschicken: It is guys like you that take women for granted. |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lifeislife: 3:28pm On May 26, 2017 |
Lewaluv: Thank you. |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Nobody: 3:31pm On May 26, 2017 |
You're just scared of ending up with the wrong person. Since you know there are "Few" good men, then keep your options open. Most men don't want women who have an air of arrogance. For me, the equal treatment should be in the both of you treating yourselves the way you've want to be treated and not in sharing some chores 50/50. Don't let society and some failed marriages be your parameter to judge other future marriage outcomes. Stay optimistic!. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lifeislife: 3:31pm On May 26, 2017 |
Oyindidi: No wahala. |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by KvnqPrezo(m): 3:32pm On May 26, 2017 |
Lifeislife:yeah |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Oyindidi(f): 3:35pm On May 26, 2017 |
Lifeislife:There is wahala dear, you sound pained in your opening post. I know you are doing all this for a purpose but the kind of man you're looking for is hard to come by. And you are a proud lady, no man want a woman that is too proud in his home. Just saying. Love you |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Nobody: 3:37pm On May 26, 2017 |
Op you are just frustrated that you are not married yet. Don't think too much about marriage, focus on yourself and when the time is right your man will come for you. You may not know it, but there is a man eyeing you somewhere. Free yourself from prejudices and he will come for you. Lastly love is like sleep, the more desperate you are for it, the more it eludes you. 1 Like |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lifeislife: 3:44pm On May 26, 2017 |
Oyindidi: There is only dignity, not desperation... |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Xway(m): 3:46pm On May 26, 2017 |
Lol they are sounding it down my ears already. To get married on my 25bd Iam not comfortable with that either. Girls detest introvert guys like me a lot. And dats why such date fixed cannot work for me. U got to manage ur problem sis. |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lifeislife: 4:03pm On May 26, 2017 |
padiga047: If I was frustrated my brother I would have been married, I would have carted myself off, to someone years ago. I am just tired of this status quo. Sometimes I wish, I was a man nobody would be given me this pressure. I would not be scared of my partner beating me(how many wives beat up husbands?). I will just continue being good in my job, and have only two duty, providing money and fucking. And make my partner do everything else cooking, washing, going to the market to buy the foodstuff, birthing the children, and if her vagina isn't tight enough after the 1st or 2nd month of her delivering the baby, find some young 20-23 year old girl, tight nice pussy to Bleep. Untill after a few months, and if I don't feel like paying for a nanny, I won't she should do all the housework, and raisimg the children by herself. I am the man of the house, I go out when I want. I come back when I want. If she starts to check through my phone and one way or the other find out I'm cheating, and starts to announce it and complain to her family, and dare not stop when I tell her. I will give her slap and beat the stupidity and arrogance out of her. Woman I paid bride price for, I will kick her out of my house. There cannot be two captains in one ship. Its either she obeys me, no matter what I do or she goes and marries herself. Nonsense. Already she is not looking young, just three children her belly is big like bag of cocoyam. There are many other old women like her and young girls looking for husband. Desperate for marriage. Oh if only I was born male. 1 Like |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Lifeislife: 4:07pm On May 26, 2017 |
Xway: Eh yah. As for me, I take it one day at a time. |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Nobody: 4:12pm On May 26, 2017 |
Lifeislife:you talk as if all men are Devils, mind you it is the men that commit atrocities that make the news. There are one million men who are living happily and silently with their wives. What do you think we are, Animals? 4 Likes |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by youngreezy(m): 4:37pm On May 26, 2017 |
"if u get a nanny he'll get ha prgnt"?hollup so its a male househelp dat wnt get u pregnt or slp wit u or all dis attribute u gave to men....r u perfect?dis thread is genda biased shikena.. 1 Like |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Nobody: 4:44pm On May 26, 2017 |
Lifeislife: I believe the fact that you're turning thirty this year is making you overthink this issue. It's a minor detail, you'll see how quickly you'll get over it. However, your views on marriage seem to be a bit skewed; if you keep that up, it would take a saint of a man to drag you out of that corner. And even then, you might still sabotage his chances because of your negative disposition towards marriage. There is nothing wrong with being single, but if you do want to get married someday, keep an open mind about it. For your own good. It's unhealthy to focus on all the things that can go wrong. I find it disgraceful when some unhappy married women criticize single women and see them as 'less than', just to justify their decisions to be married. But the reverse is also true. If it is your decision to be single, don't try to justify it by claiming marriage sucks in general. It might suck for you, and that's why you're allowed to choose. 1 Like |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by OLAJADON: 5:29pm On May 26, 2017 |
lifeislife I understand your point of view but you have to understand that there are ways that you can prove equality with a man without saying it or acting rude think you are just trying not to make the man look down on you. nature and society as made we men who we are today, that is why we have some men that see no big deal in helping their wife in house chores while some see it as been disrespectful, so it all fall down on individuality of you and the person you are dealing with. my advice for you is firstly, delete this mentality that you and a guy are equal, trust me you won't go far with this kind of thinking. second, stop been reserved it make you look like a loner, make most of your friends guys. lastly, have faith we still have good guys out there. |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by endurance333(f): 6:09pm On May 26, 2017 |
My dear, don't rush into marriage because of family and friends pressure . And please,stop thinking of having equal right with your man/husband because plus you and whatever you have, you still remain under your husband. |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by Khallyella(f): 6:13pm On May 26, 2017 |
Tbh, these days, it's not all about getting married that matters, sometimes, people get married cause of the pressure, if you really don't wanna get married(stayed tied to a man forever), just go for a contract marriage, get the number of kids you can take care of and y'all go separate ways, most of the men/guys nowadays are cheats, you can only pray to be the one who's got his heart and not just of the numerous d##k sharers(side-chics), not wanting to get married cause men are cheats is just like not wanting to be in a country where it doesn't rain, it rains everywhere but not everytime. 1 Like |
| Re: Under So Much Pressure To Get Married by CaraJewel(f): 6:21pm On May 26, 2017 |
Xway:i dislike pressures.tend to make mistakes which am avoiding and more |
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