Dear Readers, How una dey? it’s me again, the writer of the block busters: “Barrack boy’, “Ibo boy wey like Yoruba”, and “Man wey dey reason”. Am here with yet another block buster titled “Flow and Snow. “SIr, i delivered 28 parcels in Sululere Axis” I pronounced Surulere like a typical Igbo man. “where and where did you go to in Surulere” Mr Wole my Boss inquired. “i went to Surulere Sir” I barely heard his question. “so u walked the whole of Surulere? ehmmmmmnnn? Mr Johnny Walker!” Johnny Walker walked for sure, but Flow covered more distance. in my line of Job, i sometimes wished i could fly. “i said where did you go to in Surulere” He thundered. ” I said i went to Surulere sir” I answered “He said where in Surulere did you go to?” The female voice of Kel brought me back to my right senses. My head at that moment was blocked, like i was carrying a fifteen storey building on it. My big head was growing bigger, i was seeing beautiful stars, big beautiful stars! “Sorry ooooh!!! i went to. Lawanson, Randle, Ojuelegba, Ayilara, Shitta and Masha” i chorused. Mr Wole pressed the calculator for what lasted like ages. “my money is 2,800 naira sir” i almost yelled, but i dare not. “oga the money wey una dey give us too small oh” i almost complained, but again, i dare not say that to the dreaded Mr Wole. We were being paid 100 naira per parcel delivered. When parcel is mentioned, i don’t mean a “coco” parcel, as i could remember a rather lunatic man accusing me of delivering C’ocaine to people’s houses. On that fateful, or rather unfateful day, i knocked on a gate and this sk’unk smelling mouth guy came from nowhere and, his words: “them swear for your Papa, why you dey disturb my peace”. “you be like person wey get peace?? No be only Peace, na Patience” I replied almost immediately. “ehnnnnnnn! na me you dey talk to, them swear for you!” I wondered why people from the Yoruba tribe loved using the word “swear” “no!! them no swear for me, na your Papa them swear for” I was rather hash. “ehnnnnn!!! you get mouth curse my papa abi? u don die today” He suddenly started rehearsing a punch that befitted me. I took of my work bag and started drifting towards him. But the moment i saw him pulling out something from his pocket, i saw myself taking one step forward and two steps backwards. “wetin you dey comot for your pocket? na knife?” I saw myself increasing the steps backwards to three. “if them born your papa well come near me, i go chuk you” He threatened as he brought out the dagger in his pocket. “i go chuk you Chukudi” I wondered how he knew my name was Chukwudi, My Grandmum must have told him that, she love calling me that. “i go chuk you Omo Ibo” He came closer. Before i could say “Boko haram”, He had sliced my wrist, yes! he had sliced my wrist like Boko haram do. “see blood oh” I cried. As blood gushed out of my wrist, so was urine gushing out of my P’.enis, and sweat out of my whole body. He was advancing towards me, and at that juncture my hands failed me to a punch, likewise my legs to a kick. “na you dey sell illegal coco abi” He was now at close range. “i no dey sell Coconut oh” I thought he said Coconut. “you don buy market today” The dagger was close to my throat. Closer and closer it came to my throat, and backwards and backwards i moved and cried, “i no go market oh”. it was like i was under a spell, or like my brain left me and flew away. I remembered i was a martial artist, and strength came from nowhere. I sent a jab to his jaw and he staggered backwards. “first attack!!” i cheered myself. Then…………………………… Like bee to nectar i saw Four hefty guys advancing. “u don die today!” one of them thundered. More strength came from the cardinal points of where i stood and i started swaying from left to right with my guard on like i was the son of Mike Tyson. i jabbed the guy with the dagger again, this time to his abdomen, the dagger flew off his hands and i almost shouted “Halleluiah”. Before i could say “Damaturu”, something landed on my head from the west. It was a plank, i was sure. Before i could say “Taraba”, something landed on my heed from the east. It was an iron r’od, i was sure. Before i could say “Poshiskum” something landed on my head from the South. It was a Plank again. i wished the next wouldn’t be an iron r’od to the North to complete the circle. To be continued

FLOW AND SNOW PART 2
“Mathematical Sege!!” I hailed Segun as he entered the office. “Flow! how work today na? how you waka na?” I noticed his shoes were dusty as usually. “Oboy! see your shoe! u don waka the whole Ajegunle today oh!” I teased. “Oboy i no know why this your head dey big everyday oh, abi na this job dey make your head big” it sounded like an insult to me. It sounded like insult, but on a second thought it was true. At my age, i think i had stopped growing, but a part of my body has refused to stop growing, that’s my head. “You your head no big?” I said the oppossite of what Segun’s head was; small head. Groundnut shaped head. “see your money here” Kel handed me my money. I counted and it was complete, but i noticed a bad 1000 naira note was amongst the money i was given so i complained. “This money is bad” “Must you complain about everything” Mr Wole said without even seing the money i was complaining of. Kel took the money from me and handed over another note that looked almost like the other. All the while i was staring at Kel’s A’,ss. Kel has the kind the a’ss that from a panoramic view it looks like two big b’alls of Paw Paw fruit, from the rear view it looks like a Trailer tyre, from the left view it looks like my Church Speaker, and from the right view it looks like one wrap of Mama Sikiru’s Pounded Yam, but all the same, i loved staring at her a’ss, it makes me believe that if her tiny waist could carry such an a’ss, then Nigeria will get better soon. Kel!! Kel!! Kel!! Kel had been a trouble to my soul since i met her. I invented the name “Kel”. Her birth name was Kelechi. I invented the name because it reminded me that i had a crush on the American singer Kelly Rowland. She doesn’t look half as beautiful as Kelly Rowland because Kelly doesn’t have a mouth wide enough to swallow two spoonful of hot Rice at the same time, she doesn’t look half as beautiful as Kelly Rowland because Kelly doesn’t have a forehead that looks like it was hammered with a sledge hammer, she doesn’t look half as beautiful as Kelly Rowland because Kelly doesn’t have Beans shaped Nose. Yet she has what Kelly Rowland doesn’t have; an Earth quakening a.’ss. The same Kel really troubled my soul ab initio. “I delivered 51 parcels” Segun announced. To be continued

Hahahahahaha, mehn very funny. Head like its been hammared with a sledge hammar. kai guy u bad!

teexlcusive:
FLOW AND SNOW PART 2

“Mathematical Sege!!” I hailed Segun as he
entered the office.
“Flow! how work today na? how you waka na?”
I noticed his shoes were dusty as usually.
“Oboy! see your shoe! u don waka the whole
Ajegunle today oh!” I teased.
“Oboy i no know why this your head dey big
everyday oh, abi na this job dey make your
head big” it sounded like an insult to me.
It sounded like insult, but on a second thought
it was true. At my age, i think i had stopped
growing, but a part of my body has refused to
stop growing, that’s my head.
“You your head no big?” I said the oppossite of
what Segun’s head was; small head. Groundnut
shaped head.
“see your money here” Kel handed me my
money.
I counted and it was complete, but i noticed a
bad 1000 naira note was amongst the money i
was given so i complained.
“This money is bad”
“Must you complain about everything” Mr Wole
said without even seing the money i was
complaining of.
Kel took the money from me and handed over
another note that looked almost like the other.
All the while i was staring at Kel’s A’,ss. Kel has
the kind the a’ss that from a panoramic view it
looks like two big b’alls of Paw Paw fruit, from
the rear view it looks like a Trailer tyre, from the
left view it looks like my Church Speaker, and
from the right view it looks like one wrap of
Mama Sikiru’s Pounded Yam, but all the same, i
loved staring at her a’ss, it makes me believe
that if her tiny waist could carry such an a’ss,
then Nigeria will get better soon.
Kel!! Kel!! Kel!! Kel had been a trouble to my
soul since i met her. I invented the name “Kel”.
Her birth name was Kelechi. I invented the
name because it reminded me that i had a
crush on the American singer Kelly Rowland.
She doesn’t look half as beautiful as Kelly
Rowland because Kelly doesn’t have a mouth
wide enough to swallow two spoonful of hot
Rice at the same time, she doesn’t look half as
beautiful as Kelly Rowland because Kelly
doesn’t have a forehead that looks like it was
hammered with a sledge hammer, she doesn’t
look half as beautiful as Kelly Rowland because
Kelly doesn’t have Beans shaped Nose. Yet she
has what Kelly Rowland doesn’t have; an Earth
quakening a.’ss. The same Kel really troubled
my soul ab initio.
“I delivered 51 parcels” Segun announced.
To be continued

You plagiarize my work? Too bad!

flow1759:


You plagiarize my work? Too bad!

I was surprised when I saw the monicker oo.

Too too bad.

Dani1luv,ben13