Child Sexual Abuse

Aside Human Trafficking, Child Sexual Abuse is another social ill affecting the society. It's sad such thing - sexual abuse - exists and worst still; it occurs everyday. What makes it more difficult is the fact that, it's a secretive affair. Innocent and unknowing children are being abused and threats made by the abusers to keep the abused child, quiet. This affects the emotionally and physically, thereby shaping their lives in a wrong direction. If not properly addressed, will have averse effects on the victim.

According to UNICEF reports in 2015, one in four girls and one in ten boys in Nigeria had experienced sexual violence before the age of 18.


The truth is - unlike human trafficking - there is little the government can do about it. It all begins with the parents/guardians(who are not sexual offenders). The best the government can do is; to create awareness programme to tackling this issue. Before delving into this topic proper; let's discuss the meaning of sexual abuse and its effects with relation to the minors(the child)...


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WHAT IS SEXUAL ABUSE?


According to Wikipedia: "It is usually referred to as undesired sexual relation by one person with another."

The use of a child for sexual gratification is referred to as Child Sexual Abuse.

According to Liz Hall and Siobhan Lloyd in their book, “Surviving Child Sexual Abuse: A handbook for helping women challenge their past,” Child Sexual Abuse can happen in different form where an abuser:
Fondles a child’s genitals
Have intercourse with a child
Have MouthAction with a child
Have sex in front of a child
Have a child touch an older person’s genitals
Use a child in pornography etc.
The abuser uses his tongue or rubs his penis against the child’s genital areas, buttocks, thigh etc.

Sexual abuse can happen in subtle ways and in repeated patterns such as:
Same time daily/weekly
Every time a child has physical contact with the child e.g. handling of the child in a swimming class.
Rewards child after every abuse
In the child’s parents bed
Abuser plays a lot with a child and strokes the body part of the child.
Most sexual abuse offenders are familiar with their victims


Among sexual abusers, about 30% are relatives of the child, more often than not, they are fathers, uncles or cousins of the victims (this is referred to as Incest and the most difficult to be reported); about 60% are non- relatives such as friends, neighbors, nanny’s etc. About 10% of the child sexual abuse cases are found to be strangers.

The effects of the abuse become more evident in the future, years after the abuse happened. The effect of incest is more serious and the trauma last longer especially if the abuser is a parent of the victim.

Effect of Abuse On The Child


Abuse leaves harmful effects on the children. Some abused children die while other abused children often experience the following just like me;

Fear: Child can be afraid to stand up for themselves in life. They can also be afraid of certain kind of persons, places, color etc.
Low self esteem
Learning difficulty
Child can be clumsy and prone to frequent injury
Behavior problem (anger, rude character etc.)
Depression
Inability to keep a healthy relationship
Shame and Guilt
The effects of abuse do not end when the abuse stops. Abused children grow up to also;
Abuse their own families
Have emotional issues: Inability to give and receive love.
Be suicidal
Addicted to sex, alcohol and drugs
Be violent
Become vulnerable adults
Be slower than their peers
Push themselves too hard.
Have failed marriages
Sexually abused persons tend to be extreme with sex as they grow up. They either want plenty of sex (nymphomaniac) or little or no sex at all (asexual)
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Some women who are unfortunate victims of sexual abuse do not like sex even after marriage. These set of people do not readily like themselves to be touched sexually or they allow sexual pleasures to a limit.

Some victims of sexual abuse love sex too much and cannot control their sexual appetite, so they must have sex with anybody available.

Also, some abused children have evolved into homosexuality (sexual desires for same sex). While others evolve into bisexuals i.e. they have sexual urges for both male and female.
Some abused person, though virgins still find a way of pleasuring themselves without having to go for penetrative sex.

Haven noted the meaning and effects of sexual abuse; How Can A Victim Of Such Unfortunate Circumstance Overcome The Trauma Of Sexual Abuse?

Overcoming Sexual Abuse


"And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time” –T.S. Eliot.

Overcoming sexual abuse is not a day’s journey but the victory can be achieved when we take the first step. It really takes lot of hardwork, self-acceptance, determination and dedication to overcome such.

First step is to forgive yourself. Victims of child abuse are quick to blame themselves, feeling that they could have done better to stop the abuse from taking place.

Forgive your abuser. Sometimes they themselves were victims of abuse and did not get help. Healing cannot come when you hold someone in your heart. Let them go. They are not worth the space they occupied in your life over the years.

Talk about the abuse. Not just talk to anyone but counselors/therapists. Not everyone has the capacity to handle delicate issues like sexual abuse.

Follow through with the therapy your counselor/coach/therapist outline for you. You cannot afford to be weary of trying to get help.

Fill your mind with the word of God. There you will find the truth about you, God’s intention for you and God’s love for you which He demonstrates via salvation.


Love yourself. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Life is not difficult as your abuse has presented it to be. Nobody can love you more than you! You cannot give love to others when you do not first give yourself love.
Keep a journal. Writing your thoughts and feelings may help you manage your situation better.

Change your lifestyle. The friends you keep, the books you read, the information you see and hear. You cannot be better than the information you feed your inner man.

Eat well, sleep well and exercise!

Conclusively, as good citizens, whenever you are aware of such occurences; offer a helping hand. The children can't be blamed(they are kids). They've pressurized to keep silent under duress. They are much afraid. Let's help ourselves become better persons. Let's make the society a conducive social environment for the children.

This post is dedicated to victims of sexual abuse during childhood. The Lord will forever be your strength and give you the GRACE TO OVERCOME.
#SAY-NO-TO-SEXUAL-ABUSE
#SAY-NO-TO-CHILD-SEXUAL-ABUSE
#SAY-NO-TO-PHYSICAL-ABUSE

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Lalasticlala Mynd44 Dominique Ishilove