Happy birthday my guy centino baba

chaiii really interesting story my dear i dey enjoy am

anyways me i don book front seat as a vip with my drunkard friends dem

we plenty come with pammy and ogogoro
some even bring don simon come and 92 creates of bear

me i no be drunkard o but e be say i just see dem this guys for road so i just say make i follow dem come here

abeg anybody make still dey come abeg help us buy champaign come and better suya meat

ahhh this place we go drink die here

baba olowo the long prick

Happy betdae in arrears dear centino,more fufilled years.amen

Happy Birthday in Arrears Bro.......no vex say e tey small

happy birthday bro...more ink to your pen.
shine in God's light!!!!

happy birthday bro...more ink to your pen.
shine in God's light!!!!

happy birthday innocent centibaba!!! more wisdom, more money. cheers sire.

HBD bros Centino, this one no go be your last, many more years to come that you shall spend with us on this earth.

Happy belated birthday Centi baba wishing you many happy returns

Wish you a belated Happy Birthday centino, you bring smiles to everyone's faces. Ilysssssm. Wullnp

happy birthday

Thanks everyone for all the messages on the occasion of my 99th birthday So much love. I appreciate. This is a birthday edition as I celebrated, Abelranking celebrated the day after me and today is princessConfy who adds another year. God's blessings girl. This one's for all of us Virgos



THE CHAMP IS HERE

There was a collective gasp as Mama Akunna hit the concrete. The hospital staff that had brought Akunna quickly seized him again. Clearly, they were experts at handling violent sick people, as with some dexterous hand movements they rendered Akunna immobile. Compound members rushed to Mama Akunna’s aid but the lead hospital staff urged everyone to stand back. If she had sustained a spinal injury then she needed to be handled with care so as not to exacerbate things. Mama Akunna lay still like she was dead. She could not even utter a cry. Akunna had slammed the breath out of her, exactly what John Cena designed his signature move to achieve. The nurse went to her and as he bent to touch her, he saw her move a leg. Tears began to stream down her eyes and she managed a whimper.

“Akunna! Are you all right? Hospital people! You said this man was well! You are all mad! See what he has done to his mother!”

“Calm down everyone. We will deal with this. We will take him back if we have to. But first, let’s help this old woman.”

“Take me back?” Akunna said. “Why would you want to do that? I am all right. I was only playing with my mum.”

“You have broken her back. You nearly killed her!”

“I did not break her back. Don’t be so naïve all of you. The wrestling moves are not real. I have taken time in the past months to do my research and understand how the moves are done. I’m not crazy. This is my dear mother. She will feel dazed because of the spin but she will be perfectly fine.”

“She will be perfectly fine! Is that what you say?”

The nurse did a head to toe assessment of Mama Akunna in the position she was. He was not convinced that she was fine. The tears would not stop streaming down her cheeks but she remained mute.

“We will have to take her to the hospital.”

“I no go go.” Mama Akunna said weakly. “Give me your hand make I stand up.”

“You see? Everybody you see? She is fine!” Akunna cheered.

The nurse scooped Mama Akunna from the ground and placed her on her feet. She wobbled and nearly fell again. The young man steadied her. Mama Akunna, still shedding muted tears placed one hand on her waist and started a slow walk back into the compound.

“Let us take that woman to the hospital.”

“I no dey go,” She said and went into the corridor.”

Mr Zubi then turned to the hospital people. “Gentlemen, are you people sure you want to discharge Akunna like this?”

“Zubi what do you mean? I said I am fine. I can recognize you. You are still black like the devil. Over there is Cosmas the I too know. And you, Josiah. Are you not the carpenter? Achike with the belle that is full of sh*t. I recognize you. Papa Efe, the repentant ogogoro master. I can recognize the two Calabar boys. Was this not the one that gave Mama Tobi’s daughter the kind of preek she has not received before that made her to refuse to marry when husband came? And his mumu brother that drinks only garri and beans. Over there is mama Cowbell who feeds all of us. Her husband is the security man on this street whose brain she had since fried in her stew. Ehen! How can I not mention Irikefe? I recognize him. He is the one that is always first to know when a pen*s enters a vagina in this compound. If Irikefe does not know about something, then it did not happen. His last discovery was Kingsley there and Angel Esther. If not for Efe we would not have known that the holy ghost does not prevent toto from scratching a woman. And I know myself. I work at the government biscuit company at Agbara. I also know that Buhari visited America and Trump called him lifeless and the presidency say they are not bothered about it. Theresa May also came by. She first went to South Africa where she was dancing like a worm that was learning to stand upright. And here she told us that the largest number of poor and hungry people in the world are in Nigeria; as if we don’t see pictures from India and Cambodia. I support Arsenal. They have a new coach now after two decades of Mr Wenger. They lost their first two matches of the season, just as Manchester United has lost their last two. And last last, Saraki has declared for President.”

You could hear a pin drop. The two men who held him looked at their leader for instruction. Compound members also looked at each other in wonder.

“Please let me go,” Akunna repeated.

Josiah turned to Mr Kingsley and Achike and said, “What is this I am witnessing?”

“It is the new Akunna you are witnessing. He has proven that his head is correct.”

“Never tell a crazy person that he is crazy – Tina Fey,” Mr Kingsley said.

“Who did you just quote Kingsley?” Akunna said. “I forgot to tell you I know Kingsley. He has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and has hidden it from us. Which normal person only reads and crams books of quotations? Gentlemen, if you are looking for whom to take with you, please take Kingsley. He is definitely crazy.”

“Alright. We have seen enough. We are taking him.”

“Oh no. Zubi. Papa Efe. All of you! Please say something. Why would you do that? The move I used on my mother has been perfected to be safe and I carried it out well. I may sound a little talkative but that is because I haven’t seen these people in a long time. Taking me back there would be wasting funds you would have used to cater for another who deserves the care more than I do.” Turning to his neighbors, he said, “Guys, this is me Akunna. We sit here every day and talk about our poverty. Every Saturday we read the papers together. We share our women and open the eyes of our children. I am all right. Please speak up for me. I want to be home.”

“Alright. Gentlemen, leave him for us. I am sure you had done your due diligence before deciding to discharge him. Here we live like a family. We will keep our eyes on him. Any kpeekim, we will call you back.”

“All right, the team leader said. Please sign this.” He handed Mr Zubi a document on a clipboard. Mr Zubi hesitated, looked around and then signed the paper.

The two holding Akunna then released their grip on him. He bowed meekly and took two steps away from them.

“There is something about his eyes. And he is too fluent. And he even has a different accent now. I hope Zubi is not making a mistake. He better think again now that these people who are trained to handle craze people are still here.”

“What did you say Josiah?”

“Nothing. I was telling Achike that I missed Akunna.”

“Okay. Gentlemen, thanks for coming.”

“You’re welcome. Here is my card. Call that number if you have to.”

One of the men went over to the van and returned with a small ghana-must-go bag containing Akunna’s personal effects. Akunna collected it and moved over to the side where his neighbors stood and joined in waving the men goodbye.

“Gentlemen, I’m happy to be back. You guys need not worry about me. You can all now go back to your rooms and go and fvck your wives.”

Akunna then bowed and entered the corridor.

They were all gobsmacked. Josiah said “Zubi. Call the number. Call them now.”

“They only just left. Let’s watch him for one day at least.”

Irikefe appeared from nowhere and hollered, “The champ is here!” Then the children of the compound joined in chanting in full voice “The champ is here!”

Akunna stopped, turned, smiled, and then sprinted to his room and locked the door. Almost immediately they heard a commotion in the room as mama Akunna began to scream and shout.

“Make unu come o! my head o! my back o. Akunna don kill me o!”

Everyone rushed to the door and began to pound it for Akunna to open.

Irikefe started break dancing and performing shaku shaku moves all at the same time. “The champ is here!” He hollered still.

“Shut up Irikefe. Shut up! You are the one that has caused this. You incited him!”

“Am I the one that discharged him from hospital?”

They continued hitting the door as Mama Akunna continued to cry for help.

“STFU! Irikefe shouted. Cena! Give her the STFU!”

“Aiit!” Akunna said.

There was more commotion inside and shortly after Mama Akunna’s cry became weak and guttural. Then Josiah, with the expertise of a carpenter burst through the door with a decisive kick by the hinges. They poured into the room and found Akunna sprawled on his mother’s back, her one leg bent under his hip and her neck in between his biceps. She was really pinned in Cena’s STFU. They struggled to peel Akunna from his mother without success. He was as strong as a stallion. Then Mr Cosmas had an idea. He bent and slapped the floor three times and said, “You have won!”

Akunna sprang up and jumped in celebration. He then burst through to the corridor, sprinted out of the compound and down Katakata Street.



Out on the roof, she was introspective.

“Why didn’t you let them take you to the hospital?” He asked.

“It would have been a mistake.”

“Why?"

“The hospital bed is the one place an old witch does not want to be.”

“And why?”

“We hardly survive it.”

“But you will be treated.”

“I know.”

“And treatment should make you better.”

“So it should be. But if you have done as much wickedness as we have, the moment you are confined to the hospital bed, it all comes on you.”

“Why?”

“That is how it is. Old witches almost never survive the operating table as well. It is one of the ways they identify us in the villages. If you are one of those witches who have been able to survive accusations and you have to go in for an operation, everyone waits to see if you will come back. More often than not, we pass on. I don’t know what the white people put in the hospital medicines. We fear it as much as juju in our old age. Especially when administered in the hospital under these sort of circumstances.”

“I see. But Akunna has caused substantial damage to your body.”

“Indeed he has.”

“And you think pressing hot water and rubbing aboniki balm will do?”

“It is better than going to the hospital. I have already explained why to you.”

“I hope Esther stays committed to nursing your body.”

“She will. She is happy to do it since I am a repented soul.”

“What if you don’t get better?”

“Then I might die.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“It is the truth. This is the last time I am coming out of my body until I recover fully. The way the body is, it may not accept me when I go back. There is a good chance as it is that I will not wake up in the morning.”

“That is not funny. Why then did you risk coming out?”

“I needed to come and talk to you because it may be the last time we converse. You may be on your own as soon as tomorrow morning.”

“What will happen to me?”

“Someone will take you of course. I doubt that it will be someone from this compound. It could be the government or if they have sense, they will send you to my people in the village. Now listen carefully. When you get there, just lie low. Be a normal child until you are thirteen. I know that you may be tempted to do some wickedness when you are playing with other children or in the home to your guardians but do only things that if they catch you they will only call it mischief. Don’t mess with anyone’s dreams. Don’t try to meddle with anyone’s destiny. It is not every witch child that is lucky to be rescued by white people or ignorant Africans. Do the wrong thing and they will roast you like fowl. Just be normal. Do not attend meetings. Stay in your body every night. Look for one of those dead churches and be very committed. Be so committed that they will never think of pulling you out to where they do deliverance. Then from your thirteenth birthday, you can start attending meetings and practicing fully.”

“Please mama. Stop scaring me. You will not die.”

“Don’t bet on it. That boy beat me up like I was a thief.”

“Worse than that, he beat you like a fellow pro wrestler.”

“You saw it abi?”

“Yes I did.”

“Where did he learn that?”

“In the place they put him of course. They had television and books.”

“Why did they release him?”

“They did not get his diagnosis right. He is bipolar. He will confuse them and they will let him come back home again.”

“Will he beat you again?”

“He will beat me every day.”

“But why?”

“He knows I killed his family. And he is unwell.”

“That means he will really kill you.”

“Yes, he will.”

“Maybe it would have been better if we had allowed Irikefe to deal with you.”

“I would have preferred that to all this beating. I wouldn’t have been the first witch to confess. I would have also repented genuinely and gotten rehabilitation. But now I have already faked my repentance. I can’t go back and repent again. Esther will not trust me and may abandon me now.”

“Then remain as you are while she takes care of you. Don't let them return us to our room. It is unfortunate we will not be able to meet out here again until you are better but I will endure. Just endure the pain and recover quickly.”

“Don’t bet on it. I am an old woman and my body is weak.”

“You will get better.”

“A weak body cannot support a soul. It will leave. I will die."


TO BE CONTINUED.

.....and may the next morning reward Mama Akunna with death.

Pls ehn, do quick and die..

Mama is going to die and another woukd rise...

Akunna has done well

Good riddance Mama Akunna

Centino I hail oooo......happy Sunday

Mama Akunna, see your life.

Irikefe will be the happiest person o. The beating made me laugh loud.
Oga Centino abeg naw, make these updates like twice a week.

Happy Sunday. I enjoyed this update.

Finally Mama Akunna is about to exit Katakata

Happy Belated Birthday to my every Sunday date, Centino

Age graciously

Lmao! What a way to unwind and rest my head! I needed the comic relief! Laughed out so loud! I really needed this! Thanks Centino! So hilarious. Amazing read!

Na boss u be gbefun

Centino oooo

Finally this evil woman is going down!

Oya! Let's pop Champaign

U are da boss

Pinkberry5:
Centino oooo

Finally this evil woman is going down!

Oya! Let's pop Champaign

I won't bet on that so quick u no know centibaba he used d word MIGHT. More hrt brk loading

Mama Akunna should have known the moment her son went mad, it was impossible to escape been caught cause mad people can see things.

nnachukz:
Irikefe will be the happiest person o. The beating made me laugh loud.
Oga Centino abeg naw, make these updates like twice a week.

It was just as irikefe and mama akunna's son had this connection to do mischief, mad people sabi themselves.

XoshinugaX:
.....and may the next morning reward Mama Akunna with death.

amen ooo

Happy belated birthday centino, I wish you the very good of life. I pray and command every mama Akunna in your life to die, every Josephine that will want to tempt you will Ben wasiulized and may God grant you enough riches to cater for the Maya in your life.


I pray for you to go places and acquire abundant wealth with your talent of writing great stories like this.



M

Sweet Lord Jesus � .. Akunna the undisputed champion.. Happy birthday in arrears Centino

XoshinugaX:
.....and may the next morning reward Mama Akunna with death.

aameen

happy belated birthday to one of the most talented human on earth