Yesterday I ran into a child hood friend and I froze. For the first time after almost 15 years, I began to remember what happened one faithful afternoon during one of those ASUU strikes which saw me and my friends at home doing nothing.
Apart from my pastor, no other person has been told this story.
That Day, my friend whom I have known since year one in school came visiting. He came with some movies to watch with me. Of course, there was nothing else to do during the long Assu strikes but to watch movies, visit friends, just lazy around really.
We watched a few movies together and after a while, I got up to go and have my bath. It was afternoon. After having my bath, I was in my room trying to dress up when o heard the door of my room open. I turned around and saw my friend come inside the room. For a second I thought he missed his way or he didn’t know I was dressing up… But that wasn’t the case… He knew I was out of the bathroom and dressing up. He advanced towards me and before I knew what was going on, he began to try to touch me. I was in shock but my defense mechanisms kicked in immediately.
I screamed at him, shoved him away and started to fight him as much as I could.
I fought and screamed so much that day. I told him i would tell my parents, his parents…. Our pastor and everyone …He eventually left me. I quickly dressed up and for out of the house and told him to get out of my house before I screamed more. He left somewhat ashamed.
After the incident, I dressed up and went straight to see my pastor. I was in tears. I told my pastor and he counselled me. He told me he would speak to the young man. He also asked me not to tell my parents.
You see, my parents and the young man’s parents have been friends for decades. Infact, his father was my mother’s boss for several years. We went to the same church together as well. So the pastor’s counsel was so that the relationship between both families will not be ruined.
That was almost 15 years ago. I never told anyone else. So yesterday, when I met this former friend I was in shock… I didn’t know how to react. It dawned on me that I was still angry from the experience. I realized also that this young man never did get to apologise to me at all.
I am writing this post because I realise that sexual abuse is not taken seriously in this part of the world… People always think something like what happened to me is a normal male behavior. They also want to quickly cover it up because they don’t want to ruffle anyone. They dont want to offend anyone. They don’t want to loose friends because of this.
The victims even get blamed for the abuse. Someone reading this post maybe saying :why did you go and have your bath when you are alone with a male friend at home?
Like for real… He is supposed to be a friend, a family friend… My parents trust him with me. They could swear that this young man would lay his life to protect me!
Many experiences have formed how I perceive relationships and this particular one has indeed formed how I see men. I find it really hard to trust men.
Today in America, several big names have been dragged into sexual assault allegations and Americans are having a field day. However, I look at this Part of the world and sigh. The things we should abhor and condemn, we allow and condone.
Sexual abuse is real. It happens most times with people we love and trust. An awareness to this evil has to begin. More intensely as well.
I made a resolve to forgive this friend of mine. I forgave him even though he didn’t apologize. I forgave him for my peace of mind. But one thing is real, everytime I see him, I have questions, I want to know why he did that. I want to know why he has not apologised. I want to know why why and why
Till then, if you know anyone who has been abused sexually or if you have been abused and you need someone to talk to, come talk to us at Lively Stones.
This might be the first step of you finding healing for yourself.

email:Livelystonescares@gmail.com

phone: +234 8029 8703 09

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Source: www.Livelystones.com.ng

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If you want a sincere answer to some of your why's.

Why do men act that way and unapologetic about it?

First of all the rude shock you felt when your friend tried to molest you is the same massive jolt of repulsive shock men feel at first when ladies dress unclad, act seductively in reality, in the media, on movies, in adverts and everywhere. Men who complain relentlessly are called perverts till they are silenced.

The result is that the very fortress/wall of respect and regard for women begins to break down till totality.

At this point the brain of the man is rewired by all he sees everyday to see women as objects of sex since this is being projected regularly by every medium.

As is usual with a man in all other areas of his pursuits, he begins also to pursue the matter of women with sex in mind at every good opportunity. You know the rest of the story.

Men are to blame but women are their own enemies too. I know this cos they'll continue to deny this well known fact.

there are so many people to blame here.... but YOU must take some of the blame for this crime!

YES, you should be blamed for running to your foolish pastor instead of running to the police station FIRST!!! a crime was commited and you run to mad man instead of the police station, yet you hope that this issue would be solved?!? BLAME YOURSELF!!! then you did absolutely nothing for 15yrs and think that the disgusting event would misteriously disappear from your mind?! highly laughable, you just swept it under the rug, like nothing happen , and let that criminal go scott free so he could try to ABUSE more women out there. BLAME YOURSELF for all the other victim of this demon... because if he had been punished for his act, he would have probably stopped abusing women.

then BLAME these foolish religion institution (and the demon who serves them) who think that friendship between two families is better than reporting the actions of their evil son. this fraudster in robe is the DEMON himself, and anyone who tells you to be quiet after such ordeal must be a devil's servant. do you really think he would have said the same thing if HIS daughter was violated in the same way?! may they all rot in hell!

then finally, BLAME the would be rapist and everyone (like the above poster GraGra247) who think that because a gal dresses the way she desires, AND men cant control their urges, she should indeed be raped. such narrow minded deluded bastard way of thinking, is the reason why Africa and Africans are going nowhere in life (wherever they are). these type of men should be lined up in a field and be rid of. if a man is h0rny then let him A) go see ashewos or B) masturbate, but they should certainly NOT rape innocent women that desire to dress the way the desire. what next, should they all wear burqas?!?!? ARRANT NONSENSE!!!

MrBrownJay1:
......... these type of men should be lined up in a field and be rid of. if a man is h0rny then let him A) go see ashewos or B) masturbate, but they should certainly NOT rape innocent women that desire to dress the way the desire. what next, should they all wear burqas?!?!? ARRANT NONSENSE!!!

With your brain filled with this level of garbage who would take your empty views seriously.

>>Anyway they're your views and your views aren't Supreme. Even the devil has his own views.

GraGra247:


With your brain filled with this level of garbage who would take your empty views seriously.

>>Anyway they're your views and your views aren't Supreme. Even the devil has his own views.

let me guess.... if your daughter/mother/sister/ aunt etc should wear any outfit that anybody deem too sexy (skirt above knee or whatever), you also desire for them to be raped, right?!? OR BETTER YET, if a gay guy sees your fine body, he should also be able to rape you, right?!
deluded ARRANT NONSENSE!

Is it only women that are sexually harassed? Smh most of them self will give u green light and come claim sexual harassment

MrBrownJay1:


let me guess.... if your daughter/mother/sister/ aunt etc should wear any outfit that anybody deem too sexy (skirt above knee or whatever), you also desire for them to be raped, right?!? OR BETTER YET, if a gay guy sees your fine body, he should also be able to rape you, right?!
deluded ARRANT NONSENSE!

If that is all your decayed brain could deduce from my reply to the OP then you definitely missed your English lessons. Go back to school !!!

GraGra247:


If that is all your decayed brain could deduce from my reply to the OP then you definitely missed your English lessons. Go back to school !!!

but of course.