I am extremely confused at this point as I need to plan my future and my kid(s) future.

We have been married for 4years now, blessed with a child and expecting the second. For weired and unexplained reasons, my hubby is fond of abandoning our home whenever we have mild to heavy misunderstanding. He first abandoned me 2weeks after wedding over a minor arguement, came back, 4months later after wedding, same thing for one month and finally when I was pregnant with our first child over a little misunderstanding but this time for a long time. Yes I know it sounds funny. We reconciled late last year after he came with his family to beg, my major reason of going back being cos of my child. Now am some months pregnant and he attempted to leave again last two weeks. It was his friend who stopped him from leaving. During the meeting held last, Hia friend asked him exactly the reason he keeps doing that, he said he just doesn't want wahala or stress.

This didn't start with me, he once said he ran away from home for 5years when he was in his early 20s cos his mum was telling him to o house chores.

I regret reconciling with him. If I wasn't pregnant, I know i would have walked out finally since its still the same thing happening all over again.
I am scared for my future and the future of my kids.

Quite alot to say but this is the most disturbing part. Should I prepare myself for the inevitable? should I inform my parents that my husband is still the same run-away soldier?

Dear, I wouldn't advise you leave your hubby. He's simply maladjusted, meet a Counselor, there's sure a way out.
Its would be more complicated if he has a mistress but since you don't suspect infidelity, a professional advise should do the job.
Don't neglect prayers too.

iamsaved: I am extremely confused at this point as I need to plan my future and my kid(s) future.

We have been married for 4years now, blessed with a child and expecting the second. For weired and unexplained reasons, my hubby is fond of abandoning our home whenever we have mild to heavy misunderstanding. He first abandoned me 2weeks after wedding over a minor arguement, came back, 4months later after wedding, same thing for one month and finally when I was pregnant with our first child over a little misunderstanding but this time for a long time. Yes I know it sounds funny. We reconciled late last year after he came with his family to beg, my major reason of going back being cos of my child. Now am some months pregnant and he attempted to leave again last two weeks. It was his friend who stopped him from leaving. During the meeting held last, Hia friend asked him exactly the reason he keeps doing that, he said he just doesn't want wahala or stress.

This didn't start with me, he once said he ran away from home for 5years when he was in his early 20s cos his mum was telling him to o house chores.

I regret reconciling with him. If I wasn't pregnant, I know i would have walked out finally since its still the same thing happening all over again.
I am scared for my future and the future of my kids.

Stories like these make the MrBrownJays and their attitudes to pregnant women look acceptable.

@OP, why should you be having mild to heavy arguments with your spouse frequently? Sounds like you instigate them. Please explain 'heavy arguments'. Do you get violent? Throw things around? Do you have a sharp, caustic tongue that's quick to insult the hell out of the man??

You're pregnant. The least you can do is respect yourself and keep your mouth shut. Why must you have an argument with your husband? Pls don't give the excuse of being hormonal this and hormonal that! Aren't you aware of the complications that can arise from having a high bp, which can be induced from unnecessary arguments?

I'm sorry to say this, but your husband sounds like the more mature one here. Rather than entangle himself with a battle of words, he chooses to walk out of the situation till things cool down. Or what do you expect him to do? Sit down quietly while you heap insult upon insult upon his head? Do you even know what might happen if he snaps?

Or maybe, you really are one of those who has a fetish for violence and only feel loved if your husband plummets the living daylights out of you.

Sorry, but from what you've posted, I support your husband 100%. You on the other hand haven't learnt your lesson. If sitting down to discuss amicably, and keeping your mouth shut while he airs his grievances is too much for you to bear, then don't blame him the day he walks out on you for good... straight into the arms of a more accommodating missus.

Oh, and I need to ask this of you: Didn't you guys date at all before getting hitched? Didn't you study the man before tying the knot and saying "I do"?

Sorry this story is funny

A man fights with his wife and to blow off steam leaves for months at a go

Firstly what kind of work does your man do

Also are you working

Where you stay, who pays for it

Wat is the nature of arguments you have

^^

Or maybe, just maybe, the man is a gypsy? Or free spirited nomad / nature lover??

@Efe did you read my post well? Its not about my pregnancy, I don't do all you mentioned. What I mearnt by arguement is normal marital disagreements and it doesn't happen everytime.
The way you described and changed the entire story seems like you are the original writer.

Please @Efe kindly go back and re-read my opening post again. U sabi twist words sha.

What kind of yeye argument makes a man stay away for months? Is that not madness? .

What exactly do you mean by 'mild to heavy argument'? Did it get physical or were threats made?

The guy either has another wife/family elsewhere or is suffering from serious mental issues. Normal people don't run away from their own homes for extended periods of time.

iamsaved: @Efe did you read my post well? Its not about my pregnancy, I don't do all you mentioned. What I mearnt by arguement is normal marital disagreements and it doesn't happen everytime.
The way you described and changed the entire story seems like you are the original writer.

I never said it's about your pregnancy.

What I did say is that ladies like you, if asked would attest their fishy behaviour and mood swings down to hormonal changes induced by pregnancy. Okay tell me something...do you have a job? i.e do you work for an employer? And if you do, do you argue with them the way you argue with your husband? No? I guessed as much. That's even by the way. You're pregnant. The last thing you need is the stress caused by an argument. You aren't a child so why not quit the bickering with your hubby?

Secondly, and most importantly, what on earth could you be arguing about, that could be so bad as to warrant your husband leaving home for weeks on end? Do you not know that sometimes, words hurt even more than being physically hit? One can heal from physical wounds, but the emotional wounds inflicted by a caustic tongue such as your may never heal.

Yes, it's normal to have disagreements, but not the sort of arguments you've described here as normal to heavy. You dey even grade your arguments!

Having said that, you still haven't answered the questions I posed you. Did you guys date before tying the knot and saying "I do"??

iamsaved: Please @Efe kindly go back and re-read my opening post again. U sabi twist words sha.

I don't have to go back and do a sentence-by-sentence analysis of your story, nor do I need to twist your words. It's simple enough to deduct that you argue like a shrew, hence your hubby can't withstand it from you and disappears. FACT.

debosky: What kind of yeye argument makes a man stay away for months? Is that not madness? .

What exactly do you mean by 'mild to heavy argument'? Did it get physical or were threats made?

The guy either has another wife/family elsewhere or is suffering from serious mental issues. Normal people don't run away from their own homes for extended periods of time.

Which begs the question: Did they date at all? Did she study her husband or rather, then fiancee to understand what he can and can't stand in a woman??

How can she be singing divorce after just 4 years of marriage? Marriage isn't for kids. She's entered into an adult union, made her bed so she needs to roll up her sleeves, get stuck in there and sort something out of the mess being created.

Argument here, argument there, @OP: do you think that's a healthy environment to raise your kids in??

^ You're being shockingly one-sided by assuming the woman is responsible for the issues.

It'll be good to understand the kind of arguments they are having, but it is far from certain that the woman is at fault. Based on her comments, the man came to beg after staying away for a long time - that doesn't sound like the woman is at fault, especially in the Nigerian context. Heck in most cases, even where the man is at fault, the woman will still do the begging, so I'm finding it hard to understand your position.

If the husband insists on running away, what can she do? How can you settle issues with someone who doesn't even stay around to settle the issue?

debosky: ^ You're being shockingly one-sided by assuming the woman is responsible for the issues.

It'll be good to understand the kind of arguments they are having, but it is far from certain that the woman is at fault. Based on her comments, the man came to beg after staying away for a long time - that doesn't sound like the woman is at fault, especially in the Nigerian context. Heck in most cases, even where the man is at fault, the woman will still do the begging, so I'm finding it hard to understand your position.

If the husband insists on running away, what can she do? How can you settle issues with someone who doesn't even stay around to settle the issue?

Well, if I'm being shockingly one-sided, perhaps it because I refuse to join the pity-party band wagon of women who tell stories aimed at making people bash the husband. There are always two sides to a story. The man isn't here to give his version of events. So the least she can do for her readers, under the circumstances, is to give us a balanced view of what really is happening there.

If she's bold enough to seek help on an internet forum full of faceless strangers, she should be bold enough to state what part she played here, no matter how unappealing it may sound. So far, all I've seen from her initial post so far is her painting the husband out to be some irresponsible devil hell-bent on destroying a still new marriage, while she, the woman, is the saintly-all-suffering pregnant wife. Sorry, it doesn't quite wash jare.

As per your last statement, now come on debosky! You are a man. Women are generally more vocal than men so I have no doubt this woman would have scored dozens of goals against her husband during one of her numerous verbal tirades. Most men rather than argue with such a woman would simply pick up their coat, phone and car keys and leave her to stew in her own juices.

She's already pointed out that he's left home in the past under similar circumstances, so she should understand that the last thing this man wants from her is a litany of insults guised as having medium to heavy arguments, whatever those are.

Hmmm. The case of the Running Man.

Even if she scores dozens of verbal points, is that now an excuse to run away from your own house for weeks on end? What kind of man does that?

Leaving for a few hours I can understand, even a night or two if the argument was very severe, but for weeks and to do so regularly? There is clearly a serious issue with the man - running away for weeks/months is no way to resolve problems.

iamsaved: I am extremely confused at this point as I need to plan my future and my kid(s) future.

We have been married for 4years now, blessed with a child and expecting the second. For weired and unexplained reasons, my hubby is fond of abandoning our home whenever we have mild to heavy misunderstanding. He first abandoned me 2weeks after wedding over a minor arguement, came back, 4months later after wedding, same thing for one month and finally when I was pregnant with our first child over a little misunderstanding but this time for a long time. Yes I know it sounds funny. We reconciled late last year after he came with his family to beg, my major reason of going back being cos of my child. Now am some months pregnant and he attempted to leave again last two weeks. It was his friend who stopped him from leaving. During the meeting held last, Hia friend asked him exactly the reason he keeps doing that, he said he just doesn't want wahala or stress.
.

The bolded is his very simple and sincere reason for leaving. To be frank, some guys/men resolve conflicts and issues using this type of withdrawal syndrome. Such men do not have the strength for a prolonged arguments and rage. They would rather take a walk.

What kind of arguments do you usually engage with him? Are you the sore nagging type? Honestly, I will advice that you both have a heart to heart discussion. Ask him what he doesn't like about you causing his flirt at every opportunity. When he opens up, make every conscious effort to change and also let him understand your frustration. Why not start from there.

It is well with you

debosky: Even if she scores dozens of verbal points, is that now an excuse to run away from your own house for weeks on end? What kind of man does that?

Leaving for a few hours I can understand, even a night or two if the argument was very severe, but for weeks and to do so regularly? There is clearly a serious issue with the man - running away for weeks/months is no way to resolve problems.

Well then, if she knows that her arguments alone, are enough to drive her man out of his matrimonial home for weeks or months on end, isn't that enough reason for her to curb that distasteful attitude? So why does she still do it? Hasn't she learnt her lesson(s) yet?

She must be one hell of an argumentative person to elicit such an extreme reaction from her man.

There are several ways to capture a rat (poor analogy, I know)...so also there are several other ways to communicate your displeasure to someone, especially your spouse. She needs to check herself.

Na wa oooo. Am really confused. This story is so hilarious. Its either he is severely immature or this guy has another family somewhere. It could also be a mental illness triggering such a reaction to slight disagreements. Are you sure you are not a knife weilding, shirt tearing, gidigbo fighting, face scratching wife? To which the man has to run for his life? If you are not, then i think you should be more concerned about where he is during those separations. Make you no wake up tomorrow, find out he has another family across the street.

baby_123: Na wa oooo. Am really confused. This story is so hilarious. Its either he is severely immature or this guy has another family somewhere. It could also be a mental illness triggering such a reaction to slight disagreements. Are you sure you are not a knife weilding, shirt tearing, face scratching wife? To which the man has to run for his life? If you are not, then i think you should be more concerned about where he is during those separations. Make you no wake up tomorrow, find out he has another family across the street.

I promised myself I wasn't going to do this after reading another of baby's posts...

I've tried, I really have, but I can't help it na!...
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*** faints!! ***

Efemena_xy:



I promised myself I wasn't going to do this after reading another of baby's posts...

I've tried, I really have, but I can't help it na!...
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*** faints!! ***

hehehehe. Growing up, i have witnessed a wife fu*ck up her husband at any slight thing. The bad thing is they bring their fight outside, with the man running for his life. When you wake up to shouts, you will just hear two people running. Na the wife dey always chase. Na wa oooooo. All we hear at our house is "Oga, Oga, help me o!". Na the man dey shout. LMAO. My dad will have to warn the woman seriously to go back home, while we shelter the husband and my parents will resolve their matter. It was always like action film. Those two foo*ls are still together till today. I guess they are now too old to be pursuing themselves. Funny thing is after the beating, the man will go like a goat and continue with his girlfriends. SMH . You have never heard of "obirin bi okunrin" " A woman that is like a man".

^^ In those cases, is it not the woman that will go and beg her hubby to come back or vice versa? Will a man after being f*cked up by his wife come back and beg with his family?

Which self-respecting family member will follow him to beg that kain begging sef?

The woman may have her flaws, but the man is clearly dealing with some serious demons of his own.

baby_123:

hehehehe. Growing up, i have witnessed a wife fu*ck up her husband at any slight thing. The bad thing is they bring their fight outside, with the man running for his life. When you wake up to shouts, you will just hear two people running. Na the wife dey always chase. Na wa oooooo. All we hear at our house is "Oga, Oga, help me o!". Na the man dey shout. LMAO. My dad will have to warn the woman seriously to go back home, while we shelter the husband and my parents will resolve their matter. It was always like action film. Those two foo*ls are still together till today. I guess they are now too old to be pursuing themselves. Funny thing is after the beating, the man will go like a goat and continue with his girlfriends. SMH . You have never heard of "obirin bi okunrin" " A woman that is like a man".

Choii!! All in the name of marriage??

I bet you, if to say nland dey available those days, and this woman was to tell her story, her version of events would have been no different to @ OP'S!

Another husband bashing thread.
Don't you people get tired of your crappy lies and fake stories?
For chrissakes is your husband a Fulani nomad who roams away from the house to herd his cattle for months before returning to the house and you?
So many freaking lying threads on this forum.
1.My husband spits on me whenever we have an arguement-Is he a snake?
2. My husband beats me up all the time.-Is he a wrestler or a kick boxer?
3. My husband slept with my maid and kicked me out of the house.-Doesn't he have any class? Yet you married him.
4.My husband is impotent.-Yet you married him.
We are sick and tired of these immature,childish Mills and boom threads,if you are job less,stop opening silly threads and get yourself a freaking job. Jeeeezzz!

debosky: ^^ In those cases, is it not the woman that will go and beg her hubby to come back or vice versa? Will a man after being f*cked up by his wife come back and beg with his family?

Which self-respecting family member will follow him to beg that kain begging sef?

The woman may have her flaws, but the man is clearly dealing with some serious demons of his own.

You seem shocked??

Common sense prevailing, it surely can't be the lady's fault, for him to come back and beg with his family, he knows what he is doing is wrong. Also his disappearance for 5 good years from his family home.

Listen poster, don't let anyone portion any blame on you. All marriages have issues, if we all decide to run away, no one absolutely no one will remain a couple.

This is a very unusual scenario i must say. When he left, were you aware of his whereabouts? If you were not, next time he disappears, please make so much noise about it, you don't want to become a suspect (Heaven forbid)

You answered your own question really, inform his and your family. Also, your hubby needs to see a shrink, this is a mental issue that he needs to work on. My own conclusion from this is he is a lazy man that shy away from his responsibilities, a very insecure man that uses no stress no wahala persona as a front to hide the fact that he is simply not man enough. How does one run away from your own child and wife. Na wa.

I wonder how he is at work when faced with different issues.

@op your husband is simply immature and not man enough, no matter the argument or misunderstanding no reason is enough to run away for weeks/months. its still understandable if he stays away for a night or a day,but for weeks and months is an act of cowardice and immaturity. If he can run away from home for 5yrs when he was still single and staying with his parents simply because of house chores then am not surprised at his actions now. What manner of grown up man runs away from home for months abandoning his wife and child


@efe I beg to disagree with you. What that man is doing is not enough reason abeg,he should grow up and be a man. How does he want to face more difficult challenges in life outside his home? Or if his child is being bullied or cheated in school or other public places will he run away for weeks and months because he dosnt like stress or wahala How does he handle arguments with friends and colleagues at his work place. Biko free the woman jare. Yes the woman has her own fault but it isn't enough reason to run away for months abandoning wife and kid(s). He should grow up jor

Dantedasz: Another husband bashing thread.
Don't you people get tired of your crappy lies and fake stories?
For chrissakes is your husband a Fulani nomad who roams away from the house to herd his cattle for months before returning to the house and you?
So many freaking lying threads on this forum.
1.My husband spits on me whenever we have an arguement-Is he a snake?
2. My husband beats me up all the time.-Is he a wrestler or a kick boxer?
3. My husband slept with my maid and kicked me out of the house.-Doesn't he have any class? Yet you married him.
4.My husband is impotent.-Yet you married him.
We are sick and tired of these immature,childish Mills and boom threads,if you are job less,stop opening silly threads and get yourself a freaking job. Jeeeezzz!

I really don't get what bothers you so much about this thread. I don't think it is meant to bash husbands all around Nigeria. This is just a pregnant woman asking for advice, not more not less. Of course, she presents the situation from her perspective, the husband's view may or may not be different. She is suffering and asks people for help. This is one of a forum's functions, to seek and give advice. If it bothers you, why do you come here? Your comment is inappropriate. Just keep in mind, that there will be more threads of this kind as there are many unhappy marriages out there. That's life.

debosky: ^^ In those cases, is it not the woman that will go and beg her hubby to come back or vice versa? Will a man after being f*cked up by his wife come back and beg with his family?

Which self-respecting family member will follow him to beg that kain begging sef?

The woman may have her flaws, but the man is clearly dealing with some serious demons of his own.

This man i am talking about came from a very wealthy home. Well spoiled with all the attendant vices. Laziness, women, drinking. Had a lot of money to play around, even though he was a salary earner. The woman on the other hand is original pako. But seemed nice to me. I dont know what she was going through so i cant judge. The guy will not dare go to his parents to resolve anything, i dont think they wanted him to marry her. And who truly will hear that a woman is beating their son. He probably know his family had the power to keep her in jail for years. He ran to my parents because she respects them.

Efemena_xy:


Choii!! All in the name of marriage??

I bet you, if to say nland dey available those days, and this woman was to tell her story, her version of events would have been no different to @ OP'S!

Same way a woman stays with an abusive man, is the same way a man can stay with an abusive woman. In our society it is more shameful for a man to admit he is being abused. . But those two, heavy drama oooo. We will just hide inside laughing, while my dad is struggling not to fall over with laughter. You can almost hear the laugh in his voice.

taryour: @op your husband is simply immature and not man enough, no matter the argument or misunderstanding no reason is enough to run away for weeks/months. its still understandable if he stays away for a night or a day,but for weeks and months is an act of cowardice and immaturity. If he can run away from home for 5yrs when he was still single and staying with his parents simply because of house chores then am not surprised at his actions now. What manner of grown up man runs away from home for months abandoning his wife and child


@efe I beg to disagree with you. What that man is doing is not enough reason abeg,he should grow up and be a man. How does he want to face more difficult challenges in life outside his home? Or if his child is being bullied or cheated in school or other public places will he run away for weeks and months because he dosnt like stress or wahala How does he handle arguments with friends and colleagues at his work place. Biko free the woman jare. Yes the woman has her own fault but it isn't enough reason to run away for months abandoning wife and kid(s). He should grow up jor

See Taryour, it's quite simple really.

The man stated clearly he doesn't like stress! Not everyone has a large threshold for withstanding verbal abuse. He's made his stance clear and yet she persists. What do you expect him to do? There is only so much we as humans can tolerate from others, especially when it comes to swallowing and digesting insults like a 'man'.

If your hubby tells you he doesn't like your mode of communication with him, wouldn't you as an adult seek to change it? Or at the very least, find an alternative means of communication? Can't she respect him enough to quit the arguments?

We as individuals vary and some people have a very, very, low boiling point / tolerance level. Maybe, just for the sake of this argument, this man is aware that if he lashes out in response, na her dead body dem go carry commot for house. So what do you suggest he does?

I do not blame the man at all. Lai-lai. If absconding from a fishy wife with a bad mouth for months on end is his way of dealing with her constant arguments, then kudos to him.

She should just be aware that the man she disrespects so much might be finding solace in the welcoming arms of an mild, tempered woman who understands him better. This woman, @OP is losing her hubby right before her eyes, and rather than change her attitude, is thinking of divorce after just 4 years of marriage.

The poor man just wants a peaceful home. That's the least she can do, rather than tear down her matrimonial home with her caustic tongue.

Efemena_xy:

See Taryour, it's quite simple really.

The man stated clearly he doesn't like stress! Not everyone has a large threshold for withstanding verbal abuse. He's made his stance clear and yet she persists. What do you expect him to do? There is only so much we as humans can tolerate from others, especially when it comes to swallowing and digesting insults like a 'man'.

If your hubby tells you he doesn't like your mode of communication with him, wouldn't you as an adult seek to change it? Or at the very least, find an alternative means of communication? Can't she respect him enough to quit the arguments?

We as individuals vary and some people have a very, very, low boiling point / tolerance level. Maybe, just for the sake of this argument, this man is aware that if he lashes out in response, na her dead body dem go carry commot for house. So what do you suggest he does?

I do not blame the man at all. Lai-lai. If absconding from a fishy wife with a bad mouth for months on end is his way of dealing with her constant arguments, then kudos to him.

She should just be aware that the man she disrespects so much might be finding solace in the welcoming arms of an mild, tempered woman who understands him better. This woman, @OP is losing her hubby right before her eyes, and rather than change her attitude, is thinking of divorce after just 4 years of marriage.

The poor man just wants a peaceful home. That's the least she can do, rather than tear down her matrimonial home with her caustic tongue.

I agree o. OP, didnt you know he was like this before marriage? The guy probably doesnt what to physically assault you. Are you sure you are being sincere with your story. If you are, then you have to change tactics, and be less confrontational with issues. You should also take part of the blame for marrying someone that has absolutely no conflict resolution skills, this must be frustrating. And it is very important to know where he is staying when he disappears. Even if you have to spy.

baby_123:

I agree o. OP, didnt you know he was like this before marriage? The guy probably doesnt what to physically assault you. Are you sure you are being sincere with your story. If you are, then you have to change tactics, and be less confrontational with issues. And it is very important to know where he is staying when he disappears. Even if you have to spy.

Madam, I was enjoying your post till I got to the last bit! Must you add comedy to it, eh?

Why does she need to find out where he stays for weeks / months on end? How e go help her case na?