Episode 1

Okay, thanks to my ever teeming readers. Your constant likes have spurred me on. It is a pity I cannot write on Nairaland at the moment though but I look forward to going back to my roots. Nairaland actually nurtured my ambition to become a writer. So far, I will say, I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Your collective efforts will see that dream come to past.

This story will be a mixture of pidgin and regular English plus a touch of translated Hausa. As you know, I am from Kano and cannot help representing.

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THE BEGINNING

My name na Istifanus. All my friends dey call me Bobo. Sometimes e dey pain me but other times, I go just laugh the matter throway. Na for Kano gan them born me and I never ever comot from there. The highest wey I go na Naibawa and that na because I follow go write Common Entrance Examination wey I no pass. Sometimes I dey feel like say na my father brain I carry. Book no dey ever gree enter my head at all.

My father get house for Kawo Maigari and him dey sell otapiapia and snuff for Kawo bus stop. Because of how him like women reach, na so him go marry another wife put for House. Initially I been dey wonder. Shey Bible say as Christians make we no marry more than one wife? Maybe my father wey like to dey attend block rosary for Holy Cross Badawa no see that portion for Bible.

Anyway, life been just dey normal until my father and mother fight o. I no even know wetin cause the fight sef but I know say my mother pack leave house for us. I still small when the matter happen. My step-mom no bad sha because she dey treat us like her pikin dem. But trust my brothers na, all of them run go village. Nobody wan stay with my father except me. I no know if na good something o, but me self wan make na me dey connect both my father and mother together.

For the first time ever, my father enter my room one evening.

"Bobo, tomorrow we go go Zaria."

I first surprise. So finally I go see Zaria be that.

"Mpah, wetin dey carry us go there na?"

I ask am.

"I been get farm wey I hire people make them dey farm for me. As you don grow finish, I say make I go show you. One day you fit begin farm am too."

Omo the reply shock me. Farm wetin? For this twenty first century? Abi this man think say because I dey like work, farming follow for my hobbies?

"But papa, since you dey pay people, how I carry enter the equation?"

I no waste time ask.

"Eh, you know say this government na hard one. Since Buhari say na who work dey chop, I realize say e go make sense make you work so that the food wey I dey carry feed you no go for waste."

Who suppose feed me before? I no ask am sha.

"I get hand work na. I dey do POP already. Just tell me say you wan pursue me from your house."

I don begin vex small small.

"No be so na. I just want make you know how e dey hard to grow food so that when you dey chop, you do dey appreciate God."

Na so I just weak. I comot from parlor go enter my room. Which kind scopes be this one self? But Wetin I go do? Bible don already say make we obey our father and mother so that our lives for fit long for earth. Me I no ready for die quick neither I wan make God use my life play hockey. Na so I just reason matter till sleep carry me.

With all the harmatan wey dey Kano, na so my father come wake me up early in the morning.

"Ah ahn, Bobo, you still dey sleep?"

"No oh, I dey practice how to die. Who dey wake up around 4:00am during harmatan for Kano?"

I no ask am o. The man fit make me die true true.

"No Sir, I don wake up since. I just dey plan to go boil water make I bath."

I dey answer dey yawn.

"Boil which water? Man no dey use hot water bath. Na cold water I carry bath. If me wey don old use cold water, young man like you go do the same o. Oya go carry that water wey dey outside. Go use am bath."

Sleep wipe comot from my eyes immediately. Kano harmatan, cold water, die, die, die, na the only thing wey just dey ring for my mind.

"Papa, kukuma kill me o."

I reply as I stand up.

"I no go kill you because my papa no kill me. Go bath make we dey go."

Na so him hiss turn back go enter him room. Thirty minutes later, I dey bathroom, I dey look water, water dey look me. Wetin I wan do for this kind situation.

"Istifanus! No allow me enter that place come bath you o."

My papa shout from outside bathroom.

Which kind devil be this sef? Where I wan begin pour water from. I put my hand for water, na so the coldness go make me pull am out. The moment e comot, breeze go blow am, e go turn kankara (ice block). One mind just tell me make I do koskorima (rub and shine) comot from there.

"No do rub and shine follow me from this house. You no fit come dey smell inside car with me."

My liver cut. Papa don begin read mind. One bowl of water for my body, my spirit just run leave me. Up till today, I no know how I carry survive that bathing. Vaseline and Mentholatum wey I rub full body no be here.

After I dress finish, me and my father carry torchlight begin waka. We wan first reach road before we go get car or achaba reach court road roundabout. From there na him we go get car wey dey go Zaria.

To be continued....

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Note: I started this story on my Facebook handle. I will update twice daily but it will be regular until the story finishes...