[size=15pt](H)IBBOLETH: The fear of going to heaven
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By Obododimma Oha

April 20, 2010 02:50AMT
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For many religious individuals, the idea of relocating to a place of bliss, of eternal rest, called "Paradise" or "Heaven," or even "Summerland", after spending a stressful and regrettable life on earth, is most welcome. Many religions in the world have designed various ways through which one could qualify for a visa to this special place of eternity, as well as the kind of reward that awaits those that eventually get there.

The politics of going to heaven baffles me though. Every religion or sect claims to have or to provide greater qualification for going to Heaven and by implication disqualifies others. If God were to leave the gates of Heaven in the hands of human beings and their spiritual allies, it would really be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for anyone from a different religious inclination to come near the gates, not to talk of knocking on them. One is afraid to knock on the gates of Heaven that are manned by religious humans, the least consequence being that the gatekeepers might bang the door in one's face.

I am afraid one could get wounded trying to get in. Come to think of it, is it not the same individuals who, in spite of religiosity, cannot grant others what they deserve on earth, or cannot endure the successes scored by their fellow human beings, that have said they would become citizens of Heaven, or that they have already become citizens of heaven? With them, Heaven is already a contested space, a place of war and worry.

Those of us who are even worried that the endless enjoyment in Heaven could make it boring have, perhaps, not considered the heavenly wars already going on in the minds of "believers" from different religions. That, in fact, should be a greater cause for worry.

It is certain that if God Almighty should admit this essayist into Heaven on the Last Day, some of those who have tried to privatise Heaven would accuse Him of working against the interests of His Kingdom. If it were possible, they would have asked God to resign or face impeachment, that He is now probably too old to remember the sacred guidelines, or that He has received some gratification from this loud-mouthed sinner.

As a place of eternal enjoyment, Heaven should appeal to someone from a country where essential public facilities such as electricity, water supply, and good roads, as well as good governance and proper management of resources are considered a great luxury. Indeed, one who has lived in a country like the one described above has already been to Hell and should, in the spirit of compassion, be allowed to go to that place of eternal compensation. It would be wrong to send a person to Hell twice!

Yet the nature of the compensation promised could make some of us wishing to go to heaven reconsider. Islam, for instance, promises men who have been faithful and who die "fighting" for Allah that they would be rewarded with seven virgins in Paradise. Not that such trophy is not worth the trouble, but, for a man like me still struggling to satisfy one wife on earth, the idea of going to Heaven to be saddled with marital responsibilities again is frightening, even annoying.

And seven virgins for that matter! That means being subjected to more domestic politics in the after-life. Imagine going over there to endure petty jealousy from seven women; this woman complaining that one did not smile adequately in her direction; that woman going on strike because one forgot to give a kiss in saying "Happy Birthday" to her; or another asking why one did not compliment her new hairstyle. Oh God, are those seven virgins not seven political parties, each causing its own kind of headache? Wouldn't it be very embarrassing to have a heart attack over there in Paradise because of domestic wahala?

Going to heaven becomes frightening, not because one is afraid to die (for we are told that change of state is inevitable) but because one is simply afraid of dying twice. Being dead already, or condemned to die through nationality, is enough.

Going to Heaven to face another death is most unfortunate.

The fear of going to a deeply divided Heaven may be the end of my foolishness. As we approach that Last Day, which prophets ancient and modern have spoken about, one is seriously considering begging God Almighty to allow those of us who areafraid to go to a politicised Heaven, a Heaven made in the image of this divided world, to remain on earth as His care-takers. We vow to keep the earth clean, to love and care for all creatures great and small, to repair the roads that some governments say they cannot repair, to restore harmony; indeed to keep the earth in a shape that would cause the Maker to turn once more and proclaim: "That's good!"

http://234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/Opinion/5557019-182/shibboleth__the_fear_of_going.csp

As a place of eternal enjoyment, Heaven should appeal to someone from a country where essential public facilities such as electricity, water supply, and good roads, as well as good governance and proper management of resources are considered a great luxury. Indeed, one who has lived in a country like the one described above has already been to Hell and should, in the spirit of compassion, be allowed to go to that place of eternal compensation. It would be wrong to send a person to Hell twice!

In other words, Nigeria is hell on earth.
To God be the glory.