Hi Peeps,

Am getting really borthered bout this and i need a honest and sincere opinion,  I have been dating this guy for more than a year now and we plan on settling down together foreva.  Recently, the relationship has been in ups and downs with  lot of changes, we call each other as much as possible and wanna make things work again as before but as much as we try there is always one issue or the other or odawise the togetherness is breakin up which is making us drift apart,  honestly i love this guy so much and am ready to start afresh if that would solve it and i wanna believe he loves me,

Yesterday he called to tell me he is still very much interested in the whole affair and loves me but he doesnt know what is wrong with him, he says its not another lady or his bizness (cos if it was he would have been able to identify his problems ) but he cant explain why he is not just himself in this relationship,  he wants me to give him time to figure this tru and he prays everything works out for us,

Now my question,  y would he love me so much and want us bac as before and still be in a confused state of mind, as to why he is not himself in the relationship, ?

be careful, marriage is a life long affair, not something to try and see if it works. Both of you sit down, talk, identify the differences and possibly the problem - do not jump into anything if you dont solve the problem. Most relationship problem can be solved by sitting down face to face with each person saying their mind and asking questions.

I can assure you that patience is all you need while at the same time observing him critically. He may be having an hidden agenda.

@ labiyemmy, thx so much, we have sat down so many times to talk but cant find the problem, it all seems like a change in character and attitude, we even discussed seeing a therapist here in nigeria but i cant locate any as much as i have googled, i dont know wat to do cos as much as i am confused he is confused, there was a certain time i felt no love or feeling in my heart for him and it troubled me for a week and he was worried cos i wasnt calling as before, after dat week the love bounced back just like that. it was scary, i guess its happening to him now and he is confused, do yu know any therapist we may visit in nigeria?

@ abinton, thanks, am trying to be patient as well but i cant stay and do nuffink, like i earlier asked if yu know where we can go for therapy, pls recommend, i would be most grateful cos i dont wanna loose "US'.

consider having a break -a break is sometimes good for you both to weigh yourselves, your values for each other and see if it is worthwhile and will last the test of time.

I have met with some 1 in a similar situation like yours, but to GOD BE THE GLORY, the issue has been resolved.

the persons case was just spiritual, such that they could not just settle down, even when they really wanted to.

are you a Christian? I sincerely hope you are.

If the guy loves you and you love him , and he is really not double-dating and you are both finding it difficult to

come closer together, you have to seek spiritual help from God. and undergo counsellings if possible.

If he tells you he needs time to sort himself out, tell him how you want him to go about it.

even with all the time in the world, he may only increase the time of suspension of the relationship.please,

act fast, both of you ned to sort out the relationship, not just himself alone.

HE may just be having the normal cramps guys have when they want to settle down, patience is it and try out new things with him. Happy love affair and anticipated wedding card.

both of you should take a break, from each other.

i mean not breakup, but give ursef space. no calls,sms,emails,msgr and all that stuff, prolly a week, 2 or even 3 is advised, one of u ccud decide to take a trrip.

after the break period u guys must have done some self appraisal and "US" appraisal.

and then if both sides feel that "US" is to be then by default u guys would be

tink u really need 2 give the guy enuf time 2 tink things over.if u both are 2 get married it shuldnt be because u pple hav invested so much in the relationship but because u both are still interested in the relationship, marriage is one thing sum guys are really afraid of, because its another level of life entirely.

tink u really need 2 give the guy enuf time 2 tink things over.if u both are 2 get married it shuldnt be because u pple hav invested so much in the relationship but because u both are still interested in the relationship, marriage is one thing sum guys are really afraid of, because its another level of life entirely.

If you or him is always idle get into something that will make you buzz. Join group in the church, join club, be going out and participating in a social activities.

@ y, all. i really wanna appreciate and thank yu all, i only pray that while taking the break i wouldnt loose him, hugs to y,all

To  kellychick ,
Before you go,  i think you should as well explore this for indebt relationship advice ok :
http://relationshipadviceforfree..com

@ abinton, yu rock, am checkin out d link already,

@ fifi09, yur advice is really intense and i appreciate it, thx

@poster, From your post i can tell that you love each other, but the problem is that you guys are being too predictable. Doing the same things over and over again makes a relationship boring and kills attraction. A relationship with alot of drama, suspense, little break ups & make ups will always stay hot. So, my advice is( to your guy especially) : try new things and stop being too predictable.