Can you tell us about yourself and what you currently do?

I am Olaolorun Apata but I prefer to be called “Olorunapata”. I am a Public Health Professional although I don’t currently work with any organisation but I do consultancy jobs as they come. I am also the initiator of Early Parents Pool - platform for men and women that started parenting early (especially premarital) to share their experiences and lesson learned with one another and other young people.

How did you find out you were going to be a parent and how old were you at that time?

It was during my National Youth Service. I had missed my period for a while but I never suspected pregnancy because it wasn’t the first time my period would disappear without notice but I wasn’t sexually active at those other times. I simply felt it was one of those things. I was gaining weight though and I started doing early morning sit-ups to put her waistline back in shape – funny me. After a few months of expecting the return, I decided to see a doctor and explain things to him. At the hospital, after I have relayed the usual disappearance of my period to the doctor, he requested that I do a pregnancy test which came out positive. I doubted the result and I decided I was going to do a scan the following week. It was the scan that finally confirmed the pregnancy. I was 21 years at that time.

Was the pregnancy deliberate or unplanned?

The pregnancy was not deliberate.

How did you feel when you found out you were going to be a parent?

I had mixed feelings. It was exciting that a life was growing inside my stomach…LOL but I was faced with so many uncertainties. I had so many “what ifs” to deal with. I almost cried my eyes out after the reality of the journey I have embarked on dawned on me. I was in between reporting myself at home or relocating to unknown place to have the baby. I eventually stayed back after my National Youth Service year to have the baby before returning home.

How did the man responsible react when he was informed?

He was indifferent, any decision I made with the pregnancy was OK.

Did you consider an abortion?

Sure thing! Of course I considered having an abortion but I didn’t attempt it. On my second visit to confirm the pregnancy, after the radiologist was done with the scanning, I asked him,”Sir, do you know where I can abort this pregnancy? He said he didn’t know. He then made an illustration that stuck with me throughout the pregnancy period. He said, I’m like a person travelling to Lagos (from Ilorin) that decided to return to Ilorin on getting to Ibadan. He said I was already half way into the pregnancy and why turn back now? That piece of advice helped me made a decision not to turn back.

How did your family and friends find out and how did they react to the news?

Hmmmmmm, I knew I had to do something very fast for the thought of having an aborting not to prevail. After crying for one week and weighing my options, I decided to call my mother and inform her of the pregnancy. She said she called my siblings and told them. My elder sister had to travel home to join my mother in breaking the news to my father. I must say that my mother was very supportive despite her displeasure. My dad simply asked me never to return home. Being in a strange land, I told my neighbors that I was pregnant and they were supportive too. I have an Aunt in Ibadan too (popularly called Grandma) that was very supportive. She invited me to Ibadan and scolded me of course but she was very supportive afterwards. In also called up some of my close friends in school to tell them of the pregnancy, I didn’t want them to hear from a third party.

My pregnancy experience was top notch - the baby was nice to me. I didn’t experience most of the things that pregnant women do except the discomfort that comes at the advanced pregnancy stage. I even had no choice than to be strong. My delivery was very easy, the pregnancy was already post-term so labor was induced. On the day that I was asked booked for the induction, a health attendant asked me to follow her somewhere, not knowing that she was taking me to the labor ward. I got really scared at that point and all the labor stories I have heard and read started coming to memory. In less than 2 hours after performing all the necessary procedures, I already bore my giant baby boy.

Did you face any form of stigmatization in your community?

(Religion center, school, work place etc.)
I really did not experience stigmatization because I was in an environment where people knew nothing about me asides being a Corps member. I gave no room for anyone to think that I was unhappy. Even though I cry in my room, I always come out smiling like the happiest person living. As a matter of fact people around me were very caring to me.


What did you do after delivery?

After delivery, I started thinking of ways to make amends with my dad and the rest of my family. Going back home became a great burden. It was my mum that eventually encouraged me to return home because a day before labor was to be induced, she came to Ilorin. My baby’s dad also sent his sister to accompany me because he couldn’t make it. Mum spent like 2 weeks with me before returning home. Her sister also came and stayed with me for 4 weeks. It was after that she insisted I come home. She said people will only talk for a while before something else happens and they will start talking about it.
In making peace with my dad…I knew what he always desired is that his children won’t stop at having a first degree, so I knew the only way to win his heart back is that I return for my Masters program. Six weeks after delivery, I carried myself and the boy and headed to OAU to obtain a form with some of the cash I received during his naming ceremony. I nursed him for about 8 months before I was called to resume in school.

Are you married?

I’m yet to tie the knot

How did you overcome the negative feeling/emotions that came with an unplanned pregnancy?

I’m honestly grateful that I proceeded to do my Masters - it’s the best thing that could have happened to me at that time. I was the basis for my victory. My first semester in school was very challenging because I was most times unhappy. The feeling of being separated from my child was hard to deal with. I travelled home as often as my finances permitted to see him even though most times I wouldn’t have loved to travel home because I was always scolded for having a premarital child. During the course of my degree, I reunited with some friends whom we were in school together during my undergraduate period. I confided in them and their advice and prayers were very helpful. And some resources came my way very handy; Andrew Womack’s message titled “Sin is Emotional”, Juanita Bynum’s song “I look to you”- these became an everyday track for me alongside a lot of Joseph Prince’s messages. I read books, started going to church more to reduce the time I spend thinking. I decided to try new things like learning to swim, learning to ride a bicycle (the last time I rode was the day I hit someone...LOL). My colleagues thought I was crazy learning those things but it was a process of reassuring myself that I can do things right.


How were you able to achieve this level of success?

I wouldn’t say that I have attained much but I’m definitely on a path to greatness. I started the program with the mind of “I’m doing it to please my dad”. I didn’t do well in my first semester exam because of that coupled with serious emotional imbalance. I knew I have to change my orientation if I was going to finish well in school. By my second semester, I was already more emotionally stable and I did better that the first.


What lessons did you learn from your experience of parenting outside wedlock?

I am originally not a person that finds it easy discussing my challenges with people but that experience taught me to be open. It out-rightly brought me out of my shell. Whenever I am experiencing any difficult situation, I tell myself, Christianah, if you could scale through that period, you can make it through anything. It built in me a resilient spirit. I also learnt not to trust myself and other people too much. We are most foolish when we think we are wise, when in fact, what we have is worldly wisdom. It’s always best to talk to Godly and trusted people about our challenges - that helped me and it’s still helping me.

Do you think people should do their best to avoid premarital sex and why?

I honestly think every unmarried person should stay away from premarital sex because, like the Yorubas will always say, ”what is behind six is definitely more than seven”. I was fortunate that my relationship with my family and friends was mended eventually, there are some other folks that that will mark the end of their relationship to some of their family members. Besides being a Public Health practitioner, I’m very aware that there is so much risk of contracting diseases especially in the case of having unprotected sex.


Any words for other young people (parent or not)?

My honest and out-of-experience advice to young people is that they should try as much as possible to stay out of trouble. Don’t be too foolish to think that you can always make out with that guy or lady without engaging in sex. With every attempt, your wall of defense is gradually being worn out and it’s only a matter of time before it finally collapses. Premarital sex rubs you of your joy, peace, confidence - mention it.
For those who have found themselves in my shoes, I tell them, stay strong. Don’t give up on yourself, don’t give up on your dreams. God is still in the business of making good out of seemingly ugly situations if you will let him. Later in the day after I confirmed the pregnancy, I said a simple prayer while I was in the bathroom having a bath… I said “Lord, I really want to have this baby but I can’t help myself. In your infinite mercies, provide for me all I will need care for him”. I must say that that prayer was answered and it’s still being answered every day. Talk to trusted people, dissociate yourself from people that constantly remind you of your failure but make friends with people that encourage you to be the best. Whenever you have the opportunity, take some time away from the child and get some fresh air. Having a child should automatically not lead to marriage, give yourself time to heal except you are convinced that the man responsible is willing to take you in. If your parents are willing to help you and the child, don’t in the name of covering shame choose going to stay with the guy or his family except it’s the only option available. There is are no hard and fast rules though, every situation has its own uniqueness but make sure you are making the best decision for yourself and your child especially for the long run. I love you.

http://earlyparentspool..com.ng/2017/08/how-i-ended-up-with-2-nysc-certificates.html?m=1

Cc Seun, RoyalRoy