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@ Topic,

I'm not married so I can't say for a fact that you do this or do that. But like Chaircover said, I think you may have projected to him that you were financially ok (your family is rich) and he wont have to bear the burden alone. Now you are married and not working, as far as hes concerned, he has been conned (believe me, I have had some similar experience, thankfully we were just dating when he began to display his true colors). Everything else started from that point, believe me. Now he starts to scrutinize your every being & i mean EVERY. Now he'd observe that your size has increased, he'd realize he likes them slim, you dont make up all the time,in short he sees only your shortcommings and doesnt want to be seen with you.

My dear, the solution (besides prayers) will take a while but it can be done:

1. Get a job/start a business - he'd start to see you as his equal and source of support
2. Anything you complain about, stop complaining and find a solution e.g. i always complained about my boyfriend not saving money, and after like 15mths of complaining with no change, I decided to force him to open an account and started putting money in it , believe me, now he does exactly that.
3. Stop thinking anything he does has everything to do with you. e.g if he doesnt come home on time, dont think its because of you. just believe he is responsible enough to find the way home when he needs to. it will take less stress away from you emotionally and you can start relating with him as your friend, without all the airs and nagging .

Like I said & others have said, its not an easy road, and will sure take some time, but nothing is impossible,

All the best

From what I have read and the replies it sounds like your husband doesnt appreciate you at all, why should he always be going out what about you and when do you get a break from childcare. A child that is 5 months old is HARDWORK I see some male replyer asked you what you did in the house all day he should try looking after a baby all day. I am tired of hearing how us women should dress up be sexy and pamper our husbands egos. Once a woman has given a child to her husband he should do all he can to show appreciation and love towards them and the rest will come naturally. Men in general see us as below them I for one do not believe I am here to serve expecially to someone that is undeserving ie. doesnt appreciate.

I feel your pain that your family had reservations too that is painful, you do need to sit him down and tell him what would make you feel a bit happier. You child is probably a bit young just yet to go back to work but aim for when she is say 9 months so you can get out and meet more people.

Good luck hope something happens for the better soon

A pity dis hapns.it's ur turn t xperience wat evry newly wed dread.unfotunatly many a partner discovr dir tru spouse personality just a little afta marriage. D solution isnt clear cut.rests wit ur being a right partner,intention to hv & make it rt.divine interventn is paramount.bt hw many of us saw d handrtn on d wal & stil went ahead wit d mariage,mayb hopin d partner wil change

I am sure u have gotten much advises and judgement. Kindly use ur tongue to count ur teeth, marriage is not very easy, if u are thinking of leaving ur hubby, where are u plaining to start from?? settling down with another man in the future may not be the best thing to think of.
U may not know if he will treat u bad also. I am sure when u both started it was smooth until the baby came out. So dear, kindly work out things by calling on God and seek prayers from ur church also, i can't stand a drunking husband, Pray against this habit AND SAVE UR HOME.

I don't want to say i am the best husband, but i want to say my marriage is 8 years with 2 kids and my love for my wife is like i just married her yesterday,i'm crazy for her when it comes to how i love her so i pray God makes it remain like this till old age, so i would want to say i can't pass judgement on your hubby not until i hear his side of the story, search yourself and check if there are areas you need to make amendment in the relationship,natural love in a relationship is better than the artificial one,from your story the love your hubby had for you before marrying you was artificial and you were supposed to know that anything that is not natural wear out within a short while and that is exactly what has just happened in your case,i must say you have made your hubby suffered from love against his wish,it would have been better to keep on praying for him to remember you and and come back to you instead of going to the length you went,the prophet that helped you got your hubby does not operate in the clean name of almighty GOD and that is why everything he did later backfired on you cos when GOD blesses any man he adds no sorrow says the BIBLE, and judgement is awaiting that prophet for his evil deeds.All i have to tell you now is to embrace GOD who is the author and finisher of our faith,GOD could still turn things around for you for the better.

yours is 8.

the other guy's was 7.

NatGas:

I strongly believe in divorce.am single for now but when i get married if i realized that ma marriage is giving me problems that it should it simply file for divorce.Gone are the days when are mothers were molested and treated badly all in the name of marriage.if u are ma sister i will advice u d same thing. QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With all due respect, why bother with marriage at all? Marriage ought not be compulsory nor for immatured minds. The less the rate of divprce the better for our society.

As Chaircover mentioned it I just have to add my two cents; The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is the BEST wedding gift my hubby and I received. I almost finished the book during our 18 hour flight from US to Lagos. I recommend every person in a relationship read it. It will completely change how you communicate with your partner.

To OP my only advice is that you nurture the traits and qualities in your husband that you want to see on a regular basis. No matter how little it is if he does something right you  show genuine appreciation. Show him that you are very easy to please. Some men stop doing many things they used to do because they feel unappreciated. A good man wants to make you happy, but if all he hears from you is what you don't like he honestly may not know how to please you.

I believe strongly in the law of attraction. Whatever you put out is what you get back. If you want more love, give more love. If you want more understanding, give more understanding. If you want more kindness, appreciation and consideration then you give more of that. Now this does not mean you don't let him know when he has done something to hurt you, but if you can, keep it to a minimum and don't nag, holler or scream. Express how you feel simply and trust him to hear you.

Learn to speak his "language" and watch him become all the things you want him to be and more. I'm praying for you both.

However it is not easy for a men to be the only provider of the family and feed you, your baby, his brother, pay the bills and the house rent. That putt's a lot of pressure on him!

Talk to him!

I would like to suggested, make sure you and the baby look healthy, clean and attired (nice), when he homes home from work. If you are at home make sure the food is ready for him!

His brother however should give you, a hand, if he is not working with washing the dishes, cleaning, child care (no nappy changing or taking shower for the baby) etc. or should get a job!

Working as a child minder is not so bad! If you do not like to take care of other people's babies, you could bring and pick up children to/from school, take care of them for two hours in the morning and in the afternoon.

It does not matter, from which family you came! Now you have your own! And you have to mange your life! Please, do not be a princess, be a grown up woman, which is the good wife, partner, mother and the heart and soul of her OWN household.

I am worried though about him having too many friends who are girls and being on stuff like twitter and mainly communicating with ladies, its all good advice. am just wondering though, if you get that job will he change? this guy is taking you for granted,. i guess try talking to him and all that but always be truthful to yourself, dont see what will amke you feel better, wish you the best sister. its such a sad life you live

chaircover:

My dear I think that I can see the problem. You went into marriage with the wrong expectations. You also seem to place a very high emphasis on background. I can tell you from experience today that background has little relevance on what people can achieve in a flash.

There is a lot of new money around these days; certainly in the UK, IT made a lot of people millionaires overnight. One day they were security guards and the next minute they were CISCO & MCSC gurus earning top wages even if they all lied on their CV’s LOL

As Yoruba’s say inu ikoko dudu ni eko funfun ti jade. Sorry I don’t know the meaning of eko in English so can’t translate the saying.

I don’t know how to say this without offending you ,but you come across as feeling superior, sorry that’s a strong word and my English Grammar has deserted me this morning.

Please stop dwelling on what could have been but focus on what you currently have and what you want for the future. Yes you could have married a minister’s son but who knows, he could have beaten you black and blue every time he got high on drugs. If your husband is indeed your husband then it doesn’t matter even if he crawled out from under a stone.

In marriage, we all give up a little as that is the only way to live in peace and to enjoy it. Love your husband for what he is, you are probably indirectly telling him that he doesn’t matter or is important or not good enough for you. You may not realise that you are making him feel that way. Maybe he is always having to pussycat round you in order not to offend you until he got fed up of it and has gone rebellious on you.

Hope he doesn’t know that he wasn’t really your first choice and you preferred rich and tall men.

I don’t think it has much to do with your figure or dressing or other physical attribute but more of a psychological battle between you two. Seems like you have dented his ego and he is fighting back anyway he knows however dirty; and he is going round it the wrong way.

The ball is firmly in your court to take full control of your marriage and happiness. You can do it.

Excellent advice baby!
May you be rewarded with an everlasting happy marriage!!

kimbaby:

Hi Chaircover, thanks for your response but i've never made my husband feel inferior, i feel inferior now that i don't look great anymore. besides my husband is not poor, and if i was soooooooo concerned about his finance instead of prospect i'd not have married him. all i'm saying is that there were soooo many fishes in the water that i feel like he thinks he did me a favour by marrying me when i did him the favour.

ok if you say i made him fight back dirty

did i make him fight with God by not going to church?

Do i make him not cuddle his child, change her pampers, wear her clothes, bathe her, carry her at night, feed her, plan her birthday or even know the inscription on her clothes?

I make him not take me out by me making him feel inferior?

He has his whole life perfect, the way it was but i have changed and i expect more love and care cos if i get back (and i will) get a fab job, get back in shape, have one thousand and one friends to go out with, do i start to behave like him?

a friend of his came to our house the other day with his pregnant wife who spits around in a cup, trust me if it was me my husband would probably lock me up in a room.

i want people to say yes your husband is right or no he's not so that i don't feel like am over-reacting cos all i feel like doing is making sure he gets the same treatment he's given me when my life is great again

i no u may neva see this but just thought to add my own 1 cent

From what you saying it sounds like u two are in a competition n trying to upstage each other. . ."I did u a favour but marrying u, no i did u a favour by marrying u, I am more fun than u , well i can be fun too just wait for this child to be 1yrs old"

and it most certainly should not be like this. . .instead take care of him and ur self like SA Lady said and have fun together. . .

p.s. if you don't like the way u look then do something about it now. . . im sure u will not be too happy in general and each day u remain d u way u are, u will not be. . .

n think about it, if you dont like the way u look, why should ur hubby??

Kimbaby,
I feel sorry that you're pushing your marital problems (which is minor compared to the average types in our society's) to get out of hand. I hope my words will penetrate and make you wake up and fight for the survival of your marriage

First you need to be sincere about your true objective in your online complaints. Are you more interested in a public opinion judgement of your husband or a genuine desire to solve your marital problems?

Remember he hasn't told us his own side of the story.

From your posts (and your replies to the great advice from some posters on this topic) you have clearly demonstrated you're neither mentally ready for marriage nor good in managing a male-female relationship. In order for you not to ruin your life I suggest you do away with the infantile threats and plans to abandon your matrimony as soon as you improve your lifestyle and looks.

You declared in some of your posts that you didn't like your hubby from day one. Yet you failed to tell us why you married him.

You admitted you hubby was very good to you in your marriage until your first child was born. While you were quick to attribute his change of character to your post-delivery weight gain, have you bothered to know whether your attitudes actually drove him into such behaviours?
You seem to know very little about men.

Although I don't know you and so cannot accurately describe your personality but your posts are awash with evidences that you exhibit multiple symptoms of serious inferiority complex. How many times have you used the difference in your parental backgrounds as a way of making him feel inferior? Yet he feeds and pays for the cost of your upkeep and that of your baby. Another classical sign of  this psychogenic malady is your complaint about his having 'enjoyed' pre-marital fun for 20yrs while yours was 'only 5yrs'. Can you explain such a petty jealousy amidst your prevailing family crisis? Can you also tell us why you must envy your hubby's good looks (as you vividly portrayed in your posts), instead of being proud of being his wife? Another of such symptoms is your obvious low self esteem, esp your persistent lamentation about your fat physique, even when you're reluctant to improve your image.

In what ways do you consider your hubby's younger brother a better father than him? I wish you wouln't be so careless in your marriage. Did you tell him this in his face?

Worst still, you seem to join many misguided pro-western ladies in behaving as if marriage is a competition between the hubby and wifey. Do not let such destructive neo cultures of the western world to ruin your marriage! Marriage ought to be and shall remain complementary between the spouses. Check out your Holy Bible! Haven't you heard about the secret that makes men to be ready to die in protecting the interest of their wife and children? It's love, my dear.

From your story about a likely angry reaction of your husband if he would see you spitting in a cup as his friend's wife did, it seems your domestic or personal sanitary etiquette disgusts him. Instead of complaining about such reactions have you worked hard to improve yourself and home?

Methinks you have allowed some of the shortcomings of your personality (low self esteem? laziness? low IQ? self-centredness? self-rightousness? envy? etc) to induce much inferiority complex in your psyche. Perhaps you eventually and inadvertently directed the over-compensatory syndromes (attitudes) of this complex towards your husband. Those attitudes, in addition to some other minor disappointments he was facing in your marriage, probably succeeded in turning him off you and he decided to seek solace and excitment elsewhere.

My point is that most men (including your hubby) will not despise their wife simply because she got fat after their first child, if there's no accompanying repulsive attitudes from her.

I advice  that you should work seriously on your behaviours towards your husband.
Read a lot of good books on sustainable happy relationships and marital life. Open your mind to learn new things about life.
Seek private counsel from some experienced/knowledgeable female posters  who have offered great advice to you on this topic (eg Chaircover, Iranoladun Akuviv, etc).

Beware of the destructive advice of some unfortunate individuals who exhibited their shallow mindedness in this thread by encouraging  you to divorce your husband,  Divorce without your satisfactory hard work in saving your marriage may wreck your life.

The fact that your husband is no more attending church service regularly or at all should not be a topic for nagging or complaint when your relationship has gone so bad. Wisdom demands you should focus more attention in winning your hubby's love back. Endeavour to understand the Holy Scriptures better!! Parochial religiosity should not take the place of tolerance and patience in this situation. It's possible your attitude, which he may perceive as self-righteous, is driving him away from the church.

Try  to love your husband. I'm sure you'll receive ten times more if you can genuinely  love, care, respect, honour him with all your heart. Develop a more understanding and  sensuous style of communication with him.

I wish you God's wisdom and eternal blissful matrimony.

some wives are just terrible

Kimbaby,
Your hubby needs help,you've just got to help him out by devising a good strategy.Even if your strategy curbs a wee bit of his bad habits my sister go to church and give thanks.No marriage is smooth,my sister just keep devising strategies so as to help you achieve your goal of being a fulfilled family woman in the end.

Kimbaby, I'm sorry to say, you are a nightmare of a woman. Just from your posts, I'm 100% certain you are the one that is mostly at fault. Who do you think you are? So if your husband stays out past midnight, he is crossing the line? He ends e-mail with "with love"? He hangs out with his friends? He only gives you money weekly or whatever. Look at all your stupid complaints. Your husband is right. You complain and nag too damn much. You better listen to chaircover,

Genious100 that is a bit too harsh, what do you mean 'who do you think you are?' she is his wife ofcourse!am sure it bothers her because at a point he never used to do that, yes why should he be writing stuff that makes his wife insecure? he is married and he should start behaving like a caring married man, even if she has her faults and we havent heard his side of the story, he is not treating her well and all a woman wants and needs to be able to bear the pressure of being a wife is love, have a little sympathy!

kaypeegee:

Genious100 that is a bit too harsh, what do you mean 'who do you think you are?' she is his wife ofcourse!am sure it bothers her because at a point he never used to do that, yes why should he be writing stuff that makes his wife insecure? he is married and he should start behaving like a caring married man, even if she has her faults and we havent heard his side of the story, he is not treating her well and all a woman wants and needs to be able to bear the pressure of being a wife is love, have a little sympathy!

I doubt that you've ever been on the receiving end of a nagging woman. It's the worst thing a man can experience. Quite frankly, in my opinion, the vast majority of her complaints are extremely silly. I've dealt with women like her before. They are completely insatiable. Whatever the man does is never enough. They will find something else to complain about. She really needs to know the truth because I'm 100% sure that she is a chronic nagger that drives her husband crazy. No real man will change to please a nagger, because they will find something else to nag about. She has no clue what marriage is about. Her expectations are teriibly unrealistic. What she needs to do is get some good books on marriage, so she can completely reorient herself,

well i guess you are kinda right, she does expect too much from this guy and she sounds spoilt. Kim baby you complain a lot. but on the other hand maybe he really does some things that frustrate her. at least we could acknowlege coming home after midnight makes your wife insecure, i dont like the part where you are tring to be his mom, maybe its why he prefers to not be around you. you call him to order? like he is a kid? i dont think men like that, you cant force someone to go to church or accept Christ, its a personal decision, you can only pray for him. maybe you need to start loving yourself more then you will be loveable to some one else. i mean having a baby is no excuse for letting yourself go, you should try even harder now, you are breast feeding, you should be losing weight, i guess you take out your frustrations on food. be nice and stop talking about his back ground like that, did you not know thats how his family was like before marrying him? you sound as though you think you are better than him, maybe he sees it, it would be hard to be around you. yeah i guess Genious100 had a point after all, was so quick to defend you coz i think he was just being nasty to you but ey sis, you are just too much, try to change yourself,

..

chaircover:

My dear I think that I can see the problem. You went into marriage with the wrong expectations. You also seem to place a very high emphasis on background. I can tell you from experience today that background has little relevance on what people can achieve in a flash.

There is a lot of new money around these days; certainly in the UK, IT made a lot of people millionaires overnight. One day they were security guards and the next minute they were CISCO & MCSC gurus earning top wages even if they all lied on their CV’s LOL

As Yoruba’s say inu ikoko dudu ni eko funfun ti jade. Sorry I don’t know the meaning of eko in English so can’t translate the saying.

@Chaircover

I am also of the opinion that much emphasis should be placed on the background, I see it becoming an issue in many mariages. The background is not just having money, that is why being a millionaire overnight does not take your background away from you.

People of similar background seem to value the same things and have similar expectations in life which could make them more compatible than those that have very different backgrounds.

She could have also married a garrage tout and be receiving the same treatment the Minister's son could give her, so it is not the money really it's the 'background'

@ OP reading your first post and consecutive ones i really think you also have issues though am not absolving your husband. You have been given great advice in this forum and i think you should stop thinking of leaving your home.

I am a business woman but i freelance which is i am not really different from a full time wife. I am newly wedded and expecting my first child, naturally i hate dressing up now cuz somethings nauseates me but still that doesn't mean i don't try! As a matter of fact i have already discussed with my hubby on me getting back into shape, i have registered in a gym and dearie once this cute bundle is born i will wait 2months then baby am gonna hit the gym! That doesn't mean am stopping breastfeeding.

My husband always lays emphasis on me dressing good cuz it doesn't portray him well if i don't cuz of my profession. I would have uploaded a pic of mine right now but u know naija and don't broadcast ur pregnancy issue.

As a woman you need to contribute the little you have into your family even if you have to do it cunningly. For instance out of the little he is giving you save to get him something also after all he isn't going to know it's his money na

Be an angel to him, stop complaining instead find solution. The problem most of us Nigerian women have is that we neglect our responsibilities to our husband all in the name of children. I am sorry if i sound heartless but no child of mine is going to stop me from getting a life cuz when he/she grows up and goes away from home, i am going to be left with the life i made for myself, so i need my hubby with me to share my life forever.

And about you saying he comes from a poor background and he is behaving as if he did you a favour by marrying you instead that you did him that favour makes you sound pompous and maybe that is what is chasing your husband out. Are you the type of wife that drops hint every time that your family is rich? If you are then you cause your own problem. With your posts i don't think you are the humble type sorry to say oh

Leaving your home will only make you to be seen as an unserious woman and seriously speaking even the so called rich guys you have dated want submissive but brilliant wives. No man wants a woman who is self-centered. You better hold on to ur guy cuz i can see from your post that he is not abusive which is what i cant accept from any man. And plz get BACK IN SHAPE! Cuz i can see that the guy is frustrated cuz he is not seeing the woman he got married to instead an obese and a nag

I think YOU actually believe you did him a favour by marrying him so you expect him to be your slave. It looks like you want to control him. I bet one of the reasons you married him is because he was mr humility during your courtship days and now he has changed.

Nothing wrong with you expecting him to take care of you financially that may have been your orientation when you were growing up. He is your husband and those are part of his responsibility, his nonchalant treatment is also a protest on his part. There is something you are doing that is driving him away. do you always flaunt your "background" and how well to do your parents are?, let him know that if not for this marriage you would be in amsterdam bagging your masters.

his going to church is a major concern to you rt? why not try showing him what a real xtian is maybe the church will become more attractive to him.
You do have valid reasons for concern but try and change yourself for the better first and try to get a life of your own too. Also why not begin to work on your weight and other things about yourself that bothers you and before you know it you will see changes in your life and dont frget sincere prayers changes things.

///

what type of husband do you have? maybe you can judge mine and tell me what you think.

I have one with home-training. Being the last of 10 children. You marry aje-butter.  I marry aje-kpakororo!

He never gives me allowance for the month. it's always in trickles weekly and sometimes i have to write every single item i want to buy.

In this 21st century na woman dey give men allowance. Gerrrof ya butt! Stop sending us hard-working women back to the dark ages!

Since i gave birth to our daughter we never go out together again.

Maybe you need to lose weight! Have you tried going out with 'others'?  That should wake him up real fast! You need to shape up and put on your halter tops and 'low-rider' jeans and hit the clubs one night a week shuuugar!

He's always eager to for his guys to come and take him out drinking

Holllit dia! You married a drunk? Or you made your husband start drinking out of 'depression'?

He's a fan of all the social networking sites like facebook, twitter and takes a lot of females along as friends

This MUST be a Yoruba man. . .Na dem life be dat!

he can come back from a wedding after-party at 2am

Omo jati-jati gaaaaaaaaan! How did you walk down the aisle with this type of man? O gal, husband nor be boyfriend and vice versa o! How you manage waka?

he can come home drunk

Nor be for this my house. Impossicant! You say wetin? Too things I can NEVER tolerate in ANY man is one who DRINKS or SMOKES! Lai lai. AMMO throw him OUT!

He never goes to church

Me neither. . . not a problem for me at all. Na so-so ashawo work full for those churches anyway Thank your stars. . . your problems would have been compounded with all those single 'Hail Maries' running around the church premises without bras and pants prasing their 'lords'!

He sends mails to female friends ending the mail with "with love"

They ALL do. . .some have not caught theirs yet. . .This is not a problem.  Why do you think WE all spend time on places like NL? Those things just come and go. . .no threat at all. Just for entertainment only. Nothng more. He is going through the "Boy Alinco" phase.  Please, allow him. E go soon taya.

He thinks he's the finest guy alive

Oh well, so does the Agama Lizard or the 'Not-until-I-have-been-disgraced' Olodo the tortoise. Self-confidence is not such a bad thing.

He loves to keep malice and complains about me a nursing mother not having a job when he also has a brother that lives with us and is jobless too

Damn right! I would complain too. Come to my job and see 20 somethings-40-something year-old nursing mothers with bobby-pumps! Pumping for 24 months with full-time jobs. MUST THE BABY BY ON YOUR CHEST 24/7?  Hmmm! awon "Baby Friendly" with no bank accounts! Or you think say na Naija you dey where women be full time house-wives and chronic beggers of 'chop' money? You are comparing yourself to his jobless brother. You don't know that it is women that build and sustain homes in this 21st centure and MOST husbands are just HUSBANDS for mouth and nyansh? Don't let your friends deceive you o! You go soon end up for divorce court. Can't you express your milk and bottle feed it to your baby while you work?

He does no house work asides cooking once in a blue moon

But he gave you belle. Is that not work?

i can go on and on but pls people am i being paranoid to complain?

You are just being a spoiled brat! Stop whining and take control of your marriage and family. You married a drunk. . .or you made your husband start drinking after he married you. It is all your fault! You need to find ways to fix your home. It is a woman's world darling!

You have been ordained to be the 'bread-winner' of this family.

Now, get to work!




Rewwwwwwwwwwwwind!!!!

Hi everyone, i appreciate all our suggestions and am very grateful, i think i didn't tell you all the kind of woman i am and the beginning of my relationship.

i courted my husband for 2yrs and knew him for 4yrs but when i actually met him i was never interested cos i was more into rich, tall guys and didn't actually like him.

I think this whole issue of a woman before birth and after birth is really not an excuse for our men to misbehave afterall they say "for better for worse"

i'll admit i'm not the woman i used to be, i used to be a pretty, gainfully employed, fantastic bosoms, hot-legged size 8 now am a size fat, falling breasted 14 yes i know my body has changed but i've asked for our daughter to be one year before i release her from bosom-feeding and take care of myself cos

[size=20pt]all mums know it's really very hard doing the exclusive part of bosom-feeding without any help to do the chores and my daughter is sooo big that when i had her she could breastfeed for 8 hours non-stop. i think i became mad at a point. she's five months and weighs almost 11kg.[/size]




Before i got married he did everything to please me, he came to church, he bought me wonderful clothes from box office and other hot boutiques, he gave me money for my family, he cooked for me(his brother and friends), i never had cause to believe he cheated on me, he didn't drink not to talk of getting drunk etc

why it hurts me deeply is that my dad is rich and i went to even a private university while my husband's dad is a farmer in the village who only trained my husband to an extent, (1 out of  and i can't even understand their igbo properly.

now My dad also initially refused to marriage saying he wanted to send me to amsterdam to do my masters and said that my husband's people were not enlightened and poor even going as far asking me whether i would farm during holidays and i felt those were not genuine reasons.

i also had house of reps, sa's, directors, DGs and rich biz men both in nigeria and abroad as friends now i don't have any of them anymore, i had two job offers in lagos but turned them down to be with him.

my husband started knowing females right from jss1 cos he left home to a town where there was a secondary school while i knew guys from my yr 2 in the university cos my mum made sure to checkmate me so well, so he's had about 20yrs of fun while i was just getting started with 5yrs fun but decided to marry since someone advised me that with all the male fans i had that a woman's beauty is not forever. so  i feel like my life just ended and yet he's not supportive afterall i didn't impregnate myself.

him not going to church too is also not ok by me

i don't have a problem with him drinking but being drunk is not ok by me.

he can go out but once it gets to mid-night he's crossed the line. haba my father was my role model and for a long time i hated him cos of his infidelity. that's certainly not what i want for my daughter.

i call him to order and he re-traces his steps but am tired of calling him to order, i don't even shout at him as some might think and i'm not lazy taking care of my house a tasking enough for me.

what i hate again is that i could go out cos i still get stops for lifts, i could perk-up my bosom in some wonder bra and post it on some site and people will come drooling, i could drink, infact i could have a guy take care of me and my daughter but i choose not to. he too can choose to be a better father and husband.

if his younger brother lives with us till my daughter can speak am sure she'll call him dad cos he does a better job at being a father

Accquiring satellites. . .

Recalculating. . . .


Boooooolsheeeeeeeeeet!!!

No wonder.

Bella Adenuga ko!
Moji Okoya ni!
If I were that your husband. . .I would not only be drinking. . .I would be smoking 'Igbo' too!
You are daaaaaaaamn lazy!
Gosh!

20 years of phocking vs 5 years of phocking.  You nor be 'v[b]a[/b]gin' sef!

Arrrrrrrrrrantus Nonsensicus!

I knew this rubbish could only happen in Nigeria.

Next topic please.

@ poster pls do not let anyone here tell you you have no rt to complain. You do seeing as you did not marry yourself.marrige takes two people to make it work. All i am saying is try and do your best all the time even if your hubby is acting out. Be good to yourself too and have goals and strategies how to achieve the goals. you might not get it rt overnight infact sometimes while working towards your goals you will experience frustrations and set backs but do not let them knock you down just be focused and before you know it you will be happy and it will take your mind off hubby.

Blazay, spot on! thanks for saying everything I wanted to say.

(whsipers - but u don kolo small sha )

^^^
Mu he he he he he

 

This thread still dey alive?

I need to get paid for lecturing all these small-small gals with marital problems on these Naija messageboards I swear.

E be like say disu woman na the first to do 'baby' friendly ooooooh!

Na only she wan God give 'bobbies' to feed pickin. . . even cow for bush dey feed im pickins them with the same damn tools.

I taya oooooooh!

How woman go dey do baby friendly with no money for pocket and absentee breadwinner after 'impregnation'? Nor be man and woman wey chop belle full go siddon for house dey do 'baby-friendly' for more than 3 months. . .I for don cut the breaa-sts troway for the pickin crib go find work make im dey feed imself. . .

Baby friendly ko. . .piriki friendly ni!

Shioooooooor!!!