[13]

While heading home, I began to wonder, "If these guys could steal an Android phone's components, in a broad day, then what will they do with an Apple phone at night? In fact, they'll steal the panel and replace it with Nokia 3310."

This is funny, but I couldn't help but shake my head as I headed home while saying to myself, "I'll never in this life send my important phone to a Nigerian repair guy without watching him with my korokoro eyes as he repairs the phone."

These are things I do, but decided to quit to avoid being Jack of trades. I got home and realized I didn't tell him about the speaker which wasn't working. "Fùck! Not again! I don't want to meet with these wicked and dubious guys for now."

I searched for my phone tools, loose the phone, and noticed his boy has turned my speaker upside down. "Wait a minute, so this cute guy has only coconut, crime certificate, and weed in his brain just like his Oga? This country is in trouble. Why can't people be sincere in business?"

I coupled the phone and my speaker started working. Woohoo! Maybe, I should consider opening a standard and professional phone repair company. "Oh my God! I haven't called the police officer since yesterday," I said as I scrambled for his number. Esau is...

Typing...

[14]

Esau is moving freely and my money is wasting freely without interest. I called the officer on phone to enquiry if Mr. Esau has brought the money as promised.

*Phone ringing.* "Hello," I said and he recognized my voice. "Oh guy, how far?" the officer asked. "This one wey dis officer dey blow pidgin like dis better dey?" I pondered in my big head.

"Not too fine. Oga, has he brought the money?" I asked. "No o! Him never bring am o! When I was in the bathroom he called. I'll call him back now and get back to you," he assured.

"Oga, as I dey like dis, I broke. I no even get transport to come station. I hope he'll bring the money today." "Sure." He replied. "Sir, I don't think so. I don't trust that guy."

"Don't worry, he must bring it and he must come with his father who signed surety on his behalf." "Okay, Sir." I replied and ended the call, then switched on the computer to type some work as I navigate MS word, YouTube, and Aliexpress.

As I was about searching for Buhari's independence speech on YouTube, a spirit tapped my shoulder and said, "Son, instead of wasting your MB watching this man who doesn't give a fùck, why not you watch people who truly give a fùck on xvideo?"

I started ruminating on either watching Buhari or Kingtblackhoc. Luckily, I didn't watch any of them, but if I were forced to watch one, the later would've been more meaningful. Some minutes later...

Typing...

[15]

Some minutes later, the officer called. "Oga," he said. "Sir." I replied. "Wait let me call you back." I ended the call and called him back.

"So, I called him (Esau) and he was complaining of —mber month being difficult on him to raise some cash," Mr. Officer said. "Oga, I told you. He won't pay this money," I angrily said. "No! He will. He'll be coming to the station today with his father. I'll call you when he comes."

Two hours later, he called and I ended his call, then called him back. "Esau came to the station and complained of no cash and his dad promised they'll bring ₦30,000 the moment he receives his salary in 3 days time."

"So, he didn't give you anything?" I asked. "He dropped ₦10,000 and promised to bring more before Friday." As he was talking, all that kept ringing in my head was, "Wetin I wan carry ₦10,000 do? Money wey I don waste as transport alone ontop this matter don pass ₦20,000."

"So, when will all my money be ready?" I asked. "You can even come to collect this ₦10,000. Sorry, I mean ₦8,000 out of this ₦10,000." The moment he said...

Typing...

[16]

The moment he said 8 out of the 10, I knew my money has k-leg. At this time, I began to value the 10k and immediately started thinking of 10 great online businesses 10k could start because all I think about with any money that enters my hand is investment despite how small it is.

"So, are all my equipment ready?" I asked. "No. He (Esau) said the mini-keyboard is in a room in Port Harcourt, but the person holding the key is in Lagos."

"Why? why? why? Esau is such a lair. The last time he called with a police number he said all my equipment are ready. Why am I hearing this new story again?" I spoke with the officer for 2 more minutes, then promised to look for where to borrow money for transport to the station.

I capitalized on being broke and borrowing money to make sure I appear like a hungry guy who needs this money badly to survive. Letting a Naija officer know you're rich or you have money is the best recipes for disaster.

I had to act like the poorest man in Africa to make sure I get all my money back without damage, but I know it's impossible when Nigerian police are involved.

One reason I didn't make trouble with Mr. Phone was his promise to get me a lasting iPhone battery. If that phone could come back to life, I'll be happy because of the files I'll retrieve and my old clients' contacts.

I know he'll steal another person's original iPhone battery and put it in mine. I pity the next victim. I just hope he doesn't replace someone's Android OS one day with Symbian. Lol!

So, Esau and...

...to be continued.

[17]

On Friday, as I was heading to Tide (Newspaper) office in Port Harcourt, I stopped at the station to meet with the officer. He took me to a restaurant and sat me down to discuss. I was admiring his AK47 toy. I love rugged guns.

"Esau gave me 10k and promised to bring the rest the moment the government pays," Mr. Officer said as I nod my head. "You know, the police has 10% of all money recovered," he added. "No problem," I replied as I scan my brain to check if this is a scam game on me. And yes, it is, but I don't mind anymore because corruption is legal in this country. All I want is any amount and my equipment.

"Esau sent me a message," he said. "What is it about?" I asked and he brought his phone to show me. It reads and I paraphrase, "I didn't make anything from this business. Remember, nothing goes for nothing."

"This guy must sign an undertaken. Wait! Is he threatening you?" I asked. "I wonder o! I called and cautioned him. I kept the threat message as an evidence. He's not supposed to message me. I have no business with him," he angrily said. He has...

Typing...

[18]

"He has time to message you, but scared to reply all my messages or pick my calls. This is a big threat and he must sign an undertaken," I said as he dug his hand in his pocket and brought 10k.

"This is the only money he gave me. How much do you want from this money? And remember, the police has 10% of everything," he said. "Yes, I know. I need all for now. When he provides the remainder, we'll calculate 10% for the police and 10% for God and I'll go home with the remainder," I asserted and he smiled, then gave me the 10k.

"So, when will he bring the remainder?" I asked. "His dad promised next week," Mr. Officer said. I stood, thanked him for job well-done, shook hands with him, and left.

5 days later, I called him, but he was busy. "I'll call you back," Mr. Officer said and I ended the call. Some hours later, he called and told me he went to the hotel where Esau's father claims he works, but he has disappeared.

They said he no longer works there. I called Esau and he refused to pick. He hasn't brought the keyboard. "Officer, I told you. Esau is not to be trusted — like father like son. So, when are we expecting something tangible from him?"

"I have been using my credit all these while. If they don't bring the money, we'll go and arrest his father who signed surety for his release," he confidently and angrily replied. "Okay, I'm anticipating," I said as we bid goodbye while waiting for Esau to pay and bring the remaining instrument or get rearrested.

...to be continued

so many Esaus' out there. Lord have mercy..

jen2praise:
so many Esaus' out there. Lord have mercy..

Yes, lots of them. Most of them don't have conscience. They make the good people in the society turn bad.

[19]

Phone rang and I picked, but couldn't hear a word for 7 seconds. I ended the call and dialed the number. "Esau dey give me headache, Esau dey give me headache," Mr. Officer screamed the moment he picked the phone.

I was shocked and almost laughed, then I remembered what his boy, the one in Lagos, said. "Legend, be careful with my boss, Esau — he is heartless. He can do anything."

"I called him and he said the keyboard is available now," said Officer. "What about the money?" I asked. "Tomorrow is the last day. He will be in the station with his father and if they don't provide everything, we'll lock the two of them up," Mr. Officer angrily said.

I thanked him for standing firm and not taking sides. "So, am I supposed to be in the office tomorrow?" "No." he replied, "because if he sees you, he'll start begging you and will make things difficult for us. I'll inform you on how it goes." "That will be great and well appreciated," I said and we ended the call as if we were about to embark on a war called "Esau and Jacob." And yes, it's really a war, but victory is ours.

So, I'm...

...to be continued

[20]

The day he promised came, but I didn't get a call from him. The next day, I called the officer and asked him how it went. "My brother, no be small wahala o! He just left the office now. He brought the keyboard and was only having N2,000 with him. His father has ran to the village," Mr. Officer said.

To me, this is funny. "I wanted to put him in cell, then charge him to court, but he ran to our second in command, a lady. That lady has handled one of his case before."

I began to search my brain, then I recalled when Esau's boys, Jake and his crew went to perform at show and were caught by police smoking Oshogbo weed. Maybe, that's the case or I may be wrong.

"So, what happened?" I asked. "Esau explained everything to our second in command and she pleaded on his behalf, then told him to at least bring another 10k before Friday and pay the rest on installment before this year runs out, else he'll be charged to court."

"Esau agreed to bring 10k on or before Friday. I asked Esau to give me 1k out of the 2k he came with to recharge my phone because I have been wasting my money calling him, but he refused. No be small dragging o! My colleagues come dey laugh self," he said as he laughed on phone.

"Esau is so ungrateful. This case don dey taya me o!" he added. "I understand the stress you've been through, Sir. I so much appreciate your willingness to help. I'll send you a token via recharge card," I said.

"So, when is he coming again?" "He'll be coming on Friday. You know say we no go fit kill am na! Situation is hard for everyone. A debtor must be alive to pay," replied officer. "Yes. That's true," I added and we amicably ended the call.

Immediately, I launched my GTB mobile app and transfered N1,000 MTN top-up to his phone. Some minutes later, he called to say thank you for the card.

So, Friday is another day for another drama from Esau and his heartless spirit. I don't really need the money anymore. I'm so happy my equipment are complete. For the sake of recession, I'll take my money, sell the equipment and open Esau barbing salon. His father has ran to the village. Hahahaha. Maybe I'll bring him back from the village and make him the salon's manager. But he said he's a hotelier. Ah! This kind of father can lie eh! Maybe lying and hiding is hereditary. Father and son = Lai Mohammed = Failed Promises.

Let's see what happens next on Friday.

...to be continued

The drama keeps getting crazier. Today, I'll post the final part.

[21]

Friday came and I got a call from my cousin studying in Owerri. "Chairman!" he hailed. "Na who you dey chairman? See as your voice dey sound like say you don give one Imo state girl belle," I said and burst into laughter.

"The line is cracking. Let me call you back," I said, ended the call, then called him. "Esau called and told me what happened. I didn't know you arrested him." "Yes, I arrested that stubborn rat the next day after I collected his number from you. So, what did he tell you?" I asked.

"He said you should help and forget the money since all the equipment are ready." "Mtcheew. Forget Esau. He must pay everything. So how's school?" The conversation went on and on as we discussed other things.

After some hours, an unknown number called. "Hello," he said, "Legend, I need to reason with you." "Who am I speaking with?" I asked. "It's Esau," he replied. This is the second time Esau is calling me since he started his 419 game on me.

"The police men said I should reason with you if you can end the case because everything is in your hand. All the equipment are ready. I'll be going there by 4PM. I called your cousin to call you. Let's just end the case here and forget about the money," he said. It's too late to...

typing...

[22]

"It's too late to apologize, Mr. Esau. Pay everything," I calmly said while mirroring his vocal timbre and ended the call. Shey your hotelier father don run go village leave you.

At 14:20, the officer called to come to the station by 4PM. Since we stay in different towns, I had to move early to the station. I got there by 16:27 and as I was about entering, "Who are you looking for?" said an angry officer I met at the gate.

Everybody just dey vex for Naija. "I'm looking for..." I said. "Have you called him on phone?" "Yes." I said as I dug me hand in my pocket to call him again. "Oh, look at him," I said and Mr. Officer signaled me to come to a big office with three desks on different sections.

The moment I got in, I saw a teenage girl on handcuff with her hands on her back. "How many time has he slept with you?" a seated female officer asked the teenage girl on handcuff as she documents her statements on paper.

On the other section was Esau with a stone face. No single smile. I sat next to him without paying attention to his angry face. I brought my phone and started typing this story (Jailer) as I eavesdrop to know why this little girl was handcuffed. Another seated officer was...

typing...

[23]

Another seated officer was busy with his white headphone as he listens to Wazobia FM. On the other section was a naughty female officer eagerly and tentatively listening to the teenage girl's narrative.

"So, young man," Mr. Officer said to me," your keyboard, microphone, sound card, and the rest of your equipment are here with us, but our boss is holding the keyboard. Unfortunately, she's not around. I'll go get the other equipment."

He brought the equipment and continued. "Since all your equipment are ready," I'd say you should forget about the money. I'm begging on his behalf. He brought another N10,000 and we have 30% from all the money recovered, including the first N10,000 I gave you last time."

"What? 30%? Sir, I thought you said it's 10%," I queried him. "No, it's 30% I said," he defended himself by denying. "Alright, I'll pay 30% percent, but I won't forget the money. I'm broke. I don't even have transport to go back. I have been the one spending since this case started. The person you're begging on his behalf is too arrogant to use the words 'please, sorry, my apology or forgive me,'" I angrily said.

"Okay, Esau," called the officer, "before this month runs out, bring any amount you have and the case will be closed. Abeg, me I don taya for this matter o!"

"Oga, I no fit bring anything this month. Even this N10,000 I bring so, na borrow I borrow am with interest. This studio work has not been paying recently. People never eat well self let alone to come record music. I don't have a job and I have a family with 2 kids to take care of. You're from a rich family unlike me," said Esau.

"What do you mean by 'you're from a rich family?' When I humbly told you to bring my equipment and forget the money you thought I was too young to make money or is it because you see me and my cousin inside Tundra Jeep, Venza and other kinds of cars you think I'm too rich to ask for chicken money?

Bros, those cars are not mine, but my uncle's. Have you seen me drive any of them? I only enter the passenger's seat when we go out, so stop saying I'm from a rich family. I'm not and I'm broke, so give me all my money. Your father ran to the village because of this case and I know you'll soon run." Legend stop...

typing...

[24]

"Legend stop insulting me," Esau glared his eyes as he raised his violent voice. "Insult you? Do I have time to insult you? No, I don't. You're the one insulting yourself," I bitterly replied.

"Calm down or I'll deal with the two of you," said the officer. "Since you don't want to forget the money, the two of you should discuss on how he'll pay the remainder on monthly basis," Mr. Officer added.

"So, you'll pay N10,000 every month," uniform man said to Esau. "No. I can only afford N2,000 a month," Esau said. "N2,000 is too small. It will take you years to finish the payment. Pay N5,000 per month," I said.

"Officer, I can't afford N5,000 per month because I need to feed my family," Esau countered. "Young man," Mr. Officer called me, "forget the money or reduce it." "I'll remove N5,000 for him and he should pay the N2,000 a month, but he must write an agreement in case he fails to do so," I said as I unzipped my violin box where he kept my microphone and sound card to inspect them again.

The moment I opened the box, Esau dug his hand and took two compact discs I saved some production software and executable files. "These are my CDs," he said but I ignored.

"So, you saw her when she was putting the medicine on the indomie?" the female officer asked the teenage girl. From what I deduced, it was a rape or murder case involving neighbours' kids. As they were talking, a young guy of at most 24 years was brought to make a statement. He sat and was...

typing...

[25]

He sat and was being queried by the inquisitive female officer. Another officer walked in and pointed an angry fingers on the guy. "So, you know everything about this case," "No, Sir," he defended. "Shut up and keep quiet or I'll slap the hell out of you. How can you people go and useless a 12 year old girl," yelled the angry officer on mufti.

"You're listening to other people's case while Esau I taking your CDs," a spirit told me and I remained myself. "Let me see the CDs," I said to Esau. "Which CDs? Did you give me any CD?" he angrily replied. "Those two CDs are mine. Give them to me now," I angrily commanded.

"Na your handwriting be dis for dis CD? Na you get dis writing? Come take am na make I see," Esau yelled as he shows me the thing written on the CD and I know it's my writing. "I'm the owner of those CDs and I'm 100% sure," I said as I tried taking it from him, but he refused.

"Okay, let me see. If it's not mine, I'll give it back to you," I calmly requested, yet he refused. I rushed him and started forcing it out of his hand. It was as if we were about to fight in front of these officers. "Shey una dey? Shey una dey see this Esau? I go deal with this boy o!" said Mr. Officer as he got angry with Esau's refusal to let me see the the CDs to confirm if they're mine or not.

As this dragging was going on, Esau struggled to break the CDs. I let go of my hand to stop him from breaking it. "Officer, see as him wan break my CDs," I complained. "I go handle this Esau of a thing o!" Mr. Officer infuriatingly growled and ready to devour him.

I took the CDs from him and they were mine. I put them in my violin box and locked it. At this time, Esau was mad at me and the officer. The officer was mad at Esau and I was mad at the officer for changing from 10% to 30%. The drama was...

typing...

[26]

The drama was too much to explain. Long story short, Esau wrote an agreement on paying the N2,000 per month and I also signed a short note to indicate I have collected my equipment.

Everyone signed. "Can I go now?"said Esau. "Yes, you can," replied Mr Officer. Esau stood and stormed out with an angry face. "He couldn't even say thank you," I said. "This one? Say thank you?" Mr. Officer rhetorically asked as he points his hand at Esau's direction.

"Esau can be dangerous. He should've signed an undertaken," I said. "Don't worry, he won't try anything. If he tries it, we'll arrest him," he assured, but deep down I know say all na wash. Though, I'm not scared of Esau, but the hearts of men are evil. If he tries anything funny, then I'll let him know I'm from the funniest place. I was just trying to be kind to him and that was why I used police.

Mr. Officer seemed happy and relieved from this case getting off his hand. At this time, Esau had left the station. "How much is 30% of N20,000?" Mr. Officer asked. "It's N6,000," I replied. "No, it's more," he countered, but I kept quiet. "Oh! Yes! It is," he recollects.

He brought the N10,000 Esau gave him, took 6k and gave me N4,000. From the N4,000, he asked for N500 for payment of the room where the equipment was kept. "Oga, this N4,000 is the only money I have with me all thanks to Buhari.

I don't even have transport. Please, let me go home with this token. I'm broke. I lost money, time and energy in this case. My properties came back, but my two cables are missing and I don't even know if all my equipment are working. I don't know why God gave...

typing...

[27]

"I don't know why God have me a soft heart," murmured the officer. "Please, don't change from being kind. God will pay you back in good ways," I praised and prayed for him as I hang my violin bag on my back. "Come back to take your keyboard whenever you're free," he said and we waved goodbye.

Two days later, I attended my cousin's wedding and when I was returning, I got a call from Mr. Officer on when I'll be coming to pick my keyboard. "I'll be at the station in an hour or less," I replied.

I got there, called him on phone and he took me to the police quarter outside the police's premises. As we were walking, he kept discussing Esau's stubbornness and how he suffered and wasted money before they brought the key to the room where the keyboard was kept from Lagos to Port Harcourt.

"You really tried for me," I complimented the officer. He opened the small gate and we got inside the police's quarter. I sat outside waiting for him to bring the keyboard. "Wow! Look at my keybooooooard. After a year of not seeing each other." My cute keyboard was growing old in Esau's den.

He handed it over to me and as we were walking to the road, Mr. Officer asked for N500, but I told him I don't even have transport. Though, I had at least N9,000 in my wallet.

I decided to learn how to lie because my honesty was putting me in trouble and I was losing money for being truthful. We stopped at the express and started discussing Esau again. He laughed and we waved goodbye.

I got to the park to board a car home. As I was walking to the car, I saw Esau walking towards me with a dangerous stone face. By the side was his pretty wife carrying their 9 months old baby.

The wife and I looked dead into each other's eyes and simultaneously started smiling. She always smiles at me even before this fight ensued.

"Chairman," I called Esau, but he didn't answer and the wife smiled again. We walked passed each other as I board a car home. After some delays at the station and the car was about moving, I saw Esau and wife again walking back, but they didn't see me.

"Why is Esau roaming at the park with his wife and child? I hope he hasn't turned to a beggar. Or are they trying to act like Jay Z and Beyoncé?" I said in my head.

Esau's body language seem rigid. I may go to his studio to record a song soon and use the opportunity to see Collins on how we will go about the Esau Salon investment. I got home, switched on my computer, opened OLX and was thinking of either selling these equipment or keeping them and also, I was...

The End of JAILER by Joe Clef (iLegend)

Copyright 2017. No part of this writeup is to be copied, reposted, modified or turned into a movie without the consent of the author or Clef Management. Anyone caught going against our copyright agreement will be charged for theft.