I have long laughed whenever I see a man kneeling in public and asking the hand of another man's child in Africa. how dare you propose to a woman whose parents haven't even given you any sign that you are indeed welcome to their family.

this is Africa where traditional issues come to play before love. I am igbo where whether it's admired publicly or not, issues like osu and many other questions must be asked before a marriage is contracted. no igbo family will accept an intending groom before relevant questions have been asked, yet you see a man and lady parading themselves as fiance and fiancee, yet their parents aren't yet aware of such a union or has the possibility of marriage been established.

I am very much aware of a sour case involving an EX, who got the usual public proposal some dumb men are swoon to do and from there started flashing her engagement ring on social media. when I inquired if an intro has been done, she said no. I was flabbergasted, how could a man call you his finacee and he hasn't yet sought the consent of those who own you (family and relatives). she told me then that I am so old school and do not know what's happening nowadays . anyway she remained engaged to this fellow for a year and despite his friendly visits to her family. she was shocked when her family rejected his people on their visit during the intro. even on mention of certain issues, even the man's people apologised profusely for that mix up and hurriedly left. they warned the boy never to go back there because they were related.

Apparently during the slave trade, a female relative was sold by the father to enable him marry another wife. the woman gave birth to the boy's forefathers while the girl is a product of the new wife the father married. their lineage had the same root. thus marriage was impossible and because of what the ancestor did, that slave female died in utter sadness and it's claimed she laid a curse of early death to men who are born to her then father. anyway for years, these people have considered themselves distant relatives but they do not relate due to the animosity. sexual relations might occur by mistake, but a known relation such a marriage can not be contracted.

my EX was devastated, she wept her eyes out because of the disgrace, how will she face people who have been awaiting invitation cards, the boy was forbidden from having contact else he will be dragged before the local council. that case was a very well known one, yet somehow everybody missed it and they wasted their time for a year.

Anyway it's responsible for a young man to seek a wife and marry once he feels the time is right. but please be responsible. dont waste time on a fruitless journey. seek first the consent of her people, introduce yourself to them, tell them who you are, relate this information to your own people. you both are already dating anyway, but don't propose yet officially till you have gotten favourable responses from both families that the marriage is a possibility.

I personally find it irresponsible to engage another man's child without his consent. you can date her without his consent, but engagement? marriage? please do the needful.

cheers

Until a guy meet my father, am not flaunting any ring on social media. What if my father rejects him? .

Just look at the thrash the op wrote up there.

So what if you talk to the parents first and she refuses later? You have to seek your woman's consent first, then even if later her parents refuse you, she'll help you, support you and she'll fight back to back with you. That way her parents will give their consent.

If I ask for a girl's hand in marriage and she tells me to ask her dad then thats the last time she's gonna see me.

She should be old enough to make her own decisions, except she's not mature enough for marriage.

While we are on that, I'll also like to ask my mum before I can propose to her. Funny enough, girls will call you out on that and say you're a mummy's boy that can't do anything without your mum but they themselves are daddy's girls, talk about double standard.

MaritzaNL:
Until a guy meet my father, am not flaunting any ring on social media. What if my father rejects him? .

Am I marrying you or your father ?

NairalandCS:


Am I marrying you or your father ?

You can't marry me without his consent .

I guess this is why I am still single. This marriage thing is too complicated for me.

MaritzaNL:
Until a guy meet my father, am not flaunting any ring on social media. What if my father rejects him? .

Not if he packages himself well. One just needs to dress smartly with a nice ride to complement it. Exude the aura of responsibility and purpose, Communicate his feelings for the lady in question passionately and eloquently...you know, all the gbo gbo ti gbo...and GBAM.

GREEN LIGHT!

Yes .... it’s always nice to let the parents know first at least u can tell if you will be welcomed or not


Just respect , tradition too and culture

Xionez:


Not if he packages himself well. One just needs to dress smartly with a nice ride to complement it. Exude the aura of responsibility and purpose, Communicate his feelings for the lady in question passionately and eloquently...you know, all the gbo gbo ti gbo...and GBAM.

GREEN LIGHT!

If you are not an Igbo guy forget it.

Before I proposed to my wife now then, I went to see her parents and told them that I will be proposing to their daughter,They Concord . it was after 2month or so we did the Yoruba family introduction and after 5month we had the main registry and main marriage . I feel its best seeking the parents permission before kneeling down and proposing, but you must be sure she desire you too as a future husband.

2corinthians 5:17 therfore if anyman be in christ he is a new creation,for old things have passed away all things have become new.as a true and bornified christian my brother osu in igboland should not be in consideration at all my brother i do not agree that a parent should know that i am engaging thier daughter i am not marrying them am only marrying from thier family.

MaritzaNL:
If you are not an Igbo guy forget it.

Guess i fit the bill. Where do i sign up?

Xionez:

Guess i fit the bill. Where do i sign up?!

Lolzzz .

My preparation has begun in earnest. What is your dad's favourite color when it comes to clothing and what is your mom fond of. I wanna sway her too.




















Yeah, and send me a pic of your window drapings, curtains and the likes. I don't wanna arrive looking like a house accessory.

if I dnt accept ur engagement ring first, u hv no rite 2 come see my parents, wen I accepted moving wt u, definitely, I must hv introduced u 2 my parents, it's now d duty of my parents 2 Tel me anything abt his family history dey no or if dey won't support our union, dey hv 2 speak up at dat time, dey dnt hv 2 wait until he engages me, den bring wine 4 official introduction, den dey wl reject hm, it's nt done dat way

The first person to know that you want to get married to your woman is YOUR WOMAN,

Propose to her first, if she accepts then you go to her parents.

When you guys were fvcking, you did not seek her father's consent so if it's time to propose do it and stop being a stupid smart-ass

Sagamaje:
Before I proposed to my wife now then, I went to see her parents and told them that I will be proposing to their daughter,They Concord

They what?

Lalas247:
Yes .... it’s always nice to let the parents know first at least u can tell if you will be welcomed or not


Just respect , tradition too and culture

He doesn't need to ask for permission before he propose. All he needs is for him to have been at his to-be in-law's house to introduce himself, and seek for their approval on marriage not proposal.

He can propose anytime he wishes afterwards.

kay29000:
I guess this is why I am still single. This marriage thing is too complicated for me.

Bro, you don't need marriage. You can have a fufilled life without it.