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I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First - Family (6) - Nairaland

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Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by texazzpete(m): 9:24am On Jan 02, 2018
@Op

There are people here who are advising you to do what your dad says and build in your village.

DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. They are very foolish people.

Of what use is a house in the village to you at this point when you do not live in the village? Do you want to be an aged man when your kids are in their twenties? Do you expect your fiancée to wait forever? Is the fact that you’re paying your youngest brothers school fees - a task that should be your dad’s responsibility- not enough?

Go ahead and plan your wedding. If your old man chooses not to attend your wedding, so be it.

At 34 you should be living life as a man, making your own decisions. Not dancing to the whims of a man who wants you to build his retirement home for him.

If you want to compromise, start moulding a few blocks in the village and draw up a timeline to get the house built within a few years, but still get married now. If e still no gree, bind and gag him and take him for exorcism.

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Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by Resees: 9:24am On Jan 02, 2018
BudeYahooCom:
Mr man, if you know what is good better build that house before you go into the ups and downs of marriage and family responsibility. All these morons asking your father why he didn't build a house won't be there for you when you start sleeping under bridge with your kids and probably become suicidal.

If your father didn't build but spent the money training you in school then you strive to build and make him happy and proud. There is no need to be rebellious. If you disown that man, you'll still need him one way or the other when life starts throwing serious jabs at you.

There is no need rushing into marriage and start producing kids especially in a wicked country like this zoo where nobody will give a damn about them when things go south and exposing them to suffering. Prepare for them. Build..invest.

Build first and make hay while the sun shines. Marrige live will defintely cut through your finances. Be prepared.


Man, you are making no sense.So you want him to pause his plans,his goals and start building a house just because his dad requested for it.Thats plain wickedness man

Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by texazzpete(m): 9:27am On Jan 02, 2018
BudeYahooCom:
Mr man, if you know what is good better build that house before you go into the ups and downs of marriage and family responsibility. All these morons asking your father why he didn't build a house won't be there for you when you start sleeping under bridge with your kids and probably become suicidal.

If your father didn't build but spent the money training you in school then you strive to build and make him happy and proud. There is no need to be rebellious. If you disown that man, you'll still need him one way or the other when life starts throwing serious jabs at you.

There is no need rushing into marriage and start producing kids especially in a wicked country like this zoo where nobody will give a damn about them when things go south and exposing them to suffering. Prepare for them. Build..invest.

Build first and make hay while the sun shines. Marrige live will defintely cut through your finances. Be prepared.


If he builds in the village, will he not go and still rent a house in town? Or does having a house in the village give you automatic lodging in Ikoyi?

How is building a house in the village that he’ll rarely stay in be considered an investment?

Someone that is buoyant enough to pay school fees for his kid brother in medical school and you assume he’ll be sleeping under bridge if he gets married. A man of 34 is who you’re upbraiding for ‘rushing into marriage’. Should he marry at 45?

You destiny killers should stop giving moronic advice to this man! Such wicked, brainless advice.

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Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by sircrabo: 9:28am On Jan 02, 2018
The problem with African parents is the lack of communication skills. They seldom communicate with their children and sso resort to using force to pass a simple message across. There might be truth in the fathers opinion but it's up to him to make the son see reasons.

I don't like it when parents threaten their kids with disown just to achieve their interest. And please don't tell me that " what an elder sees sitting down bla bla bla..."

If the dad thinks he should build before marriage, he should sit the man(his son) down and talk man to man. If he insists on his opinion, then he should understand his son is not a kid. It's possible he (dad) married at 27
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by Resees: 9:28am On Jan 02, 2018
Plain truth is that your dad is against you marrying the girl that's why he brought up the issue of building a house.
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by Chiderad(m): 9:57am On Jan 02, 2018
Your old man is prying on the fact that you need his "Fatherly Blessing" to explode in life.

Be wise. Prayerfully commit everything to God's hand and see what happens thereafter.
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by Nobody: 10:04am On Jan 02, 2018
You shouldn't havebcome here to disgrace your family on a platform where 80% are student without family responsibilities ro carter for.
Please listen to your father and shift your wedding to ending of the year and build that village house bro.I did it without any body reminding me and it pay off...
Never despise the word of the elders unless ur dad is not one... Otua ka oha'm n'onu
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by Veducci: 10:06am On Jan 02, 2018
Young man, your father is far wiser than you are, at least for now. He knows you very well and probably knows that the moment you are married, you might not have the will to remember that building anymore.

Again, no one can predict the type of wife you will marry. if she is the type that likes to colonize her husband and separate him from his family, then, bye bye to that building for ever because she will not allow you build it.

Further, having a family comes with responsibilities and involves money. By the time you have entered family life and respoistart piling up, you may not have enough to build the house.

Lastly, it may be that your dad has no intention of disturbing you after your marriage. So it is wiser that you build the house now so that you will truly be on your own once you get married.


On the while, I urge you to build the house. Wedding can wait for just a few months.
Do not be under any sort of pressure from the girl. That's how they all pressure. Once they come in, they start scattering their husband's family.

Build the house.
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by Nobody: 10:07am On Jan 02, 2018
keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

You shouldn't havebcome here to disgrace your family on a platform where 80% are student without family responsibilities ro carter for.
Please listen to your father and shift your wedding to ending of the year and build that village house bro.I did it without any body reminding me and it pay off...
Never despise the word of the elders unless ur dad is not one... Otua ka oha'm n'onu
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by jokymoon(m): 10:13am On Jan 02, 2018
The way some people think baffles me.. Do they have brains atall? This is something u need not to be told if ur a wise man.. If u have d money to build house u shud have done Dat b4 even thinking of marriage.. Every dad wants his son to be better dan him.. So am sure his father is disappointed he cudnt build a huz ND now wants his son to make d family proud.. Is Dat a sin? Nawa oo but I think u can do both of dem dis year only but if u believe..
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by CioAngels(f): 10:45am On Jan 02, 2018
The said he does not like the girl at first, now must build a house first before you marry her. I think this is wickedness, did ask if you have the money to build house for now? Please, see people that can talk to him to let get married while building house will come later.
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by tomdon(m): 11:12am On Jan 02, 2018
keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.



If it will delay it to just December or next year means you have some millions in your account.
Must you delay one for the other?
All these rubbish post sef, na you go first pay medical student fees
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by sirliu(m): 11:16am On Jan 02, 2018
Take the case to people he respects. Maybe your village elders. They might be able to sway him and advise both of you.
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by Lorax(f): 11:27am On Jan 02, 2018
Do not ever make the mistake of building a house in the village when do not have a tangible investment. If things go bad finance wise you can't get anything from that house money-wise. My dad and relatives made that mistake. You can build when all investment has been secured.
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by Jointhemiltons2(m): 11:58am On Jan 02, 2018
LivinaPatrick:
Your father wants to delay your destiny,you'll just be watching your younger ones will over take you.
And the father will still be the one to say “At your age ur mates have 4children and ur unmarried”

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Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by mfm04622: 12:07pm On Jan 02, 2018
JONNYSPUTE:
. Read my first post,I asked where will he sleep with the wife after the traditional wedding and not where he will do it. Can't you read and comprehend?. Nawa o

So what is wrong in sleeping in hotel after the traditional wedding?

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Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by roqrules04(m): 12:45pm On Jan 02, 2018
Your dad knows that as soon as you get married you will have your personal responsibility and you won't have time for them again grin
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by texazzpete(m): 4:49pm On Jan 02, 2018
JONNYSPUTE:
. Read my first post,I asked where will he sleep with the wife after the traditional wedding and not where he will do it. Can't you read and comprehend?. Nawa o

So you will build a whole house just so you have a place to sleep after traditional wedding, trad that is usually done in the village or house of the bride?

How can you enter 2018 with such idiocy?! Have you no regard for those who paid for your education?
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by armyofone(m): 7:16pm On Jan 02, 2018
texazzpete:


You destiny killers should stop giving moronic advice to this man! Such wicked, brainless advice.

Lol @ destiny killers!
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by mastermaestro(m): 7:31pm On Jan 02, 2018
emonkey:
Listen to your father. Once you start having children,and start paying school fees, building becomes a problem.
There are adversities in marriage. You could lose your job. In your own house no landlord will come and chase you under the bed when you can't find money to pay the rent. Don't listen to all these women giving you funny advices; when push comes to shove they will take to their heels leaving you stranded. Listen to your father's advice on this one or at least consider it very seriously by starting the house first. Good luck with your marriage.

Go back and read the guy's story before coming back to type something relevant. The selfish father isn't asking him to build a house where he would reside with his wife when they tie the knot. The selfish father simply wants a fantasy retirement home for himself in a village where this dude cannot move to unless he is done with life like his father. This isn't a bad desire but it is a devious, self-centered request seeing that the young single dude is frantically planning to get married in no time. Understood?
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by frozen70(f): 7:33pm On Jan 02, 2018
keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

Well am sorry that you are in a fix. Have a one on one discussion with your dad, tell hi your mind, tell him that houses will come at the right time, let him know you want to settle down and have grandchildren that will keep him busy.
If he insists tell him you want to do introduction then start the building because you don't want to loose her. If he agrees discus with your wife to be let her be aware and the essence of telling her is because you need her support, go ahead and do introduction and start leaving with her as couple, then start the building project, you can build 2 bedrooms and parlour when you are ready you build your own house. Mind you that the house is going to be for the whole family that means its a family house so you can't come and claim it. As time goes on years later you can do marriage but during that time you can do registry.
In this case you are married and leaving with your wife ,having kids and also building the house .
But he should be ashamed of himself for putting you through such task, a house he can't built why is he forcing you to build it ,he has leaved his life and should allow you to leave your, being a first born shouldn't be a punishment but a blessing.
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by ChidiAlaigbo: 10:24pm On Jan 02, 2018
MUST YOU FOOLISH ALREADY IMPOVERISHED NIGERIANS ALWAYS HAVE KIDS?

After all you only pass on your poverty and underdeveloped rubbish country.....Haba! Kid! Kids! Kids!
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by Aragon: 12:56am On Jan 04, 2018
olalat:
but he fits into definition of a father when he was struggling to sponsor him his meager income which restraint him probably having his own house. I think this forum is a wrong place to seek advice on a sensitive issue like this. Too many uncouth children cum adult here. To this op, pls avoid anything that could cause friction between u and your father. When jungle mature, its him you will run back to not all the children giving you advice here on naira Land. Find a way of percify him biko. Thank God you still have a Dad alive to advice you. When serious issues occur between you and your oyoyo wife, you will need your father like oxygen.

Excuse me!!! I am not only a father, but also somebody that has been giving people total strangers (Nigerians) money to assist them because of the Issue that I was trying to address with my post. I don't know how many Nigerians DM or ask you for financial help everytime, but I have so many people crying that they are starving etc...... Now to this post, where are the Parents of those people that are starving? Why would Parents bring 5-8 kids into this world when they know that cant even afford or take care of 3? You bring kids to this world to Love and Care for them and not because you want them to pay you back... It is your Choice to have Kids, as no unborn Child came to you in your dream screaming "please bring me to the world" The Idea that kids must pay Parents back is very wrong as it is your CHOICE to have kids, they are not pun to be used by us! I know so many people that have been abused by their Parents that you cant even begin to imagine cos the Parents feel it's their Right! I know girls with Money that their Parents has refused to allow them Marry cos they believe they wouldnt be enjoying their Money like before... If the Only reason you are having a Child is to use that child as a bank, then don't have one... Enjoy whatever you have and be at peace, such Mentality is not a sign of progress... Maybe I sound harsh, but I have seen too much of this and it is wrong! Children should not put their life on Hold because of Parents, especially selfish ones like the OP's own. Allow the your child be, please!
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by queenval: 10:05am On Jan 05, 2018
oshe111:
Is it advisable for someone with AS to get married to a girl with AS
Nope.its not advisable at all.
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by queenval: 10:06am On Jan 05, 2018
Aragon:


Excuse me!!! I am not only a father, but also somebody that has been giving people total strangers (Nigerians) money to assist them because of the Issue that I was trying to address with my post. I don't know how many Nigerians DM or ask you for financial help everytime, but I have so many people crying that they are starving etc...... Now to this post, where are the Parents of those people that are starving? Why would Parents bring 5-8 kids into this world when they know that cant even afford or take care of 3? You bring kids to this world to Love and Care for them and not because you want them to pay you back... It is your Choice to have Kids, as no unborn Child came to you in your dream screaming "please bring me to the world" The Idea that kids must pay Parents back is very wrong as it is your CHOICE to have kids, they are not pun to be used by us! I know so many people that have been abused by their Parents that you cant even begin to imagine cos the Parents feel it's their Right! I know girls with Money that their Parents has refused to allow them Marry cos they believe they wouldnt be enjoying their Money like before... If the Only reason you are having a Child is to use that child as a bank, then don't have one... Enjoy whatever you have and be at peace, such Mentality is not a sign of progress... Maybe I sound harsh, but I have seen too much of this and it is wrong! Children should not put their life on Hold because of Parents, especially selfish ones like the OP's own. Allow the your child be, please!
Excellent. I hope many will learn.

1 Like

Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by Fisfrank(m): 10:34am On Jan 05, 2018
JONNYSPUTE:
. So after doing it in his wife's town,will he sleep there?.

what if his father town not close ?
Re: I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First by LebenNG: 11:00pm On Aug 21, 2020
amokeme:
I think at 33 you should have a mind of your own and not have your father dictate(he can guild you) what you should do, who you should marry or not marry. Well, it's a good advise, but I certainly won't want to marry into that kind of family. Seems like one who would give the wife alot of headaches(should incase you don't meet up to his obligations or dictates)

But what kind of a father threatens to disown has own son because of a house in the village? With what I can understand from your post( I may be wrong ) you are building a house for him and not even yourself.
If he wanted a house so badly, why didn't he build one before he married your mother? If not having a house didn't stop him from getting married, then I say it's unfair for him to mandate you to.
Parents should be loving and not selfish.
You are right dear, if only he advised his son without threats, he only means well.

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