so the wife feels sentimental about her ex.

Big deal!!!!!

sheesh.

Like the husband wont go gaga over his own ex should he glimpse her?

i think the poster should first try and understand

yes, the wife is wrong for havin photos of her ex in her matrimonial home

but u guys just need to talk and tell her gently to let go

new life new future, she needs to forget abt her past

u see hw ex's can still scew things up even when they arent there!

dayuum i never keep anything (except for the gold! a lady must keep the gold!)

talkless of now hidin shizz in my wardrobe

this is actually quite funny!

tpia.:

so the wife feels sentimental about her ex.

Big deal!!!!!

sheesh.

Like the husband wont go gaga over his own ex should he glimpse her?

^^^
Sickens me when people like you trivialize marriage; like it's some kinda union of convenience, or like the other was forced on you! Why not marry that ex that you're so sentimental about!!! Sheesh.

pro01:

@ MrBrownJay
I see you're obsessed with been 'secure' bla bka. Or whatever else is your condition. Continue that way; I have no doubt you'd eventually be a very very 'secure' and 'confident' cuckold. These slimy, serpentine girls would so so like to have a 'secure' and 21st century liberal husband like you. Duh.

you are misreading my post son, i am obsessed with letting 9ja immature/insecure men (probably like yourself since you open thread about being paranoid of marriage) understand that forcing a spouse into doing something they dont want is never gonna solve any problem in marriages.
accept your wives for who they are instead of trying to beat them into submission.

believe it kiddo, a woman who wants to cheat, WILL CHEAT however you try to stop it! (even if you lock her up in your house)

pro01:

^^^
Sickens me when people like you trivialize marriage; like it's some kinda union of convenience, or like the other was forced on you! Why not marry that ex that you're so sentimental about!!! Sheesh.

you're quite immature and insecure I must say.

So having a picture of an ex who she can still see on Facebook, now means she wants to dump her marriage and run away with the ex?

If na oyibo you people marry, you'll even invite the ex over for dinner and make sure he's quite comfortable.


but let it be a naija woman and you develop some kind of hypertension if she so much as sneezes while you're watching her.

An ex is an ex, gedit? Its attitudes like yours that make women so secretive in the first place. Try not to be so uptight about everything.

MRbrownJAY:

you are misreading my post son, i am obsessed with letting 9ja immature/insecure men (probably like yourself since you open thread about being paranoid of marriage) understand that forcing a spouse into doing something they dont want is never gonna solve any problem in marriages.
accept your wives for who they are instead of trying to beat them into submission.

believe it kiddo, a woman who wants to cheat, WILL CHEAT however you try to stop it! (even if you lock her up in your house)

Wel if insecurity means not living in deluded denial (like you 'secure' ones) then am guilty without remorse. Cheating is a capital offence for me, but that aside, what sensible man would give his WIFE the freedom to disrespect him by keeping her ex's picture in our matrimonial home, and cavorting around with all manner of male "friends"? Eff that shit. Where's DECENCY and RESPECT? Abegi.

^^ good luck to you because you're going to need plenty of it

having a photo of her ex automatically means the wife is "cavorting around with all manner of male friends"?

so what a picture,whats the big deal but the hiding makes it suspiscious, these days there's no marriage that i can say is 100% insecurity free like couples no longer know who they marry.

MRbrownJAY:

well then these men should accept what marriage MEANS, as we all know that it doesnt mean slavery.
i understand that the fact that she hid it is wrong but a husband should have never asked for such at the first place.
he should have been mature and secure to know and understand that his wife has a past and from this past she has picture to remind her of her what happened.
what if she had graduation pictures with that guy, should she burn them too? family event/marriage photo with ex?
should they be burned too?

please enlighten me by explaining to me what "wifey suppose to give all up" means?!

accept your wife for who she is and dont try to change her into what you wish her to be.

No, i mean that 'She is suppose to give it all up' meaning she is suppose to discard anything that could pose as a threat to the survival of her marriage (could be anything like photos of her ex or any other thing) so far as it's not acceptable to the man. U may be right 'bout a man accepting his wife for who she is but what about his happiness? doesn't that still count as one?

@tpia

I really do hope you're female (in which case it becomes quite clear you would cheat with that ex of yours). But if you're a dude, then it is quite tragic; you have permitted yourself to be brainwashed by women. Drop that word 'insecure'. Its a weapon of blackmail by these serpentine women. You have to EARN a person's trust by the things you do (or dont do). A trustworthy wife would be true to herself and know that her romantic past (and all traces of it) should NEVER accompany her to her matrimonial home. Too much westernization seems to have blocked out all cognrtion of core values and timeless common sense from so many of you. Na wao. Soon extramarital intimacy wont be a big deal too, right? Duh.

well said pro1 having a pix of an ex might not be wrong but it's a diff ball game hiding them but point of correction women are not only evil men too are we are all evil,don't think a guy wudn't dare do the same thing after all we are humans it's in our nature to be deceitful,

pro01:

@tpia

I really do hope you're female (in which case it becomes quite clear you would cheat with that ex of yours). But if you're a dude, then it is quite tragic; you have permitted yourself to be brainwashed by women. Drop that word 'insecure'. Its a weapon of blackmail by these serpentine women. You have to EARN a person's trust by the things you do (or dont do). A trustworthy wife would be true to herself and know that her romantic past (and all traces of it) should NEVER accompany her to her matrimonial home. Too much westernization seems to have blocked out all cognrtion of core values and timeless common sense from so many of you. Na wao. Soon extramarital intimacy wont be a big deal too, right? Duh.

you dey craze.



so not having a photo of her ex means a woman wont cheat if she has a mind to?

keep dreaming.

^^
For those who don't delude themselves by acting 'secure', there would be clues every now and then. The pic of an ex (in our bedroom, can you believe this biatch of a wife!) is one of such! If it aint a pic, it'l be something else, and she'll then say "why are you so insecure, he's just a friend". Indeed. Not with me.

Then if the woman knows that her ex is now her friend, why would she be hiding it? doesn't that makes the whole thing to be suspicious? Shouldn't the husband be feeling insecured

Can't people see that tpia is the insecure guy here, trying to big up his 21st Century guy image. What amazes me is some guys especially nigerians, always try really hard to act, up par open minded. Having read most of his earlier aggressive post i even doubt he his married or intelligent.

@tpia
I'm not supporting any 1 here, but dude don't be rude when trying to argue with any person. It's a weakness on your side if you can't politely get your opponent to agree with you, without being polite.

May be u have to conduct a through search to see other hidden things

I can't understand what the issue is here - is it a crime to have a past?

Everyone has one, why would you expect your wife to destroy pictures of an ex, which was way before you guys got together? It's not normal to destroy pictures of an ex, just because you're married. Unless the ex in question was a violent bully, and arouses memories she would rather not dwell upon.

So, you get her to destroy these pictures, what about her mind? Can you delete her memories of her ex? I can almost assure you, that's the best way to drive your wife away, and back into the arms of the ex you're so insecure about. If she destroys these pictures because you insist she does, she will come to resent you. Do you automatically erase your past, just because you've gotten married?

Visual memories of her ex (pictures) are less of a threat compared to memories held in the mind, I'd think long and hard about what your issues really are.

Wouldnt want to be a fly on the wall in your house poster. Im sure you are prepared to make her life a living hell because apparently you own her. God be with her in this time of distress.

Hey NL, I mistakenly came accross this post and the response I read from people is scaring expecially from MRbrownJAY, cos of this I have to register, do we have christians in the house, I meamn xtians couples, do u have idea that whoever disvirgin a woman means alot expecially if the relationship lingered. When someone is married, everything is open, pictures and the rest, and if found by the opp sex, he or she may ask for it to be discarded, though this is normally done before marriege, I have seen people tearing all old relationships pics and gifts just to make this present one happy. pls lets be realistic, do u know that adultery are being committed just becuase the present one does not know how to do it like ex, when married, old things should be passed away and all effort must be made to saver present relationship/marriage including teaching each other in alll cases.

Now How can someone know that her husband will be angry for something and still keep it until finally found. in this case hiding in matrimonial home, I bet you this, if an opportunity rises for both, they will have their way call the present man stupid idiot. This is why married men and woment still go out in search of their past ex expecially the women, except that our society has naturally bring them to home attitude, this normally happens in developed countries.

My Advice, From various believe, i will never advice quarell or,  Marriage are meant to stay, and this is why you must look verrrrrrrrrryyyyyyy weeeelll before you marry so you dont marry someone who will hide pics, formal life styles, fun types and etc from you. She is already your wife,  jump and pass, tear the picture, and asked her if she still misses him, definitely she will say no. but forget and move on, once you carry,  no dropping.

it is outrightly bad to hide any past, for your couples. release your past and if it doens't suit your spouse, he or she will request for discard, let old stuff pass away, and let know stuff take shape.

but Mr. poster. move on and dedicate ur family to either God or Allah.

^^^ So, the OP "demands" his wife discards pictures of her ex, what about the memories in her brain? Can he prevent her from thinking about her ex? People don't need pictures of an ex to cheat, if it's in them to cheat, then cheat they will, pictures or not.

@presidking

i was wondering when the religious fanatics and wannabe pastors were going to bring their garbage talks. . . . . . . . here is the brigade!

i am sure presidking bible says that a wife should delete her photo/phone number on her cel and be brain washed into being a good god fearing xtian wife.
go get a life and preach on pastor!!!!

where are you sistawomen!!

Its just a pic guy! Cos she's married to u doesn't mean she's got to forget her past.if u you both luv each other, what else bro?

mrbrownjay i ve been thinkin and in my esteemed opinion there must be a lady here on NL that ur sucking up to. everything u say seems calculated to impress ladies and portray some gentleman image of yourself. be real my friend

^^^

I had the same thoughts too. Faking up all this ' Mr. Macho Alpha Male' image all over the place. Its quite funny to be honest.

Icepie:

Its just a pic guy! Cos she's married to u doesn't mean she's got to forget her past.

This is amazing. "its just a picture". Its tragic that some people prefer to be simplistic about issues. What has become of good old common sense? Or perhaps its just a sinister solidarity with someone who commits the same 'crimes' that you've done, are doing, or intend to do!

Marriage aint a joke (thats why i'm quite scared of making a wrong choice). When you marry, old things must pass away because you BELONG TO your spouse. Yes, thats the harsh truth. You can't still 'miss' your 'past' and yet claim happy matrimony with the present. That GUARANTEES that you SHALL cheat on the 'present' when the 'past' resurfaces in a conducive environment. A wise, distinguished woman who happens to miss her ex would consciously stamp out such thoughts, now that she's MARRIED, AND 'flee all appearances of evil'. She will obliterate pictures, letters, gifts, and other such memorabilia and vestiges of her past PRIOR to entering her matrimonial home. This is what a well-brought up, sensible, and honest 'African Queen' would do; she would never wait for her husband to complain before doing the needful. You can't have your cake and eat it.

Well, best of luck to those of you with these warped, counter-intuitive POVs. Certainly, the intendment of your hard-working parents in sending you to school (abroad perhaps) was not to lose necessary socio-cultural values. I tire for the matter.

Kgdavid:

mrbrownjay i ve been thinkin and in my esteemed opinion there must be a lady here on NL that your sucking up to. everything u say seems calculated to impress ladies and portray some gentleman image of  yourself. be real my friend

pro01:

^^^I had the same thoughts too. Faking up all this ' Mr. Macho Alpha Male' image all over the place. Its quite funny to be honest.

this is the reason why so many people on NL dont get the right pictures. . . . . .  everything and everyone has to be
YOUR "jungle bushman" WAY.
i am who i am, i dont care what you guys think. just because things are not YOUR way so automatically it should be wrong?! this is the exact same mentality that we see all over this forum, kids that will tell you that:
- a man marrying someone older than him is wrong.
- abortion is wrong (even if you were despoiled by a gang of area boys)
- intimacy before marriage is wrong.
-  having children before marriage is a sin
- divorce is a sin (even if your husband beats the Poo out of you)
- wifey should be a intimacy slave and bare children etc
bla bla bla.

people should live THEIR lives and stop worrying about others in a negative manner. i think the way i want to think, take it or leave it. read my 3000+ post and you will realize that i have always stand by the same words.dont read ONE post, read ALL my post!!
let me just say again that ANYONE who comes to NL to look for women is a dumbass and if thats what you guys are after then. . . . . . . . . . . . .

NL is a forum to give our insight about life and how we view different subjects. we often disagree on a lot of things BUT its all good as that is why this forum is here for, understanding others and putting your point across.
if you guys are here to try to portray yourselves as the perfect partner for some stranger on the other side of the world then i guess you better get a life as this is clearly the wrong place.

i have stated many times before that I AM A FORNICATOR, HAPPY IN A RELATIONSHIP WHO WILL NEVER EVER GET MARRIED AND SETTLE FOR "ONEGINA" (if thats alpha male for you then so be it) and i think that this statement alone will make you understand that looking good on NL is not my intention but rather standing by MY beliefs is.
i think it is also down to where you were born and grew up. i dont know about you but my parents taught me to be open minded and stand by my beliefs however wrong they might seem to others, to never judge a book by its cover but to have an idea of what it might be about and, to do what I feel is right and live by the consequences of my actions and, last but not least, to accept people for who they are.
so you see, doing what you imply the poster should do is against my parents teaching!

back to the topic:
i have learnt a great deal about women and one thing that i am certain of is: you can force a woman to act right for a while but if she really doesnt want to then she wont stay YOUR way for long so accept people for who they are and what they are instead of trying to force them into being who YOU want them to be.

MRbrownJAY:

this is the reason why so many people on NL dont get the right pictures. . . . . .  everything and everyone has to be
YOUR "jungle bushman" WAY.
i am who i am, i dont care what you guys think. just because things are not YOUR way so automatically it should be wrong?! this is the exact same mentality that we see all over this forum, kids that will tell you that:
- a man marrying someone older than him is wrong.
- abortion is wrong (even if you were despoiled by a gang of area boys)
- intimacy before marriage is wrong.
-  having children before marriage is a sin
- divorce is a sin (even if your husband beats the Poo out of you)
- wifey should be a intimacy slave and bare children etc
bla bla bla.

people should live THEIR lives and stop worrying about others in a negative manner. i think the way i want to think, take it or leave it. read my 3000+ post and you will realize that i have always stand by the same words.dont read ONE post, read ALL my post!!
let me just say again that ANYONE who comes to NL to look for women is a dumbass and if thats what you guys are after then. . . . . . . . . . . . .

NL is a forum to give our insight about life and how we view different subjects. we often disagree on a lot of things BUT its all good as that is why this forum is here for, understanding others and putting your point across.
if you guys are here to try to portray yourselves as the perfect partner for some stranger on the other side of the world then i guess you better get a life as this is clearly the wrong place.

i have stated many times before that I AM A FORNICATOR, HAPPY IN A RELATIONSHIP WHO WILL NEVER EVER GET MARRIED AND SETTLE FOR "ONEGINA" (if thats alpha male for you then so be it) and i think that this statement alone will make you understand that looking good on NL is not my intention but rather standing by MY beliefs is.
i think it is also down to where you were born and grew up. i dont know about you but my parents taught me to be open minded and stand by my beliefs however wrong they might seem to others, to never judge a book by its cover but to have an idea of what it might be about and, to do what I feel is right and live by the consequences of my actions and, last but not least, to accept people for who they are.
so you see, doing what you imply the poster should do is against my parents teaching!

back to the topic:
i have learnt a great deal about women and one thing that i am certain of is: you can force a woman to act right for a while but if she really doesnt want to then she wont stay YOUR way for long so accept people for [b]who they are and what they are instead of trying to force them into being who YOU want them to be.[/b]

true

lol mr brown o mr brown. if everyone is entitled to a view then what right do you have to refer to mine as jungle man bushman bla bla bla. what makes you believe that your views are "righter"? you just stated that marriage is not for you and you do not intend to settle down. how can advice coming from someone like you, help a person who clearly has the exact opposite of your ideals? you're telling him to live his married life in the same manner you live your life of random fornication?

Kgdavid:

lol mr brown o mr brown. if everyone is entitled to a view then what right do you have to refer to mine as jungle man bushman bla bla bla. what makes you believe that your views are "righter"?

so are you saying that you can have your views but i cant have mine?! this is exactly what i am saying to you!!!!
you have your views and i have mine, we put them on the table and the poster can decide for HIMSELF what views he likes best and what action to take from there. or do you think he should only listen to what YOU have written?!
the fact that you believe that its about right or wrong is where you are failing miserably. whats right for me might not be whats right for you BUT nevertheless i am going to put my view across, take it or leave it and let the poster decide whats RIGHT FOR HIM to do.

you just stated that marriage is not for you and you do not intend to settle down. how can advice coming from someone like you, help a person who clearly has the exact opposite of your ideals? you're telling him to live his married life in the same manner you live your life of random fornication?

where in my post did you read that i asked him to change his life and fornicate?! bro, you have serious eyesight issues and need help!

just because i have no intention of getting married doesnt mean i dont know what it takes to make a marriage work and stand the time. your brain should make you understand that "maybe" because I DO know what it takes to make a marriage work and because i either 1) dont believe in it 2) dont have the strength/energy to stand by it then i decide not to get married.

does that makes me a wrong person to give advice?! do you think that only married people can give advices to fellow married people?! what about if i was married before?! LOL

pro01:

This is amazing. "its just a picture". Its tragic that some people prefer to be simplistic about issues. What has become of good old common sense? Or perhaps its just a sinister solidarity with someone who commits the same 'crimes' that you've done, are doing, or intend to do!

Marriage aint a joke (thats why i'm quite scared of making a wrong choice). When you marry, old things must pass away because you BELONG TO your spouse. Yes, thats the harsh truth. You can't still 'miss' your 'past' and yet claim happy matrimony with the present. That GUARANTEES that you SHALL cheat on the 'present' when the 'past' resurfaces in a conducive environment. A wise, distinguished woman who happens to miss her ex would consciously stamp out such thoughts, now that she's MARRIED, AND 'flee all appearances of evil'. She will obliterate pictures, letters, gifts, and other such memorabilia and vestiges of her past PRIOR to entering her matrimonial home. This is what a well-brought up, sensible, and honest 'African Queen' would do; she would never wait for her husband to complain before doing the needful. You can't have your cake and eat it.

Well, best of luck to those of you with these warped, counter-intuitive POVs. Certainly, the intendment of your hard-working parents in sending you to school (abroad perhaps) was not to lose necessary socio-cultural values. I tire for the matter.

what is this?


see why you people are forever stuck  at other countries' embassies looking for visa? When na every inconsequential matter una go carry for head at the expense of other things that would actually be productive?

poster, Can you elaborate more because the details you gave is so shallow
for someone to come up with a conclusion.