Many people tell me they keep secrets from their partner because they think telling the truth will make things worse. Or they believe that their significant other simply couldn’t handle the truth and that it might end the relationship.

For instance, Kerry never told Brad that she was married briefly in her early 20s even though they’ve been dating for over a year. She explains: “I don’t really see a reason to tell Brad because it was a brief marriage and we ended on good terms. I just don’t want him to judge me harshly because he was raised Catholic.”

When I attempted to explore with Kerry the distinct possibility that Brad might find out someday — especially if they decide to get married — Kerry said: “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” At this point, I asked Kerry to consider that mistrust erodes the quality of any relationship and that keeping important secrets isn’t a way to build trust with a romantic partner.


Recent research shows that one in five people are keeping a major secret, such as infidelity or money troubles, from their spouse. Surprisingly, a quarter of respondents in this study said they kept this secret for more than 25 years. Further, one in four of those people who kept a secret in this study said that it was so big, they worried that it would destroy their marriage. Common secrets reported include money troubles, pornography and various forms of betrayal such as infidelity.

While trust is an essential element of an intimate relationship, it can be easily broken and hard to repair. When your partner withholds important information from you regardless of their reasons, it’s normal to feel betrayed. For many people any form of deceit can be a deal breaker. For example, Leah, a 29-year-old occupational therapist explains: “Trust and communication are major difficulties for me. It takes a lot to build my trust and if it’s broken, there’s a possibility it may not be earned back.”

According to author Kristen Houghton, relationships are made up of many components and people will put up with many quirks to keep a relationship going. She writes: “But if you are consistently made to feel uncomfortable or uneasy because you feel as if you cannot trust your partner, then making the decision not to take him or her back is the logical one for you. Life needs quality and a sense of security.” In other words, by keeping secrets or lying to your partner, you run the risk that you will lose their trust and put your relationship in jeopardy.

Five reasons why it’s a good idea not to keep secrets:....see more

http://livelystones.com.ng/keeping-secrets-can-destroy-relationship/

secrets have levels.

Secrets should not be kept but the DAMAGE is in the DETAILS. Giving explicit details about past relationships or issues can generate lots of problems n breach trust.

I believe that marriage is meant to be avoid to avoid issues. Openness should be allowed.

ORAGBON:
Many people tell me they keep secrets from their partner because they think telling the truth will make things worse. Or they believe that their significant other simply couldn’t handle the truth and that it might end the relationship.

For instance, Kerry never told Brad that she was married briefly in her early 20s even though they’ve been dating for over a year. She explains: “I don’t really see a reason to tell Brad because it was a brief marriage and we ended on good terms. I just don’t want him to judge me harshly because he was raised Catholic.”

When I attempted to explore with Kerry the distinct possibility that Brad might find out someday — especially if they decide to get married — Kerry said: “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” At this point, I asked Kerry to consider that mistrust erodes the quality of any relationship and that keeping important secrets isn’t a way to build trust with a romantic partner.


Recent research shows that one in five people are keeping a major secret, such as infidelity or money troubles, from their spouse. Surprisingly, a quarter of respondents in this study said they kept this secret for more than 25 years. Further, one in four of those people who kept a secret in this study said that it was so big, they worried that it would destroy their marriage. Common secrets reported include money troubles, pornography and various forms of betrayal such as infidelity.

While trust is an essential element of an intimate relationship, it can be easily broken and hard to repair. When your partner withholds important information from you regardless of their reasons, it’s normal to feel betrayed. For many people any form of deceit can be a deal breaker. For example, Leah, a 29-year-old occupational therapist explains: “Trust and communication are major difficulties for me. It takes a lot to build my trust and if it’s broken, there’s a possibility it may not be earned back.”

According to author Kristen Houghton, relationships are made up of many components and people will put up with many quirks to keep a relationship going. She writes: “But if you are consistently made to feel uncomfortable or uneasy because you feel as if you cannot trust your partner, then making the decision not to take him or her back is the logical one for you. Life needs quality and a sense of security.” In other words, by keeping secrets or lying to your partner, you run the risk that you will lose their trust and put your relationship in jeopardy.

Five reasons why it’s a good idea not to keep secrets:....see more

www.livelystones.com.ng

Hmmm....
I'm wondering though to what level of revelation should one go?
This can be a slippery-slope.
Lots of people cannot handle the truth about some things that have happened in one's life prior to them.
I can understand why certain things may not or ever be revealed to a person.

I've heard that some secrets "folks take to their grave".
But I can also understand not having peace about a situation until some things get revealed.

A few years ago, a friend of mine opened up about something that he did....and it was so shocking to me.
Perhaps his conscience was bothering him or something.
He revealed an incestuous relationship with his half-sibling....which was shocking enough.
But he also revealed to me that he was involved in bestiality.
Now, that one there took things to a whole other level. Of course I can't forever condemn him for the act (if he repented and won't ever return to it)...BUT it did kind of damage my perception of him. These two things had me thinking, "What will he do next?"
I don't know if you can top that? Thoughts came to my mind like, "If I were to get married to him, would he decide one day that he'd rather have a goat?"

SO I was then kinda like, "I wish he hadn't revealed that to me".
Cause honestly, I didn't need to know that.
If he had contracted H.I.V. as a result and would be marrying me in the future, then that would be reason enough to make me aware.

Honesty, however (after deep prayer and discernment of where the relationship is headed), is always the best policy...especially if one knows that the past may affect the future.

ORAGBON:
Many people tell me they keep secrets from their partner because they think telling the truth will make things worse. Or they believe that their significant other simply couldn’t handle the truth and that it might end the relationship.

For instance, Kerry never told Brad that she was married briefly in her early 20s even though they’ve been dating for over a year. She explains: “I don’t really see a reason to tell Brad because it was a brief marriage and we ended on good terms. I just don’t want him to judge me harshly because he was raised Catholic.”

When I attempted to explore with Kerry the distinct possibility that Brad might find out someday — especially if they decide to get married — Kerry said: “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” At this point, I asked Kerry to consider that mistrust erodes the quality of any relationship and that keeping important secrets isn’t a way to build trust with a romantic partner.


Recent research shows that one in five people are keeping a major secret, such as infidelity or money troubles, from their spouse. Surprisingly, a quarter of respondents in this study said they kept this secret for more than 25 years. Further, one in four of those people who kept a secret in this study said that it was so big, they worried that it would destroy their marriage. Common secrets reported include money troubles, pornography and various forms of betrayal such as infidelity.

While trust is an essential element of an intimate relationship, it can be easily broken and hard to repair. When your partner withholds important information from you regardless of their reasons, it’s normal to feel betrayed. For many people any form of deceit can be a deal breaker. For example, Leah, a 29-year-old occupational therapist explains: “Trust and communication are major difficulties for me. It takes a lot to build my trust and if it’s broken, there’s a possibility it may not be earned back.”

According to author Kristen Houghton, relationships are made up of many components and people will put up with many quirks to keep a relationship going. She writes: “But if you are consistently made to feel uncomfortable or uneasy because you feel as if you cannot trust your partner, then making the decision not to take him or her back is the logical one for you. Life needs quality and a sense of security.” In other words, by keeping secrets or lying to your partner, you run the risk that you will lose their trust and put your relationship in jeopardy.

Five reasons why it’s a good idea not to keep secrets:....see more

www.livelystones.com.ng

^^^^^^
^^^^^^
This is a very thought-provoking post...
Thanks for sharing

Secrets, secrets and more secrets....
Lies always get exposed through one way or another.

MsNgo40:
Secrets, secrets and more secrets....
Lies always get exposed through one way or another.

^^^^^
^^^^^
@MsNgo40

It's good to say it all... cause finding out can be very
enervating for both sides. Of course if my gut instinct
which has NEVER FAILED me indicates that I have to STEP
back... then I will for the good of all! In your older post above,
you did the right thing.


1.If you've ever been married and/or divorced and want
to remarry... then say so! There are people who hide the
fact that they've been married before, especially
women... and some men.


2.If a woman is in her 30s or 40s and wants to get
married or remarry... then it's good to say your REAL
AGE because there is a demographic pool of men...
real men in their late 30s/40s/50s who are available to get married to older
women... who IMHO are more mature!

There are some women who reduce their ages just so that
they can get married quickly. This is a HUGE turn off
for discerning men!


3.If you've got a child or children out of wedlock...then say so!
If a man takes a walk, he doesn't love you. Women in this
child-out-of-wedlock situation are guilty of doing this [hiding their children born outside marriage
from a potential new male partner].



4.If you've got a terminal illness like cancer or kidney issues before
marriage... then say so!


The worse thing that can happen is that the person who doesn't
love you enough will walk away... then you'll know he/she doesn't
LOVE you enough to deal with your past.


Hope this helps anybody reading as well!


Take care Ngo.

P.S. Check your mail... I just
sent you a brief PM.