In every stage of every person’s life, there comes a moment when everything is going from bad to worse, obligations and expectations become overwhelming, and just for a moment, we wish for someone who would understand and support us through this ordeal which seems like its never going to end!

Similarly, there also comes a point when that ordeal is done with, everything is rosy again, the roses are blooming, the birds are singing, the sun is shining, and even the cabbies are in a good mood! And just when we’re basking in the joy and perfection of everything around you, we see a couple strolling along in the park, hand in hand, smiling and laughing at a shared joke, and just for a heart wrenching moment, everything becomes bleak, and the soul is filled with a longing that is exclusively reserved for that extra peanut butter and chocolate chip cookie on Christmas Eve, your first crush whom you never really got over, and a three cheese grilled sandwich.

At both these moments we think that we are ready for a relationship, but are we really? Or have we just clutched onto the first interested person that came along because the prospect of living a lonely life was just too scary to imagine? If the latter is true, we know in the deepest, most secret corner of our heart that this thing is not gonna work out, but because we don’t like to acknowledge it, heartbreak and misery wait for us just around the corner. And unless you are good songwriter, the Taylor Swift therapy of getting over a break up is not gonna work for you. So before you give in to the Longing and get into a relationship, answer the following questions:

1. ARE YOU READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP?

A relationship requires work, emotional investment, your energy, a willingness to sacrifice some of your pleasures for your partner’s happiness, enduring through some really boring parts of your partner’s life, giving your partner the support they need, letting them take over some of your troubles, and the most important, giving up your independence. If you like your independence and carefree life better than your partner, ignore those twinges of loneliness until you meet the person you care for more than yourself.

2. WHAT KIND OF A RELATIONSHIP DO YOU WANT?

Are you looking for a casual ‘lets-see-what-happens’ relationship, or do you see a future with marriage and kids and growing old together? This is kind of important because if you don’t know what you want, you’ll either end up getting hurt or hurting someone else. Talking about expectations at the beginning of a relationship is awkward, but it saves a lot of trouble in the end.

3. WHAT DOES THE OTHER PERSON WANT FROM THE RELATIONSHIP?

If they are looking for a casual relationship while you look for the rainbows at the end, or vice versa, unless one of you reins in their expectations, and even after that, things are going to get messy. Finding out beforehand may help you sort out your own feelings better, and decide if you want to go forward with it.

4. WHAT KIND OF A PERSON ARE THEY?

Are they someone who loves the drama of a messy relationship, the responsible kind, the romantic type, or the easy going commitment-phobe? It may not seem like much, but if you figure that out beforehand, and adjust your expectations accordingly, the relationship might turn out be one of the better times of your life.

5. DO YOU GUYS HAVE COMMON INTERESTS, OR IS IT JUST A CASE OF HEALTHY LUST?

Lust is gonna get you only so far in a relationship, and if you don’t share some common interests, the whole thing will spiral into a vicious cycle of recriminations and guilt that will bog you down even further. Figure out if what you really want is a relationship, or just a fling?

6. DO YOU REALLY LIKE THE PERSON, OR ARE THEY SIMPLY A CRUTCH YOU WANT TO GRAB TIGHT AND HOLD ON BECAUSE IN YOUR MOMENT OF LONELINESS YOU THINK YOU CANNOT DO BETTER?

Relationships that start out of the ‘crutch holding’ are never going to work out, because eventually, you are going to meet the person you really like, respect, and feel like spending all your time with, even though right now it may not feel like you’re worth much to anyone else than your dog. If this is truly the case, instead of getting into a relationship, join a yoga class, a photography club, or volunteer for a non-profit; anything that helps you get your self esteem back. Because when you meet the One, you’re going to want to be at your best, and not in a dead end relationship.

7. DO YOU HAVE TIME TO INVEST IN THE RELATIONSHIP?

Things may be overwhelming for you right now and that support you get, emotional and otherwise, from your partner can be a tempting prospect, but no relationship ever works on its own. Both partners have to invest their time and emotions in it for it to work, and if you take and give nothing back, you are gonna end up feeling miserable and guilty when it ends, because to an extent, it will be your fault.


Source: http://www.don9ja.com/2017/09/01/seven7-things-you-need-to-put-into-consideration-before-going-into-relationship/

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