black_beau: are you listening to yourself? So because they quarrel,he wld leave her for months? And u say he is mature? I'd rather say he is childish

the bigger surprise is that some peeps liked her post. the lady made no sense atall!!!!
smh

Efemena_xy:

I never said it's about your pregnancy.

What I did say is that ladies like you, if asked would attest their fishy behaviour and mood swings down to hormonal changes induced by pregnancy. Okay tell me something...do you have a job? i.e do you work for an employer? And if you do, do you argue with them the way you argue with your husband? No? I guessed as much. That's even by the way. You're pregnant. The last thing you need is the stress caused by an argument. You aren't a child so why not quit the bickering with your hubby?

Secondly, and most importantly, what on earth could you be arguing about, that could be so bad as to warrant your husband leaving home for weeks on end? Do you not know that sometimes, words hurt even more than being physically hit? One can heal from physical wounds, but the emotional wounds inflicted by a caustic tongue such as your may never heal.

Yes, it's normal to have disagreements, but not the sort of arguments you've described here as normal to heavy. You dey even grade your arguments!

Having said that, you still haven't answered the questions I posed you. Did you guys date before tying the knot and saying "I do"??



I don't have to go back and do a sentence-by-sentence analysis of your story, nor do I need to twist your words. It's simple enough to deduct that you argue like a shrew, hence your hubby can't withstand it from you and. disappears. FACT.

i swear wit my life efe, if l had knw u l would hav given you 1 million n 1 kisses because u r d best l hav ever com across in nairaland. All wat u said here r nothing but d truth. May d lord bless u dear

iamsaved: One day I was busy in the kitchen and Nepa suddenly brought back the light which was off for some days so I quickly brought out just 3of our son's short leave shirt and pleaded with him to iron them before they take the light again. Well he bluntly refused, said how can he iron a little child's shirt, thy the child should be the one ironing his clothes! that I want to turn him to a laundry boy! na me de wash the clothes ooooooo. He proceeded to switch on the TV and watch a movie. Of course I jadvto squeeze out little time from the kitchen to iron the shirts myself and that is how it has been. He sees it as a taboo to wash our son's clothes even to assist me take care of him (bathing only)in the morning during work rush, he doesn't.

Some people are missing the point.
First of all, the boldfaced is a lie! HE CAN NEVER SAY THAT A ONE OR TWO YEAR OLD KID SHOULD IRON HIS CLOTH. He probably said it was YOUR responsibility.
That being said, you sound like a pushy kind of woman. Why should you go about telling him what to do? Men detest that. Note: Traditionally, many men don't do house chore provided they put food on the table. That does not mean that he shouldn't help but you should find a way of asking him to help out, if it is really necessary.
What's next, you ask him to wash your underwear or it is his turn to make a dinner because you're doing something else.

Yeah he refused to iron the kid's cloth, what next, you nagged and nagged over it while he tried to watch the TV. Who knows how many jabs and insults that followed.
Yes, I might not run away for days but I will definitely leave the house for you at that moment, I can't stand nagging women!

Stop telling him what to do, period. Allow him to do things when he decides.

smokey drinky:

the bigger surprise is that some peeps liked her post. the lady made no sense atall!!!!
smh

I am particularly pissed that her post generated this much likes. Can we organise more nairalanders to like Debosky subsequent response?

We need to widen the gap asap! Getting close

Obiagu1:

Some people are missing the point.
First of all, the boldfaced is a lie! HE CAN NEVER SAY THAT A ONE OR TWO YEAR OLD KID SHOULD IRON HIS CLOTH. He probably said it was YOUR responsibility.
That being said, you sound like a pushy kind of woman. Why should you go about telling him what to do? Men detest that. Note: Traditionally, many men don't do house chore provided they put food on the table. That does not mean that he shouldn't help but you should find a way of asking him to help out, if it is really necessary.
What's next, you ask him to wash your underwear or it is his turn to make a dinner because you doing something else.

Yeah he refused to iron the kid's cloth, what next, you nagged and nagged over it while it tried to watch the TV. Who knows how many jabs and insults that followed.
Yes, I might not run away for days but I will definitely leave the house for you at that moment, I can't stand nagging women!

Stop telling him what to do, period. Allow him to do things when he decides.

bros, be sensible for once. Are wives slaves? Husbands should be helping out with such minor house chores. Am not married yet but i know a sensible man should be helping his wife with such chores even without being told.period

Idi Amin: bros, be sensible for once. Are wives slaves? Husbands should be helping out with such minor house chores. Am not married yet but i know a sensible man should be helping his wife with such chores even without being told.period

Believe it or not, men hate being asked to do house chore by their wives. They feel being ordered around.
Women are not slaves so is the man that's running around all day to provide for the family.

She should allow him to do house chore when he feels like and should stop nagging over and over if he refuse to do something in the house.
When you get married, then you'll know what it feels like when being told to go and wash those plates there!

Op, i don't know whether you are a Christain, but the bible says, woman be submissive to your husband. Are you totally submissive? The future of the marriage is in your hands, control your mouth and amend your ways and you will have him like you want.

Efemena_xy:

Well, if I'm being shockingly one-sided, perhaps it because I refuse to join the pity-party band wagon of women who tell stories aimed at making people bash the husband. There are always two sides to a story. The man isn't here to give his version of events. So the least she can do for her readers, under the circumstances, is to give us a balanced view of what really is happening there.

If she's bold enough to seek help on an internet forum full of faceless strangers, she should be bold enough to state what part she played here, no matter how unappealing it may sound. So far, all I've seen from her initial post so far is her painting the husband out to be some irresponsible devil hell-bent on destroying a still new marriage, while she, the woman, is the saintly-all-suffering pregnant wife. Sorry, it doesn't quite wash jare.

As per your last statement, now come on debosky! You are a man. Women are generally more vocal than men so I have no doubt this woman would have scored dozens of goals against her husband during one of her numerous verbal tirades. Most men rather than argue with such a woman would simply pick up their coat, phone and car keys and leave her to stew in her own juices.

She's already pointed out that he's left home in the past under similar circumstances, so she should understand that the last thing this man wants from her is a litany of insults guised as having medium to heavy arguments, whatever those are.

Dude why cant you comment based on the facts as the woman presented her story ?? Instead of going on a rant as to what MAY or MAY NOT be the husband's side Some people sef !!

Lol, this one na Ogbanje o!

This husband needs help...to my mind, how to convince him that he has a problem is the real problem. You need to find a way to make him know that his behaviour is not normal no matter what may have transpired. I recommend Godly counsel and a lot of prayers. He needs to be delivered because he does not know what he is doing. That brings up another problem...there are so many ungodly men poaching deliverance ministries that if you do not know the scriptures in order to avoid them, you will only make the matter worse.

It is really a difficult one...however a lot depends on the Op.

Madam have pity on this innocent man and make life less miserable for him. Remember we shall all give account of our actions on the last day.

Efemena_xy: ^^ Or maybe, just maybe, the man is a gypsy? Or free spirited nomad / nature lover??

are you her husband? No. Stop taking it personally. Stop replying every post like you wanna rip her heart and gloat over it. Your mouth is quite foul and dirty. Your words are poisonous and filled with bitterness and malice. You better change ur manner of approach to relating with people before you think of changing a fellow shrew.

LOL, it is bash Efemena day.

sheniqua:
Did he come from a polygamist home and saw his father perambulate from home to home after arguments
He may be modeling the only thing he knows
When it gets rough you run to the other woman or just run
Na wa
Please cut him loose before he transfers the same demons to your sons
Allow him to.run off and close your door.,

A man tells you he ran away from home for 5 years because he was asked to sweep the compound and you picked him as a life partner and presented him to your parents as their son in law

A man leaves you 2 weeks after your wedding to return 4 months later and you are having babies with him
Where did you think he went to?
A retreat?
AIDS is real,you better wake up and smell the coffee

Well said. He will never change. One day, he won't return. You will get the divorce letter in the post with the full support of his so called family.

sheniqua:


You don't need any more explanations dear,the people you are explaining things to have no interest in your well being,you can tell by their responses to you.Your very first post here painted a gruesome picture.
How many men walk out on a marriage 2 weeks into it and return 4 months later
None that I know of
A man,I believe debosky wrote earlier that it is not normal,believe him,it isn't.ask anyone you know it is a strange behavior.
Then again you tell us he never even saw his own baby for months
What type of a man is that?
After a mere argument?
Refusing to wash dishes or iron a child's shirt is no big deal IMHO but running away for weeks after an argument emanating from that is a huge deal
Many married women here or anyone in a relationship know that couples disagree from time to time and if you discuss with friends you will find out that the most the decent men do when the woman won't shut up is to grab their car keys and drive off till she cools down and they cool down or go into their study and lock themselves in Or go to a bar and hang out with the boys
They don't run off for months to an unknown destination.
And if you were a violent person,he wouldn't come back if he was scared and wouldn't leave a deadly woman with an infant child if he is normal.

Prepare your mind,this marriage may not last no matter how much you want it to
You cannot be in a marriage by yourself
If your partner is not willing to be married and this one has shown you time and again,he isn't ,there is nothing you can do,frankly speaking.He doesn't want the responsibility of marriage. And he couldn't have said it any louder.

Don't allow anybody guilt you into anything and twist this to put you on the defensive
And please for heavens sake stop begging this loser when he wants to leave,it makes him feel powerful
And he has you where he wants you to be,begging for him to stay and fighting to keep him
Don't fall for it,how long will you live your life that way? On your knees for a man who doesn't care about you,your child and your unborn child
The duty of a husband is to protect their territory , animals in the wild know that fact but that husband of yours has no clue and feels no qualms leaving a young wife and a baby alone in a house by themselves because he doesn't know what it is to be a man
Next time he decides to leave,look Him in the face and call him by name and say "look,if you walk out on this marriage again this time rather than sit and talk about the issues in it,please stay out and don't return."
he needs to hear you sound firm and strong and you must mean it,let him leave,He is useless to you.


If you have parents and siblings ,get together with them and tell them what you are facing.His people will do you no good,you already told us he ran away fom his own mother for 5 years rather than do chores so they already know the sort of son they have and may be actually surprised that he has a wife.
You picked a loser
You can't change him
Allow him to walk
Thank God you have a job
If you are a Christian,the Bible says you are free to re marry when a spouse walks out on you
I pray you find someone who will truly love you and cherish you for you.
This eediot Sperrm donor is not the one
Cut your losses now while you are still young.

Ok, you've said it all. Thanks a million. I was thinking Efe was the OP's husband in disguise until I learnt she is a woman, what a shame.

@Op, dunno how you live on 45k? Or is that some $? Anyways God help you and your children.

iamsaved: Let me throw more light on the situation so you guys will feel me.

My hubby is the fine type that believes he is too handsome and that girls will always rush him and he can get married to a thousand and one girls if he chooses to so cos of this, he does not see d need to work on our marriage.

Maybe my choice of word in my opening post is wrong, when I said mild to heavy arguments, what I mearnt is ur normal marriage issues. OK let me give you an example: when we reconciled, my baby was a little over a year toddler whom be never saw even after I gave birth. After the reconciliation and his family visit, of course we starter living together again. I secured a job and had to be droppin my baby off in a daycare centre. One day I was busy in the kitchen and Nepa suddenly brought back the light which was off for some days so I quickly brought out just 3of our son's short leave shirt and pleaded with him to iron them before they take the light again. Well he bluntly refused, said how can he iron a little child's shirt, thy the child should be the one ironing his clothes! that I want to turn him to a laundry boy! na me de wash the clothes ooooooo. He proceeded to switch on the TV and watch a movie. Of course I jadvto squeeze out little time from the kitchen to iron the shirts myself and that is how it has been. He sees it as a taboo to wash our son's clothes even to assist me take care of him (bathing only)in the morning during work rush, he doesn't.

This is what I mearnt by argument in my opening post. He has always acted like this and when I get angry (abeg who wouldn't?), he would start threatening to leave the house and I would start begging him not to.

You are married to a 'toddler'.It won't get any better. One day, he will go and never come back and you will wish you had never let him return the first time .

You are wasting your time. You need a companion not a hangover who is not ready for marriage.

Efemena_xy:

Finish the story. How far does this anger of yours go? And why do you keep avoiding my questions?

Did you date this man before marrying him? If not, why not?

What sort of things do you say to him when arguing? A number of posters asked you this earlier but you keep dodging the questions. Why?

You sound horrid acting like you know it all. You lack wisdom and compassion. One day, life with throw a bigger challenge your way and when that day comes you will eat your words.

Please remember today. Your own tomorrow is waiting for you.

sheniqua:

Enough of this please
What is wrong with you?
If you can't help the woman don't put a dagger through her chest
Haba!!

Babyosisi

Don't mind @Efenema-xy

She sounds like a real assxhole of hate. All judgemental and insensitive. Anyone will think she is god and to see so many people voting for such insensitive comments makes my blood boil. The other side of her life is waiting for her and all her cohorts. There is no perfect life. You never know what is round the corner.

Efemena_xy:

Stories like these make the MrBrownJays and their attitudes to pregnant women look acceptable.

@OP, why should you be having mild to heavy arguments with your spouse frequently? Sounds like you instigate them. Please explain 'heavy arguments'. Do you get violent? Throw things around? Do you have a sharp, caustic tongue that's quick to insult the hell out of the man??

You're pregnant. The least you can do is respect yourself and keep your mouth shut. Why must you have an argument with your husband? Pls don't give the excuse of being hormonal this and hormonal that! Aren't you aware of the complications that can arise from having a high bp, which can be induced from unnecessary arguments?

I'm sorry to say this, but your husband sounds like the more mature one here. Rather than entangle himself with a battle of words, he chooses to walk out of the situation till things cool down. Or what do you expect him to do? Sit down quietly while you heap insult upon insult upon his head? Do you even know what might happen if he snaps?

Or maybe, you really are one of those who has a fetish for violence and only feel loved if your husband plummets the living daylights out of you.

Sorry, but from what you've posted, I support your husband 100%. You on the other hand haven't learnt your lesson. If sitting down to discuss amicably, and keeping your mouth shut while he airs his grievances is too much for you to bear, then don't blame him the day he walks out on you for good... straight into the arms of a more accommodating missus.

Oh, and I need to ask this of you: Didn't you guys date at all before getting hitched? Didn't you study the man before tying the knot and saying "I do"?

As always with you people blame it on the woman. It is so clear what is going on here even stevie wonder can see it. You call her husband mature because he leaves the house for any little missunderstanding, well you are wrong. Let me school you on something, this is an old and comfirmed game men have played on their wives for centuries. They will start a fight with their wives so they can use that as an excuse to leave the house to go be with the woman he has on the side. You are a FOOL. I can guarantee you are a side chick just by reading your post, because that's what side chicks do, believes everything the man tells her and blames everything on the wife.

sheniqua:


You don't need any more explanations dear,the people you are explaining things to have no interest in your well being,you can tell by their responses to you.Your very first post here painted a gruesome picture.
How many men walk out on a marriage 2 weeks into it and return 4 months later
None that I know of
A man,I believe debosky wrote earlier that it is not normal,believe him,it isn't.ask anyone you know it is a strange behavior.
Then again you tell us he never even saw his own baby for months
What type of a man is that?
After a mere argument?
Refusing to wash dishes or iron a child's shirt is no big deal IMHO but running away for weeks after an argument emanating from that is a huge deal
Many married women here or anyone in a relationship know that couples disagree from time to time and if you discuss with friends you will find out that the most the decent men do when the woman won't shut up is to grab their car keys and drive off till she cools down and they cool down or go into their study and lock themselves in Or go to a bar and hang out with the boys
They don't run off for months to an unknown destination.
And if you were a violent person,he wouldn't come back if he was scared and wouldn't leave a deadly woman with an infant child if he is normal.

Prepare your mind,this marriage may not last no matter how much you want it to
You cannot be in a marriage by yourself
If your partner is not willing to be married and this one has shown you time and again,he isn't ,there is nothing you can do,frankly speaking.He doesn't want the responsibility of marriage. And he couldn't have said it any louder.

Don't allow anybody guilt you into anything and twist this to put you on the defensive
And please for heavens sake stop begging this loser when he wants to leave,it makes him feel powerful
And he has you where he wants you to be,begging for him to stay and fighting to keep him
Don't fall for it,how long will you live your life that way? On your knees for a man who doesn't care about you,your child and your unborn child
The duty of a husband is to protect their territory , animals in the wild know that fact but that husband of yours has no clue and feels no qualms leaving a young wife and a baby alone in a house by themselves because he doesn't know what it is to be a man
Next time he decides to leave,look Him in the face and call him by name and say "look,if you walk out on this marriage again this time rather than sit and talk about the issues in it,please stay out and don't return."
he needs to hear you sound firm and strong and you must mean it,let him leave,He is useless to you.


If you have parents and siblings ,get together with them and tell them what you are facing.His people will do you no good,you already told us he ran away fom his own mother for 5 years rather than do chores so they already know the sort of son they have and may be actually surprised that he has a wife.
You picked a loser
You can't change him
Allow him to walk
Thank God you have a job
If you are a Christian,the Bible says you are free to re marry when a spouse walks out on you
I pray you find someone who will truly love you and cherish you for you.
This eediot Sperrm donor is not the one
Cut your losses now while you are still young.

God bless you for this.

Burger01: Some women have caustic tongues. I can't remember the number of times I did 'disappearing act' on my woman. Ayam even afraid of saying 'I do' to her on that day.

Women, learn to understand your men. Most women won't say things they say to their husbands to their bosses @ works. I, personally don't like argument with my woman. Yeah, I could flare up and behave unexpectedly borne out of stress at office and thinking of how to keep the family afloat. To avoid high bp and needless home stress I simply do the 'disappearing act'. Don't wanna 'quench' before my time..

Imagine ur wife calling u names like "pig ", "goat " And later draw closer to ask for intimacy and money. I prefer words like "stupid " foolish " wicked " to d above 2.

sometimes is good to run to avoid "HOMICIDE "

drake2:

Imagine ur wife calling u names like "pig ", "goat " And later draw closer to ask for intimacy and money. I prefer words like "stupid " foolish " wicked " to d above 2.

sometimes is good to run to avoid "HOMICIDE "

Did you read her post entirely? If a man leaves his wife 2 weeks after the marriage and stays gone for 4 months, he is not leaving because of anger, he is leaving because he has someone else to run to. Do you think he is living in a hotel for 4 months and going without sex for 4 months, I don't think so. Anytime a man leaves his wife for that long you can bet there is another woman ( or man ).

So many armchair psychologists on NL. Remind me never to bring my problems to this forum.

The very idea of marriage makes my heart shudder and stop for a minute!!!

It might be the woman's fault oh, because I ve withness a case like dat, were a wife brought people to beat the husband up,and pack all her properties and that of the husband to her family compound, we thought that, that was the end of the union but few week later the man went back to beg the wife and the wife was claiming hard,so the man had to carry other people to help him out which they did and the woman came back to dat compound after all that she did.so sometime love can humiliate a man to the lowest point of life, most if d man is dat calculating,you don't ve the to blamb the man for his action cos some sillent people are very bad in anger so in order for him not to cause complicating issue that will make an head line in nigeria news paper like a man kill his pragnant wife, and end up in jail he has to look for alternative B.beside every body are not d same,what u can condole I may not b able to do so and vise versa

drake2:

Imagine ur wife calling u names like "pig ", "goat " And later draw closer to ask for intimacy and money. I prefer words like "stupid " foolish " wicked " to d above 2.

sometimes is good to run to avoid "HOMICIDE "

Finally, the husband has shown up. Bros abeg, no dey run leave your wife like that. E no good

Lol

The devil is in the unstated details but one thing for sure couples are increasingly walking out of abusive relationships. And yes, the party who desires reconciliation often has the better benefits, or put bluntly, is often the abuser.

In this case, the lady in question has gone to great lengths to 'explain up' what the husband is doing while giving little or no info on her responses. 'mild to heavy arguments' sounds like explaining away.

Speaking as a man, women should understand that men will increasingly walk out of marraiges no matter what society thinks. If there is abuse some men will leave. Why it surprises some is the mystery. They are simply catching up.

If there were 'mild to heavy arguments in a home and the woman leaves for months, very few will back the abuser. What is different.

Obiagu1:

Believe it or not, men hate being asked to do house chore by their wives. They feel being ordered around.
Women are not slaves so is the man that's running around all day to provide for the family.

She should allow him to do house chore when he feels like and should stop nagging over and over if he refuse to do something in the house.
When you get married, then you'll know what it feels like when being told to go and wash those plates there!

Let him hear

Marie Sucre: are you her husband? No. Stop taking it personally. Stop replying every post like you wanna rip her heart and gloat over it. Your mouth is quite foul and dirty. Your words are poisonous and filled with bitterness and malice. You better change ur manner of approach to relating with people before you think of changing a fellow shrew.

Stop whining like nwa nkita, you don't want to hear the bitter truth, this is a public forum and you expect everybody to support the op who does not say anything good about her husband. Go sidon for gutter joo.

Is he okay mentally and needs help? Do you know any of his friends you can talk to about him? Have you done your homework regarding this situation before coming here. If all your options have been exhausted already, all i can say is, whatever business your husband has outside of his home, it's definitely not worth it.

He's mentally abusing you and before you know it, you'd have lost yourself.

I'll suggest you assume he's no longer in your life and start preparing for what life will be without him now. At this rate, he's not gonna come back at some point, looks like he's testing the water before making the final run.

It's rather unfortunate but your focus now should be your kids and how you're gonna raise them in a healthy environment. It's sad but that's life and like I said, don't wait for that man. A real man will never run away from his problem/home no matter how bad you treat him(lets assume you do), it's his HOME and he should have control over it and not vice versa.