PS: Copied and pasted everything



Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?

Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?

Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.

So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”

One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”

So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”

That’s about as far as I remember.

A police officer stops a car.

Officer: “Your driver’s license please.”

Driver: “I’m really sorry, I forgot.”

Officer: “At home?”

Driver: “No, to do it.”

A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

lols

Emmiasky:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yORoLd8s_2M

Let's see another rib-cracking on from House of laughter

So just be Emmanuella is making it with Mark Angel, so y'all look for little who should be studying and start forcing them to do walk comedy.

When the story line poor, how do you intend to bring out the star in them

Una go tey for jungle

Credit: Godmother

Since it's copy and paste

]Kiss and Slap

President Olusegun Obasanjo, Governor Orji Uzo Kalu (Gov. of Abia), the former Miss World, Agbani Darego and Former Aviation Minister Kema Chikwe are sitting in a train going through a dark tunnel. Suddenly, there is this kissing sound and then a slap!!!

The train comes out of the tunnel into daylight. The women and Orji Uzo Kalu are sitting there looking perplexed, b'cos everyone heard the slap, but nobody was sure where it came from. Obasanjo is bent over, holding his face which is red from the slap. All of them remain diplomatically quiet and nobody says anything, least of all, sorry!

Chikwe is thinking: "Nigerian men are all crazy and even these ones here are all lusting after Agbani. Obasanjo must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. It is quite proper that she slapped him."

Agbani is thinking: "Mr President must have moved to kiss me, and got slapped, but by whom?"

Obasanjo is thinking: "Damn it, Orji must have tried to kiss Agbani, she thought it was me and slapped me, but could this little girl do such a thing without fear?"

Kalu is thinking: "If this train goes through another dark tunnel I could make another kissing sound and slap Obasanjo again."[/quote]

At the airport....

Officer: so you are a Nigerian by birth.

Akraym : NO, I am a Nigerian by mistake...

Some men were in the locker room after playing Golf when a phone on the bench rang.
I picked it and answered the call.
All the men in the room listened;

Me: Hello?

Woman: Honey it's me, are you at the club?

Me: Yes!

Woman: I'm at the mall now, i found this beautiful leather coat, it's only 10,000 Naira, is it okay if i buy it? I took your ATM card.

Me: Sure, go ahead if you really like it.

Woman: I also stopped at the mercedez dealer shop and saw the new 2014 model. I saw one I really like, it's 9 Million Naira.

Me: Okay, but for that price make sure it comes with all options.

Woman: Great! I love you honey, and one more thing, that house i wanted is back in the market, they are demanding only 200 Million Naira.

Me: Well, go ahead and make an offer of 195 Million Naira they will take it, if they don't, then
go the extra 5 Million Naira.

Woman: Thanks, love you so much honey.

Me: You are worth every naira.

Woman: Bye darling!

I hung up, the men in the locker room stared in surprise with their jaws hanging out. I turned, with a very big smile, I asked, Does anybody know who owns this phone?....

Professor at the University was giving a lecture on the Supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asked, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do you think you've seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this Seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 Students raise their hands. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 Students raise their Hands? "That's Fantastic! Now let me ask ask you one question further, has any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
Way in the back, a student raised his hand, The Professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Guy, all the Years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your Experience." The Big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the Podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the Professor asks, "So, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
"Shit! From way back there, I thought you said, 'Goats!'"

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48,
58, 68, & 78 ?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!
At 78 - What story? What bed Who are you?

A soldier was given a three-day leave to attend to
his newly wedded wife but on getting home, he
realised that his wife was in her menstrual period.
So he decided to send a telegram to his
headquarter to extend his leave but with his
mother-in-law and other visitors around, he
decided to code his message in the military way.
This is what followed;

SOLDIER: Omega one, this is omega twelve,
danger signal from the field, red alert in front,
extend leave. Do you read me?! Red alert in front,
extend leave.

HEADQUARTERS: Omega twelve, this is omega
one, I read you loud and clear! Attack from the
back, resume immediately! I repeat, attack from
the back, resume immediately

At a party, the host was getting worried because
there were too many people and not enough
refreshments. He was sure that not all of these
people had been invited but didn't know how to
tell which ones were the crashers. Then he got an idea....

He turned to the crowd of guests and said, "Will
those who are from the bride's side of the family
stand up please?"
About twenty people stood. Then he asked, "Will
those who are from the groom side of the family
stand up as well?"
About twenty five people stood up. He then
smiled and said, "Will all those who stood please
leave? This is a birthday party.

WIFE: ​Honey let's play a game​

HUSBAND: ​Okay. What's the game about?​

WIFE: ​If I mention a fruit, you run to the left side of the room and touch the wall & if I mention a colour, you run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you'll give me all your salary for this month​

HUSBAND: ​Okay! And if you fail in your turn, I'll have your salary too right?​

WIFE: (smiles) ​Yes darling!​

HUSBAND: ​Okay​ (stands up ready to run in any direction)
​Are you ready​

Husband: ​Yes ready​

WIFE: ​Orange!​

*Its been 4 HOURS NOW...
The husband is still standing on the spot wondering if she meant the fruit or the color* ������

​Moral lesson... After God, Fear Women!​���

Lolz. Nice thread

A thief entered the house in the mid-afternoon...he tied up the woman and showing knife point asked the man to hand over all the jewellery and money.

Man started sobbing and said "Bhai you take anything you want but please untie the rope...."

"Why"... asks the thief...
Man: "She is my neighbour's wife...
mine will arrive shortly!"

akraym, so you are now a comedian. Do you still punt?

Shey na RIHANNA be that

High heaven

Trap

Queen

He came back home from work, tired. Sat down on the sofa. Put his feet up.
Wife brought him a glass of water. Son gave him a sheet of paper and he read through.
English Lang. 17%
Biology 35%
Mathematics 40%
Physics 39%
Chemistry 42%
Economics 12%
Agriculture 19%
Geography 22%
Suddenly, he lost his temper. And he started shouting:
What is this? All the time on phone and TV. How dare you show me such marks? How dare you?
His wife said: "Be patient. Listen...."
He told her: "Shut up! It's your love and pampering that has spoiled him. He is no good and never serious at all."
His wife said: "oh really?"
Son said: "Dad, I am sorry I made you angry. I was cleaning the old cupboard and I found this. It is your old school report card, dated 27th July 1980 Sir."
Dad became humbled and dumbfounded. Imagine the atmosphere afterwards. Calmness in air.
Dad: You you don't know, those days food was scarce.

AN OLD MAN WROTE A WILL TO HIS TWO SONS, AFTER MY DEATH DEMOLISH THIS HOUSE
YOU WILL FIND A METAL CASE DOWN THE FOUNDATION WHERE YOU WILL FIND MY SAVING TO SUPPORT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.THEY STARTED PRAYING TO GOD! OH LORD FATHER OUR DAD IS TOO OLD, PLEASE TAKE HIM TO YOUR KINGDOM. TWO YEARS LATER HE DIED AND BURIED IMMEDIATELY, THE FOLLOWING DAY THE HOUSE WAS DEMOLISHED, THEY FUND A CASE WITH PIECE OF PAPER WRITTEN!

IF YOU ARE REAL MEN CONSTRUCT YOUR OWN HOUSE!

akraym:
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

lol

Cool Tread.

Let me contribute one of our favorite.

Lol

head up, more coming

I don't wanna be left out