What is the deal with mother in laws and wives?
Why is there a permanent conflict and What is the reason?

I am not married but i have a good number of married friends, acquaintances, etc who seem to have be in this type of situation.
I'm sure you know the scenario already which includes stuff like this and more.

Before marriage:
The Mother might sometimes even pester her son to get married.
She might have been the one who played Cupid setting them up.
The mother might be in love with the girl. They're like best friends.
The mother would carry the whole wedding on her head.

The future would seem so bright.

After the Wedding:
The wife and mother-in-law suddenly become enemies.
There's always competition, even in situations competition shouldn't exist.
She hates the wife even though the wife's personality and behaviour might exactly be the same as before marriage.

And then the Wife above does exactly the same thing when she becomes a Mother-in-law.
What's up with this whole situation?

Mother and wife are the main reason men dont live above 70 years.
Hmmmm

Mother-in-law /wives
»Why can't some men stop comparing their wives to their mother thus creating unnecessary rivalry?

»Why do some men keep blackmailing their wives with "my mother that watched my infant bed",did your wife's mother not watch her?

»Why do some men tell their wife she comes after their mother, if that's how you feel,keep it in your heart.

»Why do some men boast of how they can get another wife but not another mother?

How many of you would be told these and won't start trying to outdo your FILs or exert some sort of authority? Till men start growing balls and drawing the line between their mother and wife, the rivalry won't stop soon.

I'm in very good terms with my MIL because I was never made to feel inferior or in a competition with her. She on her own, was wise enough to acknowledge her son is now my husband and I gave her due respect. When men start being men in handling this issue, a very large percentage of the rivalry would be solved.

If you think it's false, let women start comparing their husbands to their fathers and let's see how far. In short, men that are married to such wives can tell better.

Like in any other thing, there are exceptions _some MILs and DILs carry fight come, but as a DIL_ I feel the root cause is the innate feeling to be or remain the number one woman in the man's life. Women are not the only ones that are overprotective, they just don't place their men in a position to fight for superiority.

PaperLace:
Mother-in-law /wives
»Why can't some men stop comparing their wives to their mother thus creating unnecessary rivalry?

»Why do some men keep blackmailing their wives with "my mother that suffer for me", did your wife's mother not suffer for her?

»Why do some men tell their wife she comes after their mother, if that's how you feel,keep it in your heart.

»Why do some men boast of how they can get another wife but not another mother?

How many of you would be told these and won't start trying to outdo your FILs or exert some sort of authority? Till men start growing balls and drawing the line between their mom and wife, the rivalry won't stop soon.

I'm in very good terms with my MIL because I was never made to feel inferior or in a competition with her. She on her own, was wise enough to acknowledge her son is now my husband and I gave her due respect. When men start being men in handling this issue, a very large percentage of the rivalry would be solved.

If you think it's false, let women start comparing their husbands to their fathers and let's see how far. In short, men that are married to such wives can tell better.

Like in any other thing, there are exceptions _some MILs and DILs carry fight come, but as a DIL_ I feel the root cause is the innate feeling to be or remain the number one woman in the man's life. Women are not the only ones that are overprotective, they just don't place their men in a position to fight for superiority.

The beginning of your post came off a bit presumptuous and misunderstood but I'm assuming it was meant as a change of perspective or maybe a digression.

I was asking my question based on what I have gathered from Fiancées and Wives, not men. Some of these people I've known for years growing up.
some I used to hear them complain about their mother in law and now they're not being very good to their own daughters in law. That's actually what hit me.

As you stated when you explained, in your case you actually have a good rapport with your mother-in-law, so that's good. I guess you answered the questions in your own way

WildWine:


The beginning of your post came off a bit presumptuous and misunderstood but I'm assuming it was meant as a change of perspective or maybe a digression.

I was asking my question based on what I have gathered from Fiancées and Wives, not men. Some of these people I've known for years growing up.
some I used to hear them complain about their mother in law and now they're not being very good to their own daughters in law. That's actually what hit me.

As you stated when you explained, in your case you actually have a good rapport with your mother-in-law, so that's good. I guess you answered the questions in your own way

It's right there in my post _the major reason is that feeling to be the quest to be the number one woman in the man's life. This could be due to the man consciously or unconsciously showing his wife that the mother is superior (that's why I cited some of their regular statements) or showing the mother that she is about to be No2.

Some MILs/DILs would immediately launch attack. Other times, they are just being troublesome.

Well, it might be that the Electra complex was never fully resolved in these women, hence the never-ending tug-of-war that ensues all in a greedy attempt to gain and exclusively retain the attention of the man (the husband) - a phenomenon which as I've gathered is principally the root cause of the internecine “cat and rat-like” tussle betwixt most mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws.

Or we could just use the Occam's razor to slice through the complexities and settle for a simpler and far more realistic explanation for the madness: “most women are petty by nature”.