Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by kally01(m): 10:26pm On Oct 26, 2017 |
its painful oh, but uncle thankgod u were delivered early |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by adedammy007(m): 10:45pm On Oct 26, 2017 |
jameshow: What I read here everyday is discouraging me from getting married, if d wife is not cheating, she will be secretive. Can i still get married sha? bro no b only u o.sometimes sef I ask my self if"not getting married is a sin". |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Apina(m): 10:54pm On Oct 26, 2017 |
If a woman tells u that her money is hers and yours is a central purse, immediately put ur foot down and let her know that for u to pay any of her bill, she would 100% do whatever u say. Who pays the bills, makes the rules. |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by khiaa(f): 11:03pm On Oct 26, 2017 |
Apina: If a woman tells u that her money is hers and yours is a central purse, immediately put ur foot down and let her know that for u to pay any of her bill, she would 100% do whatever u say. Who pays the bills, makes the rules. Who makes the rules in a Nigerian home when both partners are paying the bills equally? |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Phonefanatic: 11:27pm On Oct 26, 2017 |
khiaa: As incredibly selfish and cold hearted as this woman sounds I can understand where she's coming from. My reasons are as follows.
1. You men bring this kind of behavior onto yourselves with your society and culture you have created that seems to always favor the man.
The house belongs to the man alone. When you are angry with your wives you tell her to leave YOUR house just as the op told his wife. He expects her to beg him to let her stay but when she doesn't beg he's shocked. She didn't beg because she has provided a refuge for herself.
2. Since your culture doesn't believe in community property (All properties belonging to both husband and wife ) a smart wife would make sure that she has the security of shelter and some funds put away for herself and her children incase shyt happens, otherwise she would be left homeless and destitute.
3. I can't count how many times I have read on here about husbands throwing their wives out of HIS house with nowhere to go simply because he wants to move his girlfriend and his outside children into HIS house.
4. I give kudos to the wives who are wise enough to make her own money and provide for herself and not completely depend on her husband for everything.
5. The down side to this story is the secrecy and not doing her part in providing for the family especially when the husband was having financial difficulties. With your thinking I see marriage as scam. If she wanted to do things by herself why get married? She could have gotten pregnant without marrying which will give her all the space to do things alone and enjoy her money. 1 Like |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Apina(m): 11:40pm On Oct 26, 2017 |
khiaa:
Who makes the rules in a Nigerian home when both partners are paying the bills equally? As I earlier said, who pays the bills make the rules |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Nobody: 11:51pm On Oct 26, 2017 |
khiaa: As incredibly selfish and cold hearted as this woman sounds I can understand where she's coming from. My reasons are as follows.
1. You men bring this kind of behavior onto yourselves with the society and the culture you have created that seems to always favor the man.
The house belongs to the man alone. When you are angry with your wives you tell her to leave YOUR house just as the op told his wife. He expected her to beg him to let her stay but when she didn't beg him he was shocked. She didn't beg because she has provided a refuge for herself. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and you were told to get out of your matrimonial home with no compensation and nowhere to go the way a lot of you husband's do your wives simply because he wants someone else.
2. Since your culture doesn't believe in community property (All properties belonging to both husband and wife ) a smart wife would make sure that she has the security of shelter and some funds put away for herself and her children incase shyt happens, otherwise she would be left homeless and destitute.
3. I can't count how many times I have read on here about husbands throwing their wives out of HIS house with nowhere to go simply because he wants to move his girlfriend and his outside children into HIS house.
4. I give kudos to the wives who are wise enough to make her own money and provide for herself and not completely depend on her husband for everything.
5. The down side to this story is the secrecy and not doing her part in providing for the family especially when the husband was having financial difficulties. God bless you. The wife knows where the shoes pinches. So I wont blame her totally. Possibly she really wants to surprise her husband with the new house. It's possible. |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by khiaa(f): 11:56pm On Oct 26, 2017 |
Phonefanatic:
With your thinking I see marriage as scam. If she wanted to do things by herself why get married? She could have gotten pregnant without marrying which will give her all the space to do things alone and enjoy her money. I'm thinking logically you are into your feelings. If a man is so selfish that he cant/won't provide shelter for his wife without her stressing about the fact that he can throw her out HIS house at the drop of a hat with nowhere to go, why bother getting married? I think that this is a control tactic created by men to keep your womem submissive. If he wants to cheat he knows that there isn't a thing she can do about it but pray, hope and wish and just accept it or get out of HIS house. That is why the women should be cautious and be prepared. |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Futureberry: 12:08am On Oct 27, 2017 |
khiaa: As incredibly selfish and cold hearted as this woman sounds I can understand where she's coming from. My reasons are as follows.
1. You men bring this kind of behavior onto yourselves with the society and the culture you have created that seems to always favor the man.
The house belongs to the man alone. When you are angry with your wives you tell her to leave YOUR house just as the op told his wife. He expected her to beg him to let her stay but when she didn't beg him he was shocked. She didn't beg because she has provided a refuge for herself. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and you were told to get out of your matrimonial home with no compensation and nowhere to go the way a lot of you husband's do your wives simply because he wants someone else.
2. Since your culture doesn't believe in community property (All properties belonging to both husband and wife ) a smart wife would make sure that she has the security of shelter and some funds put away for herself and her children incase shyt happens, otherwise she would be left homeless and destitute.
3. I can't count how many times I have read on here about husbands throwing their wives out of HIS house with nowhere to go simply because he wants to move his girlfriend and his outside children into HIS house.
4. I give kudos to the wives who are wise enough to make her own money and provide for herself and not completely depend on her husband for everything.
5. The down side to this story is the secrecy and not doing her part in providing for the family especially when the husband was having financial difficulties. I can only imagine what your response will be,if the man built a house secretly, the man is always at fault.....the woman knows who the man was yet still went ahead to marry him...the loads of double standard in your writeup is mind blowing, we know gender equality can never be possible, but at least try and condemn what is bad when it is bad...don't support simply because your gender is the defaulting side,your brother,sons or dad might find themselves in these same situations ,will you still go with these narrative.... If your husband build a house without telling you,won't you feel bad ...it always right when it not us involved... 1 Like |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Futureberry: 12:10am On Oct 27, 2017 |
khiaa:
I'm thinking logically you are into your feelings. If a man is so selfish that he cant/won't provide shelter for his wife without her stressing about the fact that he can throw her out HIS house at the drop of a hat with nowhere to go, why bother getting married? I think that this is a control tactic created by men to keep your womem submissive. If he wants to cheat he knows that there isn't a thing she can do about it but pray, hope and wish and just accept it or get out of HIS house. That is why the women should be cautious and be prepared. so the man is now a cheat...sister stop slandering men without verified facts....I can as well say you slept with your dad last night |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Futureberry: 12:12am On Oct 27, 2017 |
alexialin:
God bless you.
The wife knows where the shoes pinches. So I wont blame her totally.
Possibly she really wants to surprise her husband with the new house.
It's possible. there will always be a reason why a woman does something, but you won't accept the same views when a man does same...you are putting your future at stakes with these trend..a trend where women see good in bad doings,and men see good in bad doings too...it always good,so far it favours you or your gender |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by khiaa(f): 12:20am On Oct 27, 2017 |
alexialin:
God bless you.
The wife knows where the shoes pinches. So I wont blame her totally.
Possibly she really wants to surprise her husband with the new house.
It's possible. Lol ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) Yeah it's possible but not probable. As an outsider looking in (me) I can understand a wife securing a place for herself and foreseeing that dreaded day when she hears the words GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, but in the case of this woman I think that she was just being underhanded and deceitful. She had plans to leave the marriage as soon as the house was completed. |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by khiaa(f): 12:25am On Oct 27, 2017 |
Futureberry: so the man is now a cheat...sister stop slandering men without verified facts....I can as well say you slept with your dad last night Now you're being stupid, bringing my deceased dad into this conversation, I never said he cheated on her I was speaking in the general sense. |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Nobody: 12:31am On Oct 27, 2017 |
khiaa:
Lol Yeah it's possible but not probable. As an outsider looking in (me) I can understand a wife securing a place for herself and foreseeing that dreaded day when she hears the words GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, but in the case of this woman I think that she was just being underhanded and deceitful. She had plans to leave the marriage as soon as the house was completed. Maybe such plan cannot be ruled out as well. Only she and God knows her next plan after the house is completed. |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by khiaa(f): 12:38am On Oct 27, 2017 |
Futureberry: I can only imagine what your response will be,if the man built a house secretly, the man is always at fault.....the woman knows who the man was yet still went ahead to marry him...the loads of double standard in your writeup is mind blowing, we know gender equality can never be possible, but at least try and condemn what is bad when it is bad...don't support simply because your gender is the defaulting side,your brother,sons or dad might find themselves in these same situations ,will you still go with these narrative.... If your husband build a house without telling you,won't you feel bad ...it always right when it not us involved... If I was Nigerian living in Nigeria and my husband built a house without telling me what would be the point of me getting upset? If he built a house with me knowing, who's house would it be.....answer HIS. If my husband built a house without me knowing, who's house would it be.... answer.. HIS. You get the point? 1 Like |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by khiaa(f): 12:43am On Oct 27, 2017 |
alexialin:
Maybe such plan cannot be ruled out as well.
Only she and God knows her next plan after the house is completed. But she's already moved out of the house remember, I'm sure she moved into her almost completed new house. |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Nobody: 1:08am On Oct 27, 2017 |
khiaa:
But she's already moved out of the house remember, I'm sure she moved into her almost completed new house. Oh OK. Na wa |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by savagefinder: 1:26am On Oct 27, 2017 |
khiaa:
I'm thinking logically you are into your feelings. If a man is so selfish that he cant/won't provide shelter for his wife without her stressing about the fact that he can throw her out HIS house at the drop of a hat with nowhere to go, why bother getting married? I think that this is a control tactic created by men to keep your womem submissive. If he wants to cheat he knows that there isn't a thing she can do about it but pray, hope and wish and just accept it or get out of HIS house. That is why the women should be cautious and be prepared. I like your so called "logical" thinking but the truth is that we only fight or plan to fight against what we know and sadly the things we plan against are the things we know we are capable of. We will never know but from the facts stated by the OP, he never had a side chick, he didn't threaten to chase her out of the marriage before then. You point is based on the fact that the "woman is smart"... Crap... The woman is being stingy and secretive, for you not to bring in any money to the house but you go to build a house even brings into question your faithfulness to the bond you and your husband share..because my hands and heart were open and I showed you my house, why can't you tell me about the one you are building? You know what I earn and we share it and you know how I spend it, so why can't we do the same to yours? About this society rules that you claim we created, another crap... We are not the ones that are willing to pay bride price, your parents ask for it.. If she has a house before our marriage, I won't fret.. If she has a house after our marriage, so far I know of it.. I still won't fret.. But you share my money equally as our money but when the time comes, your own becomes your own money and you call it smartness... Sister call a spade a spade, that woman isn't normal, she's mad self,. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) 3 Likes |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by khiaa(f): 2:45am On Oct 27, 2017 |
savagefinder: I like your so called "logical" thinking but the truth is that we only fight or plan to fight against what we know and sadly the things we plan against are the things we know we are capable of. We will never know but from the facts stated by the OP, he never had a side chick, he didn't threaten to chase her out of the marriage before then. You point is based on the fact that the "woman is smart"... Crap... The woman is being stingy and secretive, for you not to bring in any money to the house but you go to build a house even brings into question your faithfulness to the bond you and your husband share..because my hands and heart were open and I showed you my house, why can't you tell me about the one you are building? You know what I earn and we share it and you know how I spend it, so why can't we do the same to yours? About this society rules that you claim we created, another crap... We are not the ones that are willing to pay bride price, your parents ask for it.. If she has a house before our marriage, I won't fret.. If she has a house after our marriage, so far I know of it.. I still won't fret.. But you share my money equally as our money but when the time comes, your own becomes your own money and you call it smartness... Sister call a spade a spade, that woman isn't normal, she's mad self,. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) Obviously you didn't read my posts. I said that I wasn't talking about cheating in this marriage I said that I was talking about in a general sense, I also stated that I didn't agree with her secrecy nor her non contribution to the family bills. I also do not believe that her money is hers and what's his belongs to the both of them that's ridiculous. What I do understand is putting away some money for emergency situations, you know like "Get Out of MY HOUSE". I understand wanting to have a place of her own because it's obvious that her husband's house is HIS house and not THEIRS. So yes, if I was a Nigerian woman living in Nigeria I would protect my self, so when and if the day comes that he wants me out of HIS house I won't be homeless. What is so hard to understand about that? 2 Likes |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Nobody: 3:57am On Oct 27, 2017 |
Fake story. |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by darkmarky(m): 5:47am On Oct 27, 2017 |
I dey trust myself when it comes to characters like this. Infact I must have already dumped the lady even before the relationship started |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by BRAV0O(m): 6:20am On Oct 27, 2017 |
IAMSASHY: d wife is jst bin carried away by her money, it's so wrong 4 a woman 2 say Dat her money is hers alone, d financial responsibilities in a home cnt b carried by one person alone, both of dem ar dere 2 support each oda, marriage is nt jst meant 4 everybody ,one really needs 2 b very careful b4 saying "I do" wt anybody |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by 9japrof(m): 6:31am On Oct 27, 2017 |
The problem is that we ignore the signs while dating, that's the more reason while premarital sex during courtship ain't right, cos if he/she is hitting it right, your brain would so be wired that every other red flag comes secondary. You would feel that you can always, manage any of the red flags.
But hey, any thing a woman does 30% during courtship, be rest assured that she's gon do 70. Stingy babes make worse wives. I am not saying a lady should be so nice that she would allow herself be exploited by her boyfriend for financial gains, but any lady who refuses to support the boy friend anyhow, just make sure you run, it's not healthy, forget all these excuses of parents, younger siblings etc. You guys are building a home and the primary focus should be ur immediate family and not parents whatsoever(though she wouldn't shy away from her responsibility to her parents)
I can't even date a stingy babe not to talk of marry, I dey madt? |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Nobody: 6:36am On Oct 27, 2017 |
jameshow: What I read here everyday is discouraging me from getting married, if d wife is not cheating, she will be secretive. Can i still get married sha? Same here I notice a lot of miserable married people, misery while single lot more misery while married, maybe people in NL with positive marriages need to start sharing their stories, but wait what if miserable married people start pretending to have it good so they can lure us into their misery. I'm in despair .......just kidding am sure there are good marriages out there too. 1 Like |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Bahamas95(m): 7:05am On Oct 27, 2017 |
Secretgis: U can fix it Haba! Fix what?
He should just move on with his life, the woman ain't loyal. |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Futureberry: 8:17am On Oct 27, 2017 |
khiaa:
If I was Nigerian living in Nigeria and my husband built a house without telling me what would be the point of me getting upset?
If he built a house with me knowing, who's house would it be.....answer HIS.
If my husband built a house without me knowing, who's house would it be.... answer.. HIS.
You get the point?
it not my fault that you are ignorant of your right....in the court of law(if the court recognize their marriage) the husband might be given half ownership of the house.... He supported her,gave her money...gave her emotional and physical support....when you are married the house that you and your husband lives in belongs to you both....you have no right to get married if you don't know your right.... 1 Like |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Futureberry: 8:21am On Oct 27, 2017 |
khiaa:
Obviously you didn't read my posts. I said that I wasn't talking about cheating in this marriage I said that I was talking about in a general sense, I also stated that I didn't agree with her secrecy nor her non contribution to the family bills.
I also do not believe that her money is hers and what's his belongs to the both of them that's ridiculous. What I do understand is putting away some money for emergency situations, you know like "Get Out of MY HOUSE". I understand wanting to have a place of her own because it's obvious that her husband's house is HIS house and not THEIRS.
So yes, if I was a Nigerian woman living in Nigeria I would protect my self, so when and if the day comes that he wants me out of HIS house I won't be homeless. What is so hard to understand about that? talk of an illiterate, your husband house isn't his house alone.... Stop using others past crime to judge the rest people....daughi slept with their father,girlfriends stabs their boyfriends to death...will it now be right to say,you will sleep with your dad or stab your husband... Non sequitur |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Futureberry: 8:25am On Oct 27, 2017 |
khiaa:
Now you're being stupid, bringing my deceased dad into this conversation, I never said he cheated on her I was speaking in the general sense. I was also speaking in the general sense...daughters do sleep with their husband... Most African president don't follow rule of law,should I then say all the president in the whole world does not follow rule of law... Your conclusion is not right...it does not follow |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by IamEmem(m): 8:40am On Oct 27, 2017 |
genius43: Women can be very complicated. You can decipher computational maths faster than women. Anyways it's just a lesson to those of us yet to walk on that part called marriage..
Drops phone.. Women of this generation are very complicated what do u expect when they are indomie women. It takes a lot of patient to stay with them. 2 Likes |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by somehow: 9:51am On Oct 27, 2017 |
Don't you think a man can only throw a woman out of the house if he knows 100% he's been the sole provider? If both of them have been funding the home, no way a man can take such decision don't you think? khiaa: As incredibly selfish and cold hearted as this woman sounds I can understand where she's coming from. My reasons are as follows.
1. You men bring this kind of behavior onto yourselves with the society and the culture you have created that seems to always favor the man.
The house belongs to the man alone. When you are angry with your wives you tell her to leave YOUR house just as the op told his wife. He expected her to beg him to let her stay but when she didn't beg him he was shocked. She didn't beg because she has provided a refuge for herself. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and you were told to get out of your matrimonial home with no compensation and nowhere to go the way a lot of you husband's do your wives simply because he wants someone else.
2. Since your culture doesn't believe in community property (All properties belonging to both husband and wife ) a smart wife would make sure that she has the security of shelter and some funds put away for herself and her children incase shyt happens, otherwise she would be left homeless and destitute.
3. I can't count how many times I have read on here about husbands throwing their wives out of HIS house with nowhere to go simply because he wants to move his girlfriend and his outside children into HIS house.
4. I give kudos to the wives who are wise enough to make her own money and provide for herself and not completely depend on her husband for everything.
5. The down side to this story is the secrecy and not doing her part in providing for the family especially when the husband was having financial difficulties. |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by somehow: 9:55am On Oct 27, 2017 |
Securing a place for herself to the detriment of the home? Not like the man built a house already and she wanted hers too. They couldn't even pay house rent yet she didn't support. How do you people think? khiaa:
Lol Yeah it's possible but not probable. As an outsider looking in (me) I can understand a wife securing a place for herself and foreseeing that dreaded day when she hears the words GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, but in the case of this woman I think that she was just being underhanded and deceitful. She had plans to leave the marriage as soon as the house was completed. |
Re: My Two Years Old Marriage Crash Because Of This...... by Oyetboy(m): 10:38am On Oct 27, 2017 |
ORAGBON:
Dear Lively Stones,
Last year,my marriage of two years crashed because my wife, Lydia was not straight forward with me when it comes to money and financial matters in our marriage. When I met Lydia about four years ago,she was working with a manufacturing company while I worked with a one man business as a marketing officer. Lydia was earning more than me at the time and frankly speaking,I never saw that as a hindrance. We got married two years after dating. That was when I started noticing the change in Lydia’s character when it comes to money issues. Unfortunately,like a year and half after we got married,my company was not doing too well hence they were late in paying our salaries for several months. While I dated Lydia,I tried my best to provide all it took to woo her. In the first year of our marriage,I noticed that she would always ask me for money to buy everything she needs in the house even though she was earning higher than me. I used to ask her why she does not contribute to the welfare of the house and she would reply me that her money is her money and my money is ours. That she is training her younger ones and sending money to her parents every month. Well, I did not bother too much,I tried to do what I could. However,in the second year of our marriage,when I started having financial difficulties,I couldn’t meet up with most of the responsibilities. That was when Lydia became something else. She would complain and rain insults on me for not giving her money for cooking or other up keep reasons. I used to explain to her that I didn’t have enough as before. She refused to understand and instead complained more. One time,our house rent was due,I asked her to borrow me some money to make up for the house rent but she refused saying that she had borrowed money from her place of work to augment some of the house keeping expenses she made. Anyway,our landlord gave us quite notice and we had to move into a one bedroom apartment from our three bedroom apartment.
A few months later. I ran into a friend of my wife’s family who has been like a family friend too. We met actually in a bus and we got talking,catching up during the bus ride. As we spoke,we talked about family life and he congratulated me on our house that we were building that was almost near completion.
I was stunned!. I asked him: ”what do you mean by our house”?. He responded that he was happy for us that we were almost completing the building of our house in Omole phase 2. I told him,I didn’t know what he was talking about. He obviously realized that he had said something I didn’t know about,he then asked me to speak to my wife. I pressed him further but he said he may have said too much.
When I got home,I asked my wife what the family friend said by congratulating us on the building of our house. She looked shocked but said she does not know what that meant. I asked her if she was building a house,she said no. I then told her I was going to call her father but she insisted I shouldn’t. I did anyway. She grabbed the phone from me and said she got a piece of land that she got very cheap and that she was developing it. She said she wanted to surprise me.
Surprise,indeed I was!…I couldn’t believe what my wife said. She was building a house right under my nose and I didn’t know? The house was near completion? . I told asked her what else was she hiding,she said nothing. I was angry, that I asked her to pack her things and leave my house. I couldn’t believe this lady who always complained that she didn’t have money would do this to me. I lost trust for her.
Surprisingly again,Lydia packed out of the house without making an effort to beg or stay. I was dumbfounded. When I went to see her family a week later,I was told that Lydia had made up her mind to leave the marriage as I was not taking good care of her. They didn’t even look at the fact that Lydia was keeping a huge secret from me.
As I write this,I am still dumbfounded. What kind of woman I ended up with. And where exactly did I go wrong?
From Anonymous,
Lagos.
Question:
What do you think went wrong in this marriage? Who should be responsible for the financial responsibilities in a home Is a woman’s money her money alone? What did the husband do wrong? Kindly make comments to help the young man in this situation
Jzhane
Source: www.livelystones.com.ng
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