It was the middle of the night, the time when the monsters liked to play special mind games with Michelle. Tonight’s was particularly dreadful making her fidget softly on the bed, turning from side to side before it escalated to her thrashing violently on the bed and knocking over the pictures and bedside lamp.

Michelle woke up in a panic, her eyes were dazed moving rapidly from left to right and her breathing was extremely erratic. She turned her head around as her eyes sought to adapt to the darkness and focus on anything to let her know she wasn’t still dreaming. Her mind’s eye was working overtime to remind her that she was in her bedroom in her home.

When she felt the sharp sting from her left palm, she looked to see that her finger nails were embedded deep within her flesh. She quickly took it out and shook her hand, the pain just registering with her and flecks of blood littered on her palm and underneath her nail beds.

Michelle pulled the covers off, got up and entered the bathroom. She lazily turned on the light and looked at herself in the mirror there, shocked at the very haggard looking face staring back at her. She took her right hand and ran her fingertips over her face gently from her forehead to her cheeks down to her jaw.

She turned on the hot water shower leaving it to get really hot. She put her hand under the flowing water, satisfied with the scalding temperature. Then she took off her nightgown and entered the shower.

She stood there and let the water pour all over her, from her head to her feet. The intense low feeling she was currently swimming in was suffocating and she just wanted to snap out of it. She hated feeling this way but the nightmare had seemed so vivid and now the recollections flooding her mind was all so clear and scary taking her back to a time in her life she had long left but had not left her.

Michelle took the sponge and soap and began to scrub every inch of her body, the scrubs were vehement and forceful but Michelle didn’t mind. Over the years, she had discovered that pain helped to alleviate the thoughts.

She closed her eyes trying so desperately to stop the penetrating imaginations to no avail so she continued to run her hands over her body repeatedly.

It got too much, the failure of her ministrations to alleviate the thoughts added to the compounding frustration and she opened her mouth releasing the loudest scream that was actually silent. No need to wake up Grace and the neighbours or allude to them the degree of her sufferings.

Then she slumped to the floor.

Her cries were quiet like a child seeking comfort and love not attention. She was there for a long while not caring about the passage of time until the water started getting cold.

She got up and went back to the mirror, hoping she didn’t do that much damage, she didn’t have the strength to think of another story for the doctors – doctors tend to be nosey and prying when faced with evil scars and wicked bruises.

Her eyes went over all the scars on her body, they were not that much and over the years it had gotten less evident. The spot on her pelvis were the ironic tattoo lay; a cheap ploy to regain her body – it was actually covering a very deep scar – was especially jarring this night.

Michelle put her nightgown back on and went to climb her bed again.

She didn’t know why she was feeling so blue and it seemed so out of left field. Every day as she went about her life, seven times out of ten, she has a combination of acquired and innate confidence. The acquired being the dresses, the makeup, hair, jewelry and shoes that she puts on to give her an extra boost and take her far away from the girl she once was.

The other three times was the days like today when she felt so despondent and sad. She lay on the covers letting the cool air from the air conditioner seep into her bones and soon she drifted off to a dreamless slumber, her favourite kind as there were no monsters.

The next morning, she was feeling so much better and she went to wake Grace up for school.

Michelle lingered during the good morning hug shared between the two before Grace went to take her bath. If Grace noticed the weirdness, she said nothing about it.

She had more time for a well-planned lunch, preparing a quick meal of boiled yam and vegetable sauce as Grace was munching her toast and juice.

The ride to school was as chatty as ever, this time they made it in time, for Grace to head to class and Michelle to avoid any unnecessary drama.

She has had a lifetime of unnecessary drama.....

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