Routiner

The priest could be seen behind the confessional, he sat there and listened intently to the man in dansshiki, I wondered if he was a politician, he was kneeling before I joined the queue so I had not see his face. I wanted to wonder what he would confess and what his penance would be, but I focused on mine, instead; The usual, I watched porn, I have been angry and unforgiven, thankfully there was no masturbation or fornication this time.

I saw the danshiki clothed man do the sign of the cross, the elderly man ahead of me noticed it too and took it as a his cue to move to the box. I turned and saw a middle aged lady seated next to me, she wore jeans and a T-shirt that hugged her buddy, my eyes lingered at her chest trying to read what was written on the shirt. She caught my eye, I nodded at her a bit embarrassed, I was genuinely trying to read the imprints, not that I didn't notice that she was quite endowed in the region.

Unrepentant.

He stared at my breasts, and his gaze made my nipple taut, he doesn't look so bad really, tall, average weight with fat that comes with aging, he'd be strong in bed. My mind began to wonder to the things we could do then I noticed the crucifix on the rosary held by the young girl seared next to me; I suddenly recalled where I was and why I was there. I looked at the confessional and hoped it was a different priest from last week. I couldn't see him but the one from last week was Yoruba, I could tell from his accent, he was also very harsh and berating, he asked uncomfortable questions.

"ave you discussed it with your osband? Does he know he doesn't sastify you? Ow habout the sildren, do you consider them?"

Yeah right, like I am going to tell the Chairman of Emerged Group PLC, a man who 50,000 employees answer to, that he didn't know how to warm my cockles. "No, thank you!"

I looked at the young man who stared at my breasts again, I'll give him my number. Chairman is in China signing some trade agreement on behalf of the government.

The breast starer noticed I was looking at him and smiled back, I knew I had won, I might be middle aged but I didn't look so bad, baring two children didn't damage my physique much. I tried to look at the crotch area of his jean, to see how tight it might be, but he sat legs crossed. Yes, I'll give him my number and call him tomorrow after I drop the kids of at school, it will take a day or two but I should be able to nudge him to get a hotel for thursday through Saturday. Just in time to for me to come confess on Sunday after mass.

My eyes wandered back to the crucifix on the rosary, and I noticed the young girl holding it was sniffling.

Penitent

I had no choice, I simply had no choice, it was either that or loose him. I couldn't loose him, he was my world. I sniffed to drag back the mucus threatening to escape my nostrils and drip down my lips.

Seven years I watched him grow, there was no way I was going to watch him die. I waited 4 years to have him and when he came he completed my joy. I named him Ayomikun, and his father agreed. The fates sealed me up after that, it was almost like they were telling me, this was a one time offer.

But I wasn't so concerned, so far Ayomi was there, the fates could seal me up forever. Sometimes after we had sex hoping for a baby, I'd laugh knowing nothing will come out of it, other times when it was successful, we didn't keep our hopes up because we knew in a few months we would wake up to blood stained bedsheet, and we would rush to the hospital where the doctors will tell us what we already knew, another foetus gone.

I never let it bother me, Ayomi always ran up to me and said 'mommy' and that was enough to make me tell the fates to go hang, they could do their worse, I had ayomikun to call me mummy.

The fates heard me and they did their worse.

My Ayomikun stopped eating, he looked tired and the sun was out of his smile, he didn't walk like one who had happiness at the sole of his feet.


"His kidneys are failing" the doctor said with such false pity I wanted to slap him and spit on him, I wanted him to take back the words.

"He needs transplants," my husband looked on.

"When can it be done?" I asked,

"As soon as we have a donor, and more importantly, the money" he said

"Money isn't a problem" my husband said, he looked so arrogant as he said it.

And the tests began, everyday, Ayomi slipped farther and the fates laughed at me as no match came. Last week, he lost consciousness, that night I went to the doctor,

"Take mine or my husband's"

He looked befuddled, "what?"

"The kidneys, one from my husband, one from me, please," I pleaded.

He saw the desperation in my pleading eyes, " I'll see what can be done"

I went home with hope in my heart only to have it dashed

"No I can't" my husbands tone of finality almost froze my heart. "We will have other children" I wanted to tell him we won't, that the fates had decided it, that they were punishing us for our goodluck, For achieving so much success in so little time but I kept quiet.

He wouldn't look at me, and in the following days family members came to sympathize as if my son were dead, his mother came and discussed the folly of giving up our kidney for an uncertain procedure.

Ayomi had a week to live. I went to the hospital to pick two donor forms, I filled mine and signed and filled his. When he came I took it to him along with the medical bills, Ayomi's last report card and told him he had to sign, he looked at me and without looking at the papers signed everything.

The hospital will call to confirm, he would still have to go to the hospital and surrender himself to the blade. His mother will never let him, so in the morning I served him breakfast.

"Why do I taste peanut?" He looked at me in askance

"Because I put peanut butter in your bread"

"What? You know I'm allergic, are trying to kill ..." He looked at me and it dawned on him, he ran around the house looking for his epinephrine, he searched for his car keys and then his phone, he made for the door but it was locked, I saw him weaking, he couldn't scream and then I saw him collapse.

I went to him, and held him, I could see the hate in his eyes. My tears fell in his lips

"I'm sorry" was I said as he began to gasp for breath, whizzing hard. He tried to grab my neck but he was too weak. And then I heard him say 'Ayomi. . ayo.."

"He'll be fine" I whispered to him and as the clock struck 12, I watched my husband die so my son could leave.


This time the mucus escaped from my nose and messed up the cathedral floor as I stumbled to the confessional to tell the priest how I murdered my husband.

no matter how you may view it we are all responsible for our action either good or bad.