dayokanu:

Chaircover,

Where you draw the line depends on what is important to your finacee. The girl knows the guy wants a Saintly girl that was why she "conned" him with the "I was taken advantage of as a kid" story.

Not everyone wants to marry a Saint but you need to know somethings. They didnt get married overnight and the girl had enough time to reveal this secret if she wasnt trying to con. She played lets get married and I would tell him, when I know its difficult for him to get out.

The same way people hide their behaviour until they are married.

I am sure everyone of us has preferences and thats what influences our choices.


I have had people turn me down for different reasons and Its better I come clean with them now than later.

Imagine a girl who determines that she wants to marry a Spiri brother, i now go to meet her and Pretend perfectly like I am a spiri-koko brother, After marriage, i bring out my weed and beer bottles. If you were the bride how would you feel? Deceived? conned?

A girl that loves her husband very much might change and stop loving him immediately if she finds out he was Jack the ripper a few yrs back.

You can attempt to take the revelation to the grave but what happens when your husband find out somehow? You know thats the end of the marriage right?

My dad would say:  Blessed are those whose sins are covered

Thank you plenty plenty. Its amazing how a lot of thick-headed girls find it hard to understand that. Whenever these kinds of stories come up, they are quick to quip 'as if HE too doesn't have a dirty past', or 'as if HE is a virgin himself'. I don't know of any guy that pretends to be a eunuch in order to get a woman to date or marry him.
Men more often than not tell their potential wives or gfs of how 'bad' they were as playboys and whatnot. So the woman is sufficiently aware, only hoping that he has changed for good.

Preference is the key word here. A lot of women openly prefer to marry a well to do man, for instance, even if they themselves are anyting but well to do. Some want to marry a fine man although they themselves are far from fine. . .and so on and so forth. Nobody begrudges them their preference.

Some guys prefer to marry a sexually experienced woman who is street wise and all that. Other guys prefer to marry a virgin or zealous, almost frigid born-again woman. To each their own, and it is perfectly within their rights to prefer this or that kind of spouse - their own past or moral antecedents notwithstanding. Now, the unpardonable crime, like you rightly said, is to CON someone into making a choice he did not want to make. . .hoping that much later in the marriage, several kids later, it would be easy for him to 'forgive and forget' and hard for him to quit - having gotten in too deep. That is the highest form of treachery as far as I am concerned.

Any woman who does that can kill her husband if circumstances warrant.

@@

Like she handled mine of course.
I had a dirty past too.
Past tense.
Move on.

Btw, ALL women have dirty pasts. . . you just have to pick one.

CC,
The man wanted to marry a particular kind of girl, The girl pretended and deceived him into believing she was this kind of girl. If she had told him and the man from the beginning and the man was ok with it then cool

But the girl made him believe she was who she wasnt.

Its not about being a better wife or not its about deception and a relationship built on lies.

He has a right to feel miffed and has the right to take any decision based on it.

TELL US WHATS THE FUTURE OF A RELATIONSHIP BUILT ON LIES

If you lied about your qualifications to your employer, after you are employed and probably doing a good job, Your employer finds out He has the right to either terminate your job or leave you. We know what happens in this situation.

CC,

You probably had an idea of the kind of man you want to marry assuming your husband painted the picture you wanted and later found out he isnt the kind of person you wanted. You reserve the right to stay in it or walk out


What would happen if your friend finds out that her lovely husband was the notorious cultist/ritualist/r@p1st or armed robber in his youth?

We all have pasts right?

In my own jugdement i will never go in d past cuz d bible says old things have past away. I will luv her more n respect d fact dat i'm married to her n let go of d past n show her all d luv she desire

@@

I don't know anyone who will not feel like they've been conned in this situation. Question is why wait till after they signed the dotted lines before telling him and what what's she still doing around the "MOG". Na today person dey have sex before marriage? The real issue is the DECEPTION

I believe very much in marriage but not in a marriage at all costs. OP needs to think about how important his marriage is to him, ask himself if he can bring himself to forgive his wife and move on. If he can't get past it, then there really is no point because he'll be miserable and will make his wife miserable too

luvely:

In my own jugdement i will never go in d past cuz d bible says old things have past away. I will luv her more n respect d fact dat i'm married to her n let go of d past n show her all d luv she desire

If you found out that your husband used his girlfriend in College for money ritual or he used to be a serial killer, Can we also say old things have passed away

what if you find your husband was a former (which is debatable) hardcore serial rapist who raped several girls while a university student ?

^^ Old things have passed away abi?

No be elders say The evil men do live after them

ya rite dear but 8's gud 2 4get d past cus 8's not gud 2 let ur past hunt u

why do some women persist in the stupid behaviour of saying 'what of your own past - have you told your wife' like statements as a response to a woman doing something obviously wrong? It is a sign of mental laziness!

WRONG IS WRONG!! My take

- You are married as a Christian so divorce is out!
- Change your church
- Tell the pastor to his fvcking face to stay the fvck out of your house or ELSE!!

naijababe:

I don't know anyone who will not feel like they've been conned in this situation. Question is why wait till after they signed the dotted lines before telling him and what what's she still doing around the "MOG".  Na today person dey have intimacy before marriage? The real issue is the DECEPTION

I believe very much in marriage but not in a marriage at all costs. OP needs to think about how important his marriage is to him, ask himself if he can bring himself to forgive his wife and move on. If he can't get past it, then there really is no point because he'll be miserable and will make his wife miserable too

Life would have been more wonderful if every woman could process thoughts in this sort of logical, unsentimental manner. . . without the typical guilt-solidarity they often share with the kind of woman the OP is talking about.

And as for the last bolded phrase, she deserves all the misery in the world. Even after divorcing her, the (ex)husband should ensure a lifelong supply of misery for her. That way, others can learn serious lessons about the grave dangers in such deception.

@Topic,Some pasts need to told please.Imagine going in for a stud(cos he gave u that impression b4 marriage) only to find out that he is an indomie man

luvely:

In my own jugdement i will never go in d past cuz d bible says old things have past away. I will luv her more n respect d fact dat i'm married to her n let go of d past n show her all d luv she desire

. . .new things have come to stay.
While the old things have gone,the new thing now is "what else is a lie or he/she keeping away from me",u wud have no choice than to keep wondering what else he/she is keeping away from you.The trust wud be gone and wud take time to be rebuilt

'/'/

chaircover:

Ify wont kill me . . . . . Indomie Man LOL     

What if he is the type that likes spicing up his indomie with onions, veg, chicken etc 

Hmmm, that would be irresistible.

@Ify,
Compliments of the season.How can I send you your Xmas gift ?

@CC
You know what makes one scrape a pot of jellof right? . . .its just too sweet that u want more.
That is what happens when u eat a well prepared and spiced up indomie . . you just cant get enough,whetting appetite up and down.Well,for peeps that want the good old Ishu(yam),a delish Indomie is norrrrin but BS.  
@Kola,Happy Holidays.
I wud send u directions asap.

The pastor and you should talk ALONE

let him know that he is no longer welcome in your home - that you are aware of the past relationship and the pastor WILL IMMEDIATELY UNDERSTAND

you and your wife should attend another church

OP,

If you get GET OUT, you are justified.

1. the lady might be afraid of losing u and that was y she didnt disclose since she has discovered ur special interest in her

2. as a guy if u love her enough, she will remain a wife in the house provided there is a sense of true repentance

this is the type oc discussion that was treated at romance-gists blog. u can have a look for further info

hmmm- then maybe such a man should have maintained a dossier on a woman he is planning to marry.

Or better still groom a child til marriage so she turns out exactly how you want.

even better marry a robot- you know where it's been and can determine what it will do.

but even in that case if irobot is anything to go by they can outsmart you and try to take over the world

this is very very tricky you know. I'd have to create a think tank of geniuses to create a solution to this dire dire problem.

tut tut its hard isnt it? Such person should just remain single. It's too much for some to take risks with the facts of life.

queensmith:

hmmm- then maybe such a man should have maintained a dossier on a woman he is planning to marry.

Or better still groom a child til marriage so she turns out exactly how you want.

even better marry a robot- you know where it's been and can determine what it will do.

but even in that case if irobot is anything to go by they can outsmart you and try to take over the world

this is very very tricky you know. I'd have to create a think tank of geniuses to create a solution to this dire dire problem.

tut tut its hard isnt it? Such person should just remain single. It's too much for some to take risks with the facts of life.

LMAO. I’ve seen it all in this place. These guys want to die because the lady slept with 1 man? A victim of a predatory pastor no less? Oh the horror! In fact don’t just divorce her, crucify her ok?

LOL I dont know why people hate on queensmith. as for me like her well well.

This thread is almost 2 years old though. abeg.

Just wanted to say women talk too damn much. share this share that. stfu for once.

MrbrowynJAY HAS SAID IT ALL!!!!!!
The first thing you need to do is expose this pastor.
When the can of worms is open, you will see what comes out.
As for honesty about such things. Very soon we will start sewing ourselves up to claim we are virgins
An honest woman in such things is the slut who never gets married.

ileobatojo:

LMAO. I’ve seen it all in this place. This guys want to die because the lady slept with 1 man? A victim of a predatory pastor no less? Oh the horror! In fact don’t just divorce her, crucify her ok?

are u minding them, as if they themselves haven't gang ra[i]pe[/i]d a pastors daughter! #kwasiabilities lol!

ThiefOfHearts:

LOL I dont know why people hate on queensmith. as for me like her well well.

This thread is almost 2 years old though. abeg.

Just wanted to say women talk too damn much. share this share that. stfu for once.

ah abi! see me see trouble ooo! dont mind them, some men just CANNOT handle a woman with her own mind. The day a dude here tells me he likes my kind of woman I might just leave and never come back!

and women TALK kilode! why nau? what he doesnt know wouldnt hurt him! and what he does know can be used in the future court of divorce!

to be sincere wit u,u must have known she is not a virgin be4 u married her.u must have known someone did d poking.what u do is to let the pastor knpows that u are uncomfortable wit him coming to your house or being around your wife and you also let your wife knows how u feel and if both of them respect your feelings ,they will do as instructed and not give you any further reason to be upset.next time just assume d bride to be is an ex LovePeddler who is sincerely leaving all the awhoring behind and if indeed she has left it behind her,do let it stay behind.


women are meant to be dirty but are to be cleaned up and if especially she is willing to be cleaned up ,do the cleaning and enjoy ur woman .the prob is if she is unwilling to be so cleansed

From my experience I would say that marriage is about beginning a new life with some else.

That means starting over, husband and wife, as one flesh.

There is no such thing as exposing your marriage to ex-boyfriends, ex-lovers, or any other situation that might hurt you and your wife. It will destroy your marriage.

Your job as a husband is to make your wife happy and help in her spiritual journey, and vice-versa.

If the pastor bothers you, there is no reason why you should tolerate him in any manner. Keep him away from your marriage, if his presence harms you.

However, you should never resent her past or question her regrets. Don't judge her. God will judge you as individuals, so there is no reason why you should worry about what she has done wrong. All you can do is worry about your own sins. We are all sinners.

Trust God and remember that you are dealing with the present issues, always.

It is not about changing past, but changing the present to keep your marriage the closer as possible do God's will.

Best

Past is but gone and is forever gone never to come back but she need to be very careful so that her past will not speak in her present/future. Discuss this as a family and act as if her past never exist. There is nobody without a past. Chikena!

What makes men think that they are free to have any type of past they like and still crucify ladies around? Who is defiling those ladies? Are they not men like you, who sample ladies and dump them? Let your past be in the past, are you a saint yourself? Have you ever slept with another woman before or even after your marriage? Why are you making this lady looking like a devil? If you chose to divorce her as some of the people above have been advising you, I could promise you a real LovePeddler as a replacement, or a real terror that will show you what you are looking for. Who says the lady will not become what God has made her to be without you? Listen to the word of wisdom from some of the guys up there, live with your wife with love and enjoy the best God has brought your way.

Blazay: Like she handled mine of course.
I had a dirty past too.
Past tense.
Move on.

Btw, ALL women have dirty pasts. . . you just have to pick one.

I concur AGAIN!

Wow! Lots of fakes in Niger