(Olu enters the auditorium)
Ushers: You’re welcome sir
Olu: Thank you
(The choristers were singing: Send down fire, Holy Ghost fire…)
Olu: Fire laro kutukutu; someone cannot come to church at the right time again?
(An usher ushered Olu to a sit with men at both sides)
Olu: But why?

Usher
Full Name: Abraham Abimbola
Occupation: Business Man
Likes: Gives brotherly advice
Dislike: He can spoil runs
How we met: Invited me to the church

Usher: Will you like to sit over there with the ladies?
Olu: Ehen… You’re talking
Abraham: Welcome to church sir
Olu: Eshe
(Olu trying to find his way to sit next to the ladies)
Olu: Hi
The ladies: Hi
Olu: Can I?
2nd lady: Sure
1st Lady: You’re Olu right?
(Olu to himself): Ohhh God!
Olu: yes dear, how are you?
1st Lady: Do you remember me?
Olu: No please
1st lady: I thought as much, we dated for like a year in our 300 level days
(Olu to himself): God why? I said I don’t want to meet akube (used client).
Olu: Ohhh! Odun

Odun
Full name: Odun Olaoye
Occupation: I don’t know
Likes: She loved me so much back then; she’ll share her pocket money with me
Dislike: She wants me to love only her, something that is not in my gene
How we met: In my university days

(Odun hissed)
Olu: We have to catch up after the service. You know…
Odun: You think am still stupid right?
Olu: Lower your voice please… Let us talk later
(Odun hissed)
2nd lady: Like you guys know yourself?
Olu: yes dear, we were close friends, we lost contact. Odun won’t you introduce me to your friend?
Odun: This is Kemi, her dad is a pastor in MFM, and her mom a prophetess in C & S Church. They were once herbalists. We give God the glory.
Olu: Why is this place hot? You’re welcome Kemi. If you don’t mind ladies, I’d love to sit close to a fan.
Odun: That’s fine. I thought as much
Kemi: I guess we’ll talk later
Olu: Yes dear
( Olu stood up to sit where Abraham once directed to him to)
Kemi: Why did you introduce me that way? He’s cute tho
Odun: If bastard can be a person. It’ll be this useless guy. He once wasted my time, money and energy in school.
Kemi: Really.
Odun: Yes ooo also broke like anything but can form posh. Oloriburuku somebody
Kemi: thank you ore mi
Odun: What are friends for?
(Both laughing)
(Olu to himself): My plan is not to die by fire. Omo kormo ni Odun yi sha.
Olu: Can I join you sir?
Man: Sure my brother
Pastor: Testimony time
Congregation: Overcomers time
Pastor: if you have testimony, please rise up and please come one after the other for your testimony.
(Testifiers raised up their hands including me and surprisingly Odun)
(Odun’s turn)
Odun: Praise the Lord
Congregation: halleluyah
Odun: I told God seven years ago when I was in my final year in the university that all hindrances left behind should not rise up again. Seven years later, the hindrance wanted to rise again but my God is making them hot
A woman in the congregation: Praise the Lord
Congregation: Halleluyah
Odun: My God is dealing with them and will continue to deal with them in Jesus name. This is a cheque in favour of the needy too. In case they show up in disguise after the service. Praise the Lord
Congregation: Halleluyah
Pastor: and lastly Mr Olu Lanre from the Welfare Unit
Olu: Praise the Lord
Congregation: Halleluyah
Olu: I’d love to sing first
(Song: Odun lo so pin o baba rere, fi so re so wa o, tomo tomo oun ti yo pamilekun o tebi tara, maje ko shele si wa o Baba rere.)
Testimony: Praise the Lord, the Lord is good…
Same woman in the congregation: All the time
Olu: I told God to expand my territory and beautify my life. He has done it, I looked at my past today and it was dam ugly. God has really elevated me. This is my pledge, praise the Lord
Congregation: Halleluyah
Pastor: all testifiers should please come out for prayers
(After the prayer)
Pastor: Please greet and congratulate one another
(Olu aimed at Odun, till he got to her and handed over a note)
(We all went back to our various seats)
Odun: Can you imagine he gave me a note?
Kemi: He’s probably sorry
Odun: Last thing
(Odun opens the note)
“You think this is a sorry note, your brain still needs protein. I want you to know that you can’t win me. It’s now 2-2. Good luck with your life and your Mountain dew friend”.
Kemi: He is apologizing right?
Odun: Yes (tears the note)
(Olu faced her with a smile and then winks)
Man sitting next to me: Am Leye Olaoye by the way
Olu: Am Olu Lanre
Leye: Nice meeting you young man
Olu: Thank you sir, am a young man trying to be successful like you
(Olu had done a quick research and discovered he is wearing a very expensive watch and the shoes are costly too)
Leye: (laughing), you can be a lot better, am a Major General in the army. This is my first time in this church.
Olu: wow! I am a teacher and an entrepreneur.
Gen. Leye: That’s nice, you look promising and I’ll love to talk to you later. This is my complimentary card.
Olu: (collects the card) thank you sir, I’ll definitely call you.
(Shortly, the service was over)
Announcer: All first timers should please wait; the welfare unit will attend to you.
(As Olu and other welfare units were discussing with the first timers, Olu and Odun keeps giving one another that disgusting look, as Gen. Leye keeps watching)
(The whole welfare thing ended and everyone stepped out to greet one another and go home)
Olu calling: Mufu are you around already?
Mufu: ok oga
Call ends
(Olu walking towards the car)
Abraham: Don’t forget our evening evangelism, I come and pick you up later in the evening
(Olu to himself): won tun de ni yen
Olu: Ok sir
(A man rushed towards Olu)
Man: thank you bro, you saved me today, I realized I left N1000 in my bible. The only money I have for now. Thank you sir
Olu: We thank God; I hope you will start buying recharge card and stop borrowing phones up and down just in case you forget it again
Man: I won’t
Olu: I think I have an airtel recharge card here, do you use airtel?
Man: yes sir
Olu: (recharge card pin): _____________________
Man: God bless you sir
Olu: We thank God. Take care
(Olu saw Gen. Leye and Odun in his car, very close to his)
Olu: Don’t tell me Gen. Leye is her father. OMG! She will tell him about us and that means am losing another opportunity for a better job. Oooh!
Olu pretends he doesn’t know her and maybe she will cooperate)
Olu: Daddy, you have a lovely car
Gen. Leye: Thank you son
Olu: Hello (referring to Odun and Kemi)…
Gen. Leye: I discovered you guys were staring at each other in church. Hmmmm, don’t let me come in between you guys ooo
Odun: That’s him dad, the 300 level guy
Gen. Leye: You don’t mean it. Stay there young man (As he opens his car door to get down)
(To be continued…)