Hello Nlanders,

Its me again. In the last 2 years, my wife and I have agreed to make things work by putting a stop to the things we do that makes either of us think we are getting involved in infidelity. As for me, being a father and a husband, I hold my home down by adhering to the rules, and she being the foundation, she also needs to. But as far as I have improved, she has not, and she even admitted to it, but she keeps saying am not doing anything which I have to understand because there is no concrete evidence. Although, I have seen several things that I cannot start with now because the story will be long. I will just narrate that which occured from few days past.

On Thursday, I called my wife to pass a message across to her, because she runs a daycare and she has nannies to represent her when shes not around. I called she didnt pick, normally if I call and she does not pick, I call her nanny to pass the phone across to her. After calling and she didnt pick, I called the nanny immediately, her number was busy, the time frame was just in btwn 1min when I called my wife back, her number was busy, so I thought she was trying to call me back. I waited to see if my phone would ring, it didnt, so I called back again, it was saying busy which is obvious she was on a call. 10 MINS later, she now called back that she saw my message that she should call me. I asked if she didnt see missed calls, she said her phone was on silent, I responded that ur number was busy twice while trying to call u and werent picking, she said the agent that has been trying to reach her was more important to speak with than taking my calls then because he has been expecting the guy to come to site. I sat her down that night, and explained that, its not like I dont trust u or am trying to figure anything out, as a mother and as a wife, if u are out, try as much as possible to be reachable, it could be an emergency or any other thing that would require u are reached promptly, she said sorry, that she'll always pick calls.

Yesterday, she had gone out from work to see a consultant, she called me while she was leaving the office that she saw a lady who said she knows me, that she should say hi to me, cool, thought she was going back to work, 3 hours later, I called to ask her if my chequebook was in the car she took as I could not find it. I called 3 times, my wife didnt pick. 35 mins later, she called back saying she was buying time to get some few clothes so that when shes done, shes going back to the consultants office, that she left her phone in the car. OK! I told her am not happy, it was just yesterday that I was tutoring you about the importance of having to be reachable while outside, she said shes sorry, I also reitrated the same point I made apart from the important of picking calls, that 3weeks back after finding out she cheated on me emotionally with a guy, which is an offense enough for some impatient men to chase a wife out, that I decided to forgive and move on, but she would have to promise to adhere to some rules, and to build trust is not a joke, you would have to be careful with things you do innapropriately in order for me to start trusting you again, going out and not being reachable two consecutive times is not good, though not judging you are up to something. I let that slide. Yesterday again, I called my wife after leaving the house to the barbing salon that a friend just came from jand, will be hanging out, probably wont be back until 1:AM. she said no P.

Based on the last incident when she cheated on me emotionally, I told her i was leaving the house for some days to go and heal myself, after 3 days, she took my kids around 9am, and started looking around for me, unfortunately, she left my daughter in the car parked in front of a locked gate with the engine on, carried the boy in her hands, walked down to a place she knows I might be with my friends, saw me, created drama that I must come home, was really mad when I found out that she walked this far and left my daughter in the car with the engine on. She said the children are second priority that am first. I convinced her to go back which she did, we settled and moved on. Now after telling her am hanging out, with the little argument we have had regarding not picking calls, I had a feeling she might again try to come and look for me with the kids at night, I decided to come home. But my coming home, went to the backyard to peep from our window room, I saw something ununsual. If you are reading this long story, and u want to know more, let me know and I will continue b4 some people will come here and say my story is too much.

B

We waiting.

Ok, so wht did u see

emeijeh:
How does a wife cheat on his husband emotionally?




Besides, na missed calls matter you carry come NL this hot afternoon?!

Got a peice of her phone conversation with a guy she was flirting with and talking down on me her husband.

go on

If you must know, details of your marital issues should be kept in the family circle. Rarely can you get a good advice on NL. It's a juicy gist and you got my attention so please continue, relieve your burden here

Anyway, I'll continue. Went to the backyard from our room window, the blind is onesidedly moved so I could see whats going on, to my surprise, my wife was dressing up. First she was wearing her buttlift, something she has not worn in over a year, infact never thought she had it again. The enthusiasm in her dressing gave me chills, like wow, this woman dnt dress up like this when am at home. Next thing, wore her dress and put on her best wig. Started taking photos with her phone and typing bla bla bla. She then stepped out with the kids. Following her with my car at the back , I called and asked what the kids had for dinner, and then asked if she was driving, she said yes, said she wanted to go pick Cway water. Said ok no P. Saw that she parked somewhere and bought the water, then advanced to her friends place very close. I parked to observe, she was at her friends for close to an hour, she drove out and started heading towards home. I followed, 5 mins after she got it, I bursted into the room with surprise, she was about putting off the buttlift, I then asked her, wow, why are u wearing buttlift, she said shes just testing it now, I asked if she wore it out, she swore she didnt, said its weird for u to wear buttlift u said ur not interested in again, she still denided. So I opened up to her that I saw her while she was dressing up to go out, that I didnt like that she lied again, it was part of the deal breaker for the reconcilation I made after she cheated on me, she said if she told me, I might feel she wanted to go and see a guy. So I asked why she wore it since she wanted to go buy water and see her friend not too far away from home, she said she just wanted to test how it is when she remembered she was going to buy water and kukuma wore it out. So I asked if her best wig was also part of the test, she said no, that she didnt want her friends husband to look at her as a old woman with her natural hair. Nlanders, what are your thoughts on this? Because those excuses sounds lame to me.

rogovo20:
Anyway, I'll continue. Went to the backyard from our room window, the blind is onesidedly moved so I could see whats going on, to my surprise, my wife was dressing up. First she was wearing her buttlift, something she has not worn in over a year, infact never thought she had it again. The enthusiasm in her dressing gave me chills, like wow, this woman dnt dress up like this when am at home. Next thing, wore her dress and put on her best wig. Started taking photos with her phone and typing bla bla bla. She then stepped out with the kids. Following her with my car at the back , I called and asked what the kids had for dinner, and then asked if she was driving, she said yes, said she wanted to go pick Cway water. Said ok no P. Saw that she parked somewhere and bought the water, then advanced to her friends place very close. I parked to observe, she was at her friends for close to an hour, she drove out and started heading towards home. I followed, 5 mins after she got it, I bursted into the room with surprise, she was about putting off the buttlift, I then asked her, wow, why are u wearing buttlift, she said shes just testing it now, I asked if she wore it out, she swore she didnt, said its weird for u to wear buttlift u said ur not interested in again, she still denided. So I opened up to her that I saw her while she was dressing up to go out, that I didnt like that she lied again, it was part of the deal breaker for the reconcilation I made after she cheated on me, she said if she told me, I might feel she wanted to go and see a guy. So I asked why she wore it since she wanted to go buy water and see her friend not too far away from home, she said she just wanted to test how it is when she remembered she was going to buy water and kukuma wore it out. So I asked if her best wig was also part of the test, she said no, that she didnt want her friends husband to look at her as a old woman with her natural hair. Nlanders, what are your thoughts on this? Because those excuses sounds lame to me.

They are lame indeed, you've got some serious issues in your marriage now. I really don't know where to start giving you advice, I can only point you to a thread that's got men with experience with women and relationships.

Drop your question there, I hope you get an answer

https://www.nairaland.com/2893475/dating-drills-guys-only

Dear OP you need to first decide if you genuinely want solution to this issue truly or just some jaw jaw sessions with the people of NL....

If it is the former please use the tips I will itemize below:

Firstly the past is in the past... She messed around with some guy in the past let it remain in the past! She may or may not repeat the act but that should no longer be your primary focus. Let your focus be on being a good husband and father to your children.

Cheating partners sometimes indulge in the act just for the thrills of sneaking around or because they enjoy how thier partner is in a Frenzy and chasing them around trying to "catch them in the act of cheAting". You will have to ignore your Mrs a bit more.

I'm not saying don't show her love but must you seemingly bother her with calls?

Try to structure yourself such that your calls to her too are limited to emergencies only! At least for now.... For eg even if the cheque book was in the car she had would you actually have left where you were to get it? You'll wait till whenever you have isn't it? So there! You didn't have to buzz her for it.

I felt I had reached an all time low the day I almost turned to chase a car I assumed was my husbsnd's own! I felt so low that I could think of it! Your driving behind your wife to see where she's going bla bla bla isn't gonna help your self esteem bro!

Ignore her and you'd see she will likely shape up and start to act right! If her excess behavior Is affecting the children for eg she isn't feeding the children at the right time or checking homework you fill the gaps by doing it or ensuring you get help for that purpose so the children don't suffer!

Dress well and fill in your time with stuff to make you happy. If you feel the urge to call her during the day pray instead or hold out for five minutes and decide if a text message will suffice instead

Hope this helps!

Cheers

babythug:
Dear OP you need to first decide if you genuinely want solution to this issue truly or just some jaw jaw sessions with the people of NL....

If it is the former please use the tips I will itemize below:

Firstly the past is in the past... She messed around with some guy in the past let it remain in the past! She may or may not repeat the act but that should no longer be your primary focus. Let your focus be on being a good husband and father to your children.

Cheating partners sometimes indulge in the act just for the thrills of sneaking around or because they enjoy how thier partner is in a Frenzy and chasing them around trying to "catch them in the act of cheAting". You will have to ignore your Mrs a bit more.

I'm not saying don't show her love but must you seemingly bother her with calls?

Try to structure yourself such that your calls to her too are limited to emergencies only! At least for now.... For eg even if the cheque book was in the car she had would you actually have left where you were to get it? You'll wait till whenever you have isn't it? So there! You didn't have to buzz her for it.

I felt I had reached an all time low the day I almost turned to chase a car I assumed was my husbsnd's own! I felt so low that I could think of it! Your driving behind your wife to see where she's going bla bla bla isn't gonna help your self esteem bro!

Ignore her and you'd see she will likely shape up and start to act right! If her excess behavior Is affecting the children for eg she isn't feeding the children at the right time or checking homework you fill the gaps by doing it or ensuring you get help for that purpose so the children don't suffer!

Dress well and fill in your time with stuff to make you happy. If you feel the urge to call her during the day pray instead or hold out for five minutes and decide if a text message will suffice instead

Hope this helps!

Cheers

Thanks for your post. I really appreciate it. Though, I will like to outline and clear something out. I am not the type that calls for nothing sake. I called to ask if the chequebook was in the car, because I needed to go to the bank urgently to raise a draft, and the bank would require that. I looked for it and thought to call and ask her if it was there, which was there.

I am not the type with esteem issue, all the following up is as a result of the things that I have caught her with and still decided to move on and she seems to have a heart of stone, one who finds it hard to change.. Will I say because I dont want to worry myself I'll be living in darkness if my wife is cheating on me or not? I know of so many bad things adultery from a wife brings to the family, I will not allow adultery to cut my destiny short. What am seeing is nothing short of adultery however it may be committed. I want her to change, silence and minding my business is not working, I had to opt for the second option of following up once in a while, if caught red handed, then I know am out

rogovo20:


Thanks for your post. I really appreciate it. Though, I will like to outline and clear something out. I am not the type that calls for nothing sake. I called to ask if the chequebook was in the car, because I needed to go to the bank urgently to raise a draft, and the bank would require that. I looked for it and thought to call and ask her if it was there, which was there.

I am not the type with esteem issue, all the following up is as a result of the things that I have caught her with and still decided to move on and she seems to have a heart of stone, one who finds it hard to change.. Will I say because I dont want to worry myself I'll be living in darkness if my wife is cheating on me or not? I know of so many bad things adultery from a wife brings to the family, I will not allow adultery to cut my destiny short. What am seeing is nothing short of adultery however it may be committed. I want her to change, silence and minding my business is not working, I had to opt for the second option of following up once in a while, if caught red handed, then I know am out

You're unlikely to catch her red handed. If you are sure of what you know then make your decision and move on quickly

babythug:



You're unlikely to catch her red handed. If you are sure of what you know then make your decision and move on quickly

I wont doubt my ability to see something that is a viable evidence, its hard to catch a woman in the act. Plus i have two kids, wont want to raise them by separated parents.

rogovo20:


I wont doubt my ability to see something that is a viable evidence, its hard to catch a woman in the act. Plus i have two kids, wont want to raise them by separated parents.

It seems u are hanged in between, a very good advise has been given by Babythug! U said u if u catch her red handed, you are out, and now u don't want to raise your kids separately.

Antina:


It seems u are hanged in between, a very good advise has been given by Babythug! U said u if u catch her red handed, you are out, and now u don't want to raise your kids separately.

Exactly, the sacrifice in staying to raise the kids together is far more than sacrificing to live in this marital darkness;

You should seek the services of a marriage counselor.
You and your wife need to see one asap.

I've been following your threads and i've come to the conclusion that

1. You are a nag

2. You have trust issues

3. For a man, you talk too much

(No offence is meant, so, none should be taken).

Like the poster above suggested, seek the service of a marriage counselor.

Cuddlebugie:
I've been following your threads and i've come to the conclusion that

1. You are a nag

2. You have trust issues

3. For a man, you talk too much

(No offence is meant, so, none should be taken).

Like the poster above suggested, seek the service of a marriage counselor.

You can call me whatever you want woman, I understand its coming from the perspective of a woman like you. You dont see anything bad in a woman trailing in bad deeds, I bet you are nothing different or even worse than her.

Easy, Iron man.

That anger should be directed at your wife, not me.

rogovo20:


You can call me whatever you want woman, I understand its coming from the perspective of a woman like you. You dont see anything bad in a woman trailing in bad deeds, I bet you are nothing different or even worse than her.

Two of you need a counselor

You sound so familiar like one other moniker.

OP, you are insecure, period!

Dont you know this your attitude is making your wife nervous? All this spying and suspicions will make her lie to you because she thinks the lies will make you feel better.

Give your wife some frigging space. If she cheats on you, not that emotional crap you want to ruin your marriage for.....if she cheats on you sexually,then you act. Till then, give her some space and be the best husband you can be.

Right now you are making her walk on hot coals. Whats wrong if she wants to look good? Cant she look good for herself? Why are you making such a fuss? Guy you will ruin your marriage with all this unnecessary suspicions.

You probably are looking for someone to agree with you that your wife is cheating on you or about to but I'm sorry, I will tell you the truth. All this you are doing is pushing her into cheating. She will confide in that her bf because she feels like she trusts that one more than you because you always suspect her when she tries to be real with you. You will drive her into doing things secretly, lying, hiding, distrusting and probably cheating on you in the end.

Pls let peace reign in your marriage and try to trust your wife.

Cuddlebugie:
I've been following your threads and i've come to the conclusion that

1. You are a nag

2. You have trust issues

3. For a man, you talk too much

(No offence is meant, so, none should be taken).

Like the poster above suggested, seek the service of a marriage counselor.

Very annoying fellow!

Artistree:

Very annoying fellow!

rogovo20:
Hello Nlanders,

Its me again. In the last 2 years, my wife and I have agreed to make things work by putting a stop to the things we do that makes either of us think we are getting involved in infidelity. As for me, being a father and a husband, I hold my home down by adhering to the rules, and she being the foundation, she also needs to. But as far as I have improved, she has not, and she even admitted to it, but she keeps saying am not doing anything which I have to understand because there is no concrete evidence. Although, I have seen several things that I cannot start with now because the story will be long. I will just narrate that which occured from few days past.

On Thursday, I called my wife to pass a message across to her, because she runs a daycare and she has nannies to represent her when shes not around. I called she didnt pick, normally if I call and she does not pick, I call her nanny to pass the phone across to her. After calling and she didnt pick, I called the nanny immediately, her number was busy, the time frame was just in btwn 1min when I called my wife back, her number was busy, so I thought she was trying to call me back. I waited to see if my phone would ring, it didnt, so I called back again, it was saying busy which is obvious she was on a call. 10 MINS later, she now called back that she saw my message that she should call me. I asked if she didnt see missed calls, she said her phone was on silent, I responded that ur number was busy twice while trying to call u and werent picking, she said the agent that has been trying to reach her was more important to speak with than taking my calls then because he has been expecting the guy to come to site. I sat her down that night, and explained that, its not like I dont trust u or am trying to figure anything out, as a mother and as a wife, if u are out, try as much as possible to be reachable, it could be an emergency or any other thing that would require u are reached promptly, she said sorry, that she'll always pick calls.

Yesterday, she had gone out from work to see a consultant, she called me while she was leaving the office that she saw a lady who said she knows me, that she should say hi to me, cool, thought she was going back to work, 3 hours later, I called to ask her if my chequebook was in the car she took as I could not find it. I called 3 times, my wife didnt pick. 35 mins later, she called back saying she was buying time to get some few clothes so that when shes done, shes going back to the consultants office, that she left her phone in the car. OK! I told her am not happy, it was just yesterday that I was tutoring you about the importance of having to be reachable while outside, she said shes sorry, I also reitrated the same point I made apart from the important of picking calls, that 3weeks back after finding out she cheated on me emotionally with a guy, which is an offense enough for some impatient men to chase a wife out, that I decided to forgive and move on, but she would have to promise to adhere to some rules, and to build trust is not a joke, you would have to be careful with things you do innapropriately in order for me to start trusting you again, going out and not being reachable two consecutive times is not good, though not judging you are up to something. I let that slide. Yesterday again, I called my wife after leaving the house to the barbing salon that a friend just came from jand, will be hanging out, probably wont be back until 1:AM. she said no P.

Based on the last incident when she cheated on me emotionally, I told her i was leaving the house for some days to go and heal myself, after 3 days, she took my kids around 9am, and started looking around for me, unfortunately, she left my daughter in the car parked in front of a locked gate with the engine on, carried the boy in her hands, walked down to a place she knows I might be with my friends, saw me, created drama that I must come home, was really mad when I found out that she walked this far and left my daughter in the car with the engine on. She said the children are second priority that am first. I convinced her to go back which she did, we settled and moved on. Now after telling her am hanging out, with the little argument we have had regarding not picking calls, I had a feeling she might again try to come and look for me with the kids at night, I decided to come home. But my coming home, went to the backyard to peep from our window room, I saw something ununsual. If you are reading this long story, and u want to know more, let me know and I will continue b4 some people will come here and say my story is too much.

i want to know more biko.

repogirl:
OP, you are insecure, period!

Dont you know this your attitude is making your wife nervous? All this spying and suspicions will make her lie to you because she thinks the lies will make you feel better.

Give your wife some frigging space. If she cheats on you, not that emotional crap you want to ruin your marriage for.....if she cheats on you sexually,then you act. Till then, give her some space and be the best husband you can be.

Right now you are making her walk on hot coals. Whats wrong if she wants to look good? Cant she look good for herself? Why are you making such a fuss? Guy you will ruin your marriage with all this unnecessary suspicions.

You probably are looking for someone to agree with you that your wife is cheating on you or about to but I'm sorry, I will tell you the truth. All this you are doing is pushing her into cheating. She will confide in that her bf because she feels like she trusts that one more than you because you always suspect her when she tries to be real with you. You will drive her into doing things secretly, lying, hiding, distrusting and probably cheating on you in the end.

Pls let peace reign in your marriage and try to trust your wife.

My friend will you keep shut. What do you know about insecurity.

@regovo20
I have a question for you! Do you trust yourself? Let your wife be itori olorun. Make peace with your wife, stop suspecting her.

Smh

rogovo20:
Anyway, I'll continue. Went to the backyard from our room window, the blind is onesidedly moved so I could see whats going on, to my surprise, my wife was dressing up. First she was wearing her buttlift, something she has not worn in over a year, infact never thought she had it again. The enthusiasm in her dressing gave me chills, like wow, this woman dnt dress up like this when am at home. Next thing, wore her dress and put on her best wig. Started taking photos with her phone and typing bla bla bla. She then stepped out with the kids. Following her with my car at the back , I called and asked what the kids had for dinner, and then asked if she was driving, she said yes, said she wanted to go pick Cway water. Said ok no P. Saw that she parked somewhere and bought the water, then advanced to her friends place very close. I parked to observe, she was at her friends for close to an hour, she drove out and started heading towards home. I followed, 5 mins after she got it, I bursted into the room with surprise, she was about putting off the buttlift, I then asked her, wow, why are u wearing buttlift, she said shes just testing it now, I asked if she wore it out, she swore she didnt, said its weird for u to wear buttlift u said ur not interested in again, she still denided. So I opened up to her that I saw her while she was dressing up to go out, that I didnt like that she lied again, it was part of the deal breaker for the reconcilation I made after she cheated on me, she said if she told me, I might feel she wanted to go and see a guy. So I asked why she wore it since she wanted to go buy water and see her friend not too far away from home, she said she just wanted to test how it is when she remembered she was going to buy water and kukuma wore it out. So I asked if her best wig was also part of the test, she said no, that she didnt want her friends husband to look at her as a old woman with her natural hair. Nlanders, what are your thoughts on this? Because those excuses sounds lame to me.

I don't know about this your marriage.
You both have your issues.

She followed you to a beer parlour and caused a scene there, also left a child alone in the car at night?

You also spied on her at home, tailed her to her friend's place, waited for 1 whole hour for her to leave there and then followed her till she got home.

Can you both let each other breathe? She's an adult for goodness sake. If she wants to cheat on you, tailing her around wouldnt stop her, and so also you if you want to cheat.

Meanwhile, what happened to your old moniker? Is it not your wife that runs a creche?, and you always ask to go to a nearby market, but she prefers going to another market away from home?

Op....Most women/ladied here will come for your ball. They want to take sides and make you feel like you're 100% at fault and you should be the one mending your ways. What do they know....most of them are still single jumping from one BF to the other, enjoying been chased around. Abd they think its still right to enjoy been chased around even when they are married.

I think the ones that are more likely to give you something near a good advice are the married ones.

Im not married....so, I'm very inexperienced at this.

Seeking the help of a marriage counselor should do.












With all this marriage palaver i read everyday.....hmmm...I'm thinking having a baby mama and living happily ever after is better.

I no like wahala......i cant stand all this kyn wahala.

Oga u again, hmmm
what iam seeing is that u will die b4 ur time if u dont act fast.
If u die ,ur wife will enjoy the flirting to d fullest.
Go back to ur ist topic abt this and read d advice there.
Take ur kids away from her, avoiding getting her pregnant again