LastShip:
Good evening Romancelanders, I know this post may be long and boring but I plead and implore you read and help me out with concrete advice, I know I may be bashed by a few( its NL culture) but I believe a greater number of people will understand why I came to the internet that never forgets to ask for advice.
Am in my mid-twenties, a graduate and currently a freelance Computer Engineer( helped pull me through school) , I am an only Son and only child till my baby sister came along, 4 yearrs ago ( a miracle).
I was never pampered infact I consider myself a Man and a Woman in one, I won’t also say am handsome but am okay at least some of my teachers back in high school called me Black beauty(Am dark yes very dark) and I have a face I consider babyish that betrays my age and makes me on a first glance look younger than my age until you see the strands of white hair on my head (LOL).
As a child I had no friends, I was brought up in an environment with few or no kids, especially females so communication was zero , I developed my excessive reading habit from there till now (I was playful though), in High school I managed to begin to socialize and make aquittances and met my best friend who is still my core bro till date, I had my first encounter with my crush (bad luck first love), she and my best friend’s girlfriend were friends and we basically met ourselves at that time, my dude got of to a beautiful start with his own girl { am proud to say they are still growing stronger despite all the years gone by, am even preparing my best man suit) , while I thought I had found mine but was rocky, I wasn’t the best communicator or lover boy but in my own funny way I tried to make things work, but it didn’t, I was booed, insulted and jeered cos her and even though its been years , my old dudes on our get together nites still tease me with her name. that experience dealt me hard as I got into university plus the way I was treated. Still I wasn’t all nerdy, I was an introvert when it cames to matters of the heart and an extrovert when it came to books and other stuff(story for another day).
Before I gained admission , I tried to get my first girlfriend, mehn I tried how many babes, I tried improving my communication skills opare, I became a smooth talker and better joker and a bit naughty just to fit in , my niggas were scoring left right and center but yours truly was stuck in ice age 3, I had n one to talk to or be intimate with, maybe uni would solve all that I prayed. Story story story every day
In Uni, I was the brainy guy, the one the babes ran to for help when exams approached but disappeared after that, I was naïve with no feeling of love gotten, or understanding of relationships, I am ashamed to say I was used early on coupled with my overly good heart (Good guy niyen, things I regret), from year one to year 2 I tried so many babes , all I got was the same result, No, I see you as a friend, your sweet nice and a bad boy but am hooked, I’ll think about it (for 3 years), common we can roll normally etc all rejections, my self-esteem was affected cos I looked around me, my Niggas were scoring , they had babes at their beck and call and I always heard the escapades and cheered them on even though I had never felt a kiss, had sex a basically knew how a lady looked like in her birthday suit.
In times when I got sexual urges I hooked myself to games, books anything that could distract me, I started masturbating in uni and I have been watching porn for long , I currently stopped cos it is of no use to me, in all I read anybook I could find on relationship ish and they all yarned the same bullshit, make her a queen , be sincere(like if am not the most down to earth sincere guy ever), I watched my guys play girls like balls and all I asked was for one babe I could cherish and love, heck even ugly girls played hard to get for me beyond .
I stopped bothering myself about babes, love etc and just lived life, I looked for every available means to kill any urge and fill void and just be happy and on the surface it worked, on the inside in those lonely nights when I battled my inner self and just needed someone to talk to, I was lonely and starved.
Since teenagehood and now I have only had sex 3 times and I won’t even called those sex, automated quickie would be better and I literarily begged the last girl for it (I hate my life sometimes) that was 2015, infact to buttress this, the condoms I bought then are still sitting in my wallet unused since 2015 ( That how bad it is).
I became cold towards ladies, one girl actually told me to face yet I was the one many could trust and run to for help, I was a relationship councilor without a relationship, many of my player dudes who started falling in love ran to me for advice yet I had no one to run to for mine, I was a shoulder to lean on for many ladies (boss of Friendzone) mehn e plenty.
A lot of you would say, forget babes and make money, I made money wella and nothing changed.
Some would say change your circle friends, I rolled with bad boys as in core players and I found out that they did exactly and much less I did for better results.
Now and done with school, nothing as change, at a time I lost interest in things and lived a monotonous lifestyle, reverted back to my fail safe mechanism of talking to myself I developed back in sec school ,helped me a lot (I just hope I wont have bipolar disorder), I came out of my shell again and it seemed things began to look up, I tried being alpha male or I was alpha male just that I didn’t know it, I modified things , became cocky, funny even though it was skin deep and just like before I got some attention, seemed something good was going to happen but I had that familiar feeling behind you, (“Youre fooling yourself bro, no matter what you do,it would always be the same result, it would look good in the beginning but you knos nothing will happen). I lived with the knowledge that any girl I met ,failure or rejection was the biggest outcome and trust me I have become accustomed to it with ladies that I find it much easier to work away after barring my mind, than before.
I can walk up to a random lady using a situation, am not to keen on being embarrassed by naija girls, talk to her make her laugh, happy and comfortable ,get her contacts call much later, you knw be cocky and al, get her out etc , we flow for a while as I try to insert that nagging question, my mind is already on failure mode, I may invite her over, try to make a move and trust me they always have a ready made excuse or a call from work comes in (that nasty phone), I wnt want to force another ma pickin in a season of rape matter, then when I pop the question, you can guess the answer. Am no longer unhappy, pained or angry like before I move on.
Our society teaches masculinity as the ability to absolve all things and stay calm, I have been calm all these years but bottled inside me is an anger that almost drove me suicidal some years back.let me cut the story short, my best dude is an all time player now, infact he has bedded half of my old sec school girl and his babe from sec school who happens to be the only female I can share my deepest secrets with is loyal to him (omo I envy my friend die, infact I love it wen my guys have good relationships like am happy for them) he said that people like me usually have good wives in the end lol when I can even ask a freaking 17 yr girl out successfully.
I cut myself from whatsapp and facebook for a while cos they were of no use to me, lots of ladies on my list and nothing happens, I got in today and got down with two ladies I have been on their case for 1 year now, long and short I got my usual answer and I became angry, something I havnt done in ages and I ask myself
WHAT EXACTLY IS WRONG WITH ME?
I need your advice please.
NB: I am ashamed to use my main profile to post this message that’s why I used this new one, forgive my errors and typos and bare your mind, for the bashers your free to bash but still give me your advise
Thanks I feel better letting this of my mind Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. You are running your own race, not that of your friends, and calling yourself a failure or success shouldn't be based on that. It's a bit worrying that u said u are financially okay but still no game, but as it stands the major question is, is it love u want or u wanna get laid? Since money isn't a problem, then getting laid shouldn't be cos the language most ladies understand is money but even at that don't ever make urself someone's maga. Go to the sexuality section and look for "The Ashawo beer parlour" thread, and then u can thank me after.  |
