EkoErrands:


SOLUTION:

Brother, Love neutralizes all conflicts with a woman's attitude. Trust me, I have slapped b4; and it doesn't change a thing. My advise to you is respond to your wife's attitude with excessive love. Throw away your ego.if she raise her voice ....kiss her! If she tells u shut up...kiss her, if she insults u...kiss her, just like that.

The problem of fighting with family is that when you kill one person ...the dead is family. And we Dont want that do we. Ego na baskard. Just dey kiss all her bad attitude dey go! If she be human being she will only reciprocate by allowing u kiss her each time.

If e no work...just know say u married a slay queen from hell with no emotions

This advice...wow!
I see it in the movies alot. Dunno if I can play this script tho.

[quote author=Evaberry post=58527356]you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!! I think u re more like this man wife, or u lack comprehension, he said slow, is bound to happen when u re lost in anger, a wife has a duty in her home so if a man decide to assist don't take it as a right but be grateful and show gratitude. The Bible says man love ur wife , wife respect ur husband but that u became pregnant is not an excuse to quit ur job knowing that things are not settled yet. Bro ve a talk with ur wife, if no changes, talk to some one she respect.

chinnasa:
sir, i will remember your home in my prayer. its really difficult to stand a nagging wife. When she starts kindle ignore but dont sink your marriage. the only solution is God. talk to HIM.

Thank you. May God bless you.

my brother,every marriage has its ups and down,its a pity that the problem started earlier,but never mind.Go on your kneel and start praying.Talk to GOD in prayer and see the changes that will come.All women are thesame,95% lives on pretence.You can divorce her and get another wife but what if the wife becomes deadly and dangerous.what will you do?this is my advice to u,pray,ignore her something when she do things wrong and praise her alot when she do the right thing.pray to God for to increase ur income so that you can take care of her 85% demand.thank you.may GOD be with you.

Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Bros stop trying to reinstate at every opportunity that you are the man, the one in charge. I made same mistake too in my marriage. I was lucky for having friends who've been in marriage for many years, and a good pastor who gave us counsel. Never try to prove that you are in charge. You shall be strongly resisted. Let her lead. Follow. For peace to reign. Only assert your "manliness" where its absolutely essential.
Wish you luck.

Caustics:
when you see men dating a woman for 8 years dont blame them. i wonder how you were bilnd not to notice these things before you guys got married. My advice it that you tell her to

Dating and Marriage are totally two different ball games.... you'll never know until you are married.

Skmoda:

this is the dumbest post ever...na ukwu be your problem.

Lmao bros take am easy na e get Wetin I wan bring out there. Maybe that's what blinded his eyes to her horrible characters during their courtship u know, he was staring at the thing all day long and banging d hell of it at night so he no get time to notice anything na when he don con marry am wen e body don come down na den im eye con clear so I know d kind of investigation am doing.

Na CIA tins..

Op sorry. I can imagine what you are going through.

But when men marry women that looks dull and speaks dull, in their mind (this babe go easy to control) then run away from mobile uprising females doing well in life. Who think smart and work smart.
This is exactly what they get at home. A collapsed brain

A friend who supposedly married a dull lady is now lamenting how slow she thinks and her laziness cannot even be compared to none. And her tongue? As sharp as blade. I was just laughing when he was lamenting. Infact he has given up on her sef.
The husband said to his wife, one day I will run away and leave u and the kids. She wil reply back, me sef am tired of your complains! Wetin sef! U can run away if u like! Who cares! Am done with u as well!

So, op u need to manage the situation. Kids are involved already

Ndo!

Bluestreams:


I really do not know...I'm out of energy to keep pushing it.

I understand but just give it one more try. Marriage is very important especially when you have kids .divorce traumatises kids. Trust me, I should know. But that being said, if I sit her down and ask her if she's still willing to try and she says no, let it go. But you have to at least ask her. Also it's time to start talking to God in prayers .Take this problem to God in prayers

Bluestreams:


1) A year and 3 months.

2) She's a very compassionate person and isn't materilistic and also biz oriented (She has always complained of not liking her job to me. So one day I took a calculator and divided her salary by the number of working days and she realised shes not making up to 5k a day. Her morale for the job dropped ever since as she believes she can make much more as profit it her proposed line of biz).

3) we agreed that we'll live on hers pending when I get a stable source of income to add to hers. Currently I have a car I even put of for drop and its still fetching some cash daily for the family. I still do my pest control biz although this comes every other week.

4) Domestic chores, Our attending my family church (I've tried to change and she still complained. Also asked her to start attending hers no way), And some other petty things. They are alsways petty.

5) She still have a job. She gets her pension alerts and other deductions monthly.

6) That I'll not contest. If she wants custody, no problem if not I'll be glad to take custody. I've been living up to my responsibilities concerning the child...hospital bills, baby food and other needful so it'll not make any difference.

7) No. We neither do that.

Thanks for the response. So my post to you now will be measured because I haven't heard from your wife.

Now you used the word "compassionate" as the opener to some of the things that attracted your wife to you. This says to me she is a reasonable person of sorts.

Here is my advice;

You both need to find a nice relaxing place where you both can sit and discuss. Talk about what your two years of marriage has been like and also discuss a way forward. I realise that some of these discussions are easier said than done so I implore you to write down everything. The things you love about your marriage and the things you would like to change (don't say hate). You said she talks over you so you need to have alot of patience. Allow her talk and wait until she is finished. And it's important you both approach this discussion with an open mind and heart more with the intention of listening to each other than speaking. A pen and paper is key. When she is speaking, write down the points she is making and what you don't understand, seek clarification. Communication is the key in every relationship.

Money! Money!! Money!!! Without money in a relationship, the troubles always escalates. It's easy to lose sight of plans and the future and get consumed by those issues. Attitudes change because of this and many times its subconscious. I have seen this before and it's never pleasant. I would never advise a Man to get married let alone have a kid without a steady means of income.You both need to sit together and discuss finance and planning with a roadmap towards financial independence. You both seem to have ideas for businesses you want to run. In that discussion, find which one of both of your businesses is most likely to succeed faster and is cheaper to start and channel all your resources into it. If the finances are not readily available, then you need to convince her to go back to work with a time line for when she would be able to leave the job and enter into a business. I understand what it feels like to work a job you don't like and it's very mentally draining and demoralising. So you must be gentle, reassuring but firm in trying to get her back to work.

On the issue of Church, I consider it to be a non- issue as such. Both of you find a new church that is neither hers nor yours and build your camp there. That is the best solution to this. I never advise couples to attend different churches cos these Pastors these days can be quite destructive.

On your parents.. I think a common mistake people make in marriage is that they fail to understand that being married cuts you from your biological family. I am not saying you shouldn't have a relationship with your folks but your primary allegiance is to your wife and kids first. So if you realise that your wife and your folks don't get along as such then it's your duty to shield and protect her from them and vice versa on her part regarding her family. You must learn to manage that relationship between her and your family. Don't send her over to your folks alone cos that's a recipe for disaster. So find a way to manage that. Don't discuss your wife or marital problems with your family and she shouldn't with hers either. You are both in this marriage together. Outside influence especially that of family is almost always biased and often times destructive. You must manage how much information on your marriage you share with either family. Also sternly put down your foot and tell your wife that she must never discuss your family with anybody. If she fails to adhere you can kick her out to go stay with her folks for a while or something like that. That shiit has got to stop.

Finally, I am never going to be an advocate for divorce especially when a kid is involved, but that notwithstanding, there is a limit to what anybody should endure in a relationship. I just feel like 3 years is too short to arrive at such a drastic approach. Communication is always the key. Try to talk to one another. Issues on chores are resolvable. You guys are financially tight otherwise I would have suggested a maid (not a child). Maybe take turns to do them. If you can cook as well as you say, do it and gently coax her back into the kitchen. Approach is key to every thing. Also sleeping in separate rooms is a NO NO. I have found that many conflicts in marriages are resolved on the matrimonial bed (not always with sex). Sometimes simply cuddling to sleep immediately after a fight can resolve a conflict without an apology.

All the best in your marriage Bro and hopefully this period will pass soon and fast and be forgetten in no time.

Stay Blessed.

_MadCow

Bluestreams:


1) A year and 3 months.

2) She's a very compassionate person and isn't materilistic and also biz oriented (She has always complained of not liking her job to me. So one day I took a calculator and divided her salary by the number of working days and she realised shes not making up to 5k a day. Her morale for the job dropped ever since as she believes she can make much more as profit it her proposed line of biz).

3) we agreed that we'll live on hers pending when I get a stable source of income to add to hers. Currently I have a car I even put of for drop and its still fetching some cash daily for the family. I still do my pest control biz although this comes every other week.

4) Domestic chores, Our attending my family church (I've tried to change and she still complained. Also asked her to start attending hers no way), And some other petty things. They are alsways petty.

5) She still have a job. She gets her pension alerts and other deductions monthly.

6) That I'll not contest. If she wants custody, no problem if not I'll be glad to take custody. I've been living up to my responsibilities concerning the child...hospital bills, baby food and other needful so it'll not make any difference.

7) No. We neither do that.

Let her look into transferring her job location to where you are. For example, if she was working in Abuja and you live in Lagos, can she transfer to Lagos if her ministry has an office there? Or is she working for the state? I advocate keeping civil service jobs in Nigeria because they are stable.

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

My dear brother, pls, permit me to go spiritual now, the thing is did u marry her because u feel like u like her or God told u she's the right person for you?
If God had told you she's, then u can still go back to him, as long as you are sure of his distinctive leading.
Beside, u can't forsake her and marry another lady as long as she's still alive ( according to the Apostle Paul doctrine).
Just carry your cross and keep praying to God for a change of hearth and also go for counselling.
My earnest prayer for you is that the good lord visit your home.

Bluestreams:


Mayweather or Paccio does theirs for money which is the best. Mine was just a spontaneous reflex which I regretted hugely.

You see, Na this one make her see you finish. You regret slapping sense into her? But she doesn't regret arguing with your mom. Sense fall on you bro!

Bluestreams
I stopped reading when i saw "She was born with silver spoon in her mouth". Its difficult to move from silver to wooden even if its temporary. Most ladies from this category of parentage,do not like to hustle. And if she's trained with 'class' attitude,sorry. So from my conclusion,the main issue is your present financial status. She married with the believe that things will get better,faced with the current challenges,she's frustrated with the situation and threatening to leave. I can relate to that.

She's spoilt and do not cook or clean: still boils down to above. If she had 3-4 maid growing up,i dont expect anything better. However i think she should have gone for her 'class' since she cannot cope with a hustling man. For you to be cooking alone and all that after work is stressful.

She cannot walk as fast as you is a non issue,i cannot keep up pace with my husband either. Na walking competition.

She hates her job: Why not convince her to manage it till you raise money for the business.Give her a time limit to it,lets say 1year. Half bread is better than gala. She's your helpmate and should be one financially. 5k/day na beans haaa. A civil service job is not even that stressful. Work out modalities for baby's care;a nanny or creche.

Wifey Exposing Secrets to Neighbours: Joblessness plus frustration. Spell out the boundaries and maintain them. This is very important.

She Nags: I also do.That will stop with maturity. On the issue of raising her voice on you,that will also stop with maturity. Beating and slapping is a No No. She's a talking machine and make blind arguments;its well with you bro. I can't handle that. She keeps malice; Try and joke with her after every episode. Do not sleep with a grudge,make it a rule.

Fighting and disgracing herself in the neighbourhood: More reason she should go back to work. If she have an elder one,tell him/her.

Her Father harassing you: Pay your father inlaw a visit and have a discussion with him. He's your father by marriage. Let him know what's up with his children.

Still have more to say but I don't want to waste my saliva ooo

Do you want to continue with the marriage or divorce

LoveJesus87:
Lmao bros take am easy na e get Wetin I wan bring out there. Maybe that's what blinded his eyes to her horrible characters during their courtship u know, he was staring at the thing all day long and banging d hell of it at night so he no get time to notice anything na when he don con marry am wen e body don come down na den im eye con clear so I know d kind of investigation am doing.

Na CIA tins..

Now i got your point bro...

God bless you for the wise counsel, bro it can be better said. Marriage is hard work. The first years could be very challenging as you need to understand yourself and also plan your family.

Prognose:


I read the whole thing.
You're not alone bro. The problems you're having is the same kind of problems married people have at this stage of their marriage. This is the setting limits stage. This is where you both draw the line on things you can tolerate and things you won't allow no matter what. This is the stage where you show the kind of man you are and your wife will likewise adapt as a woman. Your problem is nothing out of the ordinary that others in these phase of marriage have experienced.


You didn't see all these flaws in her initially because you were deeply in love with her then. You may have even noticed some of these things but pushed them aside. But now the euphoria of love have gone and both of you are seeing yourselves live and direct. It's not a new thing bros, trust me.

So she nags. Almost all women nag, some nag worse than others. It is kind of your job to be patient with her as the man. Pls try and control your temper, this is what will make you matured and will separate u from being a boy. When she shouts and talks ceaselessly find a way to leave the environment or ignore her, depending on the type u can do. Over time she will learn to control herself.
Her controlling herself and reducing her nagging and your not getting enraged to be slapping her shows that you are both coming of age in the marriage and are understanding each other and becoming mature.


Do you want her to go back to her job? Remember she is pregnant (for the first time) and in a delicate and scared state. She is quite vulnerable right now with the changes going on in her body. Your job at this time is to be as supportive as you can. I don't mean you should become her slave but try and give her more rope when she misbehaves. It gets worse at three to six months of age and then she should start returning back to normal.

Set a boundary for her father. The fact that he has cut the phone on you once is enough to piss you off. He's not married to her, you are. If he calls again tell him politely that this is your family and you have your own plans for your wife. If you don't have the mind to do this then u can just ignore him instead. This is your wife now, he should stop butting in.

Find a job for her to do, no matter how little. Also don't give up on yourself. Every married couple went through this stage, it is those that come out of it that last. If you break up now, what's to say in your next marriage u won't break up again at the first sign of difficulty. Your a postgraduate man, you should be more mature and patient bro.

Find an older married couple you can talk to for advice. Not online o. A respectable married couple or couples preferably from the generation before ours let them tell you what they've been through themselves. Marriage is hard work and the more work you put into it the sweeter it becomes.

Cheers bro.

CrescentMoon:



You won't agree but you have to understand that money is not the problem in this relationship. He married a devil. She stopped working and he could still afford an apartment that has a guest room. Maybe you are a breed of that woman or you have never lived among the poor. Whatever, you can't see the world the way I see it. I'm 36 and I'm very sure of what I'm saying. I was in the University with neither a parent or a job. For you to still remember me in this thread, you obviously felt concerned for my predicaments. Will you be my friend as I apologize for my earlier condescending response to you?

I am so touched by your humility and your attitude. Your used words to quench a fire that could have escalated. Kudos

Skmoda:

Now i got your point bro...

YelloweWest:

Pls are u single?? My sis is single pls

Good husband are extremely hard to find

I'm single too o

baby124:

You will end up in prison if you think like this. For a very long time too. You have no right to take anybody's life. Whether married to you or not. Marriage does not mean ownership. The day you choke another person's daughter and try to kill her, make sure you dig a grave for yourself too. Little child.

Big child the prison in your village are they built for animal.

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

this is unfair remember u gonna get married someday too

Bluestreams:


I never said she is "Lazy". I said "Slow". They are two different words.

Love the fact that you defended her here by clarifying(You still have the protective feelings towards her, which in my books translates to: There's still hope for you guys)... Could you also clarify to those that can't discern well and just looooove jumping to conclusions, that you never said that she can't cook or clean.

MadCow1:


Thanks for the response. So my post to you now will be measured because I haven't heard from your wife.

Now you used the word "compassionate" as the opener to some of the things that attracted your wife to you. This says to me she is a reasonable person of sorts.

Here is my advice;

You both need to find a nice relaxing place where you both can sit and discuss. Talk about what your two years of marriage has been like and also discuss a way forward. I realise that some of these discussions are easier said than done so I implore you to write down everything. The things you love about your marriage and the things you would like to change (don't say hate). You said she talks over you so you need to have alot of patience. Allow her talk and wait until she is finished. And it's important you both approach this discussion with an open mind and heart more with the intention of listening to each other than speaking. A pen and paper is key. When she is speaking, write down the points she is making and what you don't understand, seek clarification. Communication is the key in every relationship.

Money! Money!! Money!!! Without money in a relationship, the troubles always escalates. It's easy to lose sight of plans and the future and get consumed by those issues. Attitudes change because of this and many times its subconscious. I have seen this before and it's never pleasant. I would never advise a Man to get married let alone have a kid without a steady means of income.You both need to sit together and discuss finance and planning with a roadmap towards financial independence. You both seem to have ideas for businesses you want to run. In that discussion, find which one of both of your businesses is most likely to succeed faster and is cheaper to start and channel all your resources into it. If the finances are not readily available, then you need to convince her to go back to work with a time line for when she would be able to leave the job and enter into a business. I understand what it feels like to work a job you don't like and it's very mentally draining and demoralising. So you must be gentle, reassuring but firm in trying to get her back to work.

On the issue of Church, I consider it to be a non- issue as such. Both of you find a new church that is neither hers nor yours and build your camp there. That is the best solution to this. I never advise couples to attend different churches cos these Pastors these days can be quite destructive.

On your parents.. I think a common mistake people make in marriage is that they fail to understand that being married cuts you from your biological family. I am not saying you shouldn't have a relationship with your folks but your primary allegiance is to your wife and kids first. So if you realise that your wife and your folks don't get along as such then it's your duty to shield and protect her from them and vice versa on her part regarding her family. You must learn to manage that relationship between her and your family. Don't send her over to your folks alone cos that's a recipe for disaster. So find a way to manage that. Don't discuss your wife or marital problems with your family and she shouldn't with hers either. You are both in this marriage together. Outside influence especially that of family is almost always biased and often times destructive. You must manage how much information on your marriage you share with either family. Also sternly put down your foot and tell your wife that she must never discuss your family with anybody. If she fails to adhere you can kick her out to go stay with her folks for a while or something like that. That shiit has got to stop.

Finally, I am never going to be an advocate for divorce especially when a kid is involved, but that notwithstanding, there is a limit to what anybody should endure in a relationship. I just feel like 3 years is too short to arrive at such a drastic approach. Communication is always the key. Try to talk to one another. Issues on chores are resolvable. You guys are financially tight otherwise I would have suggested a maid (not a child). Maybe take turns to do them. If you can cook as well as you say, do it and gently coax her back into the kitchen. Approach is key to every thing. Also sleeping in separate rooms is a NO NO. I have found that many conflicts in marriages are resolved on the matrimonial bed (not always with sex). Sometimes simply cuddling to sleep immediately after a fight can resolve a conflict without an apology.

All the best in your marriage Bro and hopefully this period will pass soon and fast and be forgetten in no time.

Stay Blessed.

_MadCow

This guy's comments also makes a lot of sense, take it. At the part I "boldened" in his comments, your wife seriously needs to adhere to it(If she only knew what that her neighbour(s) marriage is truly like/passing through, then she'll know that they're the "wrongest" people to share with).
Bottomline is that when you do find yourselves/marriage in a situation where you think you need external intervention, talk to a stranger(e.g: Counsellor(s)). This is due to the fact that they have no previous personal vested interests in either of you, so, they can be impartial.

Now, on a lighter note, I really love that kissing advice(lols). It might be hard the first or second time(due to the fact that you guys are currently quarreling), but it will get amusing with time. And it will be fun for you to watch her become off-balance with confusion because she doesn't know what you'll do next(who says relationships, marriage included, doesn't involve one form of manipulation or the other?). On her own part, she'll just jejely adjust, as she will see and realize that you're not taking life too hard.

Also, you need to adjust your mindset, cause I sense(sorry if I'm wrong), some sort of arrogance from you towards her in matters of finance, now that things have started picking up for you. Because, you wrote somewhere up there that when you do become a millionaire? she'll be relegated to one side? But at the same time you said that she wasn't stingy with hers when she had(she might not have been a millionaire, but trust me, that money was like millions to her, because they were all she had), and you still keep insisting that it's not about the money.
So I'm sure you can understand my confusion right now, that if it's not about the money like you're saying, why such statement from you? Once again, adjust your mindset on that issue.
Cos the way money makes love sweeter, is the same way love makes money sweeter.

PS: All these still doesn't mean that you guys won't have anymore fights, it just means that when you do fight, you'll be able to do so with love and understanding.

EntMirror:
Now.. From the whole long epistle, it's evident that Op was never in any courtship with the said lady before taking her to the alter. That's the first mistake.

Second... You're weren't stable financially and yet, you decided to kick a ball you didn't know where it will land.

Third.. You're wife phlegmatic sanguine while you are melachonic.. These two personality traits are incompatible as long as marriage is concerned.

Fourth.. Your wife talks before she reason while you face each day without tomorrow in mind.. I have evidence for this purportion.

Fifth... The two of you were never in love. You barely know her ...

Sixth.. You're confused and sad.. Such state will never gear you into making the right decision.

Seventh.. You don't have money.. No matter how much a woman loves you. She won't be happy if you're a broke ass.. Check my signature for business ideas. Stop working for people when you can be your own boss..

Your third point really got me.Can u pls recommend a book to read up on this personality traits? Thanks

Prognose:


I read the whole thing.
You're not alone bro. The problems you're having is the same kind of problems married people have at this stage of their marriage. This is the setting limits stage. This is where you both draw the line on things you can tolerate and things you won't allow no matter what. This is the stage where you show the kind of man you are and your wife will likewise adapt as a woman. Your problem is nothing out of the ordinary that others in these phase of marriage have experienced.


You didn't see all these flaws in her initially because you were deeply in love with her then. You may have even noticed some of these things but pushed them aside. But now the euphoria of love have gone and both of you are seeing yourselves live and direct. It's not a new thing bros, trust me.

So she nags. Almost all women nag, some nag worse than others. It is kind of your job to be patient with her as the man. Pls try and control your temper, this is what will make you matured and will separate u from being a boy. When she shouts and talks ceaselessly find a way to leave the environment or ignore her, depending on the type u can do. Over time she will learn to control herself.
Her controlling herself and reducing her nagging and your not getting enraged to be slapping her shows that you are both coming of age in the marriage and are understanding each other and becoming mature.


Do you want her to go back to her job? Remember she is pregnant (for the first time) and in a delicate and scared state. She is quite vulnerable right now with the changes going on in her body. Your job at this time is to be as supportive as you can. I don't mean you should become her slave but try and give her more rope when she misbehaves. It gets worse at three to six months of age and then she should start returning back to normal.

Set a boundary for her father. The fact that he has cut the phone on you once is enough to piss you off. He's not married to her, you are. If he calls again tell him politely that this is your family and you have your own plans for your wife. If you don't have the mind to do this then u can just ignore him instead. This is your wife now, he should stop butting in.

Find a job for her to do, no matter how little. Also don't give up on yourself. Every married couple went through this stage, it is those that come out of it that last. If you break up now, what's to say in your next marriage u won't break up again at the first sign of difficulty. Your a postgraduate man, you should be more mature and patient bro.

Find an older married couple you can talk to for advice. Not online o. A respectable married couple or couples preferably from the generation before ours let them tell you what they've been through themselves. Marriage is hard work and the more work you put into it the sweeter it becomes.

Cheers bro.

please will u marry or date me?

HERSLEY:
please will u marry or date me?

sorry dear, he's married!

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

My God, are you even up to 20yrs old? that was highly insensitive of you to say.. you shouldn't even have bothered to comment at all, since you have nothing positive to contribute..my goodness.

iretex1:


sorry dear, he's married!

Wow...... His wife is lucky...

HERSLEY:
Wow...... His wife is lucky...

You want him to marry you so you can slay his life for him abi?

kaboninc:


You want him to marry you so you can slay his life for him abi?

nah o

There are four things one must never forget to give relentlessly in marraige and friendship: Patience, Love, Time and Understanding.

Patience because we all learn differently and there are somethings she may be doing that you may not understand and she herself may not be aware of but you can correct her lovingly.

Love because you guys decided to take the walk together it wasn't just a random though you must have seen some great qualities in her that made you marry her. Look out for those signs that she loves you too and use that as a way to encourage her to get back to work.

Time because you don't want to rush to destroy what you two have built overtime unless you have seen that it won't work out. Take time to diversify your options for your children don't give info about your appointments job wise until you are certain because I'm sure she was bragging because she is proud of you and wanted everyone else to know your moving up in life sometimes we are like that.

Understanding because that's really what we all really need as humans not opinions or slaps but a willingness to compromise no matter how tough it gets

Yes it's been 2 years and money maybe a minor issue but you guys have to thank God for life and put your heads together. The money will come when you join forces to help each other and not to condemn one another