Pls hit her! So you had the common sense to ask if you should hit her? If u can ask! That means u dnt have mental problem. Then since u don't have mental problem, then you know wot 2do......but if u have mental problem, then sorry, I can't help you.

frustratedrat:
i'm short-tempered. I probably inherited that trait from my dad. Due to the way my dad handled his affairs, my mum was plunged into penury. Currently living with her. The situations of the past has made her bitter. She complains about everything.


I open the pot to take my meal, she raises her voice, i come back empty-handed, she runs me down as being a leech. I lie flat without touching anything, she comes back complaining of so many things. When she starts, i find myself exchanging words with her.


I feel bad afterwards but the cycle continues once she makes me pesky again. how do i salvage this situation? Sometimes, i'm pushed to the edge that my frustration about her slander and my predicament makes me wanna hit her.

Op l understand where you are coming from, trust me. Anger management is one of the most difficult encounter that one could face. The fact that you still have some restraints shows that you know the consequnces of your actions. Dont mind people castigating you for airing your thoughts. They are the same set of people who would blame you when you bottle up your emotions and you later implode.
Now lets deal with your mum's issh. She is frustrated just as you are if not more. Frustation could make so many negative thoughts creep into ones mind. Hence, the basis for people attempting or committing suicide.
Another thing that could be exacerbating her aggression might be due to some hormonal issh. Your mum, if she is in her forties, could be going thru the Hot-flushes and emotional imbalances associated with Menopause. These coupled with mid-life crises and the failure of her marriage are every woman's nightmares, if they experience it. They would not be able to control their emotions and the things going on around them.
You are going to play a large part in the solution. Love her the more. Learn to listen to her. Interact with her. Learn to let things off your mind. Overlook insults. Spend time reading motivational books. Listen to songs.
Above all, be safe.

frustratedrat:
hmmm.. Will try. But she really says all sorts of things. She's currently ranting on how we made her miserable. The neighbours all think we're bad. I've got my own frustrations too. Everyone should hold their own

boy don't try that... go out and find something doing even if it means pushing wheelbarrow like truckpusher...

take time ooooo.... how you go say you wanna beat your mumsy... abi you dey crazy

You call yourself a frustratedrat and expect things to be smooth in your life. Nigga keep shut! there are folks without parents, who weren't born with a silver spoon, yet they live and survive - I have one as a friend and he's doing fine. Quit bitching about mum, work and pray yourself outta that situation unless you are one of those who like to tell the stories of their life in exchange for pity.

I'm hard on you because we are in a country that requires you to be tough to take your place and not whine about mum

How could you even think of that. It is a natural law,it is biblical,if you try it,you automatically inherit curses upon yourself. If you are not comfortable with her,get yourself something doing,go to school,get a job/business,rent your apartment,coz,that is her house and kitchen. You need to be very care what you say or write. If a friend would want to date you,i would sure dissuade the person,coz,if you can't tolerate your own mother,who else would you. Lastly,you would understand better when you have your own children

YOUR MOTHER "RANTING"?

MY GOODNESS ME!

YOU MUST BE STUPID!

frustratedrat:
hmmm.. Will try. But she really says all sorts of things. She's currently ranting on how we made her miserable. The neighbours all think we're bad. I've got my own frustrations too. Everyone should hold their own

fatymore:
thank you for this.. Those that have never been in this position won't know. Someone Was calling me itchy fingers cos of what I said.. It not easy I swear.. Love is all she needs..

you're good to go Dear....
I am with you...
which city do you reside?

Humility017:


you're good to go Dear....
I am with you...
which city do you reside?

lagos

Bro its from thoughts that evil happenings come. The provocation or insult is nothing compared to the curse of hitting your mother, rude words sef are not good.


I understand the provocation but just try to endure and focus on your good plans to improve your situation, .

Also if you hit ur mum its sure u will be a wife beater too.

Practice patience and if possible move out till then be peaceful, and like i said before don't toy with the thought . i.e stop to even tink because if u think am u fit do am one day and then you'll know that the frustration can get even worse

Before I can give you sound advice, I need to know these things:
1. Are you male or female?
2. Do you work?
3. How old are you?
4. Do you help her with chores around the house, or support her?

---
Even without knowing the answers to this, Its wise for you to know that a good child, no matter what, will never raise his/her hand on a elder. Talk less of his or her mom .

Are you a good child?

fatymore:
lagos

ohhh not bad though... I live in abuja

Theyveedo:
Brother bikonu don't ever raise ur hand on ur mother

i agree wit you, but it's better you find means and leave,

frustratedrat:
i have that in mind o coz i need my peace. Just started hustling so i will need time. We all are hurting from the unwise decisions of 'the head.'


Why rubbing it on me? Always addressing us like we are visitors who are a burden. the squabble was heated tonight. Had to go outside to keep my cool

First, don't even try hitting her. Remove such thoughts from your mind. It's better you hustle and move out. Perhaps then you would appreciate her even better.

Secondly, it's a good thing you know that it's not entirely her fault but your dad's.

Third and very important, watch your mom closely for signs of depression. When I say depression, I mean clinical depression. Your mum may be going through some mental health challenges and you will only make things worse if you are aggressive towards her. Hold your peace and watch her very closely.

Humility017:


ohhh
not bad though...
I live in abuja

k

YOUR CHOICE OF WORDS ON YOUR MUM IS SOOOOOO DISRESPECTFUL. YOUR THINKING OF HITTING HER EMANATES FROM THE FACT THAT YOU DISRESPECT AND TREAT HER LIKE TRASH!

frustratedrat:
ok boss. I'm doing so currently. But the attacks come at any time. Be it night or day.


Sorry to say this but I think the events of the past has affected her mentally. Coupled with her religious inclination. She now reads meaning to everything. Thinking we'll abandon her, attack her or steal from her.


Only the good life I think can make her calm down

jayriginal:


First, don't even try hitting her. Remove such thoughts from your mind. It's better you hustle and move out. Perhaps then you would appreciate her even better.

Secondly, it's a good thing you know that it's not entirely her fault but your dad's.

Third and very important, watch your mom closely for signs of depression. When I say depression, I mean clinical depression. Your mum may be going through some mental health challenges and you will only make things worse if you are aggressive towards her. Hold your peace and watch her very closely.

okay sir. My orientation will change. I'll surprise her more with goodies to know i'm different.


As for her health, she's not admitting she needs help. When i ask her to rest, she barks. Her gibberish isn't ending anytime soon. Maybe when the burden lives her, she'll relax. As of now, i'm not too much of a pest to her. Just my siblings who are dependent

jayriginal:


First, don't even try hitting her. Remove such thoughts from your mind. It's better you hustle and move out. Perhaps then you would appreciate her even better.

Secondly, it's a good thing you know that it's not entirely her fault but your dad's.

Third and very important, watch your mom closely for signs of depression. When I say depression, I mean clinical depression. Your mum may be going through some mental health challenges and you will only make things worse if you are aggressive towards her. Hold your peace and watch her very closely.

okay sir. I'll have a rethink. Why are so many people here hypocritical with their response. Those from shanks experience this.


I have good intentions. I'll try and give her more goodies to see how things will evolve. As for her health, i don't see that improving now as she still shoulders my siblings responsibilities. When i tell her to rest, she barks.


I guess when things get better, she'll improve

frustratedrat:
i'm short-tempered. I probably inherited that trait from my dad. Due to the way my dad handled his affairs, my mum was plunged into penury. Currently living with her. The situations of the past has made her bitter. She complains about everything.


I open the pot to take my meal, she raises her voice, i come back empty-handed, she runs me down as being a leech. I lie flat without touching anything, she comes back complaining of so many things. When she starts, i find myself exchanging words with her.


I feel bad afterwards but the cycle continues once she makes me pesky again. how do i salvage this situation? Sometimes, i'm pushed to the edge that my frustration about her slander and my predicament makes me wanna hit her.

Let me tell you a little story.

I started primary school in the 80's, and there was this brother that was helping me in my studies. He was hot tempered like you and he just finished his secondary school about a year ago. He was very intelligent and was always the best in his class.

We all lived in an extended family, my grandmother, mother, aunties, brothers, sisters. It was a very big family house.

One day, I came back from school and met our grandmother. I've just greeted her when this brother (the one I told you earlier) came in. Since he finished secondary school, he don't stay at home anymore, he refuses to go to farm when it's time, he comes and goes whenever he wants. So, here he comes in in the afternoon probably hungry. Quickly he asked my grandmother "where is my food"?. She said wait a minute let me bring it. She went inside the room, brings the food and placed it as she was supposed to. By the way, this brother I am talking about is the son. The last son.

When she place the food, my brother inspected it and said it was cold. And he was asking her authoritatively "why did you give me a cold food"?. And he started abusing this woman verbally.

She told him to cool down that she can warn the food, but he won't listen. He kicked the old woman and she was fallen to the ground. She fell and she began to cry. Yet, he was not done. Finally, he carried the washing hand water and poured it on the woman. The woman was begging him "please leave me I am old", but he won't listen. When he was done he just left.

I watched everything unfold in my own eyes and my heart was filled with pity for her, but, I was still very young, about 8 and there was nothing I could do to prevent this.

When my brother was gone, this woman raised her voice and cursed him. With all grief in her heart, she said in our native language "as long as I gave birth to you, as long as you came out of my vagina you'll never be useful, you'll forever be useless".

Fast forward...........

Nothing this brother puts his hand on has worked. Sometime ago, he worked in the national assembly. He moved from Abuja to Owerri to Enugu to Lagos. When he came to Lagos he lived with another brother. Soon, the landlord sold the house and everyone moved. He came to live with me. Later, I gave him money to rent his own house, and he did. That was Fashola's regime and few months into his new house, Fashola's men destroyed the area for some construction. He moved to another house, some electrical fault started at night and burnt down the house. Without a place to live he started using his car for "kabu kabu" and LASMA seized the car.

Last time I came to Lagos I called him and he said he was sleeping in his car. Mind you, he's 65 years old now. No marriage, no achievement. But, he's a good person now. He is a real born again Christian, if such thing still exist.

Note: This's the first time I've ever shared this story. I've not even told him, so he's not aware where his problem is coming from. Our grandmother died many years ago and no one else knows this. Recently, I was thinking of sitting down with him anytime I go to Lagos, so I could tell him what happened after he beat up our grandmother many years ago.

musicwriter:


Let me tell you a little story.

I started primary school in the 80's, and there was this brother that was helping me in my studies. He was hot tempered like you and he just finished his secondary school about a year ago. He was very intelligent and was always the best in his class.

We all lived in an extended family, my grandmother, mother, aunties, brothers, sisters. It was a very big family house.

One day, I came back from school and met our grandmother. I've just greeted her when this brother (the one I told you earlier) came in. Since he finished secondary school, he don't stay at home anymore, he refuses to go to farm when it's time, he comes and goes whenever he wants. So, here he comes in in the afternoon probably hungry. Quickly he asked my grandmother "where is my food"?. She said wait a minute let me bring it. She went inside the room, brings the food and placed it as she was supposed to. By the way, this brother I am talking about is the son. The last son.

When she place the food, my brother inspected it and said it was cold. And he was asking her authoritatively "why did you give me a cold food"?. And he started abusing this woman verbally.

She told him to cool down that she can warn the food, but he won't listen. He kicked the old woman and she was fallen to the ground. She fell and she began to cry. Yet, he was not done. Finally, he carried the washing hand water and poured it on the woman. The woman was begging him "please leave me I am old", but he won't listen. When he was done he just left.

I watched everything unfold in my own eyes and my heart was filled with pity for her, but, I was still very young, about 8 and there was nothing I could do to prevent this.

When my brother was gone, this woman raised her voice and cursed him. With all grief in her heart, she said in our native language "as long as I gave birth to you, as long as you came out of my vagina you'll never be useful, you'll forever be useless".

Fast forward...........

Nothing this brother puts his hand on has worked. Sometime ago, he worked in the national assembly. He moved from Abuja to Owerri to Enugu to Lagos. When he came to Lagos he lived with another brother. Soon, the landlord sold the house and everyone moved. He came to live with me. Later, I gave him money to rent his own house, and he did. That was Fashola's regime and few months into his new house, Fashola's men destroyed the area for some construction. He moved to another house, some electrical fault started at night and burnt down the house. Without a place to live he started using his car for "kabu kabu" and LASMA seized the car.

Last time I came to Lagos I called him and he said he was sleeping in his car. Mind you, he's 65 years old now. No marriage, no achievement. But, he's a good person now. He is a real born again Christian, if such thing still exist.

Note: This's the first time I've ever shared this story. I've not even told him, so he's not aware. Recently, I was thinking of sitting down with him anytime I go to Lagos, so I could tell him what happened after he beat up our grandmother many years ago.

wow.. Deep and insightful. Thanks

Werey Omo you dey think of hitting your mom? Assuming she had use you to do menstruation you won't have the mind to use to harbour this fuulishness

frustratedrat:
huh.. You making me feel like a devil. I really do love her in my own way.


Have you wondered the kind of distorted upbringing I had?

Are you for real? Hit her and die untimely death.

not only your mum
women are very unstabble.
if a woman ks feeding u
see finish go too much
i rem how my ex dey disregard me wen i be squat with am.
men once i picked
bros na 2bedroom apartment
no time.
today she stil dey regret am

once u dont have funds
women go know u.
if u have a wife dat has more funds than u.
see finish go too much

guy man go stay for one room apartment dey manage till u pick

There are certain orders of nature we cannot change; you can't choose who gives birth to you, can't choose whom to share bloodlines with, where you'll be born, when you'll die etc ... Do you really need to be advised no to hit your mum? Don't think so! But wait till you become a parent for that "advice"... For now, ma tie dan wo rara! (don't dare do sh!t)

BTW: this is the real advice you need: Guy, go hustle, make some good money, come back to your mum and now 'hit' her with some cooool wads of mint cash! Trust me, you should see your mum SMILE for the first time is seasons (the best smile ever) NB: History has not produced that woman who doesn't smile @ the gift of cash! Do this and thank me thereafter sonnie .

frustratedrat:
hmmm.. Will try. But she really says all sorts of things. She's currently ranting on how we made her miserable. The neighbours all think we're bad. I've got my own frustrations too. Everyone should hold their own

Move out of the house. If you can't rent your own place yet, move in with your guys.. ...abi you no get friends? Once you are out, be determined and hustle like a man. Life isn't easy my dear but you've gotta grow some balls at the moment and move out.

try raise your hand on your mom make she use that breasts way she take breast feed you swear for you make i see the man of God way go deliver you. Honor your father and mother. Then you will live long, this is a commandment with a promise attached. Omo calm down endure everything she throws at you, besides it might be due to prevailing circumstances so she is transferring the aggression at you.

frustratedrat:
okay sir. My orientation will change. I'll surprise her more with goodies to know i'm different.


As for her health, she's not admitting she needs help. When i ask her to rest, she barks. Her gibberish isn't ending anytime soon. Maybe when the burden lives her, she'll relax. As of now, i'm not too much of a pest to her. Just my siblings who are dependent

Do you mean your mum barks like a Dog, further more, you said she speaks gibberish? I'm doubting if you have sense at all, you are obviously rude to her and you have no respect. Change your ways for your own good

musicwriter:


Let me tell you a little story.

I started primary school in the 80's, and there was this brother that was helping me in my studies. He was hot tempered like you and he just finished his secondary school about a year ago. He was very intelligent and was always the best in his class.

We all lived in an extended family, my grandmother, mother, aunties, brothers, sisters. It was a very big family house.

One day, I came back from school and met our grandmother. I've just greeted her when this brother (the one I told you earlier) came in. Since he finished secondary school, he don't stay at home anymore, he refuses to go to farm when it's time, he comes and goes whenever he wants. So, here he comes in in the afternoon probably hungry. Quickly he asked my grandmother "where is my food"?. She said wait a minute let me bring it. She went inside the room, brings the food and placed it as she was supposed to. By the way, this brother I am talking about is the son. The last son.

When she place the food, my brother inspected it and said it was cold. And he was asking her authoritatively "why did you give me a cold food"?. And he started abusing this woman verbally.

She told him to cool down that she can warn the food, but he won't listen. He kicked the old woman and she was fallen to the ground. She fell and she began to cry. Yet, he was not done. Finally, he carried the washing hand water and poured it on the woman. The woman was begging him "please leave me I am old", but he won't listen. When he was done he just left.

I watched everything unfold in my own eyes and my heart was filled with pity for her, but, I was still very young, about 8 and there was nothing I could do to prevent this.

When my brother was gone, this woman raised her voice and cursed him. With all grief in her heart, she said in our native language "as long as I gave birth to you, as long as you came out of my vagina you'll never be useful, you'll forever be useless".

Fast forward...........

Nothing this brother puts his hand on has worked. Sometime ago, he worked in the national assembly. He moved from Abuja to Owerri to Enugu to Lagos. When he came to Lagos he lived with another brother. Soon, the landlord sold the house and everyone moved. He came to live with me. Later, I gave him money to rent his own house, and he did. That was Fashola's regime and few months into his new house, Fashola's men destroyed the area for some construction. He moved to another house, some electrical fault started at night and burnt down the house. Without a place to live he started using his car for "kabu kabu" and LASMA seized the car.

Last time I came to Lagos I called him and he said he was sleeping in his car. Mind you, he's 65 years old now. No marriage, no achievement. But, he's a good person now. He is a real born again Christian, if such thing still exist.

Note: This's the first time I've ever shared this story. I've not even told him, so he's not aware where his problem is coming from. Our grandmother died many years ago and no one else knows this. Recently, I was thinking of sitting down with him anytime I go to Lagos, so I could tell him what happened after he beat up our grandmother many years ago.

Crap. Story for kids.

That is how they use emotional blackmail to coerse their kids obedience

1Sharon:




Crap. Story for kids.


That is how they use emotional blackmail to coerse their kids obedience

I stopped reading when I saw, my grandmother cursed him, if I had the power to curse someone and It will work won't I first curse myself to be richer than bill gates till I die?
All these people with power to curse others and it will work won't use it for something useful. Only for useless things.

The moment you raise your finger on her or talk back at her, get readily pretty sure that your own children will do same, and even worse to you.

What fumes her is a problem; what flares you is equally a problem: two problems don't solve a thing, so figure out the solution.

Can u surprise ur mum with a gift, however small with even ur last kobo?

Can u always learn to turn every of her yellings and rantings into a joke? Perhaps, making a joke of her angry vituperations will go a long way in quelling her anger with laughter and easing her emotional tension.

Can u learn to help her with certain house chores, even before she asks for it? Don't leave all the burden of housekeeping to her alone. Just be her good helping hand and see if she'll be angry again.

Can u help tell her to rest assured in all of u, her children, that what ur father couldn't do for her and the family you'll do?

She's always angry because there's something lacking: that's why you're there to provide it.
So, provide it "to" her!

Shalom!

I understand how u feel bro...i would ask some questions.
1. Does she hit you? I want to believe she doesnt...
2. Do you have a room of your own? If you do get a firm lock
3. Can you buy good earphones? I believe you can.
Pending your leaving the house, try to always use earphones within the house and stay in your room as much as possible. Keep it locked. When she starts talking simply walk into your room and turn on the music loud...settle quarrels by avoiding them rather than exchanging words with her...

Pidgin2:


Are you for real? Hit her and die untimely death.

God forbid! I won't. I wasn't trained with pure love but i'll try and show her care stylishly. Wish me/us well

frustratedrat:
i'm short-tempered. I probably inherited that trait from my dad. Due to the way my dad handled his affairs, my mum was plunged into penury. Currently living with her. The situations of the past has made her bitter. She complains about everything.


I open the pot to take my meal, she raises her voice, i come back empty-handed, she runs me down as being a leech. I lie flat without touching anything, she comes back complaining of so many things. When she starts, i find myself exchanging words with her.


I feel bad afterwards but the cycle continues once she makes me pesky again. how do i salvage this situation? Sometimes, i'm pushed to the edge that my frustration about her slander and my predicament makes me wanna hit her.

OP your situation is too similar with me. It's like we're thesame person. Best thing to do is move out. She'll miss you when you're gone and most importantly "Success is the best revenge"