most women stay with their unfaithful for the sake of the children.

@topic
can't say for sure.

What other thing other than taking him for castration.

^^^ easier said than done

^This is not about saying, this is the real deal.

Serial cheater? As in any thing in skirts he chases?
True, you never really know how to act in such situations.
If it's giving her too much heart ache, I think she should get a divorce. If she doesn't, she shouldn't sleep with that thing again.

I always have this idea of leaving a man not when the situation has climaxed where you have confronted him for his cheating and he doesn't deny it, but when everyone thinks you don't care about it anymore, could take years before you do this. A good time would be when he's very sick and he's incapacitated, shivering on the bed and he asks you for water and you say baby I want a divorce, then you take your load and leave him there to errrrrrr. . .  

what else is there to do than to divorce and leave this rat?
if you are miserable then you are going to treat your kids miserably. accept your fate and the fact that this marriage is over and move along before you get infected with something that will make the children lose BOTH parents.
although you can never be too sure, the fact that this guy could be recklessly going around having unprotected s e x should be on your mind.
praying/pastor etc aint going to help this man as he has already got used of having his cake and eating it too. the only way he is going to seriously see that he is doing something wrong is when something really bad happens to him due to his cheating. . . . . . . . .gf poisoning him, catch a deadly disease, unfortunate accident etc

ask yourself your friend these questions:
- how does having an affair of your own is going to solve the problem?!its just going to put you on the same level as this low life.
- how long can you pretend that this is not happening? do you need a "disaster" before you open your eyes?
- why should anyone stays in a union where only ONE person is sticking to their vows?!
- why should the children grow up seeing this and believing that its ok for daddy to "abuse" mommy like this?
- why should anyone use children as a reason to be abused?
-  dont you think that its better (for you AND the kids) to be divorced and happy rather than married and miserable?

children aren't dumb and usually pick on such things especially the daughters. you don't want your daughters thinking its cool to date a mad man

it depends on the case, really. i guess i'll talk to him and all, but that probably won't stop him if he is a serial cheater. if i have a good job i might divorce him (or if child support is certain), otherwise i'll just ignore his cheating but won't sleep with him.

stillwater:

Serial cheater? As in any thing in skirts he chases?
True, you never really know how to act in such situations.
If it's giving her too much heart ache, I think she should get a divorce. If she doesn't, she shouldn't sleep with that thing again.

I always have this idea of leaving a man not when the situation has climaxed where you have confronted him for his cheating and he doesn't deny it, but when everyone thinks you don't care about it anymore, could take years before you do this. A good time would be when he's very sick and he's incapacitated, shivering on the bed and he asks you for water and you say baby I want a divorce, then you take your load and leave him there to errrrrrr. . .  

i've got a similar idea: if you confront a man and he denies just accept it. but if u eventually get proof that he is cheating, don't confront him again. even if you catch him red-handed just don't say anything about it. if he tries to apologize just ignore him, but continue being sweet and act like you always have. when he is no longer nervous and he has forgotten about everything (like 6-12 months later), you tell him you want a divorce.  sweet revenge! i doubt that i can do it though, i'll probably forgive him along the line.

ignore a naija man and not sleep with him during a marriage?

goodluck getting that one to work. just don't be shocked when a 2nd wife pops up in the house.

MRbrownJAY:


- why should the children grow up seeing this and believing that its ok for daddy to "abuse" mommy like this?

bawomolo:

children aren't dumb and usually pick on such things especially the daughters. you don't want your daughters thinking its cool to date a mad man

i hear this line of reasoning all the time but i'm yet to see someone who reasons this way. in fact, i see quite the opposite: girls who vow not to marry guys from their tribe or to remain single or to avoid guys in the same occupation as their fathers all because they detected abuse. i saw my parents make mistakes and i knew all along that they were wrong, and i'm determined not to make the same mistakes. besides, children of nowadays form personal opinions with less influence from parents and more from the media and their peers.

so they basically have an open relationship?
that's cool if it works for both of them.

GL:

i hear this line of reasoning all the time but i'm yet to see someone who reasons this way. in fact, i see quite the opposite: girls who vow not to marry guys from their tribe or to remain single or to avoid guys in the same occupation as their fathers all because they detected abuse. i saw my parents make mistakes and i knew all along that they were wrong, and i'm determined not to make the same mistakes. besides, children of nowadays form personal opinions with less influence from parents and more from the media and their peers.

chris brown was exposed to domestic violence in his household, we all know how that ended. fact remains those girls you know ended up with emotional scars exhibited by refusing to date men from their ethnic group or avoiding men overall. That's not healthy thinking at all and those women might need therapy to get over their hurt.

GL:

i hear this line of reasoning all the time but i'm yet to see someone who reasons this way. in fact, i see quite the opposite: girls who vow not to marry guys from their tribe or to remain single or to avoid guys in the same occupation as their fathers all because they detected abuse. i saw my parents make mistakes and i knew all along that they were wrong, and i'm determined not to make the same mistakes. besides, children of nowadays form personal opinions with less influence from parents and more from the media and their peers.

I, for one, will never stand for cheating and will never stay with a dishonest person.
i completely understand WHY some people do it but it doesnt mean that I have to accept it.
to me it is the higher form of disrespect/dishonesty and the easiest way to lose all trust in a person.

most people who stand to it are in relationship where they cannot leave because of financial ties, children or just no education to do anything worthy (to them) etc

chaircover:

very interesting answers. Thanks folks.

The wife in question is acutally dealing with this by having affiars of her own; this suprised me because I beleive that you dont solve a problem by introducing another problem.

I suppose one never knows for certain what one will do in this situation until God forbid one is in that position.

if this action makes her happy then so be it. . . . . . . . . surely dont solve any problem.

bawomolo:

chris brown was exposed to domestic violence in his household, we all know how that ended. fact remains those girls you know ended up with emotional scars exhibited by refusing to date men from their ethnic group or avoiding men overall. That's not healthy thinking at all and those women might need therapy to get over their hurt.

chris brown is not the only one who was exposed to domestic violence, people need to take responsibility for their own misdeeds and stop blaming their parents. i can understand the parent-blaming when the violence is perpetuated by a child, but not by an adult. we all have emotional scars, how we choose to deal with them is our responsibility. two of those ladies i mentioned are happily married and they still relate well with their dad.

@ Poster

One never really knows till they r faced with that kinda situation
I am the sort that would spew fire and brimstone,look for knife for castration,dream up different ways to maim d guy in theory.
But i dunno if i'd do the same if faced wi that kinda situation.
Best bet would be to move out wi d kids and start afresh but wi him in their lives
Raising kids in that kind of miserable atmosphere isn't worth it and what lesson am i teaching them? lack of self worth and dignity.

I honestly know i cannot take it.the humiliation,the lack of respect, the degredation of sharing ur man with multiple women,and it's not even a mistake thingy,plus all the people who will be sniggering behind u.
My dear,i will pray for him oo but from a distance.

I know of a lady back in nija who's hubby used to ask her to withdraw money for he and his babes cos in his own words' he's a national cake'.

The other one, if she hears her man has a nu babe, she'd go wi her sis beat up d girl and seize all the things her hubby bought for the girl and if she confronts him he would ask what her problem is .In his own words' leave me jare, after all, how did we meet and marry? no be runs?'
In both cases they chose to stay and battle it out with the mistresses.

My darling uncle,married with a son chases girls well well, saw a text in his phone when he was wanting to know her better.My granny and mom warned his wife before she married him and she said she loved him and she's ready for anything.In her case, she has turned a[b] blind eye [/b]and is facing her son squarely.

My friend currently bears the name 'trailer' cos she's always following her man up and down so he will stop chasing girls, he says he prefers sweet young girls so that he can s h a g them without condoms. She got pregnant for him (prolly to trap him) and they are getting married in april.

I have tons of living examples, i only pray my man will never put me through this kinda agony, Very few nigerian women leave.Many claim it's cos of the kids,
May God save us all.

GL:




chris brown is not the only one who was exposed to domestic violence, people need to take responsibility for their own misdeeds and stop blaming their parents. i can understand the parent-blaming when the violence is perpetuated by a child, but not by an adult. we all have emotional scars, how we choose to deal with them is our responsibility. two of those ladies i mentioned are happily married and they still relate well with their dad.

so as marrying from another ethnic group helped them?

just wondering.   

The other one, if she hears her man has a nu babe, she'd go wi her sis beat up d girl and seize all the things her hubby bought for the girl

lol I guess that solves the issue of infidelity. the sis sef no get job.

.

@ chaircover

she's cheating with a married man??
i cannot believe this, so she couldn't find a single man??(im not condoning the cheating oo!!)
Please ignore her, no point wasting ur saliva
It's just a matter of time b4 she gets caught.

If u really have to advise her,tell her she needs counselling along with her hubby, or divorce
No one likes divorce but the kids will definitely be feeling the brunt of this mess,better a clean break and a new life cos either ways, i don't see this ending well.

.

chaircover:

The wife is not in an open relationship, she is cheatimg behind her husbands back. Funny enough, if he found out, he is the type of man to send her packing immediately.

The husband was cheating before they got married and she was warned against marrying him but she was one of these people who thought that after the ring was on the finger, she could change a man who didnt want to change.

The wife is also financialy dependent on the man & has no source of income.

The story just got me thinking about the right and wrong way to deal with this. I am against divorce but the fact that the woman is cheating makes it hard for me to give any constuctive advise. Incidentally she is cheating with a married man with similar qualities to her husband so what good is that?

She has gone down the line of lets beat up the mistress, but how many mistresses do you want to beat up?

so the man stopped the cheating after marriage and the woman picked it up?

@ post

Do you immediately divorce him?

Do you get your own back and start having affairs of your own?

Do you become a nervous, miserable wreck?

Do you pretend that it isn't happening & face the children instead?

i wouldnt do any of the above. i absolutely gain nothing cheating back. it is more pain and emotional emptiness for me. and i will NEVER violate my martial vows. also i wouldnt divorce him immediately, it wouldnt be in my best interest in terms of handling the pain and stress of the process and also handling the pain of the divorce reason neither would i pretend its not happening, 'cause i might have a sudden 'heart attack' one day due to heart heaviness.

i would probably leave the house and find somewhere to stay to personally deal with myself and my emotions. and then its either separation from the marriage or the voluntary leave. during this leave, i would then weigh my options whether to give him a second chance or finally divorce.

.

i would separate especially after giving him so many chance to redeem himself. personally, i dont think the woman is doing her any good by cheating back, i would bet that while she may seem/appear 'satisfied and happy' deep inside, she is definitely in a great pain because this sort of cheating back 'defense mechanism' in most cases doesnt work well for us women. we usually dont emotionally get away with it very easily.

chaircover:



I know I may sound like I am on the guys side, but I am just fed up of seeing women getting hurt and losing everything because they wrongly and grandiosely believe that they can change a bad man to a good one.

that the problem. i mean this sign of cheating was there before marriage, but somehow we magically believe that we can change a man after marriage

why separate, why not just divorce the man in question?

why would a woman this century be financially dependent on her husband? doesn't she have a family home she can go too.  and yes that's an open relationship since both partners are having relationships on the side.

, i would then weigh my options whether to give him a second chance or finally divorce.

lol giving a serial cheat a 2nd chance.   The man has an addiction and can only be given a 2nd chance unless BOTH parties agree to therapy. I have a feeling that nigerian women are gluttons for punishment.

rce.

Cyberfreak:

Bawomolo, it is not as easy as you make it sound, a lot Nigerian women do not find it easy to just divorce their husbands and just move on. You know why? Because they are going to be ridiculed, mocked for ending their marriages instead of trying to salvage it and they would end up being treated like outcasts, there is the belief that the responsibility for keeping the marriage rests more on the shoulders of the woman since if the marriage is terminated, they have a lesser chance than the men of finding another partner, especially if they had children from their previous partner.
And really, some women in this day and age are financially dependent on their husbands, not because they derive pleasure from being blood sucking leeches, but because they were asked to be stay at home moms by their husbands who believe that their kids deserve the best home training. In such cases, the woman is not likely to relish the thought of divorce.

dont you think she's been ridiculed/moked already? i guess it all depends on what  these women priorities are. if staying married at all cost is their priorities then so be it. if keeping with the Jones is their priorities then so be it.

in my world, I only care about the view of the man i see when i look in the mirror, none other.

all insecure women out there should remember that, like any addiction, serial cheats falls into the 3 Cs law:

[size=13pt]you didnt [b]C[/b]ause it!
you cant [b]C[/b]ontrol it!
you cant [b]C[/b]ure it![/size]

might as well leave while you still have a life.

go.

Cyberfreak:

^In Nigeria, a lot of the time, the cheating on the part of men is overlooked and sometimes as incredible as it sounds, the wives are blamed for their husband's cheating. Why didn't she make the house more inviting? Why didn't she take better care of herself? Why did she not beg him to forgive her for whatever she did that has caused him to dislike her enough to cheat? Who is she expecting to be a father figure for her kids?
In the end, seperating actually seems to habour more humiliation than remaining in the marriage. You obviously don't live in Nigeria, that is why you don't know how these things go.

- is anything you just wrote right?!
- should people lower themselves and have no SELF ESTEEM just because thats what everybody does?
- shouldnt people use THEIR BRAINS into deciding what is right or wrong. . . . . . . . . for them?
- the fact that some women think like you do is the reason why men will NEVER respect you. . . . . i rather be respected by my spouse and myself because i stood up to their evil deed rather than being respected by everyone around me while my spouse has absolutely NO RESPECT for me. to each their own i guess.
- doesnt matter where i live, we all see that ONE person in the mirror every morning. the day that you decide that anyone other than this person's view is more important in your life, then you have seriously lost the plot.

@ Cyber freak
I'd rather go through that humiliation than stay with a man who will totally wreck my self esteem,
be it nija or no nija,divorce is nothing new in my family,3 and counting( all happily remarried).Not that i'm proud of it but im proud that i have examples of women who know their self worth.
my dad's sis was a victim of physical abuse,after years and 5 kids, when her sis found out,she had to leave the man.

My mom's sis found pictures and videos of live n a k e d women on her husbands camcorder, (several bush rats)after so much,she's happily divorced.

If you keep waiting till u catch HIV na for your pocket.Society my a*s *s.Where is society when he's beating u black and blue? Is society also there when u r treating the gonorrhea he gave you? Where is society when he talks down on you and flaunts his mistresses shamelessly?

Marriage is not do or die please.We would all love to live happily ever after with our partners but a point comes when enough is enough.

u.

I'm sorry Cyberfreak,it's just that i'm a tad sensitive to this sorta topic.
pardon me.

@cyberfreak
ok let me rephrase so you dont go sensitive on the replies: "women who agree with such behaviors like the ones you stated are the reason why men dont respect women"

btw: where was the insult?