Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage - Romance (3) - Nairaland
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| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by MaxLeo: 3:59pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
Let me guess: He is not financially okay; He has committed so much into assisting you and has carried a whole lot of your burden and responsibilities, thats why he says a new guy "can settle him"; You love him so much like a brother, parent, sibling and husby; an you know he loves you; If above is true, he is a cool guy with good conscience, but if he upon all these hasnt made mention of marriage to you. I advise you flirt a bit, he will get jealous and either talks about marriage or against marriage. Either way, you are the winner. |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Nobody: 4:15pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
no big deal talking 2 him bout it.remember i said just "talk". he mit luv u but not ready(financially,emotionally n otherwise). its possible he mit not want 2 disappoint u after makn a promise.But whteva u need 2 start datn again, U both want different tns, pressurizn him will backfire, at least he has been sincere enof 2 tell u politely n respectfully dt u ain't no wifee material 4 him, |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Nobody: 4:17pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
Advisors, 9jirians |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by ayettymama(f): 4:40pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
busy body uno serious!!!! but we could take this discussion to my bar i love to hear womes take on this busy body u have been watching too many movies- who really follows the 3rd world crap nowadays  neways ill meet u on the other side?? @ op look at it from this angle this man is basically saying- 'i love you, but i cant marry you'! |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by beecrofty(m): 5:04pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
Busy_body: Awww, my Honorable state is what you just described as YAMAYAMA,  i will ensure you get no BURUKUTU and ASUN for the next couple of years, damn, refering to my God's own state as yamayama |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by temmythe(f): 5:38pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
@poster: you should answer this question: does he have a good job, enough to cater for a family? (most Nigerian guys will not go into marriage without financial security) have you been to desperate and disturbing him so much about marriage? (most men don't want to get committed with in-secured girls) have you ever sat him down or asked him the traits he wants in his wife? how about his family, do they like you enough? are his family putting any pressure on him too (if they do, have you found out, reason he gives them?) do you think this Mr perfect loves and appreciate you enough or he only like some few traits in you/may be pities you? how does he speak of you to outsiders, how does he presets to them? answer those questions and let's continue from there, |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by ayettymama(f): 6:20pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
beecrofty: no mind her jooo she doesnt no wat shes sayin!!! |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by grabdbull: 6:27pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
@ ibejiibeji, I strongly believe you have got a hard-working, very good guy. Eight years with no talk of marriage is tough, but you need to really say what you want. Do you just want to get married now, or do you want to get married to the nice guy you described? What if he strongly believes he is not financially ready to throw a lavish party or provide for a family? I feel your pain. Maybe you can try this and see if it works: Tell him (once again) that you want to get married soon (this time, don't use the " we need to talk" attitude) while you are having dinner or something. Tell him you have a practical way of getting past the ceremony. Ask him for permission to draw up a plan which would give both of you some months of planning, while setting aside a certain amount each month towards the ceremony. Calculate what the cost might be for every aspect of the wedding. Let him see you as a partner planning towards your future, rather than a girl desperately in need of a show-off occasion which would constitute a drain-pipe to his resources. Once you have a rough idea of what the cost will be, after determining the type of wedding you want, you can then help him save monthly towards the occasion. If you decide to end it on the other hand because he is not yet ready, I hope your hunger to get married will soon be satisfied by another. Then the whole process of knowing the new guy starts all over again. I hope this helps. |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by beecrofty(m): 6:50pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
ayettymama: By the time she visits Ekiti once, she'll never want to leave  |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by ayettymama(f): 6:57pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
beecrofty: lolz younno!!! |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by hassymo5(m): 7:25pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
May be he has kn money 4 marriage, may b d girl want church marriage, which is expensive. |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by amyg(f): 8:07pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
Dis post made me cal mi g now.i want 2 ask him bt hw d i start |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Nobody: 8:10pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
This story is exactly d same as mine. Except dt in my case we've been together for 4yrs. He's one yr older than i am. I'm 24. My only problem is dt whenever i mention marriage, he clams up. Having been wit him dis long i expect we r heading to d altar. Apparently he has other ideas. The funny thing is dt he keeps telling me that if i find somebody else that wants to marry me, i shud not hesitate. But we r so in love. And i have so many suitors now, i'm so confused. Am i doing d right thing by staying wit him? |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by bawomolo(m): 8:22pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
why would people want illegitimate kids?? i mean fine in naija the legal and class system is quite crappy the idea that a child isn't legitimate because his parents weren't married is disgusting and so archaic. |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by MsTom(f): 8:27pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
hassymo5: I doubt if this issue has anything to do with money. I wouldnt be surprised if the OP says he has a good paying job. The problem is that some individuals are just scared of committing to a lifetime with another person. The thought of spending the rest of their lives with other scares them especially if they feel they might fail in keeping their part of the vow. She needs to talk to the guy and be ready for whatever he says. If he wants marriage or not, she should be true to herself and not hope for him to change. If he changes cos of pressure she gives him, such a marriage is endured and not enjoyed and may ultimately not last. I have two of such people that I have as friends. They have just refused to commit even though they love their women to death. |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by bawomolo(m): 8:34pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
how does a piece of paper signify commitment? What if i marry multiple wives ko, is that a sign of commitment? aren't Oprah and steadman committed to each other? |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by obi123: 8:36pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
My dear please MOVE ON with immediate effect. Leave the looser alone NOW!!!!!!!!!!! |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by parislomo(f): 8:55pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
poster: I can relate with your story cos it rings like mine, only that ours was a trans-atlantic rel. It's only natural for one to be expectant after spending those years together. However, I find yours a bit un-cool considering all that he says to you. 27/32 and he claims you are both still young?? And he doesn't sound like he gives '2' about you going away! It's sad really some things we have to bear. So sorry about your situation. Pray for wisdom to know what turn to take cos you only would live with your decision |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by H2O2: 9:18pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
lol we reason like apes. |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by H2O2: 9:18pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
see them shouting leave leave he doesn't love you leave leave lol you africans |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by lannre(m): 9:45pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
Leave. No need to roll a dice. H2O2: What is your advise and reasons |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by H2O2: 9:52pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
what if dude isn't financially set for marriage yet? i'm curious |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by MsTom(f): 9:58pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
bawomolo: The committment used is in relation to a marriage. One can be committed in other forms of relationships, even friendship. Now, you tell me, How come that 'piece of paper' (marriage)is so strong that you need second 'piece of paper' (divorce) to move forward. Marriage to some is like being enclosed in a corner. Marriage comes with loads of stuff. Some people are not just ready. Some of the excuse I hear is they love their space. In a marriage, there is nothing like space. You can only sign 'a paper' at time. If you want to marry others, you just go for blessings. There are no paper to sign there. If per adventure you do sign more than one paper at a time, you commit a crime. Hence why there is room for one to sign a second paper which is called divorce. |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by lannre(m): 10:02pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
H2O2: She did not tell us that,but why did he ask for "royalty" from anyone that will marry the lady. You are yet to advise the lady |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by agabaI23(m): 10:03pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=300993.msg4244133#msg4244133 my boyfriend saw me in a colleagues car and has made up his mind that am going out with him and says the only way he can forgive me is if i pay a hundred thousand naira into his account. do i pay and we continue our relationship or do i call his bluff? we've bin going out 4 a while,i love him to bits and show him. i can swear he loves me even though he acts funny what do i do This your boyfriend probably is not into you. I copied the above from another thread of yours. Why demand money from you? He is behaving like you can go if want. You worked your way through school. You help him when he is broke and vice versa why this silly statement below woke him up(cos he was asleep in 'my' house) to talk about our future and d 1st question he asked me was is there someone who's asking you to marry him? my reply was no(cos that's the truth) and his next comments were What is it about someone paying him before marrying you? He is using you as his back up until gets his desired target and probably will go for a younger girl. Be careful! Eight years is too long a time without commitment. He drives a car which means he is comfortable. Think well. |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Nobody: 10:05pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
Busy_body: OH NO SHE DIDNT!!! Something dey do you this old woman  Yeeeee!!!! Of all the rubishness in the world, na this one take the top!!! |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by H2O2: 10:05pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
yea that was reatarded |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by CGKing(m): 10:24pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
8 yrs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8 yrs!!!!!!!!!!! Is this supposed to be a fairly tale What were you guys doing for 8 yrs. Unbelievable. Infact, i tire. . . |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by ebonyz: 10:27pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
8 FRIGGING YRS? |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by H2O2: 10:39pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
MsTom we're africans here, okay? Marriage ain't just a paper to us. Lol |
| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by drsly: 10:53pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
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| Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by MsTom(f): 10:59pm On Mar 13, 2010 |
H2O2: If you read the post well (btw me and bawolomo), you would see that I was responding to his reference of marriage as a 'piece of paper'. Also note the quotes. They are not my words. I am and african and a Nigerian. Omo yoruba sef. So you would understand how we take marriage |
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