dealslip:
She is right though. People who are attracted to people with destructive habits and imbalanced state of mind are called Co Dependents. They are often victims of abuse especially parental. This is why they usually attract such partners. It is a compulsive attitude and Co dependents feel compelled to fulfill because they are looking for acceptance they never got. Most co dependents compromise their personal space, sacrifice so much just to please their partners in return for a pat in the back. Most narcissistic personality then take advantage of such weakness using it as a bargain
Such Co dependents attend to their ego while they give them acceptance they crave for in return. Where this isn't met the narcissistic personality withhold their affection from the Co dependent. The Co dependents who are addicted to getting acceptance will give in. Most co dependents are shamed into thinking they are at fault by the narcissistic when it is the other way round. That's why she feels she fails her partners. Such narcissist have mastered the art of manipulation

frenzyduchess:
It's appalling, such an intelligent write up ,sadly most of the people that commented seem ... ,let me not just say what's on my mind, it's just saddening, this is a perfect time to view a thread and just shake your head

dealslip:

The truth is that many Nigerians are imbalanced in their minds. The narcissistic personalities among the commentators are the ones calling her bi.tch and Olosho. This are the ones that blame and shame the victims. The ignorant and dull ones are the ones that think because she is on the thick side, she doesn't deserve any love life. The poor and low self-esteemed ones think all relationships is about money and all a woman wants in life is money forgetting in their dumb mind that this lady doesn't need money. The sad reality is that majority of this commentators fall in to the categories of people she was talking about who have excess destructive baggages and pain. Unfortunately this are the people in Nigeria today who my children will attend school with and probably date.

ishowdotgmail:
Cos of who you're

Shit attracts flies my sister

mrphysics:

The bold phrase seems to be the major reason.

You have spoken just the truth. Women really need to understand that they are so many things about men you can't change else you will just be living unhappy life everyday. Things like cheating, smoking, getting drunk, etc are things which is very hard to change in men. Anyone with it is already living with it.

But things like coming back late, eating some foods, late night calls, and other little things about men can easily be changed.

Same thing with women, most things about you guys are so difficult to change. What most men do is to see if there are ready to live with it. Someone like me don't have the strength to change anyone.

One rule in safety is Do not try to be a hero, save yourself first

supersystemsnig:




How's your day bro?

Fears,indecisiveness,insecurities and not working on weak aspects of our lives is/are an issue. Bro, tell me you haven't seen people who are completely incompatible and stay in a marriage? Volatile or not, spikes or not? I have seen incompatible people get married and they worked out.

It is not enough to discuss problems, we need to discuss the solutions. Yes,seemingly good people may not attract nice ladies many times ( that's the unprocessed ones though ), because they feel like he has no flaws to fix, hence i can have no place in his life. However everyone has a downside, perhaps the good guys is a guy that has mastered the camouflage of looking good, or circumstances hasn't revealed his weak areas. What matters is will, the will to be together, from here people can start.

When the will to be together is there, both parties can find the inner strength, will, resources and wisdom to build a relationship one brick at a time. Trying to forecast the future is crazy because if one party is unwilling to compromise, become tolerant and make things work, there's nothing that can be saved.


Now, if a guy meets a lady, what they should look for after the good sides, is the weak areas, can i cope with this baggage? Upon agreement, comes discussion, okay i can let's work on time, draw a road map and let's build the path forward. Unfortunately not everyone likes to change, traditional people hate change and would rather die than subject themselves to improvement...So, in conclusion, if people decide to work together, and have the will to accept they have weakness and will build it on the way, then bingo, a relationship can kickstart, what matters is the awareness of these shortcomings and the will to do something about them...May people are not aware about their conditions, and until it's revealed to them perhaps through life experiences, it's a waste of time to help them out...


So, let's not over-per-mutate and speculate and talk ourselves out of things before they happen. In the end, it comes down to will, and the choice to do something about the decision to being with a partner...Simple...


What do you think bro?

misterh:
Especially those in the Yoruba genre.

Curvinus:


Cope. Will you stay with a short, ugly, balding, broke man if he treated you badly. Would you even give him more than a passing glance Let alone let him into your life?

Truth is, looks, money and status is everything when it comes to attraction and relationship not some personality psychobabble.

viviangist:
@VIVIANGIST

As shared on her Instagram Page , Read below.

 I used to be a fixer. I stayed in bad relationships, attracting the same type of men—men who needed to be fixed.

I know so many women in the same position. We attract cheating men, commitment-phobic men, emotionally unavailable men, emotionally damaged men, alcoholics, drug abusers, narcissists and sociopaths.

It’s like we are a magnet for men whose pieces are shattered all over the place. And for some reason, we feel compelled to put these pieces back together.

But I must admit, I have failed every single time.

I never gave myself a chance to sit back and question my motives. Instead of asking why I constantly felt obligated to pick up someone else’s broken pieces, I ran to pick them up without a second thought. Being selfless made me think that coming second didn’t matter because I was putting someone else’s worthiness first. And in the end, rank doesn’t matter, right?

I realized that the reason I was attracting these types of men was because I believed I could save them.

As selfless, thoughtful, giving women, we think we will be “that woman”—the one who will change them. We think we can turn a cheater into a loyal boyfriend. We think we can help him walk away from the drugs and alcohol. We believe we can help him get over his commitment issues and aim for a stable future with us. We trust that we can get rid of the emotional baggage that he has been carrying for years. 
We attract these men because we believe they need us. And to leave them would be selfish, insensitive and ruthless.

The sad news is, we constantly blame ourselves when they don’t change. Every time they fail us, we think it’s because we failed them. Their hold on us becomes stronger; they keep us around knowing they have nothing to offer. 
It’s just my view. What’s your view Let’s interact 
#JustMyView #JMVwithDayoAmusa #TAO#millionshadesoftao

Via : http://www.viviangist.ng/dayo-amusa-women-attract-cheating-partners/

cc; lalasticlala

mrphysics:

It's a great thought. In physics, there is what we call operators. Some are compatible operators while others are not. They all come from uncertainty principle. Something applies here. If two operators are not compatible, then the uncertainty on what will become of them increases. You can actually predict what will happen thereafter. Bro, marriage isn't like friendship. There are things I can tolerate in a partner and there are things that I can't tolerate.

I can't keep assuming she will change. I do not have the power to change people and I do not know when she started it and if she wants to change it.

dealslip:


I know where you are coming from but I won't be able to answer your question because you are obviously ignorant of the psychology of life. Not everyone is for sale. If you observed I didn't even mention money once in my write up. You are evidently unenlightened and depend on money to maintain a relationship. You still don't realize that people who marry for money only despite their spouses irrational behavior or looks have have cognitive dissonance issues. Their self esteem is attached to money. This is still a psychological problem. That is why people sacrifice their happiness for money in some abusive relationship. It means they can't stand on their own. They aren't whole spirit, soul and body.

chukzyfcbb:
very true.
I think its a thing of nature for the women folks to act that way, its the reason they are attracted to bad boiz or someone who they perceive is dangerous, because they feel they can always change the person.

So dating such person gives them the adventure and the thrill, so they feel like they have impacted in his life at the end.

Why do you think Good guys are perceived boring? Its simply because they have no anomaly for the women folk to correct.

Ever heard the sentence , Wise Women build their home? Its this sentence that they all abide by and try to build the man and kids to that Mr/Mrs perfect, which never always works.


She is so on point like decimal.

ishowdotgmail:
Cos of who you're

Shit attracts flies my sister

ishowdotgmail:
Cos of who you're

Shit attracts flies my sister

supersystemsnig:



Nope, no one should tag along with anyone in expectation of change. But rather, a tolerance level must be done, can i bear this baggage, when process is done? Trust, me even the saintest of saints have baggages... I mean to say, if a person is open to corrections, change, improvements, repentance, then that's a good stuff with great potential. How come with lesser wisdom than this generation, the previous generation was able to have marriages however volatile or not? Knowledge when it's too much causes its bearer sorrow.


Anyways communication is key and if two people can communcate effectively, they can discuss their fears, and deal with it, cause trust me, in relationships, business negative mental pictures would come up from time to time, to the matured ones that talk their fears, there's no fear of these cumulative thoughts producing a reaction...because it's been dealt with, to folks that bottle things up and don't discuss their fears, they continue to have issues....If people are open and willing to work, relationships with work. Knowledge makes things seem too complex at times...

bobdee05:
My dear sister you attract the exact kind of personality and character that you are,pls run a check on your self. Likes be get likes.

mrphysics:

You are right but they are things people can't deal with. for instance I can't stay with a lady that smokes, or one that draws tattoo. Such thing alone is something I can't live with. Thus, there is nothing again to negotiate.

Marriage are for people who are compatible. People that can handle each other

frenzyduchess:
It's appalling, such an intelligent write up ,sadly most of the people that commented seem ... ,let me not just say what's on my mind, it's just saddening, this is a perfect time to view a thread and just shake your head

SonOfAfonja:



I quite agree with you....it's disheartening to see how our so called youth reason....

dealslip:


I know where you are coming from but I won't be able to answer your question because you are obviously ignorant of the psychology of life. [/b]Not everyone is for sale. If you observed I didn't even mention money once in my write up. [b]You are evidently unenlightened and depend on money to maintain a relationship. You still don't realize that people who marry for money only despite their spouses irrational behavior or looks have have cognitive dissonance issues. Their self esteem is attached to money. This is still a psychological problem. That is why people sacrifice their happiness for money in some abusive relationship. It means they can't stand on their own. They aren't whole spirit, soul and body.

Curvinus:


Stop with all the adhominem attacks as they are just not necessary. I said relationships are governed by such factors as looks money and status. There is a popular saying that birds of the same feather flock together. It means folks of similar looks threshold, similar societal status, people who have physical beauty to trade for material wealth, are most likely to be seen together……in a romantic relationship. This is practical matter, not some idealistic codswallop.

And what are you saying that not everyone desires money. Are you having a laugh? It is either you have lost touch with reality or you're simply in denial. You need money to buy food, clothes and shelter. Without money, you don’t even exist. Period. Humans are hard wired to seek comfort, shelter and survival and in this day and time, only money gets you that. Money is the path to least resistance.

You could suppress this natural desire by saying money is not everything, but bear in mind that this is just a coping mechanism when money seems out of reach or when you want to take a moral high ground. Yet, deep down, you know you don’t amount to much without money in this material life. This is a fact because money makes the world go round. Even the Bible says money answereth all things. So, who are you to dispute this age long biblical wisdom?

generationz:
She's right most nice "Mr and Mrs fixalot" usually attract narcissist and terrible people.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with being that type of person. That's why good girls end up with bad guys and vice versa. It's the natural law of opposites being attracted to each other.


However, nobody walks around with a sign on their forehead saying "I am a cheat, wifebeater or womanizer"

However with experience you'll learn to notice subtle signs, that's why it's advisable not to fall head over heels in love with someone without knowing and studying them well enough.

Many of these people are the most charming and charismatic, but when you look beneath you'll discover that they are very shallow with nothing to offer rather than excessive baggage and pain.

Most of the time they do not take out time to work on themselves or see the amount of pain that they are causing their loved ones because they think after all people are always attracted to them so they can't be the ones with the problems it has to be the other person.

MissJoy29:

You made a lot of sense here. Used to be "Mrsfixalot". But I'd like to think I'm not anymore. I don't want to be.

generationz:
.
. Good